Blue Blood

Blue Blood is a memoir by New York policeman Edward Conlon. Conlon worked (or, potentially still does) as a street cop in the Bronx during the mid to late 1990s. He's also a Harvard graduate, which makes him unusual in his field, to say the least. The memoir is long, over 500 pages and I was worried that it would get repetitive - and to some degree, that does occur. But largely, I was riveted in reading this. Conlon manages to paint a very telling picture of the life of the policeman without getting too in depth in any specific case. He also shows a side of the police force I hadn't really considered outside of Michael Connelly novels; the insane internal politics, sometimes which bungle cases due to someone's insistence on protocol or ownership of a procedure. Even with its length, it reads relatively fast, and makes you feel like you really have gotten a sense of the inside. Even so, many of Conlon's peers were worried about him, knowing he might be writing a book - I can't imagine that too many of them felt slighted afterwards. Even his Sergeant at one point, who he absolutely skewers for his lack of perception and acumen, is not named but simply referred to as The Sergeant.

The fact that Conlon discusses the beat in small, brief stories makes the whole novel seem as if he was relaying these stories to you over a beer or twenty in an Irish pub somewhere. And that is great - but given the length of the book, it seems like he could have cut down on some of the stories and given more depth to the best ones. While I did enjoy the book, it left me wanting a bit more. Recommended, but with caveats.
My Rating: 7.0/10.0

NFL Week Twelve: Same Old, Same Old

This week, I really…no, REALLY, thought I was onto something. With less than two minutes left in the Houston-St. Louis game, my pick of the Texans looked positively brilliant. And then the Texans collapsed, to a Harvard quarterback. With apologies to Todd Shriber, that’s ridiculous. And instead of getting a win that only about five or six of us would share (the Texans), my pick of Houston meant I got lapped by almost everyone in the league.

There are days…and there are DAYS. Four teams, by my count, had 12 wins going into Monday night and all of them had Indianapolis, which meant that four teams got 13/16 games correct. And somehow I managed to get about half of that. Am I an idiot? Do I overanalyze or underanalyze the games? These are the things I wonder about.

In any case, congratulations to tie-breaking winner Todd Shriber, he of Team T. Since his progeny Theo is NOT apparently doing the picking for him (unlike his wife's team, Mommy and Me) I won't post a picture of Theo, but instead of the Patriots, celebrating their 20-17 win over the Rams back in Super Bowl XXXVI. I watched that game with Todd, as well as with Amy, at the Cuthills...Todd had sliced his finger open with a mandolin that morning, but decided against stitches because he couldn't bear the idea of missing any of the game.

That's dedication, holmes. And yes, it is unlikely the Pats will be celebrating at the end of this Super Bowl, so Todd - go ahead and feel free to go to the emergency room, should the situation dictate.

In a week with no less than four overtime games, there was plenty of good stuff to talk about. Most notably, Michael Irvin getting busted for a crack pipe. I mean…Michael. Come ON, dude. And blaming it on an unnamed friend? What the pluck? Are you FIVE years old? Man up.

And then there is this notice from the officials in the Seattle-NYG game: Oops. I mean, that’s embarrassing. And this is why Instant Replay is still a hot button issue. I didn’t see the game, but how is it possible that the Giants scored two touchdowns that, upon MUCH further review, weren’t catches? How can that happen? Simply put, it’s unacceptable.

It also somewhat helps the cause of those who think Seattle is the best NFC team out there. Certainly, no one else is rushing to take that throne. It’s looking more and more like Seattle battles Carolina to go to the Super Bowl. Maybe Atlanta or Chicago – two teams that actually are looking more and more for real – make some noise in there as well.

Quick question – who is the best quarterback starting in the NFC right now? Anyone? Bueller? I mean, I think the only answer someone could give that wouldn’t cause most people to smirk is Brett Favre, and he’s not having a very good season.

In the wake of Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter complaining about the treatment of Terrell Owens, I’m torn a bit. On the one hand, he’s a Republican in the years of the Bush Administration, so there’s always a good chance he is just a human puppet with no moral or ethical compass. But, he’s actually a moderate and has at times suggested that Bush is not the second coming of Jesus Christ, so he isn’t always off-base. On the other hand, should politicians get involved in sports? As a Democrat, I think I’m supposed to encourage government to get involved with everything, but I’m actually inclined to say they should stay out of sports. But, there’s just about zero chance that baseball would have installed their new steroid and drug testing without serious muscle flexing from Congress. Again, I’m torn.

On the other hand…is it possible that Sen. Specter owns T.O. in his fantasy football league? Just asking.

In reading the New York Times online, I saw this ad: “9 tips from U2 on how to connect with customers.” I’m just wondering…back when Bono Vox was named…I don’t know, Seamus O’Brien (ok, a quick search states his real name is Paul Hewson*), do you think he daydreamed about making it big one day, so that he could do commercials for iPods and teach Americans simple tips to connect with customers? I didn’t think so.

A few quick comments about the Detroit Lions and then I’m outta here like last year. The performance on Thanksgiving was historically bad. One of the singular most uninspired displays I have EVER seen. Joey Harrington was actually playing well – which made it the third good week in a row – and he gets pulled because of two turnovers he literally had nothing to do with. Kevin Jones ran straight through the defense, and got yanked for a supposed injury (he seemed fine) and replaced by Shawn Bryson, who fumbled himself but stayed in the game. Scottie Vines was the leading receiver. How is anyone supposed to play for a coach who twists in the wind like this? I like Steve Mariucci, but that is reprehensible. And if it’s compounded by a collection of players who can’t play as a team, then Matt Millen should be out looking for work as well. What’s funny is that people have floated names like Mike Martz as a replacement for Mooch. Wow. Probably not the disciplinarian that Detroit needs right now. Get a Parcells guy in there – Sean Payton? Someone like that who can crack skulls and motivate. And Mooch could take the Pete Carroll route and dominate in college, in my opinion. He doesn’t need the cash of the NFL, he loves coaching (he’s been caught on camera saying “Is this fun or what?” too many times to count) and in college he’ll get new players every year.

*Other fun celebrity real names, courtesy of various sites. I think my favorite might be Maurice Micklewhite, but I’m wondering if Eleanor Gow would have been as sexy as her assumed name. On second thought, anyone with a nickname of “The Body” outside of Jesse Ventura is probably going to be sexy.

• Demi Moore’s real name: Demetria Guynes


• Kid Rock’s real name: Robert James Richie


• Alan Alda: Alphonso D’Abruzzo


• Michael Caine - Maurice Micklewhite


• Hulk Hogan - Terry Jean Bollette


• Elton John - Reginald Dwight


• Elle MacPherson - Eleanor Gow


• Tina Turner - Annie Mae Bullock

NFL: Coming Soon to a Blog Near You

Because I'm at work, I have no idea who won this week. Sorry..in the meantime, this might tide you over. Or maybe not. But I like it.

Leave it to Weaver

I hate people. There, I said it. And of course that’s not true…there are plenty of actual, specific people I love. But people in general? Hate ‘em. There are lots of types of people I hate…and I’d make a cute and charming list of those such as Cellphone on Public Transportation Person, etc., but two things:

1. I’m not feeling that clever right now.


2. I would be ripping this off from a list I read on the web once that I no longer can find. It was hilarious, trust me.

ANYWAY, one of the classifications that would be right at the top of that fucking list would be Religious People Who Feel Superior. I’ve got a lot of beefs with religion, some legitimate and some admittedly groundless – but they are MY beefs, my problems. I don’t try to make them anyone else’s, and while I admit I feel a bit superior to people who talk with snakes or deny themselves any type of pleasure because of their beliefs, what I don’t do is spit it in their face.

This brings me to this season’s Amazing Race: Family Edition. It’s no stretch to say this is – by far – the worst season of what used to be my favorite show. One indication of that? We are down to four teams and I don’t know ANY of the contestants actual names. Just their last names. Not even the slightly hot Bransen girl. good times. Bad times.

But nothing makes the show worse than The Weaver family. First, let’s acknowledge the family tragedy – the father/husband, died in a racing accident. Very sad. NASCAR sucks. Let’s move on.

What kills me about these folks is that not only do they proselytize incessantly about how they are the only Christian family, the only nice people in the race, etc., but they actually…are just about the dumbest people I’ve ever seen. And the worst part? The mom – no genius, she – home schools these kids.

Among the many gems Mama Weaver has stated this season:

• Lake Pontchartrain in New Orleans is one of the Great Lakes


• Philadelphia is a state


• Being a Christian “revigorates and injuvinates you”

Something tells me these kids are not going to ace their SATs. Their behavior and presumably terrible education is not a good mix. They are going to be the kind of people threatened by people with higher education, sneer at “facts” that discount their beliefs. In short, the kind of people who watch Fox News.

When her children stated they knew nothing about Utah, she said, “I do…Mormons live here.” Well, that wraps that state up in a bow. (Don’t even get me started on how she either ignored or laughed off the response from her kids -- which was that the presence of Mormons explained how crappy a state Utah is. And the irony of people from FLORIDA complaining about any other state is…well, it’s precious, really.)

She let her children throw trash out of a moving car on a highway at another team. Her son, Rolly (ok, I know a few names) yelled at a cyclist for no reason at all. Again, this kind of behavior is pretty typical for teenagers…just not teenagers who talk about what great Christians they are and don’t understand why other teams hate them so much.

Plus, the mom is a walking advertisement for what Florida does to your skin. Best line of the season was from one of the Linz boys: “Maybe a house will fall on her.”

There have been plenty of reality show contestants who were hated by other players. Most of them lapped up the hatred, but certainly some others were confused by it. It’s one thing to be confused and hurt by this – it’s another thing to state that it’s because you are a Christian, and that the other hating teams are just bad people.

Her quote in this week’s episode: “It’s against our beliefs to be treated this way.”

First, the Weavers have to get over the fact that some people don’t like them. There isn’t one person alive who doesn’t have some people who don’t like them. But what belief system states how OTHERS should treat you? Any rational belief system should just take care of the other side, how you treat others. Which the Weavers don’t do so well.

I just have to think that any God that is out there wouldn’t take kindly to that kind of behavior.

As usual, Television Without Pity, specifically Miss Alli who recaps this show, says it best:

Holding up not cussing as if it has something to do with moral superiority, denigrating other people's "class" after they tried to comfort you about your father and you responded by throwing trash at them, bragging about being the only family "trying to live a Christian life," as if (1) you are the judge of who's a Christian; (2) you are trying particularly hard to live a Christian life; or (3) Christians are superior to everyone else. I mean, that last part barely even gets said anymore, because why bother, but standing on the mat and bragging about how you're the best family because you're Christians is pretty much like standing on the mat bragging about how you're the best family because you're white. Elevating your religion above everyone else's is bigotry, and the idea of a girl whose sister gave a speech earlier about how everyone is so intolerant and hates them for being "different than they are" giving a speech that amounts to "Woe is me; I have to spend time around people who aren't of the same religion I am" is just...sort of outrageous. They're totally vile, and as one of my friends commented after the episode, their mother is damning them to a life of failure by teaching them to adopt an attitude of superiority through victimhood. Good luck with that.

NFL: Week Eleven - Getting Ready To Gobble

Before we get started…if you’re reading this, it is at the earliest Tuesday…and that means you have less than two days to make your picks. Thanksgiving – as always – includes two games. However, that Thursday deadline is for all the weeks picks, so do them now please. Thanks.

On to Week 11. It almost happened, and frankly it’s darn impressive anyway. B Money and Sibs, a team manned by someone whose age is expressed in single digits, picked 12 of 16 games correctly. That’s better than 39 of us…but not quite better than Eric Johnson, he of…ahem…his team name is Big Johnson. He guessed 13 games right, including the Vikings upset win at Lambeau Field. In Eric’s honor, I’m guessing he – like virtually anyone who lives in L.A. and still cares about the NFL – is a Raiders fan, and as such, here is Bo Jackson, one of the few Raiders who wasn’t previously a 49er I actually liked. Anyhow, congrats to both teams – you certainly humbled me and my measly seven correct picks -- though Eric’s the only one who gets a check.

And for B Money, the consolation prize is a nod to Brett Favre, of whom I believe he’s a fan. Hey, I’m right there with you, B. I think Favre is easily in my top five all-time quarterbacks that I’ve seen play the game. (Others, probably in order: Montana, Elway, Marino, Young. Nope, not Aikman, not Kelly, not Bradshaw, not effin Dan Fouts.) I didn’t watch most of the game…but if I know Monday Night Football (and I like to think I do) there was probably a lot of gasping and chuckling at the marvel of Favre, even when he threw an ill-advised pass. (Though I did catch Madden saying, after a Favre interception, “You know if you’re playing against Brett Favre, he’s gonna throw you a few…the key is to catch them,” or some other such pearl of wisdom.) Don’t get me wrong; I’m a full-fledged member of the Brett Favre Bandwagon Club, and I’ve been there for years. I’m just saying…Favre is the only guy allowed to play the way he does, with reckless mistakes. (In fact, even in this photo he appears to be throwing off his back foot.) It’s because a lot more times than not, he wins the game for you. It’s just worth pointing out.

The overall points in our league is getting tighter and tighter, with Judge Ito pulling into a deadheat with Mommy and Me and Crotch Rockets. Should be a fun final stretch run, don’t you think?

Watching the opening to NFL Countdown, with the rap-based theme song that incorporates things like “The Eagles gotta win cause their backs against the wall” made me realize that it’s generally okay to sleep in past 8:00 AM on Sundays.

On the other hand, watching Tom Jackson get more and more disgusted with Michael Irvin each week is pretty amusing to watch. (Though, and I can’t believe I’m about to write the phrase in Irvin’s defense, him comparing Randy Moss to Alvin Harper, and telling Moss he’ll get balls passed to him if he learns how to run routes…that’s pretty amusing stuff.)

Went to the SF-Seattle game Sunday, and a few notes:

-- I don’t know what the weather was like where you were, but it was about 73-75 degrees, sunny and both Dave and I were wearing shorts, a t-shirt and sunblock. Thanksgiving is this Thursday, and I’m gloating.
-- The 49ers are not a good team – but they’ve now played playoff teams Dallas, Chicago, Seattle and even Indianapolis extremely close, and had chances to win all of those games. Progress isn’t that satisfying, wins are…but the progress is there nonetheless.
-- Steve Young was presented his Hall of Fame ring during halftime, and without going on too much about a retired player…I hope everyone really understands how phenomenal a player Young was. And his speech was fantastic, thanking the SF fans for pushing him (another way of saying not supporting him unanimously until he won) and then embracing him after he won.
-- Brandon Lloyd is simply going to make one astonishing catch a game, minimum. He officially caught one brilliant pass with one hand, shown here, but essentially did it two other times during the game. (I’d recommend using two hands in general though. Probably increases the odds of holding onto the ball.)
-- Before Bryant Young hurt his knee – and the stadium fell almost silent when it did – I made a bet with Dorfler that B.Y. would make the Pro Football Hall of Fame. I feel very good about this – four time Pro Bowler, one Super Bowl ring, and considered by many – notably, the people who vote on such things – to be the class of the game for 12 years and counting. Anyhow, I feel confident that in somewhere between seven and ten years from now, I’ll be drinking a VERY expensive bottle of scotch.

OK, it’s a short week so spend less time here and more time making your picks, eating turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce and a lot of other delicious treats.

And seriously…be thankful. Happy Thanksgiving, y’all. I'll leave you with Steve Young's words from Sundays game. Trust me, it was a good speech.

I have, during this Hall of Fame year, had the chance to be with my high school players and coaches, my college players and coaches, and my pro players and coaches, Coach Seifert and Coach Walsh of course. But there's one place that I haven't been, one loop that hasn't been closed, one circle that hasn't been finished, and it finishes today. For this is where I was born, this is where I was raised. This is where I became a man. And I'm grateful to you, to everybody that joined with us during the 20 greatest years in sports history. So many great moments, and now that point is closed. I appreciate and am grateful that you made a place for me, you pushed me, and then you found a place in your heart to appreciate me. And I couldn't be more in love than I am today with all of you, being a member of the 49er family. Thank you very much.

J-Lip

What has happened to cute little Jonathan Lipnicki?

Do you know bees and dogs can smell fear?

Here he was in all his adorable Jerry Maguire-ness. Seriously, how great was this kid? I know he then starred in a movie with Lil' Bow Wow...but he still looked like this.

Did you know my neighbor has three rabbits?

Now?

Meet Mr. Lipnicki.
I mean, he's still only 15, maybe 16 years old according to imdb.com, an I guess he actually looks pretty normal for that age these days. (Wow, that sentence made me sound old. Sigh.) But what happened to the adorable little kid? I thought we had some arrangement that he'd be in frozen carbon so we could wheel him out for precocious kid roles.

No wonder Dakota Fanning is getting so much work these days.

Did you know the human head weighs eight pounds?

Little Children

Little Children was written by Tom Perotta, who also wrote Election which was turned into a freakishly funny movie. While my memory might be wrong, I think I bought his other book, Joe College and didn't like it so much. For whatever reason, I persevered and bought Little Children and I have to say...this is one of the better books I've read in a long time.

This book falls more into the "character-driven" category rather than "plot-driven," and folks who need a hard, tight plot might get frustrated. But it's there. The loose structure focuses on a very suburban neighborhood, and how various individuals react when a child molester moves in. To say that this is the dominant thread is incorrect, however - one mother begins an affair by jokingly kissing a strange man in a park and finding instant chemistry; another person is addicted to Internet porn, while another mother schedules sex with her husband for 9 p.m. on Tuesdays. The little children are, of course, not the three and four year olds that dominate all of their lives and thoughts (well, almost all their thoughts), but the parents themselves. They act childishly, they have hierarchies in their friendships that mimic the playground, and leave bags of burning dogshit on front porches as an act of spite.

The book is often very funny, at times acutely sad, and most importantly, it's true.

My Rating: 9.0/10.0

A final note - the picture here is the same cover as the book I own. In searching for this image, I noticed that there are other covers out there with goldfish in plastic bags, and another with the goldfish snack on them. I have to assume there was a variety of covers, and I like them all. A nice touch.

NFL Week Ten: Bye, Bye...Byes.

Sometimes your season can be over before it begins. The 49ers, for instance, never had a chance at anything this season and everyone but Dave Dorfler probably knew that. Other teams face a slow burn, watching their stars get injured one by one and realize that they might not have the horses this year. (This might be happening in New England, is definitely happening in Green Bay and some folks probably thought Baltimore had a chance before Ray Lewis, Ed Reed and…well, I was going to include Kyle Boller in the Ravens injury list, but I give you folks more credit than that.)

And sometimes, your season sort of ends in about nine minutes. That's how long the Eagles went from being in the lead against a serious division opponent to losing the game, and probably any chances of winning the NFC East along with it. The defense allowed the Cowboys to score once quickly, and on a single play, Donovan McNabb not only threw a INT that went back for a TD, but re-aggravated his sports hernia in a way that likely has either Koy Detmer or Mike McMahon. (Oh, and in case you missed it, TO has been suspended.) The Eagles are toast.

Congrats go out to Chicken Lips – aka Dave Doughty – who was as pleased as anyone when Dallas roared back the way they did. I was all set to rail against how dull the game had been, and then whap! It turns into a great game. I'd like to honor Dave, but I honestly have no idea who he supports, nor for that matter…where he lives. It's a virtual world out here, and I'd hate to put up a picture of Ray Lewis if he's not a Baltimore fan. (Also, Dave…let me know how to pay you.) So, instead, here's a picture of…chicken lips. Or a close proximity.

Anyhow, too many things to cover and not enough time. The wind in Chicago was probably legendary. The first failed Chicago kick made me laugh out loud, and that generally doesn't happen too often in football games. As for the 108-yard TD, I reject it. Not the play, hey – that happened. But what's with adding the extra 8-yards? Those don't count on offense, they shouldn't count on defense or special teams. It's arbitrary and inconsistent; next we'll be scoring games based on judges from France.

Gruden going for it (no, Alstott didn't get in, but…oops, too late) is nice, coupled with Vermeil's play the week before. It would be a nice trend to see coaches actually take chances, instead of always being conservative. And maybe this will eliminate the theory that it's smart to play for a tie when you are at home…um, most teams score in OT the first time they touch the ball, and that's decided by a coin flip. If OT automatically started with the home team getting the ball, fine. If not, enough already.

Both Mike Lang and I thought the Buffalo – KC was completely fouled up by the line. How could KC not be favored, we asked? Apparently, Vegas knew that the Chiefs weren't planning on competing. This is information that would have been helpful to pass around.

Featured on the right here is a picture of sideline reporter Sam Ryan. While the name Sam Ryan suggests, to me, a Brian Dennehy looking guy with a cigar and red cheeks, Sam is actually short for Samantha, and anyone who watched MNF recognizes her. I put her picture here for two reasons. One, she's pretty hot and I'm shallow. But two…I have to begrudgingly admit that she's contributed to the show the last few weeks. I generally find the sideline reporter to be the most useless job in all of sports. The Ahmad Rashad's, the Eric Dickersons (the worst of all time, I think) and the John Dockerty's never say anything. ("Al, I was outside the huddle…the Bears are going to try and hold the opponent to as few touchdowns as possible, they think that gives them the best chance to win.") I should also acknowledge that Michelle Tafoya seemed to be doing a similarly good job before going out on maternity leave. This suggests to me that some producer somewhere actually said, "Hey…this year, let's try actually having the sideline reporters, you know…report." I'd like to have heard that conversation.

Don't let Sunday fool you – Joey Harrington and Chris Simms still stink. Oh, and starting this week – no more byes! That's two extra games a week for me to pick incorrectly! I have no real reason to include this last picture except that I find it hysterical and one of the few times I've enjoyed looking at a cat.

An open question to journalists everywhere

If I was famous, and I went around saying the exact same thing, over and over again, one would think people would stop covering these events as "news" -- note the key word NEW in the word NEWS...and yet, that's not happening with Chimpy. I am referencing the always great Sadly, No! here...take a look.

Is the Instapundit retarded?

First, a disclaimer: I understand that it's insensitive to use the word "retarded" as a slur. I know this, and yet I continue to do this. I'm sorry...I was a psychology major, I have lots of friends in the mental health industry (some who use this term in the same way, by the way) and basically, it comes down to the fact that I'm an asshole.

In reading The Washington Monthly, I found myself agape at Glenn Reynolds idiotic claim that it's okay for George Bush and others to question Democrats patriotism based on the fact that they are asking whether they were misled into the war. His quote:

And yes, he should question their patriotism. Because they're acting unpatriotically.

Bear in mind, this guy is a professor. People send their children off to learn from this guy. And he's presumably supposed to be one of the reasoned, centrist Republican bloggers...

So, I sent him off an email, taking solace in the fact that the mere act of sending it off would make me feel better. Instead, I got something better. Here, then...our brief email exchange:

Me: I just wanted to thank you for what you're doing for this country. It's very encouraging to see that retarded people can become full professors and have popular blogs.

You are retarded, right? Otherwise, the following comment makes no sense coming from someone in your shoes:

"And yes, he should question their patriotism. Because they're acting unpatriotically."

Good lord.

Glenn Reynolds -- punditmail@gmail.com: Actually, they've put it pretty much beyond question by this point.

Me: That you're retarded? Thanks for confirming.

Hm...I was right. That DOES feel better.

Just another day

Of course, Rafael Palmeiro isn't going to get in trouble for lying to Congress...because they couldn't find evidence that there were steroids in his system when he testified. And I'm sure that in the legalese, that is the appropriate decision.

But let's think about this for one second, shall we? Assuming his test was accurate -- and I think we have to do that -- this means one of two things. Either Palmeiro was lying about "never ever doing steroids," or he decided AFTER testifying to try steroids out for the first time, then immediately got busted. Which of these two things seems more likely?

I always thought he was a bit of a fraud - talented, to be sure - but never quite a superstar. And now he'll likely be the first guy to hit 500 HR with 3000 hits and not make the Hall of Fame. And...I'm okay with that.

What Customers Want for the Holidays

Via Kottke, I really thought this article was spot on. For those of us who like to think that we're early adopters -- and frankly, I'm a wannabe early adopter, at best -- the things technology firms do with products are insanely frustrating. The article is here...I must say it's good stuff. Here's one of the ten ways it suggests:

IX. Thou shalt not hog the power strip. If a power cord absolutely must incorporate one of those big black transformer bricks, how about putting it in the middle of the cord? When the transformer brick is at the prong end, it hogs three slots on our power strips or both outlets on the wall, and that's just greedy.

Really...it's simple stuff like this that makes loyal customers. Something to think about.

Al Bleeping Gore?

As someone who lives in California, I was thrilled with our own election results yesterday, and even more thrilled to realize it was indicative, largely, of the results around the country. I'd like to temper people's expectations by stating that Kaine and Corzine essentially kept the governorships for their states, but I do realize the bigger significance of both of their victories, and we should relish it.

However, that being said...I've read some things, notably at Daily Kos in kos' diary 2008: Warner's Rising Stock that make me roll my eyes. In discussing Warner's chances for a 2008 nomination for President - something I think is possible though I know little about him - people also talk about the prospective chances of Al Gore.

Look, I like Al Gore. I proudly voted for him, and I know that all evidence points to the fact that he actually won in 2000. Many of the folks on this site use this as one reason why he could win in 2008.

It's just never, ever going to happen.

First, one needs to disassociate the Al Gore of 2005 from their head. The mainstream voter remembers him as a Vice President and a failed Presidential candidate. They remember - incorrectly, but they remember it nonetheless - that he claimed to invent the internet. I hear this repeated, to this day, on talk radio. Even sports-talk radio. That's nothing that's easily dismissed.

Do you really remember the 2000 version of Gore, by the way? So bland he made John Kerry look vivid. The guy who put Joe Lieberman on his ticket? (I mean, that should DQ him automatically.) So similar to the George W. Bush platform that Ralph Nader got millions of votes because folks felt like there was no difference between Bush and Gore. This is the Al Gore the voters who count remember. This is the Al Gore who they see, and what they see is a loser.

If they've paid any attention to the new Al Gore - the one we like, the one with passion and a fire in his belly - they see his beard, they hear his vitriol, and they think...wacko. Is it fair? No. But it's reality.

More to the point, the Democrats should be running in 2008 as a party of CHANGE. Al Gore doesn't represent that, at least not to the mainstream, independent voters so critical to any Democrats chances of winning.

Also, he doesn't seem to have any interest in running.

Don't even get me started about Hillary Clinton, by the way. Not only will she never win - what candidate has started a campaign with so much hatred in the populace? - but she clearly doesn't represent change for America.

I firmly believe that if the Democrats want to effect change, they have to win first. Issue voters are great, but their candidates have to win first. That's why it's good to see someone like Tim Kaine win in Virginia. It's why people out of the beltway, like Wes Clark, Mark Warner or Bill Richardson, make good potential candidates. If the best we can do is recycle an old candidate, we aren't offering new ideas, and we aren't doing anyone any favors.

NFL: Week Nine

Of all the weeks this could be said…this was a wacky, wacky week in the NFL. There was, of course, the Terrell Owens debacle. More on that – but not much more – later. LaDanian Tomlinson scored four TDs which has almost become mundane. And oh yeah, two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders got busted for having sex with each other in a bar restroom.

When I mentioned this to my girlfriend, her response was… “Are you sure you just didn’t dream that?” It was a fair point, but nonetheless, this really happened. Two cheerleaders got really drunk and couldn’t keep their hands off each other. God, I love football. It's like life became Skinemax overnight. If you're at all like me, you immediately wondered what these ladies look like. Well, here's your answer. It's not quite the Coors Light commercial I had in my head, but...perhaps I'm oversharing.

In the Pick ‘Em, it came down to the classic Monday Night game which announcers made sound like the actual Super Bowl. Though we’ve had some decisive winners in weeks past, it once again went to the tiebreaker, where Boss of the Moss held off Celebrity Smackdown. B of the M is manned by Andy Cuthill -- that’s two wins for the Cuthill family (Jenn is the owner of the awesomely named Smoke a Boller), so even though they left the Bay Area for Maryland, some things are still going okay for them. (I kid! I kid! Mostly because I want them to move back.)

As the two people who read this blog know, I honor each owners win by posting a picture of a player from their favorite team. Now, my main man AC is a bit of a conundrum in this regard. Born in upstate NY, he somehow was a Bears fan when I met him, due largely to living in Chicago for awhile. Now, he seems to be leaning towards the Ravens, which…I just can’t get around. Pick a lane, my man. So, in an attempt at shame…here’s a picture to honor AC. Oh, and congrats.

I had picked the Patriots, despite them clearly being a worse team. The reason was probably the same one everyone else who went with New England had: until they proved otherwise, I wasn’t putting my money on Dungy and Manning in New England. Well, they’ve proven otherwise. And to be sure, it’s a monkey off the back. And it further cements Indy as the lone dominant NFL team this year. But let’s not throw the ticker-tape parade just yet. If we know anything, it’s that the Patriots are a shell of themselves. If we know anything else, it’s that how a team performs in a game in Week Nine means almost nothing about how they play in the playoffs.

In related idiot news, Jim Grey said the following after the game: “If you look back to 1990, three out of the five teams that went undefeated in their first nine or ten games won the Super Bowl, so that’s great news for the Colts.” Um, Jimbo? Hate to get too geeky on you, bud, but had one of those games – just one – gone the other way, you would have come up with the exact opposite conclusion. To wit, your sample size is just way too small for any analytics there.

Oh yeah, I’m a geek.

It appears there may yet be some room on the Cody Pickett bandwagon. But the true disgrace for the 49ers this weekend was Kevan Barlow and I say that not just because I was forced into starting him on my fantasy team. (It’s sad…I can’t really talk about it yet.) He got four yards. What the pluck is that?

OK, Terrell Owens. First, let’s agree on one thing – he’s a douchebag. A world-class jerk, and in a team sport there is only so much of that one can tolerate. Sure, Barry Bonds is a jerk as well, but there is just not being a nice guy…and then there is selling out your team. I read one article today that suggested if Owens was a Colt, he’d hate Peyton Manning. If he was a Patriot, he’d hate Tom Brady. And despite his answer last week, were he a Packer, he’d hate Brett Favre. (And he’d freeze his heiny off in the wintertime. But seriously…Favre, for all his wonder, makes some of the dumbest decisions of any NFL QB, and certainly of any first-round lock to the Hall of Fame. You think Owens could shrug those off? Sure…) I have absolutely no problem with the Eagles kicking his annoying ass to the curb. And I do hope they wait until the end of the season to make sure Owens doesn’t get a chance to play this season anywhere else.

All that being said, you’re just as delusional as Owens is if you think someone won’t sign him. The easy locale to suggest is the Raiders, but even Al Davis might recognize the inherent danger of putting Moss next to Owens, let alone Jerry Porter who is finally coming into his own. There are a lot of teams that need receivers – Miami, Cleveland, Chicago, Green Bay…just to name a few. Someone will take the leap. And that someone will get a lot of production out of T.O…for awhile.

And yes…the Eagles are not completely innocent in all of this. Do I respect what Andy Reid is doing? Sure. But did he and the ownership bring it on? Well, they had to suspect some of it was coming based on his behavior in San Francisco. Owens has never had a single incentive to change being a world-class punk. Why would he change now? The Eagles gambled, and lost, and to their credit, they are taking their losses now rather than later. That’s commendable, but they aren’t innocent victims. (On an unrelated note, I didn’t know Reid was a Mormon until reading this week’s Peter King column. Don’t know why that’s interesting to me, either.)

Here’s an open question: Who is the best team in the NFC? I say the Panthers (and their cheerleaders, once again, aren’t hurting things any). Others say the Seahawks, Cowboys and even Giants have just as much claim to that. (Sad, isn’t it, that the Eagles aren’t part of that calculus?) Heck, Amy Shriber and others might try and sell the Redskins off as the best NFC team.

Like I said, it’s an open question. Not sure how long it will be before we know the answer.

In the overall standings, Mommy and Me is holding court. Remember folks, this is Theo Shriber picking. He’s one year old. Hang your head appropriately. (On the other hand, perhaps he has a future as a sports book. Todd, Amy…something to think about.)

Until anon.

T.O. for President!

There’s so little to write about the whole T.O. brouhaha that hasn’t been said already, except to reiterate that he’s a world-class douchebag and the Eagles knew – or should have known – what they were getting when they signed him. But this note from Peter King stood out for me:

Not to digress, but Owens has this problem. He just can't admit he's wrong, and he has a hard time forgiving people. In short, he will never forgive someone whom he feels crossed him. Never.

Hm…that sounds like someone else.

Ladies and Gentlemen: Meet your 2008 GOP presidential candidate.

Live West Wing Debate

So, The West Wing featured a live debate between the candidates last night...and despite my low expectations, I was underwhelmed. It was boring - do I watch non-news programs for debates on policy? I do not. It was preachy and pretentious -- more than most West Wing episodes. And the live factor had little to do with anything?

Why do we have these special "live" episodes? ER did it a few years ago...and I think it comes down to the fact that it is such a goal, a stretch for the crew and actors. For the viewer, it's not even interesting. I just want to watch interesting TV...a debate with an actor playing a heckler, two veteran actors debating immigration policy and prescription drugs from Canada is not interesting TV.

Snore.

Spanking The Donkey

Matt Taibbi is a reporter for the New York Press, a publication I’d never heard of before reading this book. I checked the website out and it looks…crude. And that’s another way I’d describe Taibbi’s book – which turns out to be largely a collection of his columns, though many are in extended form from how they appeared there or in other places. Crude – but effective. In too many ways, Taibbi clearly wants to be Hunter S. Thompson, and it’s not just the moments where he drops acid while on the campaign trail, or wears a gorilla suit on the Kerry press bus and tries not to make a big deal of it. But he’s also subversive in the best kinds of ways – infiltrating the Bush campaign offices in Orlando and really getting to know some of the people who are fervent supporters of Bush-Cheney. Doing a final-four style critique of the press in which the most idiotic (in this case, Elisabeth Bumiller of the New York Times) "wins." (By the way, he also quotes her slobbering interrogation of John Kerry, asking him repeatedly, “Are you a liberal? Are you a liberal?” which despite many contenders was the low point for me of the campaign season.) Taibbi never pretends to be impartial, -- he hates both candidates, though he clearly loathes Bush. But if asked, he’d probably say that Kerry was too conservative for him. That’s where he’s coming from. And that’s, in the end, his entire point of the book. The conceit that the system, inherently, is flawed is not something Taibbi came up with. But he truly shows good examples, in humorous ways, of how idiotic the press is, how lily-livered the candidates are, etc. Any system that continually forces the public to choose between two undesirable candidates is a flawed system, and the book is worth reading if for no other reason, than to hammer this point home. He notes that people were inspired in the election, on both sides of the aisle, "mainly out of hatred and contempt for the guy on the other side, not inspiration or idealism.” He also will make you feel a bit guilty for making fun of Dennis Kucinich, But it’s funny, and quick reading as well. I didn’t love it, but it made me laugh out loud a few times and that’s worth something.

Rating: 7.0/10.0

Crazy? Liar? Crazy Liar?

I have a friend, a former co-worker, who votes Republican all the way down the line, watches FOX News, pretty much drinks the GOP Kool Aid. Every time we try to talk politics, he gets this grin on his face like, "Oh, YOU..." Instead of talking about the war, the lying, etc., I once mentioned to him the skyrocketing deficit Bush has built up, even when you extract the costs of the wars. His response was, it's not Bush's fault, Congress passes those bills. (And of course, Bush signs them and recommends them in the first place.)

And that's an awfully weak excuse of an awfully weak president, but fine.

But this is a whole other thing. Tom DeLay, former exterminator, current deposed House Majority Leader and soon to be resident of a pound-me-in-the-ass kind of prison, spoke yesterday to a conservative group. When talking about the escalating deficits, he blamed the war and...the Democrats. I mean, it takes a special brand of balls to ignore the fact that Republicans control both houses of Congress, the White House and in most ways the Judiciary, and STILL blame the Democrats for...anything.

His money quote:

"We've been operating off a Congress designed by Democrats,"

Well, it's been 10 years since the Republicans took control and they've had plenty of time to fix whatever it was the Democrats broke. They haven't. Instead, thankfully, they are in the process of frittering away their political capital through indictments, sinking polls and the fact the public no longer can ignore that they have done an abhorrent job at pretty much everything.

By the way, DeLay's staffers also got caught referring to their base as "wackos" yesterday in a memo released in the Abramoff scandal. (Just one of the many, it's hard to keep up.) Here is that money quote:

"The wackos get their information through the Christian right, Christian radio, mail, the internet and telephone trees," Scanlon wrote in the memo, which was read into the public record at a hearing of the Senate Indian Affairs Committee. "Simply put, we want to bring out the wackos to vote against something and make sure the rest of the public lets the whole thing slip past them."

Gotta love those public servants.

Books I've Read

The Books (since late October 2005)
The Last True Story I'll Ever Tell, by John Crawford. 8.5/10.0
Spanking The Donkey, by Matt Taibbi 7.0/10.0
Little Children by Tom Perotta. 9.0/10.0
Blue Blood by Edward Conlon. 7.0/10.0
The Business by Iain Banks. 5.5/10.0
Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke. 8.5/10.0
The Patriots Club by Christopher Reich. 5.5/10.0
Killing Yourself to Live by Chuck Klosterman. 6.5/10.0
The Brooklyn Follies by Paul Auster. 8.5/10.0
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer. 9.0/10.0
Fatherland by Robert Harris. 7.0/10.0
Triangle: The Fire That Changed America by David Von Drehle. 5.0/10.0
Live from New York: An Uncensored History of Saturday Night Live by Tom Shales and James Andrew Miller. 6.0/10.0
The Best American Sports Writing 2005 by Mike Lupica (guest editor). 7.0/10.0
Dreams From My Father by Barack Obama. 8.0/10.0
Look At Me, by Jennifer Egan. Rating: 8.0/10.0
I Have Chosen To Stay And Fight, by Margaret Cho. Rating: 5.0/10.0
The Los Angeles Diaries, by James Brown. Rating: 7.5/10.0
Who's Your Caddy? by Rick Reilly. Rating: 7.5/10.0
Kafka On The Shore by Haruki Murakami. Rating: 9.5/10.0
What Was She Thinking? Notes on a Scandal by Zoe Heller. Rating: Did Not Finish.
The Unthinkable Thoughts of Jacob Green, by Josh Braff. Rating: 6.5/10.0
The Devil In The White City, by Erik Larson. Rating: 7.5/10.0
Lucky Girls, by Nell Freudenberger. Rating: Did Not Finish
Love Monkey, by Kyle Smith. Rating: 7.0/10.0
The Fruit Of Stone, by Mark Spragg. Rating: 8.0/10.0
The Dante Club, by Matthew Pearl. Rating: 8.0/10.0
Crashing the Gate, by Markos Moulitsas Zuniga and Jerome Armstrong. Rating: 7.0/10.0
Three Junes, by Julia Glass. Rating: 8.5/10.0
Freedomland, by Richard Price. Rating: 7.0/10.0
Fraud: Essays, by David Rakoff. Rating: Did Not Finish
Lost Lake, by Phillip Margolin. Rating: 5.0/10.0
House of Bush, House of Saud by Craig Unger. Rating: 8.0/10.0
The Lincoln Lawyer, by Michael Connolly. Rating: 7.0/10.0
The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami. Rating: 8.5/10.0
Fantasyland, by Sam Walker. Rating: 8.5/10.0
The Year of Magical Thinking, by Joan Didion. Rating: 7.5/10.0




What's This Page All About?
Because I'm a geek, I keep a list of the books I've read. And because I'm an uber-geek, I actually put this into Excel. (I know.) The goal is to document what books I've read, I suppose, so that I don't re-read books, and also to potentially look back and reflect about those books at some hypothetical point in the future.

But, given that I'm now writing here fairly regularly, it made sense to incorporate small reviews into this journal/blog/whatever, and see how that works. This page should reside on the right side of the page as a permanent link...and below will be links to the various books I read along the way. If, you know, I'm not as lazy as history suggests I am.

The Last True Story I'll Ever Tell

This is a series of eighteen stories -- non-fiction, despite what some apparently are claiming -- about John Crawford's tour of duty in Iraq during this current war. In no uncertain terms, it's an amazing book, but short enough to read in a day or two. The stories are raw, sometimes heartbreaking and sometimes funny. Crawford left for the war three weeks after getting married, and though he doesn't ever write a story specifically about the strains that put on his new marriage, the point comes across crystal clear. It's not all about the doom and gloom of war, but suffice it to say this is not going to be on the Army's Recommended Reading List.

This isn't exactly the most indicative quote of what the entire book is like, but the writing is so crisp I felt it worth sharing.

Third Infantry Division used us for a while, until their time for parades and heroism came during the summer. Now we were stuck with First Armored Division, and still we sat in a city that seethed around us. Warriors were replaced by occupiers, peacekeepers, while we slept every night in the dragon's den, stirred by its fiery breath. We were riding a crest of hatred two thousand years old in a storm that no one who hasn't experienced it can understand. We knew what an AK-47 bullet sounds like when it zips unseen by our heads. We had heard the deafening blast of 155-millimeter rounds exploding near us. We knew the screams of the wounded and dying, and had seen the tears of men, of soldiers. I watched as we de-evolved into animals, and all this time there was a sinking feeling that we were changing from hunter to hunted.

Rating: 8.5/10

NFL Week Eight: Stuck In The Middle

Gulp. Did that really just happen? Did the 49ers really just beat the previously 5-1 Buccaneers? I'm not ready to hand the team the NFC West or anything, but they looked solid on defense and in the running game, and those are two things the team so desperately needs to improve upon. Games like that are really important in the development of a team, and you could absolutely feel the emotion of the players on the field. My favorite moment of the game wasn't even a play on the field...Frank Gore had just busted out a nine or ten yard run to get a first down late in the fourth quarter, and the team clearly had realized that they might just pull this off. You could feel it. Gore walked off the field as Kevan Barlow, who had a great day, came back on. Gore low-fived him (always preferable to the high-five) with excitement - there were no rookie issues about being taken out of the game, no personal rah-rah about his good run. It was geniune emotion that the team was doing something RIGHT. And not only were youngsters like Gore and even 3rd string quarterback Cody Pickett making exciting plays, but the poised veteran Bryant Young just slaughtered Chris "Not Phil" Simms all day. That's clearly a big, big game for this young team. And that's all I'm saying. Yes, that's Pickett featured here...and yes, for some godawful reason the 49ers just signed Jesse Palmer -- yes, The Bachelor. No words. No words.

One particularly pathetic note for the Bucs was their performance on the last play of the game - Simms was sacked (for the second straight down, by the way) and there were maybe eight or nine seconds left. Which promptly ran off the clock. Not only did Simms not get a play off, he didn't even try to. I'm not sure if he was dazed or just despondent, from my view it looked like he'd long ago decided the game was over. That's not the guy I want running my team. FYI, word on the street before this game was that Gruden didn't like Simms at all. Hmmm...methinks one will see Tim Rattay behind center for Tampa before seasons end.

This week's Pick 'Em started out really odd. I blew the first three games that posted and started fearing the worst. Then, suddenly I'm near the top with eight correct picks. Not sure how that happened. I know it didn't happen for Jeff "4-6 D" Doughty. Dude, I think we all need to pretend this week just didn't happen for you. (And yes, I enjoy making fun of others. It's what makes the world go round!)

On the flip, #1 Pats Fan! owner Michael Fisher prevented Alex Vollmer's Waterboys from notching their second win of the year. Nice work, Michael...the check will be sent imminently.

Um…is it me, or do the Packers have the worst record in football? Worse than the 49ers, Cleveland or Houston. Wow. I mean, I could tell early on that they weren't good, but eeesh. That NFC Central is a strange one, too. Minnesota stinks, and somehow Detroit and Chicago are at the top of the division. Says it all right there.

I know it's not the exact sentiment that I should have taken away from Wellington Mara's granddaughter Kate singing the national anthem before the game yesterday, but….grrrrow! Who knew Wellington had such a hot granddaughter? (Who is also apparently an actress currently appearing in that Brokeback Mountain - the gay cowboy film, as well as something called The Return of Zoom. Again, who knew?

Speaking of that game, here's why stats can be insanely misleading. The Redskins have given up 52 points in the last two games, and scored 52 points. If you just saw that data, you might guess that they've gone 1-1 in those games, and you'd be right. But that doesn't really tell the tale of how tyou'd have no idea that they bitch-slapped the 49ers and got handed the same treatment by the Giants yesterday. I'm just saying.

Great moment from the Redskins-Cowboys game yesterday:

Kenny Albert: Coming up tonight, a show that USA Today said, "Dude, I am SO there" about..Vampire Bats!

(long pause)

Randy Cross: Really? USA Today? (pause) They said that? Really?

(If you are wondering why I have so much to say about that game, then you haven't realized that I didn't go over to Lang's house yesterday, meaning I watched what the networks gave me. Which was, oddly enough a double-header in the morning featuring this game and Oakland-Tennessee -- the Raiders were on the road, which means I could see them -- plus the Niners game in the afternoon. This I don't get. Sometimes it's permissible to air games against a local team, sometimes it isn't? There is literally ALWAYS a game worth watching, a fact I don't really need to belabor. When the alternative is watching infomercials for car wax, I really don't understand why this doesn't happen every Sunday.)

There are throwback uniforms that are great – San Diego's powder blue babies aren't just the best throwbacks, they're the best uniforms in football. Period. There are throwback uniforms that are just fine, and barely noticeable by those not in the know, like SF's 1989 throwbacks they wore yesterday. And then…I don't even know if they are throwbacks or what, but the Bengals uniform yesterday can stay in the past. That orange…eeks.

Terrell Owens shaking Champ Bailey out of his cleats yesterday, and then running free for maybe 80 yards for a TD was just shocking. Bailey is one of the best corners in the league and he looked like Pacman Jones on that play.

Why Pacman, you say? Well, I've seen him stink before this season, and his pathetic attempt to tackle Jerry Porter yesterday, coupled with his frustration with people telling him on the sidelines just how pathetic it was, killed that dude for me. What on earth would make him not try hard on that play? Thinking about what to do with the millions bestowed upon you by the Titans? Was it just a little too hot out there for him? What a waste of the 5th pick overall.

Plus, his nickname is retarded.

San Diego is really good, and they are finally winning games, too. However, as someone who owns Drew Brees in a fantasy league, I'm not in favor of LaDanian Tomlinson throwing 3 TDs this season. Those are Brees' points, damnit! (On the other hand, does this put him ahead of Phillip Rivers on the depth chart?)

Speaking of which, something tells me that the lessons of Rivers, Cedric Benson and others like them - and what I mean is, players who hold out so long that they slip irretreivably behind the starter they were drafted to replace -- will be an incentive for future draft picks to sign quickly. Actually, I only wish that. In the real world, there's a whole bunch of kids still in college waiting to get completely hosed over by an agent.

I'd love to write about Tedy Bruschi's comeback last night, but I didn't see a minute of the game. That being said, I'm also equally confident that whatever could be said about it already has been. That being said, his picture is posted here as an homage to him, as well as a token for winner Michael Fisher.


OK. Let's think here. The Vikings have now gotten beat down again, and with Daunte Culpepper likely out for the season, it's likely that things are going to get worse before they get better. Again, I ask you...what does Mike Tice have to do to get fired? Sure, it's not his fault that C-Pep got hurt, but his team stinks and is out of control. The owner - a guy named Ziggy - is now bitching that he bought damaged goods. This is a team that should just be relocated to Los Angeles out of spite.

The season is now officially halfway over, though with the bye week, of course some teams have only played seven games. Whatever, we're close. And while we know what teams are really bad, it's not quite clear who - aside from Indianapolis - is really a top-tier team. And even Indy still has to prove they can win the big game - that is, a playoff game with any import - before I'm going to be totally behind them. If you're a Giants, Cowboys, Steelers or any other "pretty good" team's fan right now, you have to like your chances. I think the playoffs this year are going to be fantastic.