Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell

Perhaps the most amazing thing about Susanna Clarke's debut novel, Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell is not the tales of magic, the land of Fairie, the way the English supposedly cast spells over Napoleon Bonaparte to win the war...but the fact that Clarke got a 800-plus page novel published as her very first. That's remarkable...but then, so is the book.

I've never been one to read "fantasy" novels, and despite liking this a great deal, I doubt that this will change. But Clarke's novel is a wonder: it begins with the premise that many hundreds of years ago, magic was accepted and widely practised throughout England, a land that intersects the magical kingdom of Fairie. Indeed, it was so accepted that one king - the Raven King, aka John Uskglass - ruled both kingdoms, as well as a third that most presumed to be Hell.

Flash forward to the early 1800s, and magic is more of a philosophy, something to be debated and studied, but not practised. Gilbert Norrell, a recluse who has bought up most of the magic books in the world, is different. He can practise magic, and because he sneers at others who merely talk about it, he comes up with a way to ensure that he is the only magician in England. All this changes when Jonathan Strange arrives; a gifted prodigy, the two begin a mentor-student relationship that forms the majority of the novel.

The story itself is quite interesting, and though it's longer than it need be, that's rarely an issue. The tone of the book is written in an Olde English style, a la Jane Austen, which does take a bit of getting used to, but again, no real complaints. Where I had issues occasionally was with the footnotes. As a huge fan of David Foster Wallace, I'm not one to complain about lengthy footnotes, but at least his are often relevant to the plot. Here, more often than not, they were amusing anecdotes, but merely that. With a book of this length, either have them lend value to the plot, or tighten it up.

All of that being said, Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell was a thoroughly enjoyable book, and one that I'd definitely recommend.

Rating: 8.5/10.0

Closing in...

First, in the event you haven't yet heard, I got engaged last week. That's right - Abby Rozen has agreed to be my wife. Good stuff all around!

On the football side of things, we're one week away from finding out who wins the pool for the year. Last week, we had another second time winner with Michael Fisher's #1 PATS FAN!!! taking home the victory. Nice job, Michael. The check will be sent shortly.

For the season, it would be nice if there was a way to embed a sound file here like an announcer of a horse race, shouting: AND DOWN THE STRETCH THEY COME! Alas, I'm not technically savvy (or interested) enough to figure that one out. But truly, anything could happen this week at the top of the standings.

At the top we have Scott Schwartz's Judge Ito a team with so much consistency that despite not winning a single week, he's ahead of everyone else. He's followed closely behind by Todd Shriber's Team T and Amy Shriber's Mommy and Me. That's right, a husband-and-wife (and child, frankly) set of teams are both in the money. But, don't forget about Alex Vollmer's Waterboys or even Brad Bredemann's Dark Horse Badger, as they could easily get into the money with a very good week. The rest of us? Playing for pride. (OK, some others could vault into the money, but I don't have Yahoo access right now and this was what I jotted down this morning.)

As a reminder, the payouts:
First Place: $450
Second Place: $250
Third Place: $75

That's all, folks.

This weekend should be interesting since half the playoff teams will be sitting their starters. I imagine those point spreads will be quite odd, even though I haven't looked at them yet. And I also imagine that regardless of how much studying or prep I'll do, I'll get somewhere between 6-9 games right. That's just the way the season went for me. But hey, it's football and it's good stuff.

On the field, my 49ers probably lost out on Reggie Bush by completing the sweep of the Rams, and while that might be bad for the franchise, it would be very odd to have a backfield of Gore and Bush next year. So, it will probably be Frank Gore's job alone. The 49ers are showing that they are learning, and despite the atrocity that has been Alex Smith's season, I think it's important to remember that not everyone is Peyton Manning, and most good young quarterbacks like Carson Palmer didn't start their rookie season. Look at what Eli Manning did last year, compared to this season. I'm just saying, give the kid some time before passing judgement. And can someone give him some stick 'em for his hands? That's just embarassing.

If anyone wants two tickets to the Houston-SF game this New Years Day, please let me know ASAP. They are great seats, even if the game might not be so hot. The price will closely resemble FREE.

Brett Favre, please retire. I can't stand to listen to announcers talk about the greatness of you while you throw four interceptions. And the more Favre hangs around, the harder it will be to convince Andy Cuthill that Favre is a better QB than Dan Fouts ever was.

Speaking of retirement, this could be the last game for both Marshall Faulk and Jerome Bettis, two surefire Hall of Famers. (Don't even doubt it.) Bettis, at least, gets to bask in the glow of the playoffs and perhaps add some hardware to his collection, though I can't see Pittsburgh going that far. My preseason prediction of Colts-Panthers is still feasible, but Carolina is looking more fragile every day. That stout defense gave up over 200 yards rushing to Dallas, and that's inexcusable. The easy pick right now would be Seattle-Indy, but I'll stick with the Colts-Panthers, and the Colts winning it all. That being said, if they do end up playing the Patriots in the AFC Championship...oooh, that will be a VERY good game.

Until we meet again.

Meme of Four

Via Kevin Drum , thought I'd answer this little diddy:

Four jobs you've had in your life: Pharmacy delivery boy; TOGO sandwich maker, management consultant, Director of project management.

Four movies you could watch over and over: Big Lebowski, Diner, The Godfather, Casblanca

Four places you've lived: San Francisco, CA; Manhattan, NY; Villanova, PA; Chicago, IL

Four TV shows you love to watch: The Daily Show, Lost, Arrested Development, Survivor.

Four places you've been on vacation: New Zealand, Prague, Paris, Jamaica. [Not sure how to make a list like this...lots of choices.]

Four websites you visit daily: Daily Kos, TalentedMrRoto.com, Kottke.org, Talking Points Memo

Four of your favorite foods: Cheesecake, grapes, pepperoni pizza, good sourdough bread.

Four places you'd rather be: After determining this meant on a temporary basis, the answers are: Peter Luger's, Coromandel Peninsula (New Zealand), Magnolia Bakery in NY, Wrigley Field bleachers with friends on a warm summer day.

Peace.

Congrats

Congrats go out to Jeff Mester, aka El Jeffe who won this very competitive week. A tsk-tsk goes out to Matty Rozen for his not-so-great performance. On the other hand, it was Brett Favre-ian, at least for this week. I think Jeff is a Giants fan, and regardless there needs to be some love for what Tiki Barber has been doing this year. I have to admit, I still sometimes fall prey to thinking of him as a small back, but the kid PLAYS. Big time.

I think last night might have been THE most suprising score of the season. As Chris Berman (who bounces between being great and insanely annoying) would say, "That's WHY they play the games!"

Another comment on NFL Primetime (which I still can't believe is slated to move to Mondays next year) was by Tom Jackson who said he was proud of the ethics and integrity of the league. What he meant was the way "bad" teams like Cleveland, San Francisco and Houston played even though they are well out of any playoff contention. While I get what TJ means, it seems lately that people who boast about integrity are either failed reality TV contestants, or the least ethical people out there. (I'm not naming names, but a certain party ran based on integrity and is now being called the Culture of Corruption. I'm just sayin...)

Two more weeks to the playoffs, and Judge Ito has himself only a one-point lead. Team T and others can SMELL first place...keep it up.

Remember, most of the games are on Saturday this week, so get those picks in beforehand.

A few comments on my (relative) silence

First, I can't stand the Pick 'Em league...but I run it, so there is a dichotomy operating there. What can I say?

Congrats to those who are actually doing well enough this week to care about the Packers-Ravens game. I'll be watching it because unless Brett Favre passes for 500 yards and 6 TD, or some equivalent, I'll be moving into the Super Bowl in both of the fantasy football leagues I'm in. Yes, I'm a geek, and this year, at least, a good one.

In the main league I play in, I'm poised to be playing against Matt Rozen, who in this Pick 'Em, notched a brilliant three wins so far. I'd make fun of him, but his sister is really hot and also my girlfriend.

Oh, what the heck: NICE JOB, MERLIN.

The Colts lost - I guess I could see that coming. But to lose on a run by Michael Turner? I did NOT see that coming.

Anyone else think most teams are getting a bit nervous about how well the Patriots are starting to play? Yeah, me too.

I'd been convinced that the Texans were trying to lose in order to get Reggie Bush...and then Sunday comes along and clearly that's not the case. So...Kris Brown REALLY missed that field goal that badly...while TRYING? Eeks.

I'd write more later tonight but I have no home internet connection. Seriously. I hate Earthlink, and yes, it's my fault for using Earthlink, but it's going to be about a week without home service. I guess this is how I used to live, but it feels quite archaic.

Later.

NFL Week 14: The Wheel in the Sky keeps on Toin-ning

I'd like to start this post by noting that I find it unbelievable that there were three pushes in the league this week. Not only is that insanely frustrating for this league - and good for those at the top, most who didn't have great weeks, by the way - but it really creeps me out how close Vegas can be on these lines.

Similarly, the theme of "How many ways can the Texans find to lose?" coupled with Reggie Bush winning the Heisman make me want to say, simply, "Hm." But that's just insane - the Texans could conceivably be on a three game win streak. That's crazy enough - but the fact that they are 0-3 during that stretch is even wackier.

Congrats to Jon Phillips, owner of the Celebrity Smackdown. For those of you who don't know Jon, he also writes for The Talented Mr. Roto along with myself. In fact, we've shared a few columns and that continues this week. But you don't probably care about that, and in fact, if you don't subscribe to the site, you can't read much of what we do there. But it's Jon's second win of the year, and that is...let's see...calculating...yes, two more than me. To quote Charlie Brown, AAAAARGGGHHH!


Jon's a Steelers fan, and that makes it doubly fun to be able to post a picture of Jerome Bettis. Because what the Bus did this weekend in Chicago was really impressive. Against that defense, in a critical game, the Bus took over. He's fifth all-time in rushing yardage...and still, somehow, there are those who aren't sure he's a Hall of Famer? I'm referring to the fact that Peter King felt it necessary to state that he was a Hall of Famer in his column on Monday, and a reader actually wrote in to question that. Hey, dummie...this is a no-brainer. Not only does he have the stats, but he's a genuinely good guy and teammate. Not that it matters, but I'm trying to find how someone could actually suggest he's NOT worthy...and I can't do it. Jeez.

That game was one of a few that took place in a snow flurry (I'd say snow storm, but those of you who actually suffer through that weather would see through that), and can I just say...nothing is cooler to watch than a snow game. I'm not sure I'd be sitting in the stands (in fact, I turned down the opportunity to do that at Soldier Field twice when I lived there) but props to those who do. Football...what a game.

In other news, Kevin Jones got hurt this weekend, which means the sun rose and also set. What a massive disappointment that guy is. Oh, and the 49ers lost. Badly. Very, very badly. There's a great article on SI today about the drop off of the 49ers Dynasty, and while it pained me to read, it's the truth.

Here is how odd football can be: I watched most of the games over at Mike Lang’s house, and left when almost all of them were over. Dallas was leading KC by three, and Mike said something about how, if KC could kick a field goal, it would go to overtime and …that’s when I stopped listening and took off. And yet…that almost happened. KC missed a 41-yard field goal, which means (though I didn’t see it) that it was totally makeable. What I don’t know is if Lawrence Tynes missed as preposterously as the Houston kicker did in a similar circumstance. That kick was so awful, and so clearly makeable, that if people aren’t asking if he missed on purpose, they are delusional. And yes, I’m bitter that the 49ers are going to stink again and still miss out on Reggie Bush.

In related news, if anyone wants two tickets to see the 49ers play Houston on New Years Day, give a holla.

Alright, enough already. Remember there are games on Saturday, and that should continue for the rest of the year, so be good Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts and always be prepared.

More later

But for right now...

There should never be three pushes or ties in a week. That is insane. And what it means is that the terrible weeks posted by some of our league leaders (names withheld to protect the innocent, but check the site) will be far less impactful (it's a word) since others had less room to make up.

Also, the Colts are good.

A few baseball notes in the middle of winter

One of the things baseball has over any other sport is that the off-season is fascinating. OK, fascinating might be stretching it...but it's certainly more compelling than football or basketball off-seasons, which are only interesting during the week before the draft. There are a few obvious reasons for this - baseball has no salary cap, so it's a lot easier for players to move around. Trades like those that went down this week simply can't happen in football and almost never do in basketball either. Frankly, I think some of this is due to lack of creativity rather than constraint, but regardless...that's how it is. Any sport where stars - stars, I said - like Alfonso Soriano, Jim Thome and Carlos Delgado can be traded, let alone folks like Juan Pierre and others - makes it fun to pay attention.

There's even a dumb, geeky name for it: The Hot Stove League. (Which I guess alludes to keeping the stove hot even though its the winter? Right. Doesn't make sense.)

But, there were a few things I found noteworthy that I think haven't been called out enough. Given that at least three people read this blog, that shouldn't change dramatically with this posting, but I do what I can.

• Being a Giants fan is severely underrated on the Misery Index. Sure, the Red Sox, Cubs and even White Sox have or had longer periods of time without a World Series, and sure there are several franchises who have NEVER won a title. But being in what should be a big market area, and having to watch multitudes of top players never come NEAR Pac Bell Park, that hurts. I cna't understand why Barry Bonds doesn't complain about this - he's supposed to be a world-class douchebag, right?


• What the Marlins are doing is disgraceful. Last season, I lay down a pre-season bet for that team to win the World Series, and I almost didn't because the odds weren't great...the team was that loaded. Now, they've gotten rid of Beckett, Delgado, Pierre, Lowell and I'm sure I'm forgetting some others. Word is that their payroll this year will be $16 million. Or, putting it another way, about 2/3 of A-Rod's salary for the season. God, it would suck to be a Marlins fan - and to some degree, I was one last season. (OK, if not a fan, an admirer of the team.)


• The Giants couldn't have used Delgado at first? Thome? Look, J.T. Snow wasn't the answer, but MARK SWEENEY is? To coin a phrase, what the fucking fuck?


• Miguel Tejada is apparently unhappy about the direction the Orioles are taking and wants a trade. Oh, that's fine, Miggy. But when you turned down less money with better teams, and realized that to some degree you were tying the Orioles hands with your salary, what went through your head then? This is the A-Rod fallacy, and at some point, I'd hope players learned their lessons. Look at Paul Konerko - he just took less money to stay with the White Sox. Learn, live.


• On a related note, when he was a Dodger, I had Paul Konerko on my fantasy team and said loudly I thought he just might be the worst professional baseball player alive. Shows you why Brian Sabean doesn't call me for advice.


• I blame everything on Bud Selig. Sure, it doesn't make sense - and I don't give him the requisite credit he deserves for, say, the wild card. (Which has turned out to be a really good addition to baseball.) I blame Bud Selig because...he's Bud Selig. Watching him outright lie to Congress and then get called on it has to go down as one of the more pleasing moments in the last ten years.


• The range I went from finding out that the loathsome Dodgers signed uber freak and Giants killer Rafael Furcal -- depressed -- to hearing that Furcal and the rest of the Dodgers will be managed by none other than Grady Little - thrilled! - was pretty dramatic. I'm suprised I didn't hurt anything. (God, what a bonehead move. You'll note this picture actually shows Pedro giving Little the ball...a few pitches too late. God, I can't wait until he leaves Jeff Weaver in to pitch to Barry Bonds in the 8th inning of a tie game.)
  
• Having said all of this - none particularly interesting, I suspect - I'm still really glad its football season and not baseball. Baseball is way less compelling than it used to be. Nothing beats being at a game, but that only applies if your team is competitive and the weather is nice. It will be nice when Barry plays again.

Random Thoughts on a Wednesday

Yesterday, former vice presidential and presidential candidate Joe Lieberman said the following:

"It is time for Democrats who distrust President Bush to acknowledge that he will be commander in chief for three more critical years and that in matters of war we undermine presidential credibility at our nation's peril." -- Joe Lieberman

Can we at least stop pretending he’s a Democrat? Seriously, this sounds like Dick Cheney talking.In fact, I'm reasonably sure whoever wrote this for Lieberman also writes for the Bush administration. Which it has been suggested he could join as Secretary of Defense, replacing Rumsfeld. I'm all for replacing Rummie, and I actually doubt that Joementum would be as pathetically bad as Rumsfeld, but it's not bi-partisanship when the Democrat in question talks like this. I would be shocked at this point if he doesn’t join the Bush administration, and/or changes his party affiliation. Can he officially change his name to Zell as well? For my money, anyone who tries to suggest why Al Gore would have been such a wonderful president better explain to me why he chose this stain as his VP candidate. Grrr..

For fun, note who is grinning from ear to ear behind Bush and Joementum in this picture. Yeah, I'm REAL thrilled about that potential 2008 candidate. Crikey.

While this is the time of the year to reflect on the good things we’ve had, I was thinking this morning about two events that happened to me personally this year that sucked: the first was managing to squirt the oil from a jalapeno into my eye not once but twice within about thirty seconds. Trust me, if this has never happened to you, try and make sure that stays the case. I can only assume it feels roughly similar to being stabbed in the eye with an ice pick and having someone pour hot sauce into the gaping wound.

The second thing that happened was last night, when – while repairing a ceramic mask my cleaning woman broke but didn’t fully repair – I squirted Krazy Glue all over my left hand. As I sat there staring at it, wondering what the hell I was going to do, it dried. In all of three seconds, I was screwed. I don’t have nail polish remover at home, so I took the other advice and soaked it in warm water which did nothing but make my glue-ridden fingers pruny. It didn’t hurt, and frankly as I peed about five minutes later it was obvious that there were worse places I could have sprayed Krazy Glue onto, but for now, it feels like my entire left hand is a callous. (And yet, some folks preach putting Krazy Glue into small abrasions? Thanks, but I’ll pass.

It also struck me that I could have avoided both these scenarios by wearing gloves. Now, I don’t want to be one of those crazy people who wear a mask in the street to avoid pollution, but maybe a pair of gloves wouldn’t kill me.

The movie review site Pajiba is solid. Very solid. How did I miss this before? Damn gigantic internet.

Finally, is it too much to ask for a single week to go by where I don’t have to worry about how to fill some positions in fantasy football? I finally find a running back in DeShaun Foster and now Norvelle Turner decides to bench Kerry Collins? Jeebus. Is this some type of revenge on those of us not named Norvelle?

NFL Week Thirteen: Um...hmm.

Hmmm...I get my first double-digit victory week. Ten wins, not bad - right? Well, considering it took me 14 weeks to get here, that's not too impressive. And with a slew of teams above me this week, I was still far away from the pack. Oh well.

Congratulations to Andy Cuthill, the Boss of the Moss. That's the second victory for him and the third for the Cuthill family...more of this, and Lindsay and Kyle get free educations! That is, if their education costs a couple of hundred bucks. That's about right, isn't it? (Is it obvious I don't have children?)

Regular readers may remember that the last time Andy won, I mocked his twisting in the wind favoritism of NFL teams, noting that while he grew up in upstate New York, the teams I know he's rooted for include both the Chicago Bears and now the Baltimore Ravens (though if that Ravens thing has stuck at all, I at least have to give some props for sticking with a horrendous, horrendous team.) Those who have paid attention to ramblings in the past know that Andy - hopefully teasing me for my fervor of all things 49er -- has stated that Joe Montana is NOT the greatest QB of all time, and that a much better argument could be made for...Dan Fouts.

Obviously, Andy is not right in the head. And yes, I worry about him.

For what it's worth, the old "top five quarterbacks" discussion got wheeled out this weekend, and frankly it started by a desire by one person to NOT include Brett Favre in that mix. I have to admit that Dan Fouts name DID come up...but quickly fell down the ranks behind, well, most of the people I always include in that discussion. Indeed, even Steve Young's name ended up at roughly the same ranking as Fouts, which seems about right. Hey - Steve Young was also voted the best college player of all time by Sports Illustrated recently (which shocked me, though I certainly have no problem with that) and more to the point, Fouts never won a single title. Ever. In fact, he NEVER EVEN GOT TO A SUPER BOWL. Preposterous. Trent Dilfer won a Super Bowl. So did Jeff Hostetler, people. Folks like Stan Humphries, Tony Eason and a lot of other lesser names got to a Super Bowl. That's important. (Granted, I still reserve the right to disregard Super Bowl victories and games when it comes to talking about Troy Aikman. That's just me.)

But as a sign of my maturity and the fact that AC is demolishing me in the standings, I give you...Dan Fouts.

And I also give you, the best QB who ever played the game - bar none -- Cool Joe Montana. Ah, good times, good times. I miss those days when it was a massive disappointment when the 49ers didn't win a Super Bowl.

Onto the games. I saw like five minutes of last nights game, and as someone born in Philadelphia, that's just embarassing. Though it does solidify Seattle as perhaps the best NFC team and it was nice to see they didn't lay down after clinching the NFC West on Sunday via St. Louis' loss.

I definitely expected Cincy to give up points - their defense is based on big plays, which means they'll give up a lot as well. But what has happened to Pittsburgh? That team is...not strong.

And Atlanta is looking a bit more like the decent but not great team that I thought they were.

In other news, Chris Chambers is good. Can you imagine what he'd do if he had a real quarterback throwing to him? (15 catches, 238 yards and a TD...um, nice day, Chris.)


I haven't heard anything about Terrell Owens in like a week and a half, and I'm starting to get the shakes. Can't he get drunk with Tara Reid and get in a minor fender bender? How about a guest appearance on Lost? Failing that, perhaps he could lead our country into a misguided war? Something? How can he stand to miss all the headlines? (Honestly, I think this guy should run for office, simply because it would provide the funniest possible stories on politics I can think of. Aside from something ridiculous, like California having the Terminator as its governor...oh, wait.)

OK, clearly I'm off on a tangent. Have fun this week - lots of big spreads and the end of the season is when things get really interesting...the top of our leader board is tight, and Judge Ito might be coasting...so strap it up and let's make this fun, folks.

God, I love football.

The Business

The Business by Iain Banks is a book I picked up at The Big Book Sale -- okay, it's one of about FORTY books I picked up there, cause you know...I have problems. I'm not sure what possessed me to pick it up, except perhaps the description of the book as a corporate satire about a company that goes back to Roman times that essentially has its finger in every conceivable industry around the world.

The most interesting part of the story is that it's told by the main character, Kathryn Telman. Her voice is a good one, acerbic and intelligent and - at least from this guy's perspective - honest. It sounds like a woman, albeit an edgy one with a vocal lack of maternal instinct. (And in truth, her love for another character never wholly rings true, as if this was difficult for Banks to pull off so he just largely avoided it, despite it being a major plot point.)

The downside of the book is...the plot is very flimsy. It's a clever book, and the plot is there - but it is held together loosely and involves some characters we don't see enough to understand their relevance. In some ways, this might have even worked better as a movie than a book for that reason, and that's probably not a great compliment.

Enjoyable? Yes. Would I read another book by Banks (who, I've discovered, is much more known for science fiction)? Probably not.

My Rating: 5.5/10.0

When Bill O'Reilly Grasps at Straws

No, that's not an allusion to something perverted he got busted for suggesting to a co-worker...though it certainly could be. No, the madman's latest rant, apparently is a "response" to the apparent people who are attacking Christmas.

Yes, that's right.

Apparently, Bill O'Reilly finds the fact that some people are saying things like "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" offensive. He finds this an attack on Christmas. (For what it's worth, this is a hilarious insight into the way the idiot's brain works. Instead of thinking about how this change might benefit some people, he considers how instead it must be an attack from the left against the "persecuted Christians" who make up roughly 90% or more of the country.)

I'm someone who thinks Happy Holidays is a perfectly acceptable HOLIDAY greeting. And even though I'm Jewish, I have no issue with Merry Christmas. But people who want to replace it, I'm sure, have nothing against Christmas. It's an idiotic suggestion...and clearly the act of a desperate, desperate man who wants something to talk about aside from the collapse of his party.