John Hodgman

John Hodgman is funny in the way that makes you feel smart and dumb at the same time. He's witty, and incisive, and yet you get the sense he's holding back something at all times. Truly a talent, and I'd like to pick up his book which I've read excerpts from, and seems hysterical. He recently did an interview with Radar magazine, and it's well worth reading, despite there being a bit of "inside baseball" in it. I hadn't known his background - and at this point, I'm wondering just how many people work(ed) on This American Life? (Which reminds me, was that really Sarah Vowell in Six Degrees? I'm 99% sure about it, but her imdb.com profile says nothing. Hm.)

ANYHOW, back on point. The interview is quite good, and this quote stood out to me:

What is unique about our life today is that The Daily Show is breaking a taboo simply by making plain, truthful, obvious observations about our existing government, its bankruptcy of competence and vision when faced with the basic jobs with which it is tasked.

OK, John Hodgman RULES.

The Amazing Race

After two episodes, I feel like it’s long overdue for me to talk about The Amazing Race, which I used to insist – strongly – was the best reality TV show out there. Then, the Family Edition showed up, which was so much worse than any season of Survivor, for instance, that this argument lost a lot of credence.

Well, the show is back. So far, it’s unquestionably one of the better years – there are almost no truly loathsome teams, but there are teams worth rooting against. My initial thoughts:

• Though the first episode was quite good, it was a disappointment to see two of the most potentially interesting teams eliminated. Thankfully, this is the Amazing Race and we can only blame those teams, not other contestants for voting them out.


• On the other hand, I was only about two or three ‘Allah Akbars’ away from essentially making the Muslim team the new Weavers. Listen folks – any God I want to believe in simply doesn’t care if I win a race, a challenge or anything else that could ever possibly be on reality TV.


• I sort of want to dislike the Miss America ladies but they are much more grounded than I’d have thought. And, of course, cute – but despite a massive mistake in the second leg, they rallied and should remain competitive. Nothing quite beats seeing one of them being dragged by a horse – but of course, only because she didn’t get hurt.


• Though they got eliminated on Sunday, I didn’t mind the cheerleaders either – they weren’t obnoxious, they were amusingly dumb, but their perkiness would have gotten to me sooner than later.


• The team I like the least – in fact, actually dislike – are the single mothers from Atlanta. It’s not their immediate rush to insist that Sarah (the woman with the prosthetic leg) shouldn’t get preferential treatment. It’s that they seem – perhaps are edited this way, I should acknowledge – to only see these negatives, and not give Sarah huge props for, say, scaling the Great Wall of China! Plus, after the Miss USA team gave them extra water in the most recent challenge, they seemed hardly thankful.


• A close second in terms of teams I’m rooting against is, of course, Rob and Kimberley. He’s not quite the abusive dickwad that Jonathan was a few seasons ago, but he’s a bonehead, and it’s painful to watch his girlfriend have to deal with it. Here’s a lesson – if you are in your late twenties or older and have been dating someone for two or three years…and are deciding that you have to figure out where you are going? You’re going to break up.


• Suprisingly, I really love the ‘Bumpkins’ – the coalminer and his wife. They are incredibly red-state, but in the best possible way. When his wife said she’d never met a gay person before but, you know, she really liked them! – well, that was just pure honesty, and it’s refreshing to see it.


• Sarah (prosthetic leg) and her boyfriend are creepy. Actually, he is creepy. Thankfully, Sarah seems to get that from some of her comments, but he seems way more like a life coach than a boyfriend. Something is just…off.


• The Druggie Models. I get it, okay? You’ve been to a dark place, and now your life has been turned around. It’s enough already. The two are obviously good at this game, and certainly will be getting plenty of play from the ladies, so they get no slack. Stop talking about being an addict.


• The other teams right now haven’t made as much of an impression. I want to root for the Asian team, but the only thing I can say is that they alone took the time to walk through a map with a local person, which moved them from last place to 4th seemingly instantly. That’s smart, and if the team is half as smart as they say they are, it should help. The father/daughter team is fine – they can be quite cute, but I couldn’t pick her out of a lineup yet. The gay team – er, boyfriends, I should say – are notable only because the one with more hair has an insanely obnoxious voice.

So overall, I’m happy with the Race. They’ve already gone to a country I don’t think they’ve ever been to in Mongolia, and that also bodes well. It does seem like this is a show that learns from its mistakes, and when it is at the top of its game, it’s flat out great to watch. I’m hoping that feeling continues all season long.

Gregg Easterbrook and me

OK, I think I'm a fairly smart guy, and I also think Gregg Easterbrook, while a talented writer is sort of an asswipe. (He is the writer, remember, who castigated Harvey Weinstein for being a money-grubbing Hollywood type. Those lines are pretty far apart, and it's not too hard to read between them.) But after I wrote about how idiotic it was for the 49ers to punt on Sunday, Easterbrook has to go out and utterly put the smackdown on this in his Tuesday Morning Quarterback column today. This quote really sums it up nicely:

NFL coaches punt in opposition territory, or on short yardage, in order to avoid blame -- if a team goes for it and fails the coach is blamed, whereas if a coach does the safe thing and kicks and then loses, the players are blamed.

What's more, he goes further suggesting that teams should never punt. Ever!

That's a bit bold but here are some choice excerpts:

[University of California economist David] Romer put the opening quarters of all NFL games from 1998 to 2004 into a database, then analyzed when coaches ordered punts, when they went for it, and how these decisions had an impact on field position on subsequent possessions. Here are Romer's three key conclusions. First, inside the opponent's 45, go for a first down on any fourth-and-7 or less, unless a field goal would decide the game. Second, inside the opponent's 33, go for a first down on fourth-and-10 or less, unless a field goal decides. In Romer's sample years there were 1,068 fourth downs in which the above formulas said go for the first down, yet NFL coaches kicked all but 109 times -- meaning they went for it only about 10 percent as often as they should have. Finally, Romer's numbers say that an NFL team should try for the first down on any fourth-and-4 or less, regardless of where the ball is on the field. Of course some fourth-down tries would go down in flames and even create easy scores for the other side. But over the course of a season of rarely punting, Romer maintains, the team that eschewed the punt would score more than it otherwise would, while its opponents would score less.

First, obviously Easterbrook is quoting a researcher - an economist from Cal, so points there for tapping into the blue and gold. And these conclusions make a lot of sense - of course, this is looking at it from a macro perspective: on any given punt, there would be a huge amount of questioning. It would take a full season - one most coaches wouldn't live through after the media and ownership got through with them - to gauge whether this strategy ever made sense.

Suppose an NFL or major-college coach came into a season determined to go for it any time it was fourth-and-4 or less. I don't think a coach should be doctrinaire about this. I'd punt if it was fourth-and-4 inside my 20, and I'd be inclined to punt in the second half if protecting a lead. But otherwise, the coach commits to going for it instead of punting, even if the first few attempts backfire. Surely a strategy of rarely punting would sometimes boomerang, but on balance it could lead to more scoring for your team while depriving the other team of the ball. The strategy could cause exhaustion and panic on the parts of defenses that thought they had done their jobs by forcing fourth down, only to discover your offense had no intention of passively jogging off the field. Teams that rarely punted might pile up big advantages in points and time of possession. If Don Shula's "coach who doesn't punt" appeared on the NFL scene, that coach, Tuesday Morning Quarterback suspects, would revolutionize football. Player talent being equal, that coach might blow the doors off the National Football League.

That would be something worth watching, that's for sure.

Edited to add -- Wow, I didn't read the entire article before posting snippets of it above, and I was really shocked to see the following (no, not the fact that the Texans cheerleaders pose looking like they've been swathed in baby oil), but this, because it's almost EXACTLY my sentiments about the other terrible play in the 49ers game:

Single Worst Play of the 2006 Season So Far: Trailing 24-3, the Niners had third-and-goal on the Eagles' 1. Frank Gore fumbled and Nesharim defensive tackle Mike Patterson returned the rock 98 yards, effectively ending the game. The bad thing about this play was not that instead of making it 24-10, San Francisco trailed 31-3. The bad thing was not that Patterson, who's heavyset, huffed and puffed and had to jog the final 30 yards. The bad thing was not that sportscasters thought it was funny that a highly paid professional athlete is too heavy to sprint 100 yards, rather than asking what message about fitness and healthy diet this sends to the young. The reason this was the Single Worst Play of the 2006 Season So Far was that the Niners failed to chase Patterson down. Watch the replay; Alex Smith is the sole red jersey visible. Vernon Davis and Gore were hurt on the play and couldn't run, but that still leaves a Ticonderoga-class defensive tackle plodding the length of the field and eight of 11 Niners not catching him. According to the Game Book, this play lasted 21 seconds, allowing plenty of time to catch Patterson. San Francisco 49ers, you have committed the Single Worst Play of the 2006 Season So Far.

Oh...my.

So, I come home expecting to see a close game and instead the Saints are dominating. I'm suprised by this because I supposedly know football, and I know what the Falcons have been doing this season. I know this. I bet against the Saints, reluctantly, because the numbers said they really didn't have much of a chance.

Abby walks in, looks at the score, and says, "Of course they are winning. No one could beat the Saints in the first game there!"

And she's right, of course. (I think I should get used to saying this.) And with that, congrats to B Launer's Bettis Molests Collies who notched a victory with the Saints win. B - I don't even know your first name, nor where to send you your check so give me a holler and let me know, okay? And your name suggests you are NOT a Bettis fan, but again - I don't know you, I don't know your team...so I gotta show Bettis looking a little less than graceful. Everybody wins here, right?

If like me, you have Shaun Alexander on your fantasy team, I'm with you pal. It hurts. It really, really hurts. The Madden curse lives on!

NFL Week 3

Yesterday I saw what I truly hope was the worst play I’ll see this season, at least as a 49ers fan.

Actually, I saw two – the first is the more obvious one, but the second has a more troubling component to it.

It was the third quarter and the 49ers were on the 1-yard line of the Eagles. After getting stuffed twice, Frank Gore got the handoff yet again and went flying into the Eagles line. Literally, he had to fall forward and he should have crossed the goal line. Instead, he fumbled, on the goal line for the second time in as many weeks. (Let’s call this Huge Problem #1.) So, no touchdown. The Eagles recovered. (Huge Problem #2.) Gore injured his abdomen on the play. (HP #3.) The Eagles picked up the ball and ran it back 100 yards for a TD, largely untouched because the 49ers assumed the play was dead. (HP#4…and 5, when you consider the attitude of the 49ers.) Stud rookie TE Vernon Davis got slammed to the ground on the play, hurting his leg and putting him out of action for at least a month. (HP# 6.) Oh, and with the Eagles defense scoring, that also went against my fantasy team, but I’ll ignore that here.

Does it get worse than that? Perhaps if Andy Reid had unleashed anthrax on the field, but it’s hard to see a single play having any worse effect on the team.

The other horrific play – or lack thereof, as we shall see – occurred at the end of the first half. The 49ers had been completely outplayed and were down 21-3, but had crossed into Eagles territory at about the 40-yard line. On 3rd and 1, Dave Dorfler and I looked at each other and said, “End zone.” That’s a Bill Walsh move, and one you make because you have confidence you can get the yard later if you still need it. And even if they hadn’t gone endzone, a sideline play would have sufficed. There was just under a minute on the clock and the team had two timeouts.

Instead, they ran the ball up the middle against a defense stacked to defend a run…up the middle. And they didn’t make it. And then, nothing. Looking exactly like what they were – a team that didn’t know what to do in that situation – they let the clock run down to the minimum, then called a timeout so they could PUNT.

Here’s the thing – why not go for it? No one rationally thinks the 49ers are a playoff team. Who loses by throwing the ball, even if it’s up for grabs? Sure, the Eagles later did run a turnover back 100 yards (see above) but the likelihood of that is so nominal. Going for it is important not just because of the potential scoreboard outcome but because it tells your team you believe in them enough to take a chance. Instead, the team acted scared. Not impressive, not in the least.

From a Pick ‘Em perspective, this week was a bit more of a dud. Two pushes is never fun, but on the flip side, nobody lost those matchups, right? That created a bit more of a squeeze, and it will all come down to the Monday night game. If the Falcons win, [TEAM] wins, and if the Saints win, the victory goes not only to the entire city of New Orleans, but to [TEAM]. (OK – that purposely says [TEAM] because I can’t seem to access the pages from work. I’m assuming there’s just an issue with Yahoo! Sports, because otherwise Wells Fargo has blocked it from accessing it, and that’s just too sad to bear.)

Yes, I’m a little caught up in the significance of tonight’s game, even if I do have mixed feelings about using federal and state funds to repair the Superdome. It just seems like there are probably some other expenses worth attending to. I also really am not happy that – at least on last week’s Inside The NFL, owner Tom Benson got credit for bringing the team back, and they showed him in a press conference announcing it – on December 28. Four months after the hurricane, Benson made a statement announcing he wouldn’t move the team out of the city – and he gets credit for this?

But putting that aside, as well as the fact that much of New Orleans is still in a horrible state, it’s great that football is back in town. It does mean a lot, even if it shouldn’t, and it has been nice to see how the team has played over the first two weeks. Folks in Miami are wondering why they signed Daunte Culpepper instead of Drew Brees, a thought that a few years ago would have seemed ludicrous. If the Texans blew it by not drafting Reggie Bush -- and they did – the benefit of that is that his celebrity is massively needed in New Orleans, so that’s a good thing. I’m looking forward to seeing what he can do against a Falcons defense that isn’t too shabby.

How bad do you feel for Chris Simms? He was teased and abused enough in the press about being a wimp that he played with a ruptured spleen. That’s just wrong and I’d feel bad about it if I wasn’t such a jerk already. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers did take Carolina to the end of the game, but they really look horrible. Both of my Super Bowl picks looked better yesterday, each making it to a glorious 1-2. If I end up being right – and god knows, that won’t happen – it will be one for the ages.

OK, more tomorrow.

Yikes, I'm a Jerk

Way back in 2000, I went to the US Open in Pebble Beach. In fact, coincidentally I’m wearing the shirt I purchased there today. I was thinking about that event today with fond recollection – not for the dominant performance Tiger Woods put on during his record win, and not for watching Jack Nicklaus hit a driver off the deck on the 14th hole, a memory I’ll always hold dear.

No, what I remember is my friends Andy, Scott and I following Tom Lehman’s group around, not only because we all like him as a golfer, but because his wife Melissa was, by all accounts, one of the hottest women any of us had ever seen in real life. Not a Amy Mickelson fem-bot type, all plastic and shiny, but a gorgeous woman.
I thought of this fondly because, while going through SI.com’s Ryder Cup Wives and Girlfriends photo gallery (and yes, it’s insanely sexist that they even have such a thing) I saw the typical loveliness of Elin Nordegren and others. Just gorgeous women, almost to a tee. (Yes, that pun was intended.) I will say that Tabitha Furyk looked a little…worn, but I’ve seen her before and it’s not an entirely new look for her. All in all, though, an impressive bunch of ladies.

And then…the last photo in the collection took my breath away, and not in a good way.



Now, sure…she looks better than Woosie’s wife, but is that really the litmus test here? Melissa Lehman, by all accounts a lovely caring woman, looks like a trannie here. (Yes, I’m an asshole.) This isn’t right…I blame the photographer, because any other outcome just makes me sad.

It’s sort of like – but not quite like this – I recently saw a picture of Bridget Bardot protesting some sort of alleged animal rights violation in Paris, and this photo is tainted by the fact that she was crying, and that’s not a good look for anyone. But how does this: turn into THAT? Age, to be sure – I’m sure I’ll be one ugly mug in my seventies, but for models and actresses, you think they are starting with a much better hand of cards, so to speak.

Life sucks sometimes.

Site Update

OK, that’s the kind of title for a posting that suggests that I’m doing maintenance or some other such stuff – and I’m not. But while at home sick over the last two days (a sickness I thought about blaming on Scott Schwartz, but decided instead to blame on Southwest Airlines) I downloaded last.fm, an application that tracks what music you play on your iTunes and updates it both on their site and – if you choose – on your own. It’s the table to the right, and what shows there are the last ten songs I played on my iTunes. Right now it’s the result of a random shuffle, but it should update fairly frequently, or at least as much as I listen to iTunes through my laptop.

The goal of the service and software is that others can do the same thing, and when it notices that you listen to, for example, The Shins, it will recommend other bands that folks who also listen to The Shins enjoy. Presumably, these will be bands that do not show up on your own playlists. It’s pretty cool, and one of those cool applications that I think highlight the power of the web.

Wow, I’m a geek.

Week Two: NFL Wrap-Up...sort of

Congrats to Mark Kershes, whose KC CHIEFS 1 took home the prize with a 13-win week. That’s two weeks in a row where the winning owner got 13 of 16 right. Astonishing! Ironically he did not bet on the Chiefs, his teams’ namesake. As part of his reward for winning, here’s a picture of Larry Johnson, a true beast at running back. As for the monetary portion, see the end of this posting.

My update here is going to be brief – I saw very few games this weekend due to being in Vegas for my bachelor party. So, I actually might have seen some football but I can’t really remember much of anything. In related news, alcohol gets you drunk.

As Bryan Dorfler noted on the Pick ‘Em website, the Oakland Raiders are just awful. It’s possible that Andrew Walter will actually make the team better, because Aaron Brooks truly stinks.

So, how bad are my Super Bowl picks looking right now? Both Denver and Carolina are 0-2, and Denver hasn’t even scored a touchdown this season. I do think that Jake Plummer will improve, but he essentially has to – the offense isn’t going to be better with Jay Cutler there, despite what people are saying.

Now, onto the business at hand – I’ve taken Spartans and The Brothers Flop off the board as neither owner ever communicated with me. That leaves us with 40 owners. So, now for the payment information – things have changed a little, mainly because of a passionate plea from one owner this weekend in Vegas. Now, as I’ve mentioned, I’ve heard arguments for both sides – some suggest that I pay as much out as possible each week, and others plead for the exact opposite. And what I had done prior was to somewhat comprise with a $75 weekly payout. At the end of the day, the $25 difference between that and the league fee isn’t really enough to make a difference. And – as Todd Shriber eloquently said (at least I think it was eloquent…it was about 1:30 AM and I can’t exactly say I was sober), making the season payout higher should keep more people focused longer.

SO – here is the deal. The league payouts for each week will be $50, meaning that if you win a week, you are even for the season. Then, the payouts will go as such:

First Place: $660
Second Place: $330
Third Place: $110
Fourth Place: $50

I’m sure some won’t like this, but dems the breaks, as they say. I’ll try and post again this week, but Erik and Mark, understand that I’ll be sending you your payment ($50) this week, and for everyone else, keep focused on the prize. Remember, bye weeks start this week!

Reality Thoughts

I’m not going to get all high and mighty about the fact that Mike Boogie won Big Brother: All-Stars last night, because who really cares at the end of the day. I enjoyed the finale for one reason only, in that it made it tacitly obvious that there was not a single redeeming person in the house all summer, with the exception perhaps of Will.

A few observations as I move away from this and towards Survivor and The Amazing Race:

• The show either needs to stop providing so much alcohol to the house guests, or acknowledge that they’ve done so. Last night, Janelle’s shrieking during the “roundtable” as the guests debated each finalist was embarrassing. The same goes for Danielle’s behavior during the season, and they only casually mentioned at times the alcohol. Janelle in particular came across as aggressive, petty and self-absorbed. All of these may very well be her actual character, but it’s also obvious she was hammered.


• Anyone who thinks Boogie didn’t play a good game needs to recognize only one thing – he and Will walked around wearing clothing advertising their alliance from Day One, and he made it to the finals. That’s enough right there. But he’s still a disgusting, pathetic guy. $500,000 – which he doesn’t even seem to need – isn’t going to change that.


• Janelle – once again, just an atrocious display. I know that “floaters” are, presumably, people who don’t take sides, and cozy up to whoever is in charge week by week. And I can’t say I’d be that impressed by that strategy. But in this All-Star scenario, Janelle walked in with three allies, and an opinion about everyone else in the house. Is she saying that if Erika had asked to be in her alliance on Day 1 that she wouldn’t have been a floater? Knickerbocker, please. Janelle, at least in this game, is much like our President – she was born on third base and thinks she hit a triple.


• The concept of All-Stars sucks. Not only because it took a lot of the excitement out of learning who was deceitful and who wasn’t, but because so many players obviously had alliances coming into the show. From what we learned, Jase and Diane had a horribly unsuccessful one. And Erika apparently reached out to almost everyone beforehand. Doesn’t this totally invalidate the show? Answer: Yes.


• Julie Chen is so shockingly bad on live TV that it boggles my mind to realize she does exactly that for a living.


• To answer your next question – yes, I’m embarrassed that I put so much time into this list.

And now, some pre-emptive thoughts about Survivor, which starts tomorrow night. The big story, of course, is that they are diving the group into four tribes, determined by race. (Which will be: Asian, Hispanic, African-American and Caucasian. I’m pretty sure that people will have some things to say about whether each cast member actually belongs in the respective group they are part of.) I really don’t have much to say about whether this is objectionable or not, because this is at its core a game. And whether or not Mark Burnett and Jeff Probst actually did this to “start a debate about race” as they’ve alluded to in pre-show interviews or not (um…not – it’s about ratings as it always is and should be), I do think the most interesting outcome of this is the debate it has in fact started. Certainly, race relations in this country have an awful, awful history. Without getting too limousine liberal on everyone, this is a country where half the population went to war over the right to keep slaves. It’s a country where senatorial candidates make racist remarks on what seems like a daily basis, only to get swept under the rug. Certainly, only people who willfully want to ignore it think that race relations are not still a major issue in this country, and of course around the globe.

So good for Survivor – it should make entertaining TV, though I assume obnoxious comments as well. I’m particularly interested to see if the white tribe feels as much unity with each other as the “minority” tribes do, and how that’s interpreted by viewers. Congrats to Survivor for coming up with a twist to make what could easily be a tired show by now interesting.

Of course, when it’s on its game, nothing beats The Amazing Race which was good last season but still felt tainted by the objectionable Family Edition. I’m hoping this Sunday it seems clear that there will be a return to the brilliance that was the first few seasons. From the press releases about where the racers will venture, and the looks of the cast (fewer models, for one), it might just be a great year.

Now, I’m off to Vegas for my bachelor party. (OK, I’m off on Friday.) Pray for me.

NFL Week One: In The Books

Good god – THIRTEEN correct picks? That’s a mighty high bar to set, Mr. Lindemann. (Owner of NYCWHEELBARRELS and a longtime player in the Greeby Time Pick ‘Em.) Here I was, all proud that I’d picked both Monday night games correctly, and I wasn’t even in spitting distance of Erik.

So, props and all. Your check will be sent imminently.

Of all the ways I could have predicted Week One going, three home teams being shutout was low on the list. Hell, it wasn’t on the list. I wouldn’t have guessed three shutouts at all, probably not even one. Should be interesting to see if this will continue and whether this will be a defensively minded year – because really, the Cardinals-49ers game was about the most offensive firepower we’ve seen so far.

How about that Clinton Portis injury? I turned the game on late in the second quarter and saw him scampering around…I really wouldn’t have known he hurt himself at all this preseason, and were I a Redskins fan (which I am certainly NOT) I’d have to be pretty happy about seeing him out there like that.

On the other hand, these are the same Redskins that are owned by Daniel Snyder, who (in his infinite wisdom) just signed Tom Cruise to some sort of contract. I’m pretty sure it’s unrelated to his work with the Redskins but still – huh? On the other hand, Katie Holmes still looks great.

I’m sorry – did this just turn into Us Weekly? Cripes.

Anyhow, congrats to Erik – and here is one last call: If any of you know the owners of the following teams, can you tell them to make picks this week AND send in their check asap? Otherwise, they are out of the league:

Oakland Haters – The Brothers Flop
Spartans – Jonathan Weitz

And so I don’t end on that note, let’s just say that isn’t it great that football has started? I mean, there have been some low-lights already but tons of great plays and I think most teams are still shaking off some rust, so it’s only bound to get better.

I’ll be in Vegas this weekend – with several owners in this league, all torturing me (it’s my bachelor party) so I know I’ll have my picks in early. It should be a good week to see if teams like Seattle are going to get back on track, and whether St. Louis is a real threat or if Denver just stumbled a little. I’ll be interested in seeing how the Chiefs operate without Trent Green (out until Week 4, most likely) and what misinformation we’ll hear about Clinton Portis, Steve Smith and Mike Bell going into the weekend. Should be a doozy.

The NFL: Week One

What a week! The football season kicked off with both a bang and a whimper – with some truly surprising performances (see: Pennington, Chad) and some real disappointments (see: Alexander, Shaun). The Pick ‘Em was just as competitive for some, and we had some teams lay proverbial eggs.

Going into the Monday night games – and it’s hard to really wrap my head around the fact that there are two of them – it is down to Bettis Molests Collies and NYCWHEELBARRELS. Those teams have different picks in both games, so it’s pretty up in the air here – but no one else can even tie Erik Lindemann’s 11 correct picks thus far. Nice going, Erik. We will see the results tomorrow. (I'd also like to add that the rumors of Jerome Bettis actually having relations with Lassie and her ilk are just that - rumors and hearsay. OK, moving on.)

Did you guys know that last night there was a game between two brothers? Yeah, the Giants quarterback is the younger brother of the Colts QB. You might have missed it because there wasn’t much press about it, so I thought I’d repeat it. That’s the service I provide for y’all.

Actually, while I watched all the morning and early afternoon games – and yes, I mean all of them – I didn’t even see a down of the Manning Bowl, as I was busy helping my bride to be unpack all the gifts she got at her bridal shower. So while I can’t tell you whether Peyton Manning called an audible on every single play, or just 85% of them, I can tell you that we have some pretty amazing cookware. Yay for us!

On the other hand, here are some quick hits from watching the games around the league:

• What the pluck was up with Seattle? I know that the defending Super Bowl loser ends up losing their first regular season game the next year approximately 124% of the time, but that was a serious egg they laid. 9-6? What was that, a Mariners-Tigers game? Not cool. Not cool at all.


• Quick, who had Alex Smith having more passing yardage than Peyton Manning, Eli Manning…heck, everyone but Donovan McNabb, Kurt Warner and Chad Pennington? Nobody? That’s what I thought.


• Yes, that says Chad Pennington, your Week One passing leader through Sunday’s games. Can’t say I saw that coming.


• It’s possible I could have underestimated Baltimore. I’m not going to push too far, but a shutout of Tampa Bay? And posting 26 points on that defense? Hard not to be impressed by that.


• It wasn’t just Smith who shined for the 49ers in their loss to the Cardinals. Statistics might often lie, but Frank Gore really ran well through a defense that isn’t great but certainly should have been able to slow him down. He looked very impressive, as did Antonio Bryant in the fourth quarter. The Niners might continue to struggle this season, but it does look like they’ll have some fun doing it and provide some exciting games.


• What is going on with Bill Parcells’ breasts? Seriously – that was terrifying. Just not even remotely safe for children to watch. Buy that man a mansierre!


• I love the fact that Terrell Owens looks at home in a Cowboys uni. That’s just synchronicity.


• Speaking of idiots, how great does my Carolina-Denver Super Bowl pick look right now? Not so good, huh? In further news, I’m a moron.


• That hit on Trent Green was vicious and legal. And man, did that Kansas City offense just look inept after that? Sorry to the Chiefs fans here, but really – it was like flipping a switch. I never would have thought Green was that important of a cog in this machine, but then again, I never thought a team would aggressively try to hire Herm Edwards.

So, good luck to Erik and to B Launer – I’m not sure of B’s first name, and I’m assuming he’s related to Russ Launer, a longtime participant in the Greeby Time Pick ‘Em. B stands for…Brad? Billy? Bart? Braylon? I can keep going here, folks.

You’ll also remember, at least those of you who have played before, that I try and place a picture of a player from the team of the weekly winner. It’s not decided yet, but given the date on the calendar, I’m instead posting the following.



It would be just too odd to let this post go by without a mention of what today is, the fifth anniversary of one of the worst days in our country’s history. Everyone has their own memories of this awful day, and the five years since then have been interesting, and tragic, and inspiring, and maddening…and a lot of other adjectives. I wish talking about 9/11 hadn’t become a political discussion, and that I still felt the unity of the country I did when Senators and Representatives all sang “God Bless America” on the steps of Congress, but I don’t. That being said, it’s a wonderful country and today is an even more appropriate day than normal to recognize that, and to also know that we can do better.

Peace.

NFL Preview, Greebytime Style

So the NFL season is upon us, and that’s such a wonderful thing I am fearful of being too effusive, too excited about it. Our Pick ‘Em league really rounded into shape over the past week – assuming anyone can identify and correspond with Oakland Haters and Spartans, we should have 41 teams, which I think is a record. Even if we don’t, we have enough teams to keep the same basic payout structure from last year – that’s a $75 payout per week, and then the remainder will be divided up between the top three overall teams. I’ll get to the details once it’s all sorted out in a week or so.

Now…for my fearless and always inaccurate predictions. I’m almost always wrong here, but it’s fun to step out onto the limb, even when it snaps.

One Prediction I Won’t Be Making: I’ve chosen the Colts for the Super Bowl before, and I’ve also bet on them each week in the playoffs, only to bang my head after falling for them year after year. I always look at people in bad relationships, who stick with someone who cheats on them, and wonder how they can be surprised each time it happens, as if the past had no bearing on the future. Well, I’m not falling for it again. I think the Colts are one of the better regular season teams, and I’ll be betting on them then – but as soon as it counts? I’ll take their opponent even if it’s the Jets (sorry, Seth.) Of course, this means the Colts will win the Super Bowl. And I’m okay with that.

The Worst Team in the NFL is… I’ve done some soul searching here, and tried to see if the 49ers really are the worst team and unequivocally I have to say no. The offense is improved from last season - Vernon Davis, Antonio Bryant and at least some improvement from both Alex Smith and Frank Gore should make this an acceptable if not terribly exciting team on offense. On D? OK…not good. Not good at all. And certainly an argument could be made that the Saints or Texans are the worst teams, but I think they’ll both surprise slightly on the upside. There are at least two other teams that I think are worse. One is the Tennessee Titans. Exhibit A is that they just signed Kerry Collins, in the last week of the preseason. Why? WHY? It can only be abject horror at Billy Volek - and remember, this team was already terrible last season. But I think they even sit back to the debacle that is this years New York Jets. With apologies once again to Seth Ruthen, I can’t really see a worse team than this – they just ‘upgraded’ their running game with Kevan Barlow who was cast out from the Niners! Their quarterbacks are fragile like bone china. And their defense is probably okay for fantasy purposes but will be death in the real world. You heard it here – the Jets will have the first pick in the 2007 Draft.

So…who is legitimate? In the NFC, I’ll guess that the following teams win their divisions - Seattle, Dallas, Carolina and Chicago, though I must say the NFC North looks horrid. I could easily see Chicago regressing this year and having a sleeper team like Minnesota or Detroit back into the playoffs, but I am not quite willing to make that leap. As for the Wild Cards? Tampa Bay is a choice I have to make – two many weapons on both sides of the ball to ignore, but I will say that Chris Simms does not give me confidence. The final slot? I shouldn’t admit how long I thought about this – there is an argument that the Giants can make that push, but Eli is, of course, Peyton’s younger brother and I expect him to take one step back before truly becoming an All-Pro on his own. But it’s impossible to ignore that NFC East, so I’ll take my (original) hometown Eagles. They could surprise this season with a rejuvenated Donovan McNabb and an overall team that is still pretty solid. But I’m going with CAROLINA as my NFC Champion.

And who am I picking the Panthers to meet in the Super Bowl? The following teams should win their divisions -- Denver, Indianapolis, Pittsburgh and New England. And count me in as someone who buys into the Miami hype – they’ll get a Wild Card berth if they don’t push NE out of the way first. Some pundits are picking San Diego and while I appreciate that they do get to feast on Oakland and an uninspiring Kansas City team twice a year, there is no way I’m picking Philip Rivers to take his team to the playoffs. I do like Jacksonville here – a veteran running back in Fred Taylor, a young quarterback who isn’t asked to do too much in Byron Leftwich and a pair of young receivers (Matt Jones, Ernest Wilford) should balance out one of the better young defenses in the league. But, at the end of the day, I can’t leave the Bengals out of the playoff picture – just too much talent to ignore. So who meets the Panthers? As noted, I won’t choose the Colts and I just think New England and Pittsburgh have too many holes, be it the open question of when Ben Roethlisberger is going to come down with spinal meningitis, or if Tom Brady will have to coax Irving Fryar out of retirement to catch a few passes. So, I’m taking DENVER as my AFC Champion.

Yep, my Super Bowl pick is Denver vs. Carolina, with Carolina winning it all. My guess is that the Super Bowl is the game where Jake Plummer completely implodes, making it easy for Denver to shuttle him off and install Jay Cutler at QB for 2007. Carolina just has too many weapons – that is, as long as Steve Smith can get at least one of his hamstrings healthy. Note that this pick has absolutely nothing to do with the Carolina cheerleaders and their brushes with the law. Ahem.

I’d be concerned about these picks, but I’m almost never right, so I might as well not lose any sleep over it, right?

Quick Hits:
Rookie of the Year: Is it possible to take “the field” against Reggie Bush? No? Then, I’ll go with Vernon Davis. I actually don’t think he’ll win – but the other candidates all need someone to get injured (Joseph Addai, Laurence Maroney, DeAngelo Williams) and I’m not banking on that.
Best Off-Season Signing: Terrell Owens. Yes, I hate the guy but he’s really going to help Dallas. Despite all the preseason shenanigans, most of which were created by the media, T.O. simply won’t be allowed to be T.O., and deep down he does want to win. Note that this could easily be the worst off-season signing, but now I think it’s enough to push Dallas to the top of the most competitive division in football.
Worst Off-Season Signing: - Let’s see…you have a terrible team with a lot of offensive talent that can’t gel. So, you hire Art Shell? And you sign Aaron Brooks at quarterback, possibly the dumbest man in the league? Al Davis, for shame.
Comeback Player of the Year: Daunte Culpepper. I don’t think he’ll be his old self – he ain’t gonna run like he used to – but his recovery from a gruesome injury and the arsenal he has around him will tilt the scales in his favor.

Alright, that’s it for now. Remember to get those picks in, and look for a weekly wrapup going forward. If you haven’t sent your checks in, DO IT NOW!

Reality Highlight

I'm a reality TV junkie, and I have no shame in that. (Though, I must say that the prior sentence felt very much like what alcoholics have to say at their meetings. Hm. Moving on...) I first got hooked by Colleen on the first Survivor, but what really got me was the "Rat/Snake" speech by Sue in the finale, something that seems out of Pleasantville only a few years later. I've seen Johnny Fairplay, and I've seen Jonathan essentially hit his Playmate wife on the Amazing Race. I've watched shows from America's Next Top Model to Blow Out to a slew of shows that are no longer on the air.

But I'm pretty sure that I've never been quite so pleased as I was on Tuesday to see this:
That is all.

A Hard Rain Is Gonna Fall

It is impossible to look at the following chart without drawing one conclusion and one conclusion only - things will have to correct themselves:

(If for some reason that isn't as clear as it could be, it's located here as well.)

I obviously have many - most - friends who are homeowners. I'm not one, yet. And the plan Abby and I have is to start looking sometime next year. Everything I read suggests the housing market has already started slowing down, but this chart would lead me to believe that a "slow-down" is possibly a euphemism for "death knell" or "total collapse."

And while I love my friends and family, in the immortal words of the Worst President Ever, "Bring it on."

Never Let Me Go

Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro is the kind of book with a central twist so fundamental that it really shouldn’t be talked about in a review. Of course, not everyone adheres to this rule – so I ended up finding it out prior to reading the book. And even then, I found this novel to be amazing. Truly a phenomenal piece of writing.

Never Let Me Go takes place, the story informs us on the title page, in England in the late 1990’s. It’s easy to forget that as you read, since some of the things going on seem very much a part of a distant future. This isn’t just the obvious things (again, the twist I won’t disclose) but the tone of the novel and the setting make it seem an idyllic, almost Utopian future – with a haunting sadness that develops throughout the book.

Kathy H. is an adult “carer” and a graduate from a school called Hailsham in the English countryside. She tells her story of going to Hailsham, and her relationship with her peers and instructors (“guardians”), and gradually the reader is let into the twist of the book, which is revealed slowly and then in a matter-of-fact way that a skimming reader might actually miss. We learn that in the more recent past (she left Hailsham over eleven years prior) she has reconnected with Ruth and Tommy D., two classmates she was particularly close with.

There is a constant feeling of heartache for these characters, even if they understand their fate and the role they will play in the bigger picture. And this was the first book I’d ever read by Ishiguro, though I’m certainly going to tackle Remains of the Day now. His writing is truly impressive – in many ways simple and direct, but we always know there is a larger picture we are slowly being able to see. And while the story leaves many questions unanswered, it is perhaps best that way as some are the kind of philosophical questions we should continue to ask ourselves about faith and science and what it means to have a soul.

So here’s the thing – it’s entirely difficult to talk about this book without getting into the twist. But I will just reiterate that it does not make this any less of an enjoyable experience to read. It’s a fascinating book that reads incredibly quickly, and it’s recommended across the board.

Rating: 9.0/10.0