Holy F-ing S

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

I know that’s not the most erudite expression, nor full of regional charm like “Oh, my stars!” or “Golly gee!” But it’s still my reaction to yesterday’s Colts-Patriots game.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

This is a game that at one point felt so rote that I left Matty’s house where I was watching it to go home so I could take care of stuff while absently watching the Patriots yet again walk all over Indianapolis. A part of me sort of enjoyed it, in the same way that watching Marty Schottenheimer collapse last week felt safe and comfortable. There are things you come to expect in life – Schottenheimer blowing it in the playoffs, sun in the summertime, and The Clash being The Only Band That Matters. On that same list was this:

Tony Dungy and Peyton Manning can’t win the big game.

So, imagine my surprise when they not only win the AFC Championship, and they not only do so against Tom Brady and Bill Belichek, but they do so by rallying from being down 18 points. EIGHTEEN! Numerous times, I thought they were choking – none more than Manning telling Jim Sorgi to “be ready” because his thumb was hurting. Who does that? I know it’s the team player in him, but as a (fat, on the couch) fan, I want my QB to never want to leave the game, even if his thumb is achy. And then…he did it. He threw a beautiful pass to Dallas Clark and marched the Colts straight through the Patriots defense.

I’ll be rooting for the Colts in two weeks, not just because it would be nice to see two good guys win a ring, but because the Bears are just a totally uninspiring team. Who on this team do you actually LIKE? Cedric Benson is talented but possibly a mental case; Rex Grossman makes some of the worst passes I’ve ever seen, and I live in the Bay Area where Marc Wilson used to quarterback; Tank Johnson is under house arrest for essentially creating his own drug militia…the list goes on. The Bears are obviously the best team in the weak NFC, but they really shouldn’t win a Super Bowl with this squad. If they do, hats off to them – but I’d rather see it go the other way.

Here then, are a few of the things I won’t be looking forward to in the next two weeks:

• Discussions about the history being made with two African-American head coaches in the Super Bowl


• Interviews with any and all of the Manning family.


• The insane amount of times it will be pointed out that no dome team has ever won a Super Bowl, which is rarely if ever couched with the fact that like 10% of teams at all even play in a dome.


• The fact that there are, in fact, TWO WEEKS before the Super Bowl. Remember when they actually switched back? And the world didn’t stop on its axis? Get it done, people.


• People talking, at all, about the Super Bowl halftime show.


• People talking about Prince, who will sing at the halftime show, as if he’s still someone to be taken seriously as a musician.


• Wardrobe. Malfunction. Sigh.


• Stories about a Super Bowl quarterback persevering through hardship…and they are about Rex Grossman.

Look, I love football. LOVE IT. And I know that when the 49ers were in it, it didn’t matter that the game was hopelessly mismatched in their favor (the beat down of the Broncos was completely enjoyable to me, even if no one else watched the fourth quarter). I will watch the game, for sure…but the hype is not even annoying. It’s boring.

What’s more interesting to me as a football fan is this – who is going to coach the Cowboys next year? Why, exactly, did Bill Parcells cut and run? Does this mean Terrell Owens will be in Dallas? If so, even easier to continue loathing that franchise.

With Cowher and Parcells both “retiring” this year (I’d expect Cowher to ‘decide’ to come back in about a year, and wouldn’t be shocked if Parcells does likewise), the coaching landscape is really changing. And that’s a good thing. There are a whole bunch of young coaches in the league and a fresh set of eyes on things is always good for the future. It’s a great time to be a football fan…even with all the hype of XLI.