God, I hope this is a joke.

I have now read this clip on several blogs, and I just can't believe it. Sadly, it's not totally out of the realm of possibility. (Shouldn't it be?)

What's more, there is not much real give in the administration's policies. True, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and other American diplomats met Memorial Day weekend with the Iranians in Baghdad (a good first move but limited, since the Iranians have most of the power because of our incredible stupidity in Iraq). But by all reports, President Bush is more convinced than ever of his righteousness.

Friends of his from Texas were shocked recently to find him nearly wild-eyed, thumping himself on the chest three times while he repeated "I am the president!" He also made it clear he was setting Iraq up so his successor could not get out of "our country's destiny."

What a disaster this guy is.

Ralph Wiggum, American Genius

With the incomprehensible omission of "My cat's breath smells like cat food," the following clip has pretty much the best of a true icon, Ralph Wiggum.

Someone is watching...

Ah, sometimes there just is a WEE bit of justice:

As President Bush took a question Thursday in the White House Rose Garden about scandals involving his Attorney General, he remarked, "I've got confidence in Al Gonzales doin' the job."

Simultaneously, a sparrow flew overhead and left a splash on the President's sleeve, which Bush tried several times to wipe off.

Nice. By the way, is there any reason this had to be sugarcoated? A "splash"? How about, "a sparrow pooped on the President"...?

Finale, Finale

This week seems to be the time many shows are wrapping up. With the exception of The Sopranos, which will end in the Mother of All Finales in two weeks, a lot of the shows I watch have wrapped up this week, and that continues tonight with one I'm particularly looking forward to in Lost.

The 24 finale was a perfect finish to a boring and disappointing season, in that the finale was both boring and disappointing. There were no huge twists, no sudden realizations that someone was a sleeper agent, that someone we thought was dead actually isn't, or that … well, anything. The idiotic plot that essentially came down to Russia's entire defense system being vulnerable by "the component" was resolved, presumably – though in a vague enough way (why didn't Jack just take it from his father?) that it's possible, if improbable, that it's not a dead issue yet. (Please, please let it be done.) Almost everything that came up during the year felt either unresolved, or left a question of…why? Why did we see Milo's brother come back, in the middle of the night, to take his stuff? Why is Chloe pregnant? (The answer, of course, not being a birds-and-bee lesson, but why it's important to the show.) Why did no one in Los Angeles seem particularly freaked out that a NUCLEAR BOMB had gone off that day? Why was Nadia such a weak leader? Why were we supposed to care about Jack's nephew Josh so much? What's Jack's real history with Josh's mother? (I'll never complain about Rena Sofer, though. Truly striking, and a decent actress to boot.) In any event, I'm hoping the entire staff of 24 takes a long look at the season and figures out how it went so off-track. The reality is it wasn't horrible (the first four episodes were historically tense), but it's a pale imitation of what 24 is like when it's on.

On the flip side, while the Heroes finale wasn't perfect, it did answer some good questions, even if the final confrontation was anti-climatic. The show avoided some of the pitfalls other serial dramas have had, and gave answers week after week. It's not fair what some folks have been doing (comparing the first season of Heroes to other shows farther along, like Lost) but there's no denying that this was the single best new show of the year along with Friday Night Lights.

I'm hooked.

Veronica Mars finished not just the season, but the entire show last night, and while that's sort of criminal, the final episode was a primer on why the show was so good when it hit. With clever banter that rarely went overboard (see: Gilmore Girls, Studio 60), and jokes meant for the true fans but not so insidery that they didn't work for others, Veronica Mars was on a rampage. The final episode started with her trying to find out who had leaked a sex video of her and Piz, and ended up bringing back characters from Season 1 (which I only saw some of). While the show didn't know whether it would be renewed or not when they made the show, they did try and finish enough threads to not disappoint. Personally, I loved it – when Veronica decides to mess with the guys who leaked the video, it was just great. Cancelling his credit cards, having Weevil steal the tires off his car, capped off with her dismantling the electricity in his dorm room – then revealing herself and singing/mocking "Bad Day" – while protecting herself with a stun gun. I mean, that's right out of the playbook. And while it's been published elsewhere, this exchange alone made the whole show:

Mac: Hey, did you guys hear that there's going to be a Matchbook 20 reunion?

Piz: Who cares? Rob Thomas is a whore.

Now, that's funny all on its own – but even moreso since the creator of Veronica Mars is also named Rob Thomas. It makes no sense to me that the CW would cancel this show, but it appears the deed has been done. So, goodbye CW. It's been fun while it lasted. Off to see Lost.

Equity

Our President has been hit with numerous scandals, accusations of incompetence (almost all accurate) and serious Page 1, above-the-fold kind of problems that seemingly any other President would have been ashamed enough about to resign in embarrassment. But finally, it seems, he's getting hit with the silly, ridiculous kinds of things that plagued an actual leader, President Clinton:

President Bush found himself in a flap Tuesday about seat-belt use, a day after a federal agency began a campaign to encourage drivers to buckle up.

Video cameras caught Bush without his seat belt while driving a pickup on his Texas ranch last weekend, giving a tour to NATO Secretary-General Jaap de Hoop Scheffer.

I mean, I believe in seatbelts and always wear mine in the front driver or passenger seat, and often in the back seat as well. But this "Click It or Ticket" thing has gotten a bit out of hand, and WHO CARES if Bush is too stupid to belt up? God, what a non-issue.

Complicity

On the long list of problems I have with the steroid issue and baseball, one of the biggest that doesn't get enough mention is the complicity of not just sportswriters (who had to see things on a daily basis) but the clubs themselves. Not just the managers who likely encouraged (or, at least, didn't discourage) this abuse...but also the management of each team.

Not convinced that the executives had anything to do with it? Well, aside from rewarding fat statistics with huge paychecks, how about the way the Yankees are dealing with Jason Giambi?

While MLB continues to look into Giambi’s quotes last week in which he all but admitted steroid use, the Yankees are waiting on MLB’s findings before deciding if they can void the rest of Giambi’s $120 million contract that runs through next season. There is an option for $22 million that won’t be picked up.

MLB and the Yankees, who are on the hook for $41.75 million, were tight-lipped about the issue. So, too, was Giambi, who returned to the lineup as the DH against the Red Sox last night after missing the three Subway Series games against the Mets when a bone spur in his left heel didn’t allow him to play first base. The commissioner’s office and the players’ association have held discussions about setting up a meeting with Giambi to discuss his comments, but nothing was firmed up yesterday.

So, if you do what everyone SAYS is the right thing to do (just admitting to being in the wrong, facing the future with a clean slate), the message is -- you might get cut. And lose millions of dollars in the process.

There's a fundamental rule to economics that suggests most everything largely comes down to incentives. What, exactly, does this imply baseball is motivating its players to do? Stay quiet, that's what.

Keep It Continuing

Only a bad screenwriter would put together something like what Sammy Sosa’s season is looking like. As of May 20, he was hitting .265 with 9 HR, 35 RBI. The power categories put him towards the top of those – certainly not AT the top, but on pace for about 36 HR and well over 100 RBI. For Sosa to do that, it would truly be shocking.

As someone who lived in Chicago during Sosa’s heyday, I certainly loved the way he’d jog out to the outfield, waving and gesticulating to the crowd. That got somewhat old, but even then his sudden power was…odd. He’d been a slap hitting base-stealer with the White Sox (and as a Rangers prospect), who gradually grew his power to 40 HR in 1996.

Two years later, he went on a HR tear that was truly historic – 66, 63, 50 and 64 HR in four consecutive years. For someone who never hit more than 40 HR, to average 60.75 – essentially Roger Maris previous single season record – for four straight years? Preposterous.

He tailed off from there, as much as hitting 49 HR in 2002 could be considered as such. But after hitting 40 the next season, Sosa seemed to literally disintegrate. He was virtually useless in a wasted season in Baltimore, and didn’t even play in 2006.

Now, he’s back and smashing homeruns like it was the mid-1990’s. That is crazy.

Almost everything I cited above about Sosa – the lack of power in his youth, a sudden burst of such later in one’s career than is otherwise typical – can of course be said about Barry Lamar Bonds. But until recently, Sosa has never gotten any flak for being an almost certain steroid abuser. And whether that’s true or not, he’s certainly used a CORKED bat during a game. Not too many people brazenly cheat like that, pathetic excuse or not. (Sosa claimed he used the bat during batting practice to thrill fans, an excuse as desperate as it was flimsy.)

Why did/does Sosa get away with this? With a few exceptions, Sosa went out of his way to be nice to fans and sportswriters. To be sure, that’s worth quite a lot – but the lack of doing so doesn’t make one more likely to be a cheat, or more likely to be doing anything worthy of spite.

Bonds is a jerk, and treats a lot of people with less respect than they deserve. While he’s on the verge of the biggest record in the sport, Sosa is on the verge of being only the fourth player with 600 HR. (He’s at 597 as of this post.) I fully expect a “serious discussion” about Sosa’s record and how tainted they are, and whether the commissioner should notice it, blah blah blah. None of that will likely occur, and that’s just the way that goes.

Caruso Unplugged

If there is a bigger blowhard than David Caruso, well....it's probably Tyra Banks. But that's not the point. The point is that Caruso has become a joke for his over-dramatic pauses, the way he puts on (or takes off) his sunglasses as he delivers a deadpan, generally horribly scripted catchphrase, just before The Who busts in with the theme song to CSI: Miami. As it turns out, I've never seen that show, though I enjoy the Vegas (original) edition of the show and I love Emily Proctor...but Caruso makes it impossible to watch. This You Tube video mashes up his worst offenses, and makes them even funnier by inserting the theme song after every zinger.

Sure, it's probably four minutes too long, but it's still very funny stuff.

Lohan #1?

Man, people are dumb. Men and women are both dumb, though in their own ways. I could go into a litany of examples and regurgitate many a shared email, but I think Exhibit A eventually will have to be this:

MAXIM Magazine just named Lindsay Lohan the #1 Hottest Female of 2007.

I admit that I used to read Maxim, but it got so damn boring it wasn’t even worth the occasional skimpy photo. I’ve been reasonably sure they’ve just been recycling the same magazine with new photos of whatever actress, model or pseudo-celebrity they’ve decided to make famous for the month.

And berating MAXIM for almost anything is a waste of breath, ink or bandwidth. But…while I’m not enough of a liar to say that I don’t think that Lohan can look extremely hot at times – see the attached collection of pieces of evidence to this effect. But I don’t think she’s actually a very pretty girl, she’s just sexy and she’s also a MESS. Which is actually one of the reasons cited by the magazine for her popularity.

And that is just insanely sad. I mean, I get it. It’s the entire reason Paris Hilton has any popularity, because guys are pretty sure they could hit it if they could get into a club she was at. And it would be folly to list all the women on the list who are better looking than Lohan (like, for instance, almost everyone else on the list), but it’s a pretty pathetic display.

Vote for Hilary!

This probably isn't the kind of endorsement that will show up on the front page of Hilary Clinton's website, but this is amusing nonetheless:

PR.com: "Who's your favorite Democratic front runner for 2008? Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton or John Edwards?"

Jenna Jameson: "I love Hillary. I think that in some ways she's pretty conservative for a Democrat, but I would love to have a woman in office. I think that it would be a step in the right direction for our country, and there would be less focus on war and more focus on bettering society."

PR.com: “Do you find that the climate of the adult industry changes when there is a Republican administration versus Democratic?”

Jenna Jameson: “Absolutely. The Clinton administration was the best years for the adult industry and I wish that Clinton would run again. I would love to have him back in office. I would love to have Al Gore in office. When Republicans are in office, the problem is, a lot of times they try to put their crosshairs on the adult industry, to make a point. It’s sad, when there are so many different things that are going on in the world: war, and people are dying of genocide…I look forward to another Democrat being in office. It just makes the climate so much better for us, and I know that once all our troops come home, things are going to be better and I think that getting Bush out of office is the most important thing right now.”

Question -- is it good news or bad news that this pornstar seems brighter than half the Republican candidates for President?

after the quake

Haruki Murakami's after the quake is a collection of six stories, each totally distinct and unrelated except for the unifying connection to the Kobe earthquake, which killed over 6,000 people. While there are no descriptions of the actual quake, the carnage or even a true direct connection to the quake, it serves as a backdrop, a constant conversation piece between many of the characters.

It's that kind of impact that these traumatic events have on people. I remember after the 1989 earthquake, where I was about ten miles away from the epicenter, that almost everything afterwards was in some way secondary to the quake. Class, girlfriends, some random event on the news, anything - it was all viewed within the context of what we'd all just been through.

That's the tone Murakami captures in this collection. In some cases, the quake seems to act as a catalyst -- a man's wife simply packs up and leaves him without much in the way of explanation. In others, the quake is simply referred to conversationally by several characters who are seemingly disconnected from it.

This book felt like classic Murakami-lite, in the sense that (perhaps by nature of the form of the short story) the characters were much thinner than his normal works but the themes and tones were straight from the Murakami playbook. (No talking cats, however.) I have two other collections of stories by Murakami which I haven't yet read - I'm certainly going to do so soon, but I'm more eager to read the novels of his I've not gotten to yet. Overall, it was good but not up to the par he's set for me with his novels.

I should add that I normally probably wouldn't have even written a review for something this brief, but I wanted to post the cover image which I flat out LOVE. Very cool stuff.

Rating: 7.0/10.0

In which I bash the Dems, too

At the risk of this seeming like, when it comes to politics, I only slap around the Republicans, this is altogether unsuprising:

House Democrats introduced a lobbying reform bill Tuesday night that requires more disclosure of links between lobbyists and lawmakers, but stops short of the toughest reforms floated in the wake of the Jack Abramoff scandal.

The bill would require members to disclose K Street job offers, ban them from lobbying former colleagues for two years, and demand greater disclosure of fundraising on behalf of members.

It also imposes fines and a possible 15-year prison sentence on anyone who uses their position to force a lobbying shop or business to hire – or not hire – someone because of their partisan political affiliation.

That provision aims to put an end to the sort of K Street Project implemented by former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, in which he and other Republican leaders tried to keep Democrats from getting lobbying jobs.

But the reform bill would not create an independent investigator to conduct ethics inquiries or require detailed disclosure of lobbyist bundling for lawmakers.

There are a lot of ways I could say, "Well, this IS progress, and that's good" but there's really no call for this. The only reason Democrats are backing away from some of these rules is because THEY are in the power position now and they want to reap the benefits. That's no excuse - it's just the opposite, in fact.

If the Democrats really believe that they were swept into office by a populace that was utterly disgusted with Republican corruption, then not living up to all their plans is just bad politics. If they think instead it was just a reaction to the war and George Bush, then it's a power grab. Either way, it's not very pretty.

Veronica Mars is Dead

No, the character didn't die last night, but the series apparently has been canceled. This is dumb for a litany of reasons, not the first is that the network the show is on (The CW) has about zero decent programming. I'm not the kind of person who really pretends to understand the business of entertainment, and it's also clear that Veronica Mars never really got the ratings everyone wanted, but...isn't it better than repeats of Girlfriends or The Search for the Next Pussycat Doll? When shows like this - a smart, well written and acted show that I resisted watching for a long time until my better half convinced me otherwise - and Arrested Development get whacked, it suggests that executives would rather ignore the possibility that poor ratings aren't always due to a bad show. How about some marketing, people? How about not interrupting its make-or-break season by putting it on hiatus for the aforementioned Pussycat Doll show?

I can't imagine possibly ever watching the CW again, though I'm sure we'll find our way back to watching Tyra Banks' Ego - aka America's Next Top Model - again sometime soon. Still, it's decisions like this that make one wonder if the inmates are running the asylum.

John McCain: Flip Flopping Away

Just to put another hole in the tire of the Straight Talk Express, the man who once proudly defied his party's worship of the evangelical right by calling Jerry Falwell an "agent of intolerance," today Senator McCain had this to say:

"I join the students, faculty and staff of Liberty University and Americans of all faiths in mourning the loss of Reverend Jerry Falwell. Dr. Falwell was a man of distinguished accomplishment who devoted his life to serving his faith and country."

– Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.), presidential candidate

Typical.

Falwell Is Dead

I never can be happy about anyone dying, but I'm certainly not sad that the world no longer has Mr. Falwell around. I'm sure that people will try to discuss him as a man of faith, and to sugarcoat some of the truly objectionable things he's said and done (including diverting millions of tax-free dollars into political campaigns). To counterbalance the inevitable "sad notes" about his passing, here are a few gems. More at the Carpetbagger:

After Southern Baptist Convention President Bailey Smith tells a Dallas Religious Right gathering that “God Almighty does not hear the prayer of a Jew,” Falwell gives a similar view. “I do not believe,” he told reporters, “that God answers the prayer of any unredeemed Gentile or Jew.” After a meeting with an American Jewish Committee rabbi, he changed course, telling an interviewer on NBC’s “Meet the Press” that “God hears the prayers of all persons…. God hears everything.”

Falwell is forced to pay gay activist Jerry Sloan $5,000 after losing a court battle. During a TV debate in Sacramento, Falwell denied calling the gay-oriented Metropolitan Community Churches "brute beasts" and “a vile and Satanic system” that will “one day be utterly annihilated and there will be a celebration in heaven.” When Sloan insisted he had a tape, Falwell promised $5,000 if he could produce it. Sloan did so, Falwell refused to pay and Sloan successfully sued. Falwell appealed, with his attorney charging that the Jewish judge in the case was prejudiced. He lost again and was forced to pay an additional $2,875 in sanctions and court fees.

Falwell blames Americans for the 9/11 terrorist attacks. "The abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked. And when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad. I really believe that the Pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say, ‘You helped this happen.’"

Terrible Ideas

Over the weekend, someone asked me what I thought of Bud Selig's latest idea -- to expand the World Series back to a nine-game series, with the new extra two games being held in "neutral" sites for increased revenue. I was aghast, notably because I hadn't heard about it, but also because it's moronic to the point it actually shocked me. Turns out it's not Selig proposing it, but agent Scott Boras:

Agent Scott Boras, who counts Alex Rodriguez and Daisuke Matsuzaka among his clients, said baseball's best deserve a bigger stage than the best-of-seven World Series.

He said it should be best-of-nine games and should feature the first two on a weekend at a neutral site to create an atmosphere similar to the Super Bowl.
...

The Super Bowl is played at a predetermined neutral site and has become a magnet for business entertaining. "The key to this is the business dynamic," said Boras, 54. "We need to embrace corporate America."

MLB spokesman Pat Courtney said Selig got the letter and declined to comment further.

Such nonsense - I mean, Boras is obviously a great agent, but a bigger stage than the World Series? I don't even GET that. Part of the story I didn't include was that Boras said the major awards could be handed out at these neutral site games -- I suspect this is because he has many players who don't get to the World Series (after all, few do), but it's just DUMB.

For one thing, there's no such thing as a neutral site. Just watch the NCAA Final Four and see neutral a site in, say, Charlotte is when Georgia Tech is playing against Cal. Not very neutral. It's such a stupid idea that has only two possible benefits (stroking the egos of superstars and more revenue for baseball) -- so dumb, in fact, I'm surprised it hasn't happened yet.

Boo Hoo and an Economics Question

When I see stories like this, I fail to get too sympathetic:

Gasoline prices hit a new record at the pump on Monday, but gas futures prices fell on concerns that $3 gas will crimp demand.

Oil prices, meanwhile, rose on reports of refinery problems in the U.S. and abroad.

The average national price of a gallon of gas hit $3.073 on Monday, up almost a penny from Sunday's also record-setting price, according to AAA and the Oil Price Information Service. Gasoline is now well above the previous record of $3.057, set on Sept. 5, 2005, soon after Hurricane Katrina.

I'm not sure if the photo I've uploaded here is truly legible or not, so I'll repeat it -- this is from a gas station in San Francisco with regular unleaded going for $4.33/gallon! The fact that the national average is just now on the wrong side of $3.00 is not something I lose sleep over.

I should also state that this particular gas station is way out of whack for even San Francisco, where prices seem to be around $3.60/gallon these days. This station, however, is located just off the freeway exit, and I'd assumed the inflation was taking advantage of this. But there's a station across the street from it that's always at least $0.50/gallon cheaper. Even with small tank cars, that's a noticeable savings. And the station in this picture does update its prices, almost daily it seems...which suggests to me that people do stop here and get gas. They must be the most price insensitive people in the whole world.

And yes, I took this photo while driving, in my SUV, and almost killed a cyclist in the process. I am, in fact, part of the problem.

The Name Game

The concept of baby names is something that I’ve always found interesting…I remember as a kid picking up a Baby Names book (my mother, as a writer, had it as a reference, I suppose) and finding out what various names meant. Freakonomics had a very interesting chapter about whether a baby’s name predicted his or her life, or whether it worked the opposite way, and repeated the urban myth about two girls named lemonjello and orangejello.

The Social Security Administration just released the most popular names for 2006, and once again Matthew is in the top 10. That’s right, though we slipped to #5 from #4 last year. Since about 1973, my name has been in the top 10 non-stop, something I can’t really attribute to anything in particular. And boy names are pretty straightforward – the top ten are not particularly exotic – Jacob, Michael, Joshua, Ethan, Matthew, Daniel, Christopher, Andrew, Anthony and William. Of those, perhaps Ethan is a little unusual, and certainly the only name here I didn’t go to school with as a kid.

The girls names? Much more unique, I should think. The top ten was: Emily, Emma, Madison, Isabella, Ava, Abigail, Olivia, Hannah, Sophia and Samantha. I should state that I pretty much like all of these names, but where is Michelle (#80)? Jennifer (#51)? Elizabeth came in at #11, but just right above Ashley, Mia and Alexis. The name Brooklyn (67) for a girl is kind of cool but way more popular than I’d have thought (thanks to the Beckhams? Their Brooklyn is a boy…) and ranked above names like Audrey, Nicole, Michelle and Claire. Along the same tier of boys names? Jeremiah (71) ranked above Brian (72), Sebastian (76) above Eric (77), and Brayden (79) above Kyle (80), Ian (81) and Henry (95).

Blake was the 97th most popular name for boys, which is concerning to me since I’ve never met a guy named Blake I didn’t at least slightly dislike.

For what it’s worth, Jacob and Emily were the top two names for the second straight year. There’s going to be a lot of Jake’s and Emily’s getting married in about 25 years or so.

Going down the list is where it gets fun. I’ve always been a little fascinated by how many parents are willing to give their daughters names that almost scream “Future Stripper.” Apparently, Brianna is the 20th most popular name for a girl, and Addison #27. Kayla rang in at 26, Jasmine 29th, Savannah 30th. Destiny hit the charts at 37 while Nevaeh was the 43rd most popular name for girls last year.

Nevaeh, you say? Yes, it’s Heaven spelled backwards, popularized by some religious singer who named his daughter awhile back. Putting aside the fact that Heaven backwards sounds a lot to me like something bad, it’s just an insane name. But most humorously – to me, anyhow – is the 996th most popular name for girls: Neveah. Yes, that’s Haeven spelled backwards, which means…nothing. It’s just now an utterly non-sensical name.

Survivor Fiji: Wrapup

All in all, it certainly wasn’t the greatest season of Survivor, but a very good one nonetheless. The wrapup didn’t go exactly as I’d thought (see prior post), which is good – predictability is certainly not desirable for ratings and programming, no?

My prediction that Yau-Man was in a world of trouble was definitely correct, but what I didn’t guess was that he’d win immunity – by, it turned out, a pretty sizeable margin. Way to go, Yau-Man, who clearly became everyone’s favorite by the end of the season. Just a genuinely charismatic guy who played the crap out of the game. Unfortunately, he (as he admitted in the reunion show) hurt himself in the end by not hedging his bets against the deal he made with Dreamz. You almost knew for sure when Yau and Dreamz made the deal (that Dreamz would forsake immunity if he won it in the final four and give it to Yau) that this would come into play. And though Jeff Probst said several times that the deal was that Dreamz try his hardest to win immunity, and then give it to Yau, the only part of that deal that made the air was the latter.

That’s why (after Boo was voted out in Tribal Council) it started getting interesting in the final immunity challenge when Dreamz and Yau were left. If Dreamz was going to keep his word, why not just drop out and give Yau the immunity? Dreamz claimed it was because he couldn’t wait to hand it to Yau in front of everybody, and be a good example for people. While that’s true, Yau started getting nervous – which seemed to me like the producers creating tension where there wasn’t any.

It’s one thing to lie and backstab, it’s another to take a $60,000 car while doing so. I was shocked that Dreamz decided to keep the immunity idol, but not because it was bad gameplay. At that point, though he didn’t realize it, he was already out of the chance to win $1,000,000. If he gave up the idol, he was going home almost certainly. Cassandra, who I’ll get to a little later, was clearly kept in the game to be an unappetizing choice for the other finalist(s), and Dreamz – regardless of the Yau decision – had played the game strategically enough to oust a bunch of former tribe mates. While they called it a “pity” vote, that’s a chance neither Earl nor Yau Man would have taken.

But by keeping immunity and sending Yau home (though this was partially Earl’s fault for not forcing a tie), Dreamz immediately became Enemy #1 with the jury. What he had forgotten was that this might have been the single most spiteful, immature jury ever on this show.

Lisi and Alex in particular were total embarrassments. Alex actually seemed to sniff and get choked up towards the end, as if moved to tears by the hurt and pain he felt for…being an idiot, I guess. But Lisi was just awful, insulting Cassandra’s footwear (as some type of proxy for how unserious she was about the game; even Probst seemed confused by that) and being truly shocked when Dreamz knew how many zeroes there were in a million. Talk about insulting, it bordered on racist. And for Lisi to talk about people being unprepared and unintelligent…good lord, pot please meet kettle. What a worthless contestant she was, and an admitted quitter.

So Dreamz was hopeless and Cassandra was such a bad option some jurors didn’t even talk about her, let alone TO her.



Oh, Cassandra. After she dominated the reward challenge by correctly predicting what the majority answer of her tribe mates would be on every single question, and talking actual strategy, I was all prepared to defend her as someone who didn’t “fly under the radar” or get there by being taken there instead of earning it…and then, nothing. Her tribal council “speech” was barely that, and though folks like Alex treated her like the anti-Christ, I expected more from Cassandra. Just saying, “Mmm…” and “Oh-kay…” after everything isn’t an actual strategy. And her participation in some of the immunity challenges (including two of the last three) was so bad as if to suggest she wasn’t even trying. (And for godsakes, who goes on Survivor and doesn’t know how to SWIM? Seriously, if you get cast on Survivor you do two things – one, learn to swim if you don’t already…and two, learn to make fire with something aside from flint.)

I had Lisi and Alex tagged as self-righteous speechmakers for their last moment in the spotlight, but I have to say I also thought Stacy would get in there, and she was nothing of the sort. In the reunion show she claimed that the fact all her teammates essentially told her she was not a likeable person really did change her…and while I doubt that, it certainly looked like it had some effect. Michelle was also sweet, but in a naïve, just happy to be here way that kind of let me down. What I wasn’t prepared for was Mookie trying to act tough, or Boo screaming about Christianity to Dreamz, which I’m sure had something to do with some things we never saw on camera. It was the kind of religious high-and-mighty talk that really looks ugly on the non-believers such as me. Not a good look for ya, Boo. Rocky was also pretty normal in his questioning, though he was snippy with Cassandra in a way that seemed off. I truly think that those who were kicked off the show really spent far too much time being bitter about things and got themselves in a mindset about Cassandra she was wholly unprepared for. Similarly, because of their nature, Dreamz had no shot with the jury, while he otherwise might have thought there was at least an outside chance.

On Big Brother, they show the ousted jury members in the retreat, and it has become an interesting part of that show. I’m wondering why they don’t start doing that with Survivor, as it would be pretty amusing to watch morons like Lisi and Boo think up reasons to be angry for spending a month in a lush tropical resort once they weren’t in the game any longer.

Earl makes the second consecutive winner who really has won by playing the game smartly and not ruffling too many feathers (Yul being the last person to do so.) I find it interesting that everyone talks about how that’s the challenge of Survivor, and really those are two of a very small group of people who have won this way. (Ethan from Africa might be the only other one I can remember). Everyone else left someone – or, more often, many people – furious about how they’d been treated. I think Earl’s 9-0 victory was both a reflection of his game play and a statement about Cassandra and Dreamz.

The reunion show predictably sucked; I don’t know why I ever expect it to be good, though Stacy cleaned up just as well as I thought she would. Dreamz persisted in acting as if he’d been a grandmaster of strategy…which is really BAD strategy, I should think. I expected Probst to ask people why they freaked out so much, but instead he was more focused on Dreamz, who after all was one of the more interesting players in the show.

All in all, a good finale to a very good season of the show, especially after they trashed the “rich tribe, poor tribe” fiasco that began the season.

Ask a stupid question...

They say you shouldn't ask a question you are not prepared to hear the answer to.

So, there it is. Ryan Howard is on the DL, retroactive to May 10. Since getting thrown out at the plate against the Giants, his left quad has been hurting, though he's pinch hit a few times. Going on the DL is never a good thing, but if it's just being banged up enough to need some rest, it's not the worst. Of course, that means for my fantasy team, both of my true sluggers, Howard and Jim Thome, are both doing nothing for my team.

Coincidentally enough, my team is last in most power offensive categories. Funny how that would happen. Praise all that is Carlos Lee for being pretty much the only guy on my team consistently hitting. If Howard and Thome come back healthy, and Bob Abreu, Ryan Zimmerman, Dan Uggla and Felipe Lopez can do anything close to their potential, my offense is not just good, it should be very good. But it's hard to say that from the cellar.

The problem is...I feel like I've been down this road before - sitting in dire straits and thinking things will take care of themselves. I could actively try and change my team, but I still LIKE my team. That should be a good thing, right?

Survivor Fiji

I heard Jeff Probst on the radio the other morning, and he acknowledged that this season's Survivor started out quite bumpy, solely due to the crew of Survivor making a bad change in the game. This season gave the winning team plenty of luxury - an actual bed and couch, plenty of food, etc. -- and the losing team nothing whatsoever. Predictably, the "rich" team won almost every competition, weeding out the other tribe. It was completely predictable, and not so fun to watch. But, they switched the tribes up about halfway through that, and things started to get interesting from there. Mostly, the folks left in by now are people I wouldn't mind winning.

Yau-Man and Earl are the guys I actually want to win. Yau-Man has been a serious competitor thus far, and clearly loves the GAME part of Survivor. He was thrilled when he saw his name in Tribal Council because he'd used his immunity idol well. I doubt he'll be particularly upset with Dreamz or Cassandra for it. I certainly wouldn't mind if either of them win, though Cassandra is so passive it belies the fact that she's played this game pretty well. Dreamz has too - his decision to go after Yau-Man was strategically the smartest thing he could do, and I didn't know if he'd have the stones to go for it.

Certainly, the way it was edited, it made it look like Stacy's awful decision to talk about how the vote would be split was what made Yau-Man decide to use his idol. Having heard that tribal councils usually last several hours, you really never know what to believe with the edited cuts and reactions. But regardless, she never should have said a word like that -- her goal was to do what she'd done with Earl, say "I know it's probably my turn to go, but I wish it wasn't." Earl found that classy, which should have been his first clue something was up. Stacy, despite looking very good from certain angles and distances, was anything but classy. Whenever she was in a position of power, she would refuse to be civil, let alone polite, with those on the other side. Hell, she wouldn't even talk to Dreamz in the original camp. Not sorry to see her go, and it's probably her fault too.

Of the five people left, here is who I'd like to win, in reverse order.

5. Boo
4. Cassandra
3. Dreamz
2. Earl
1. Yau-Man

I'd guess that unless Boo wins immunity for the third consecutive week, he's gone first. On the other hand, he's the complete swing vote now. Per the Survivor site, Boo voted for Yau-Man. Which means that, presumably, Boo, Dreamz and Cassandra are the power, and Earl can last with his immunity idol.

There's a pretty good chance, therefore, that Yau-Man is the first guy out, almost logically if he doesn't win immunity. If THAT happens, I'll certainly be bummed, because it suggests that my bottom three people will be the final three. I certainly wouldn't put it past Yau-Man to figure out a deal to get someone else (Boo, Cassandra) out this week. Yau-Man wants Dreamz in to the final four, because it gets Yau-Man to the final three.

My lengthy point is, it should be fun, and Survivor: Fiji has turned into one of the more enjoyable seasons, following the last year which was also very good. I know folks keep talking about when the show is going to end, but I can't see why it should when it's consistently entertaining.

The Failure of Leadership

The fundamental problem with George W. Bush is not that he’s stupid; despite the fact that he’s said enough inane, idiotic things (many of which are printed on a roll of toilet paper I own), he’s not a stumbling moron.

It’s that he’s not smart. There’s a big difference. And the biggest evidence of that is that he is remarkably good at (only?) one thing – sticking to his guns, having unyielding faith in the belief that he’s doing the right thing. Being wrong is worse than doing something wrong because you think it’s right.

This is not particularly unique insight, but it’s why Bush and Cheney are in a particularly bad spot with regard to the war in Iraq. If it’s really the “fight of our lifetimes” as they’ve claimed, why won’t they dramatically increase the troops level? That would require a draft, and they simply won’t go there. I think there are more people that would have – not now, I doubt – supported the war, at least for longer, if we could be convinced that this was similar to WWII, as they positioned it? In WWII, not only was the troop level roughly 5-10X the size of that in Iraq (just a guess but I know I’m erring on the LOW side), but people in the U.S. were all asked to help. Savings on products they needed for production, buying war bonds, etc.

Bush and Cheney have asked for none of that – which suggests that even they don’t believe what they’re saying. If Bush is wondering why things went so wrong, how even GOP congressmen could be leaking things to the press about how dissatisfied they are with the war, it’s because of this. To follow a true leader, the only basic requirement is that you believe in that leader. And to be credible, you certainly have to believe that what you are saying is the truth, and be passionate about it.

A Simple Request.

I don't ask for much, I think.

It's not a huge request, in this world of instant information. Ryan Howard was supposed to sit out during the week and pinch-hit if needed, which he did on Wednesday, hitting a grand slam. I had Howard on my bench, since that's where I thought he'd be for the Phillies. They had no game on Thursday, but the plan was for Howard to play the weekend series.

I guess that means Saturday and not Friday night? Most folks were predicting he'd play today -- but not only did he not, there's no information about it. None. So, what does that mean?

Why didn't Howard play tonight?

Socially Liberal, Fiscally Conservative.

I’m no conspiracy theorist, but I think if anyone would ever suggest that there isn’t something wrong with the electoral process, I would merely offer this as evidence: There simply are no candidates that meet the political description of maybe 75% of the people I know.

That is, they are “socially liberal but fiscally conservative.” There is a lot of grey area here – is wanting universal healthcare a social issue, or an economic one? Both, obviously. The point is, loads of people at least think of themselves this way.

So why does nobody really meet that criteria? One thing that the description fails to account for is national security. And that of course dominates the debate these days – but why has no one in the Democratic Party truly stepped up to this? Or even the Republican party?

With the Republicans, it would look like Rudy Giuliani would be that guy. He’s pro-choice, almost anathema to any GOP candidate in years past. But he’s (perhaps understandably so) pretty reluctant to come out and say so. But for a guy whose entire campaign hinges on his tough-guy, no nonsense manner, he looks pretty afraid of his own views. But it’s hard to be a socially liberal Republican with any hope of getting the nomination. Why is that? More to the point, why aren’t more mainstream Republicans more upset about that? It’s hard to not simply say that these influential moderates have been assured that without the evangelical vote, Republicans are nowhere near an electoral victory.

With Democrats, though, most of the candidates are at least somewhat socially liberal. And many of them also talk about fiscal responsibility. But – and it hurts me to say this as a Democrat – do any of them have much credibility on this? The programs they (and I) often think are important do cost money, and Bush has bankrupted the huge surplus left to him by Bill Clinton. Because they are actually talking about fixing some of these problems (unlike most GOP candidates) and an ability to question whether the recent tax cuts have hurt more than harm, they’ll be held to a different standard. While Republicans will be asked about budget issues, they’ll have less explaining to do about spending, unless that’s military spending which is always fine.

John McCain is probably the most credible candidate on fiscal responsibility, but is not only a total rightwing nutbag on almost every social issue, he looks more fragile and lost every day. I figured he’d be a shoo-in for the nominee (and he still might) but he’s less intimidating as a candidate all the time.

Bill Richardson should also be this guy, but he has almost no traction and just doesn’t seem at all like he can get the nomination – and he’s undoubtedly the most well-qualified of any candidate. Still, there should be PLENTY of actual moderates.

Socially liberal, fiscally conservative. If a majority of people I know call themselves this, there really should be a LOT of politicians who reflect this as well. That’s what a Congress is supposed to do – reflect the populace.

The National: Fake Empire

One of the bands I've only recently discovered but flat out fucking adore is called The National. Brooding and dark, but with a completely melodic bent, their first two CDs (Alligator and Sad Songs for Dirty Lovers) were great, but their latest - The Boxer -- is amazing.

Their lead song, Fake Empire is not too hard to determine the subject material. A sampling of the lyrics, which are good enough on their own, but even better with the band's music:

Stay out super late tonight
Picking apples, making pie
Put a little something in our lemonade and take it with us

We're half-awake in a fake empire
We're half-awake in a fake empire

...

Turn the light out
Say goodnight
No thinking for a little while
Let's not try to figure out everything at once
It's hard to keep track of you falling through the sky

The song was released and is available in a multitude of places, such as here.

Go get it.

Updated with a better link, as Stereogum has taken their link down...

My apologies to Brian Sabean

I've long railed against San Francisco Giants GM Brian Sabean for sticking with older players, and having no discernible offensive talent in the minor league system. One of the few who actually got called up for some playing time was Todd Linden who was placed on waivers yesterday, meaning any other team can claim him.

But he's apparently not the biggest idiot in baseball. Right now, it's a tie for the Cincy and Houston GM, who in the last few days have optioned Edwin Encarnacion and Chris Burke to the minors after failing to give them a real chance in the majors. It just makes no sense to do this and leave mediocre veterans in their place. At some point, they were determined to be major league ready and in both of these cases, these players are considered the heart of the teams future (though Burke is a suprising 27, he's barely played due to Craig Biggio blocking his natural position.)

Granted, I'd much rather Sabean be an idiot like this - have great talent that he doesn't know what to do with. Instead, he trades away picks and drafts pitchers who he won't trade except for surly midwestern catchers who leave after a year.

Still, apologies to Mr. Sabean, at least for now, as others are doing a fine job in GM idiocy.

Bill Gates Is Wrong

So, Bill Gates made some news yesterday, essentially predicting the end of the hard cover book. The money quote:

On the printed page vs. the screen: "Reading is going to go completely online. We believe that as we get the smaller form factor, the screen has gotten good enough. Why is reading online better? It's up to date, you can navigate, you can follow links. The ads in the online reading are completely targeted as opposed to just being run-of-print, where many of the readers will find them completely irrelevant. The ads can be in new and richer formats. In fact the only drawbacks of the digital form are the things associated with the device: how big is it, heavy is it, how many hours of power does it have, how much do I have to spend to buy it? But those are things that once you achieve that threshold, in terms of the convenience and the cost, then you see a dramatic change in behavior. Today, for people who read newspapers and magazines, even the most avid PC user probably still does quite a bit of reading on print. As the device moves down in size and simplicity, that will change, and so somewhere in the next five-year period we'll hit that transition point, and things will be even more dramatic than they are today."

Bill Gates forgets more things each day than I'll ever know, but he's just flat out wrong here. I'm sure Microsoft is developing (or already has) an e-book reader, and that's part of this. But a few things:

• Gates talks about how the new ad technology makes ads more relevant and better. Show me a hardcopy book that has ANY ads. This just makes ads less annoying and a better business tool; it doesn't make them something everyone wants to deal with.


• E-Book Readers are terrible -- I'm sure they will continue to improve, but in five years?


• Books as art: Sure, I've put all my CD's into folders and really could probably toss almost all of them since I virtually only listen to digital music these days, but I LIKE walking by my various bookcases and seeing the history of what I've read and will read. I can't be alone here - I just leafed through a Flickr photo spread of book stacks. People like BOOKS, not just words.


• My grandmother couldn't use WebTV or basic email -- but the elderly are HUGE book readers. An aging population will be more and more tech savvy, but again - five years? More like forty.

At some level, I feel like a luddite here, thinking this is all nonsense. And to be sure, I never thought there'd be a world where everyone carried a cellphone, or an mp3 player, etc. Technology moves faster than I certainly can predict and Gates is obviously someone who sees a lot farther than me. But books are simply not going away. The key is to find a solution that works for everyone

Good Guy, or Bad Guy?

As far as I can tell, this is one of the biggest questions sports fans have to make about a given athlete. Of course, that decision often gets made for them by sports writers. Jeff Kent, while a Giant, was always perceived as a "good guy" -- this despite teammates thinking and saying otherwise. The same went for Mark McGwire who was consistently rude to any fan on the street but all smiles for the writers. This is savvy business on their part -- because guys like Barry Bonds, who refuse to play by those rules, are labelled "Bad Guys."

I'm not defending Bonds, who in many ways is as big of a douchebag as his reputation suggests. But he's also in some ways the exact opposite of his image -- he does plenty of charity work, is nice as hell to children who catch his ear and has never gotten into things we euphemistically call "off the field" issues. Of course, he almost certainly used steroids but his bad reputation long preceded BALCO.

Well there are good guys and there are bad guys
And there are crooks and criminals
There are doctors and there are lawyers
And there are folks like you and me

So let's get high while the radio's on
Just relax and sing a song
Drive your car up on the lawn
Let me play your guitar

That's Camper Van Beethoven, for those who don't remember.

In football, there are also clear good guys and bad guys. Pacman Jones is a well-deserved bad guy. Check for Tank Johnson and Chris Henry. But Steve McNair? Michael Vick? Most would have put them in the good category. But Vick has started to get into more and more trouble -- containers at the airport, and now DOG FIGHTING? And what about McNair?

Ravens quarterback Steve McNair was arrested late Wednesday in Nashville on a driving under the influence charge for allegedly allowing his vehicle to be operated by a drunken driver, police said this morning.

McNair was a passenger in his silver 2003 Dodge pickup truck, which was being driven by his brother-in-law.

The three-time Pro Bowl quarterback was arrested under a misdemeanor statute called "DUI by consent" that charges the owner if an intoxicated person is allowed to drive a vehicle.

A few things. One, who would have guessed that Tennessee has a stricter DUI law than California? Two, this looks like the second DUI related offense for McNair -- other guys would now be regarded by such boobs as Dan Dierdorf and Joe Theismann as "bad apples" and talked about with tsk tsks across the board. Will McNair face that treatment? Somehow I doubt it. Witness how Brett Favre's pain pill addiction was portrayed as an act of bravery by Favre to overcome that hurdle. It certainly was just that - but another player would have been talked about as a guy with problems, as someone battling demons and probably associating with the wrong kind of people.

One brush to paint them all, people. That's all we're asking for.

The Rickey!

I have to admit, this is possibly the first likable thing I can remember about The Rickey (aka Rickey Henderson):

For all of his accomplishments, you'd think snagging a foul ball in the stands would be small stuff for Rickey Henderson. Hardly the case.

Henderson, who caught a foul ball on Monday at AT&T Park, where he was watching the Mets play the Giants, kept the ball instead of handing it to a young fan.

"Everybody was asking me for the ball," Henderson said Tuesday, according to the Star-Ledger of Newark. "I said, 'You're not getting this ball. I always wanted to get a foul ball. This one's going on a shelf at home."

The young fan didn't go home empty-handed, though, as Henderson signed another ball the fan already had.

Of course, the last sentence makes it okay (otherwise, good lord). But nice to see he's at least in one way a sort of regular person.

The Ruby Files, cont.

Stay classy, O.J. Proving that he's still using if not the same attorneys, the same brand of attorneys, O.J. is considering suing the restaurant that refused to serve him. Why? Because of race.

O.J. attorney may sue Louisville restaurant

The Courier-Journal

O.J. Simpson’s attorney, Yale Galanter, said he may sue Jeff Ruby, owner of Jeff Ruby's steakhouse in Louisville after Ruby refused to serve the former NFL star Friday night. See story here.

Galanter said that the incident was about race, and he intended to pursue the matter and possibly go after the restaurant’s liquor license.

“He screwed with the wrong guy, he really did,” Galanter told The Associated Press by telephone last night.

Ruby said the incident had to do with Simpson’s past.

“It was the first time since 1994 he has ever shown any class,” Ruby said. “He showed it that night in the restaurant” by leaving quietly.

Now, the article I posted below actually omitted the last sentence, which was that after O.J. left, the next person to come in was none other than Michael Jordan. Unless Ruby refused HIM service - which would really make me hate myself for applauding him - then this is just another waste of taxpayers money if indeed this does come down to a lawsuit.

Can't O.J. just go away?

Jeff Ruby, New American Hero

This, linked to by Fark.com, brings a tear of joy to my eye:

Jeff Ruby, owner of the steakhouse Jeff Ruby’s Louisville, asked O.J. Simpson to leave his restaurant minutes after Simpson arrived about 10:30 Friday night.

Told by a customer that the former football player had arrived at the restaurant, 325 W. Main St., Ruby said, he informed Simpson, “I am not serving you.”

“He had a party of 10 or 12 people,” said Ruby, who had served Simpson many times at his Cincinnati restaurants before the 1994 murders of Nicole Brown and Ronald Goldman, of which Simpson was acquitted.

Ruby was offended by the attempted publishing last fall of Simpson’s book, “O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here’s How It Happened,” and the television interviews scheduled to go with it, all of which were canceled after negative public reaction.

“He continues to torture the lives of the families whose lives he’s ruined,” said Ruby, who pointed out that Simpson has not paid the $33.5 million he owes the Goldman family after being found “criminally liable” in a civil suit.

“This was the only thing I could do for the victims’ families,” said Ruby. He said the 50 or so people in the private room where Simpson had been seated “stood up and applauded me” when Simpson left.

Sure, jail time and true penance would be justice, but a little public humiliation never hurt.

The 49ers Draft

So, it’s been a little over a week since the NFL Draft, and while I don’t have an inordinate amount of insight into the players the 49ers drafted, I thought a little bit of my brilliant commentary was in order…

First of all, it’s weird when the big news is that the team you root for drafted someone with the same name as someone you know. I went to business school with a guy named Patrick Willis, but while he was a really good golfer, I’m not sure he’s the “tackling machine” that everyone keeps describing this linebacker as. Going into the off-season, the consensus was that the 49ers really needed to secure their defense, and a big part of that was signing cornerback Nate Clements. With Willis, who I assume will be an immediate starter, those are two big holes that have been plugged.

The 49ers then traded next years first round pick to New England so that they could draft offensive tackle Joe Staley. Most reports seem to applaud this move and goodness knows there’s almost nothing as important as a good line. While this isn’t the defensive stalwart I expected Nolan to continue going after, protecting and blocking for Alex Smith and Frank Gore is pretty much the offense, so…thumbs up!

Not picking until the third round, the team picked up Jason Hill from Washington State who I hear is a very capable if not dominant (see: Johnson, Calvin) prospect. This is probably as good a time as any to talk about the other receivers the 49ers brought in this offseason - Ashley Lelie and Darrell Jackson, the latter costing a 4th round pick during this years draft. I’m not crazy about Lelie – he seems like a primadonna and has never shown nearly enough to warrant an attitude. He’s like Koren Robinson to me, but without (one assumes) the off the field problems. And at least K-Rob had a 1200 yard season. On the flip side, I love the D-Jack acquisition. While he’s not a kid anymore, Jackson has been one of my favorite receivers for the last few years. He’s underrated and should provide a much more stable veteran presence than the departed Antonio Bryant. The concerns with Jackson – as evidenced by the fact a division rival would trade him to the 49ers – are a few things. He’s never fully healthy, he drops a decent amount of passes and apparently wants a fat new contract. The health thing is a real concern, but I’m less concerned about his dropsies. That may be specific to D-Jax, but it plagued the entire Seahawk offense so it’s hard to really know. Besides, great receivers generally have a lot of drops because they have a lot of balls thrown their way. As far as the contract goes, I have no idea what is being promised or negotiated, but I honestly don’t care. I can’t see them signing him to some idiotic multi-year contract that hamstrings future moves, so if they pay him a lot for the next two or three seasons, and they can afford it, go right ahead.

Three of the next four picks were defensive ends, and I know nothing about any of them. However, this is clearly the biggest area of need and if just one or two of these guys pan out, and give the 49ers an actual pass rush, the team can really do something. It’s been years since they’ve had a legitimate pass rush, and that’s a main reason the record has been sub-optimal. A nice thing they all share is coming from big-time programs, so all of these guys are used to a relatively fast paced game and working against (largely) pro-style offenses. ESPN also talked about the work ethic of McDonald and Moore being very strong, and that is really important for players who aren’t mortal locks for stardom.

Adding two more defensive backs in safety Dashon Goldson and cornerback Tarell Brown adds needed depth and lord knows, the 49ers have found some gems in late rounds in this area. Finally, the last pick was for Thomas Clayton, a running back from Kansas State who should provide some special teams help and depth behind Gore.

Overall, I am really happy with this off-season – the 49ers added some strong veteran presence in Clements, Lelie and Jackson, as well as safety Michael Lewis and linebacker Tully Banta-Cain. While I don’t know if they are necessarily a favorite to win the NFC West, it’s certainly no longer a huge stretch to see them competing for it – after all, they hung in the division until Week 16 last season.

Nice work, Coach Nolan.

The Golf Club Saga

Finally, they've arrived. It's somewhat shocking how utterly mismanaged Delta (and/or their delivery company) handled this. To wit:

• For about 36 hours, Delta had absolutely NO idea where the clubs were.


• After receiving them, instead of calling me to let me know they were on their way, they brought them to my house -- where, as it was a work day, no one was home.


• After I called them (just on a hunch), they took them to my work place. Despite me giving them the company name and suite number, they couldn't find our offices and left. (In fairness, they called my cellphone, but as I was in a distribution warehouse in Reno, NV, I missed the call.)


• After trying that once, they tried for a second delivery - at about 6:30 PM, despite my telling them THREE times that this was a place of business and no delivery should be attempted after 5:00 pm.


• Their response to the above was, "If you don't mind, I'll put instructions to only deliver between 9AM and 5PM" -- which was what I'd begged them to do three times.


• Despite THAT, the instructions stated to attempt delivery between 4PM and 4AM. (Huh?


• Throughout the entire process, Delta couldn't seem to understand that I live in San Francisco, no hotel is involved at all, and that yes, the New York address they have on file for me is NINE YEARS OLD. At last call, it still hadn't been updated, and requesting this change from the baggage folks (as opposed to, presumably, the full time address updaters) was astonishingly daunting.

Now, I'm going to sound like a xenophobic lunatic here, but I can't help but wonder if the fact that not a single of the seven different people I talked to at Delta were from or in this country created some of the headache. I have zero problem with globalization, seriously. But not only did I have to attempt to clear several language barriers, but whenever I deviated from their expected questioning, it was game over. Because my home address said New York, it was simply impossible to get them to stop asking where my hotel was, if I was in San Francisco for business or pleasure, etc. Even immediately after I'd say something like, "I LIVE IN SAN FRANCISCO," nothing took. I'm factoring in some measure to the fact that Customer Service Representatives are often poorly trained and given scripts to stick to, regardless of their language. And while it was fairly obvious that they were all overseas, I don't know if that was a real problem or not.

What I do know is that, from the seven lengthy phone calls I had with Delta, none which lasted less than 10 minutes, the three attempted deliveries of my clubs (the last finally successful) from a delivery service, and the almost certainty that it will be a looooong time before I ever fly Delta again, this little incident cost that airline a preposterous amount of money.

Pirate Master

Because it's Mark Burnett, I'm pretty sure that Pirate Master is going to be a great reality TV show. And in reading Televisionary about this, I found one thing particularly interesting in terms of the contestants:

Christian Okoye (45)
Hometown: Rancho Cucamonga, California (originally Nigeria)
Occupation: Former Kansas City Chiefs player

Yeah, that's right. The Nigerian Nightmare is back!