Wolf, you got that?

On the one hand, any attention that Ann Coulter gets is doing her work for her, and it's an awful thing to keep such a worthless excuse for a human being in the national discussion. But it's pretty clear that Elizabeth Edwards is making a basic, easy-to-understand case that only the most rabid Republican partisan wouldn't agree with. There's pundit rhetoric, and then there are the hateful, mean-spirited things that Coulter, Limbaugh, Michael Savage and Sean Hannity say with a grin. They almost never get called on the national carpet for it, and it's long overdue.
Nothing will change of course. The story isn't nearly as much about what Coulter is saying or has said, it's about the scandal of people calling a suprisingly thin-skinned Coulter on her hate speech. That conversation will happen over and over, and morons like Wolf Blitzer will continue playing dumb.

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On Second Thought...

After the Warriors made a serious playoff push in one of the more exciting series against the Mavericks that the NBA has seen in recent years (according to those who have watched it), I thought perhaps I was going to get back into hoops. Perhaps not as much as I did in the days of Run TMC, but more than...well, not at all. (Which has been my interest level for the last six-eight years.)

Well, it's the afternoon after the NBA draft, and it JUST occurred to me to see what the Warriors did. Apparently they traded Jason Richardson who I thought was part of the future and a huge reason Baron Davis did so well - their relationship was a key to Davis' promise.

But before I get down the road of wondering about all of this, I have to admit...I don't care. If the Warriors are entertaining to watch again, that would be great. But if they aren't? Well, I'm not going to lose much sleep over it.

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Mistaken For Strangers

I admit, that when I get "into" a band or an album, I can get a bit over the top. I probably listened to Caesars "Paper Tigers" twenty times one week a few months back, and did the same with the Silversun Pickups "Carnavas" a month or so after that.

Well, now my latest problem, if you could call it that, is with The National. I only discovered their CD "Alligator" about six months ago, and immediately recognized it as being something right up my alley. When I got an copy of The Boxer, their latest CD, it's hard to understate how much I loved and continue to love it.

What is great is that The National not only create distinctive music -- tight, rhythmic drumming behind great guitar, bass and the brooding deep voice of Matt Berninger that sounds like the best of Nick Cave and Ian McCullough -- but they add airtight lyrics on top of that.

Here is one of my favorite parts of Mistaken for Strangers, which is the second track on The Boxer:

You get mistaken for strangers by your own friends
when you pass them at night under the silvery, silvery citibank lights
arm in arm in arm and eyes and eyes glazing under
oh you wouldn’t want an angel watching over
surprise, surprise they wouldn’t wannna watch
another uninnocent, elegant fall into the unmagnificent lives of adults


Good stuff.

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Guess Who?


Can you figure out who the lovely woman is above? I saw this picture on Go Fug Yourself and had absolutely no idea.

Turns out it's Angela Kinsey, one of the more under-rated stars of The Office. Yes, this is her below. All I can say is, she cleans up well. (Or dirties down well. Not sure.)

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Goodness

This is pretty surprising anyway you slice it. I'm going to link to this story, but reprint most of it here for clarity's sake:

This has to be a first. In its new poll, Fox News asked what may well be the ultimate in jingoistic, rally-around-the-flag questions — and the Democrats came out on top.

If there is an all-out war between the United States and various radical Muslim groups worldwide, who would you rather have in charge — Democrats or Republicans?

Democrats 41%
Republicans 38%
Both the same (not listed) 9%
Don't know (not listed) 12%


I mean, that's exactly right. It's an insane question in the way it's phrased and a TERRIBLE response for the Republican Party.

As they say, good times.

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Pants on Fire

Awhile back, I wondered aloud why someone might refuse to testify under oath. Seems to me that the only reason is that you wouldn't want to be caught lying, or have an official record for the same reason.

In other words, the plan is TO LIE.

But hey, I'm apparently a wild-eyed partisan liberal with an agenda dead-set against the current administration. So maybe I jumped the gun here.

Um, nope.

The administration's counsel, Fred Fielding, said as much today, saying that to go on the record would be "a perjury trap."

"As far as the debate goes, often cited is that a transcript is not wanted because otherwise there would be a perjury trap. And, candidly, as everyone has discussed, misleading Congress is misleading Congress, whether it's under oath or not. And so a transcript may be convenient, but there's no intention to try to avoid telling the truth."


In case that's not crystal clear, Steve Benen (subbing in for Kevin Drum at Washington Monthly) sums it up:

Got that? As Fielding sees it, if there's a written record of what Bush's aides say, senators might have proof if they lie. It's preferable, then, to have no record and simply assume that White House staffers are being honest. And if you disagree with any of this, you prefer "confrontation" to cooperation.

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A Beaten Down Bush

While I fear this post's title is a porn movie waiting to happen, is it wrong that I take some pleasure in watching our beleaguered President realize he can't force feed his own will on Congress? Hell, I think it's moronic that the GOP is blocking this and based out of not much more than pure xenophobia and fear of people who aren't white. (Yes, I said it.) But if it not only results in the GOP screwing themselves out of the Hispanic vote (and therefore a continuing electoral deficiency) but also makes GWB want to cry and pout...well, that's just a cherry on top of the sundae.


Edited to add: I feel it probably makes sense to add here that I don't think this bill is wonderful - indeed, I know very little about it. But - and this pains me in some way to say - I actually think that, given the two sides of this debate, President Bush is clearly on the correct side. That's...odd for me. In fact, I'm not sure but it just might be the ONLY time that's been the case in his tenure in office.

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In Which Greebs Acts Like a Luddite

I like technology.

Hell, I LOVE technology. It’s part of my job, it’s what I spend a lot of disposable income on and … well, you are reading something that’s relatively tech dependent, so there. And it pains me to say this, but I can’t for the life of me figure out Twitter.com. I just can’t. People I like and trust seem to enjoy it to varying degrees, but…to quote John Heard from “Big,” I don’t get it.

I don’t get it.

I’m supposed to enter a brief description of what I’m doing and that can be posted on m twitter page…or in a widget on my blog (which I deleted), or sent to my friends via email or text message…and all of this is something new? Something interesting? Don’t blogs do this? User groups on a cell phone? Sure, it somewhat replaces those things but…in an interesting way? Not for me.

Again, I don’t get it.

Look, I’m sure that in eighteen months, when Google buys Twitter for $400 million or so, the egg will be on my face. But for now, Twitter is a big fucking waste of time and (wait for it) I don’t get it.

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Peanuts

It's all a game
You're not the same
Your famous name
The price of fame

...

Don't wanna hear about the drugs you're taking
Don't wanna read about the love you're making
Don't wanna hear about the life you're faking
Don't wanna read about the muck they're raking

You sang your song
For much too long
The songs they're wrong
The bread has gone

...

Peanuts, peanuts
Peanuts

Artist: Police
Album: Outlandos D'Amour
Year: 1978
Title: Peanuts

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The Once Mighty...

Courtesy of Hey Jenny Slater, I found this online and it still is one of the funnier SNL skits in awhile. Remember when Lindsay Lohan wasn't a COMPLETE disaster?





Here's hoping that Ms. Lohan rehabs quickly so she can show off her ample talents -- er, get back to acting soon.

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Ann Coulter is a Douchebag

Not much of a shock there - and she exists solely to promote insipid beliefs and have Republicans say they don'[t subscribe to those views...but instead just reap the benefits of morons everywhere who buy into her schtick. (See, for instance, the guy in this video with the "Marry me, Ann" poster.)

One might argue that Michael Moore is her liberal counterpart, except that Moore has attacked Democrats fairly frequently and helped Nader in 2000...SO, not really the same point.

Anyhow, her whole "John Edwards is gay" rant has gotten really tired. And now, Elizabeth Edwards (who is hard not to love) called her onto the carpet.)



I love that she completely tries to get out of this, and that Chris Matthews seems to have sandbagged her...but WHY IS SHE STILL BEING PUT ON TELEVISION?

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HUGE Nerd Alert

Does it get more nerdy than loving the following? It's a Tesla Coil playing the theme song from Super Mario Brothers.



Nope, probably not.

Link courtesy of Kottke.org, awesome as usual.

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I'm Confused


Since stalwarts like John Murtha and other Democrats who argue that the war is not a success and want our troops to come home are labelled as "Defeatocrats" and other nonsensical slurs...what are the folks at National Review and redstate.org going to call people like Dick Lugar and George Voinovich?

"We must not abandon our mission, but we must begin a transition where the Iraqi government and its neighbors play a larger role in stabilizing Iraq," Sen. George Voinovich, R-Ohio, wrote in a letter to Bush.

Voinovich, a member of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, released his letter Tuesday — one day after Sen. Richard Lugar of Indiana, the panel's top Republican, said in a floor speech that Bush's strategy was not working.

"The longer we delay the planning for a redeployment, the less likely it is to be successful," said Lugar, who plans to meet later this week with Stephen Hadley, Bush's national security adviser.

Since these are respected senior members of the GOP, unless the others have their heads in the sand next to GWB and Dick Cheney, they have to listen.

Right?

Right?

Of course not. But it will be fun to watch them squirm and get all scrunchy about this.

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Cheney Unleashed

It's gotten to the point where it's actually boring to talk about Dick Cheney in a way that makes Darth Vader, Lord Voldemort and Sauron look good in comparison. The dude is clearly a wingnut, and similarly uninterested in public opinion of him, or - as it turns out - the rule of law.

The Washington Post has published two of a four-part series about VP Cheney that are, in short, terrifying. Part One, entitled, "A Different Understanding With The President" has this gem:

Cheney is not, by nearly every inside account, the shadow president of popular lore. Bush has set his own course, not always in directions Cheney preferred. The president seized the helm when his No. 2 steered toward trouble, as Bush did, in time, on military commissions. Their one-on-one relationship is opaque, a vital unknown in assessing Cheney's impact on events. The two men speak of it seldom, if ever, with others. But officials who see them together often, not all of them admirers of the vice president, detect a strong sense of mutual confidence that Cheney is serving Bush's aims.

...

Waxing or waning, Cheney holds his purchase on an unrivaled portfolio across the executive branch. Bush works most naturally, close observers said, at the level of broad objectives, broadly declared. Cheney, they said, inhabits an operational world in which means are matched with ends and some of the most important choices are made. When particulars rise to presidential notice, Cheney often steers the preparation of options and sits with Bush, in side-by-side wing chairs, as he is briefed.


He does know that he is NOT the President, right? Fear that Bush just goes along with whatever Cheney wants seem to be well-founded fears at that.

Part Two, published today and called "Pushing The Enveloe on Presidential Power," is just as terrifying.

What's awful about this, of course, is that in his grab for power and insistence on doing things his way, Dick Cheney has ignored the fact that he has been WRONG about just about everything.

His latest insistence is that the Vice President, who has a tie-breaking vote in the Senate, is neither part of the Executive Branch nor the Legislative Branch. Or, possibly, that it's part of both branches and somehow therefore allowed to skirt the regulation of either? I'm not sure - it's such a dumb argument that it reeks of desperation.

But as Patton Oswalt has said, this administration gets out of so much almost certain trouble that they are essentially the Bo and Luke Duke of politics. So, I don't expect much to happen to them before they leave office.

On the other hand...I wonder how Republicans would react if a few Democratic candidates suggested they'd like to center some power in an unsupervised cone of silence? (I fear that some of them actually would like this, but that's not the point.) I know that folks like George W. Bush are trained to never think or admit to failure, but it's unlikely that other GOP operatives have their heads in the sand quite that much. Perhaps it's not too much to ask that Cheney might have to start acting like a Vice President soon, and not the de facto President?

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Fearless Prediction



In a few weeks, the Transformers movie will come out - I have no idea if it will be good or suck, because I'm apparently just about three or four years too old to have lived through that as a kid. I also think Michael Bay movies are, in general, mind numbingly awful.

But I could virtually guarantee that Megan Fox will become a big star, at least in the way that Jessica Alba and others are.

This is a long way of saying that Ms. Fox is very, very hot and people will not fail to notice this.


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Stupid, Stupid People

At some point, the people denying that global warming is a crisis will be viewed by history as morons, nay-sayers and stubborn idiots who made a bad problem worse through their actions and inactions.

So I guess I shouldn't be appalled, surprised or disappointed by this Op/Ed in the Washington Post, written by one Emily Yoffe. A quick Google search on Yoffe suggests she is making a living by being a conservative commentator for Slate, CNN and now the Washington Post. And if this is what passes for conservative critique, then bring it on.

Her Op/Ed, which I hope was meant as a light-hearted letter to the editor type article, has some of the following gems:

I, however, refuse to see the apocalypse in every balmy day. And I think it's wrong to let our children believe they'll be swept away before they get a chance to fret about college admissions. An article in The Post this spring described children anxious, sleepless and tearful about the end; one 9-year-old said she worried about global warming "because I don't want to die."


Now...sure, NOBODY wants small children lying awake in fear about anything. And I really wonder who has talked to their NINE YEAR OLD so thoroughly about global warming that they have enough information to be worried. But...here's the thing. I lay awake as a kid worrying about nuclear war. I was SURE that we'd get bombed by the Russians, either intentionally or by mistake, and it was just a matter of time. Everyone I know in my generation had the same fears, and to be sure, they were aided by films, TV and what we heard from President Reagan at the time. I seriously doubt whether Ms. Yoffe thinks that was a problem - to do otherwise would have been folly, yes? Made the problem worse, yes?

Of course, once I read the final paragraph, I realized what I was dealing with. Ms. Yoffe is obviously suffering from serious mental handicaps, and as such, this Op/Ed is a TRIUMPH, a victory over inadequate intelligence, and something our educational system should be proud of. Because only a mental midget would write:
In his new book, "The Assault on Reason," Gore denounces what he sees as today's politics of fear. Yet his own campaign of mass persuasion -- any such campaign -- is not amenable to contradiction and uncertainty. It's about fright and absolutes. But just because something can be plotted on an X and Y axis does not make it the whole truth.


Good lord.

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Funniest Thing I've Seen In Awhile

What am I?

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A Proud Moment

There have been some great days in my life -- getting married, the day my nephew Henry was born, the 1988 Super Bowl, graduating from business school and college - others, to be sure.

But this is a pretty nice moment -- getting cited by Stephen Dubner on the Freakonomics blog.

Those few regular readers will note that I wrote a few times about the quizzical Shell station in SF, and on a whim, I sent my blog post to Mr. Dubner -- and they too, were interested.

As noted, it turns out to be less of an economics question than a classic San Francisco response to a problem. Still, I am very proud...

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Is it wrong?


Is it wrong...

That I find the "Real Men of Genius" commercials funny? I'm pretty sure that as a left-coast, left-of-center guy with a post=graduate degree, I'm supposed to sniff my nose at this stuff.

Sorry, just can't. So, given that, here is the Real Men of Genius archive I just found and a direct link to one of my favorites, Mr. 80 SPF Suntan Lotion Wearer. Lyrics below, but you should listen to it yourself:

Today we salute you
Mr. 80 SPF Sunblock Wearer
(mr. 80 SPF sunblock wearer)
There are 24 hours in a day
You're wearing 80 hour protection
If the sun fails to go down...
You'll be ready.
(don't forget the moonlight)

Your coconut-scented force field
blocks out all the sun's rays
and any stray rays
from another sun
in another galaxy.
(you're a star)

30 SPF?
Please...
you might as well be wearing cooking oil
(something smells delicious)

So crack open an ice cold Bud Light
Mr. 80 SPF Sunblock Wearer
In fact, feel free to crack one open at high noon
In the middle of the Sahara Desert
(mr. 80 SPF sunblock wearer)


Sigh.

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My San Francisco Giants

Sometimes, it sucks to be right.

Before this season started, I lamented that the Giants simply couldn’t compete in the NL, let alone the West, because their offense had simply gotten older, slower and less effective since last year. Adding Dave Roberts, Bengie Molina, Ryan Klesko and Rich Aurillia wasn’t exactly the same thing as a Carlos Lee or Alfonso Soriano. GM Brian Sabean’s response was that the team made offers to those high-profile free agents, but they chose to sign elsewhere.

Guess what, Bri-Bri? It’s not because they are insane, or motivated by the great queso in Texas or brats in Chicago. It’s because they see the same thing in San Francisco that most clear-headed fans do – this is a team that can’t win the way it’s structured.

To be sure, Molina and Klesko have both outperformed my expectations and as role players I can’t complain. What I can complain about is that they are two of the best hitters on the team. I’m not going to get into a discussion about how much leverage Barry Bonds has with this team, because I think it’s perfectly rational to want to keep one of the best hitters in the history of the game on your team, especially as he approaches perhaps the most hallowed record in the game. But adding, for example, a Vladimir Guerrero a few years ago would have been a sea changing event for this team. Getting a bit crazier, drafting and developing offensive talent should not be an afterthought. (Unless of course, Tony Tarasco still has something left.)

Yesterday, the Giants lost their sixth game in a row, and the second straight to the Brewers, who we will get back to in a moment. Their strength – pitching – has become a liability because the team leans on it way too much. I am happy that Barry Zito is on the team, but there’s no way that the $126 MM the team is paying him won’t become a huge, huge burden sooner than later. (Someone should see if George Steinbrenner still has a pulse and investigate whether we could get Robinson Cano or something for Zito.) When you look at Zito, Matt Cain, Tim Lincecum, Noah Lowry and Matt Morris, in whatever order they lineup, it’s hard not to think that this is one of the most talented starting rotations in all of baseball.

But they can’t do it all themselves. This team simply can’t score runs, and even Bonds now sits out more games than he ever has – something both predictable and totally unplanned for in terms of offensive help.

Developing young pitching – Cain, Lincecum, Lowry and others – is hugely important, and it’s a skill set this team should be proud of. The team has been willing to trade away some pretty great prospects and in some cases (see: Nen, Robb) it has worked brilliantly. In others (see: Pierzynski, Asswipe), they have been some of the worst trades in recent memory. More egregiously, the team has failed to develop a single solid offensive prospect since the days of Matt Williams and Will Clark. I like Fred Lewis as much as anyone, but before the season started, the best prospect was Todd Linden who was waived a month or so ago, and then released again by the Marlins.

Speaking of the Marlins, they and the Brewers provide two routes the Giants could utilize to rebuild – an option Sabean and Magowan refuse to even discuss. The Brewers built from the ground up, and now have perhaps the best young offense in baseball. While they signed Johnny Estrada, look at the rest of their infield:

1B - Prince Fielder -- the leading contender for NL MVP was drafted by the Brewers in the first round of 2002.

2B - Rickie Weeks - while often injured, Weeks is a world of potential, and was drafted by the Brewers in the first round of 2003.

SS - J.J. Hardy - Hardy made a splash with a HUGE start to the year, but it’s not like he came out of nowhere. Oh, and he was drafted by the Brewers in the second round of 2001.

3B - Ryan Braun - Braun is a recent callup and future stud at the hot corner. He’s assimilated quite well to the bigs, and yes – he was drafted by the Brewers in the first round of 2005.

In the outfield, they’ve finally given Corey Hart the playing time he deserves, and he’s responded well, hitting over .300 with 13 SB and solid power. He was drafted in 2000 by the Brewers. Bill Hall took awhile to develop, but has definitely done so – he plays centerfield, and was drafted by the Brewers in the sixth round in 1998. The third outfield spot is a bit more of a rotation, but when Geoff Jenkins plays , which is most often the case, that completes 8 of 9 positions being homegrown, as Jenkins was a first round draft pick of the team back in 1995.

Eight of nine starting positions were drafted by the Brewers, and Estrada certainly didn’t cost a lot to sign. Let's highlight that one more time:

89% OF THE STARTING OFFENSE OF THE NL CENTRAL LEADING MILWAUKEE BREWERS WAS DRAFTED AND DEVELOPED BY THE MILWAUKEE BREWERS.


How does their pitching look? They just called up Yovani Gallardo who made a nice debut against the Giants. He was drafted in the second round of 2004 by the Brewers. Their ace, Ben Sheets was drafted by Milwaukee in the first round of 1999. The rest of the rotation was signed or traded for, but we are still talking about a HUGE portion of this team being home-grown.

That’s the way to do things.

The Marlins did things a bit differently, signing a huge amount of expensive free agents, then trading them for promising youngsters. Folks like Dan Uggla, Hanley Ramirez, Miguel Cabrera, Jeremy Hermida, Josh Willingham, Dontrelle Willis, Scott Olsen and others came either via development or by trading away people they could no longer afford to pay.

What they didn’t do was get older and older, and staunchly refuse to do anything about it. The Giants are in a world of hurt and there’s no visible light at the end of the tunnel. As a season ticketholder, I’m somewhat torn as I don’t really know what I can do about it. I need to be a good fan and not turn my back in the bad times, but I also would like to send a message that fans can’t stand for this. I honestly see really awful parallels to the way this team is run, and the way the White House manages the Iraq war. That is, an utter refusal to acknowledge the bad things, a desperate attempt to highlight some positive things that don’t really have any major impact, and an expectation that in any possible future, not much is going to change.

Like I said, sometimes, it’s hard to be right.

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Just Not Serious


Somehow, Rudy Giuliani has been able to run as a national security and foreign policy guy - simply because he handled being the Mayor of NYC on 9/11 incredibly well. (Which he did.) But the guy barely wants to talk about Iraq, let alone propose solutions.

Turns out this is not exactly new behavior.

Giuliani, it seems, was originally appointed to the Iraq Study Group (you remember, the document everyone said would change Bush's approach, but he ignored until - perhaps - recently.) I would think that a serious presidential candidate would relish this not just becuase it could enable real change, but from a political perspective as well. That's some actual experience, some relevant "chops" to discuss in debates, etc.

Well...Rudy didn't really ever show up. So he got left (or, got kicked off) the team.

Giuliani left the Iraq Study Group last May after just two months, walking away from a chance to make up for his lack of foreign policy credentials on the top issue in the 2008 race, the Iraq war.

He cited "previous time commitments" in a letter explaining his decision to quit, and a look at his schedule suggests why -- the sessions at times conflicted with Giuliani's lucrative speaking tour that garnered him $11.4 million in 14 months.

Giuliani failed to show up for a pair of two-day sessions that occurred during his tenure, the sources said -- and both times, they conflicted with paid public appearances shown on his recent financial disclosure. Giuliani quit the group during his busiest stretch in 2006, when he gave 20 speeches in a single month that brought in $1.7 million.


Folks who lived through Rudy's term as mayor before 9/11 say that he was mocked as being power hungry, not very serious and uninterested in the details of how to be an effective leader.

That sounds painfully familiar.

I'd love there to be a socially liberal Republican candidate, but I'd prefer one who actually can effectively govern.

Let's hope this country doesn't fall for this charade again.

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A Simple Quiz

Here's a quiz.

Q: How do you know if YOU are a partisan Republican hack who cares not a whit about the truth?

A: You actually believe that over 140,000 emails by Karl Rove on an account specifically set-up to not be archived by the White House were LOST.

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Jimmy Corrigan: The Smartest Kid on Earth

A few weeks back, I read Christopher Ware’s graphic novel, Jimmy Corrigan: The Smartest Kid on Earth. This had been sitting on my shelf for years, after I’d heard so many people rave about it, and it receive some notice for awards generally reserved for those without, you know…pictures. I thought I’d started and stopped it, but I must have been remembering another thing by Ware, because this was brand new to me.

Like most graphic novels and comic type stories, Jimmy Corrigan was an exceptionally quick read – even for a story as layered and complex as this. The title character is an adult male, painfully awkward and the product of an overbearing mother (now in a care facility) and a father who left when he was just a child. The story has Jimmy being contacted by his father and going out to visit him during Thanksgiving. At the same time, we see his father’s history unfold in flashbacks that show us just how unhappy HIS life has been.

It’s not too much of a stretch to say that this was one of the saddest books I’ve read in a while, highlighted by the drawings of a child weeping, or cowering in fear of being beaten by his abusive father. It’s simply awful – but not in an exploitative way.

I saw Chris Ware at a lecture with Ira Glass, and he might be the shyest adult I’ve ever seen, though he takes pains in the endnotes of this book to make it clear that it is not an autobiography – completely. That being said, he acknowledged that his father did leave when he was a child, and that he reached out to Ware while this book was being published – and died before Ware ever made contact with him. It’s a sad story, and one that undoubtedly fueled what is an impressive book. This is unlike most graphic novels I’ve seen (which, admittedly, is not many) – the artwork is insanely precise, the story delicate as well. Ware is a true craftsman, and I really recommend this book to anyone who is willing to give it a chance.


Rating: 8.5/10.0

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The Man of My Dreams

On the ride home from Los Angeles last Sunday, Abby and I listened to The Man of My Dreams by Curtis Sittenfeld. (I get free audiobooks from work and it was the best one I saw, having read Sittenfeld’s Prep about a year ago.)

We both felt similarly about it – it was good, but not great. The CD is read by Anne Heche, who needs to pay the photographer who took her cover photo a LOT of money. (Seriously, look at that photo. Abby said the same thing about it, and Heche is a woman who I normally find pinchy, crazy and not very hot.) The Man of My Dreams traces the life of Hannah Gavener, a young, awkward girl who struggles to find happiness with the other sex. Mostly, she is awkward and intelligent, and in that way, not much different than the protagonist of Prep. Indeed, another similarity is that too often, Hannah comes across as altogether unpleasant. It’s not without reason – her parents get an ugly divorce we learn about almost immediately; her cousin Fig and sister Allison are both beauties, and Fig is particularly awful in her shallowness. But Hannah is both awkward and incredibly rude at times – and then, at a glance, very sassy in her conversation. In some ways, this makes her more real as a character, but also harder to pin down.

I suppose this would be the place to say that this book isn't - as I understand it -- "Chick Lit." In fact, Sittenfeld snarks at that genre within this book, and it's certainly more like Melissa Bank (who I've enjoyed in the past) than Candace Bushnell. (Or, at least, this didn't feel like a book anyone would be reading on that idiotic show.)

Heche’s narration isalso very uneven, most notably when talking as Oliver, a boyfriend of Hannah’s from New Zealand. (Seriously – her attempt at a Kiwi was so bad as to be offensive.) She also mumbles a LOT when talking as Hannah, which made me think she was more of a miscreant than it turns out she was. In contrast, when talking as Fig, the beautiful and shallow cousin, Heche was great - to the point that Fig shined WAY more as a character than Hannah. Whether that is Heche's fault or Sittenfeld's, it's not a good thing.

From a story perspective, I applaud Sittenfeld for not taking the easy way out – a less talented writer would have had Hannah be raped by the tattooed stranger she meets early in the novel, or have an awkward sexual encounter with her sister’s fiancée’s brother in an Alaskan tent – but avoiding these layups so repeatedly makes one wonder what the point of the story was in the first place.

No more is this more obvious than the last “act” of the story, which takes place in Chicago. At the risk of spoiling the story, Hannah decides to follow the titular character out to Chicago, in hopes that it will spark a romance. For someone as bottled up and lost in her own head, it’s a bold move that is what it seems – the act of someone finally taking control of her life. But the importance of this wasn’t really driven home for me, and the way it’s explained – by a letter to her therapist – feels tired and clunky, and way beneath the talents of a writer like Sittenfeld.

It was an entertaining story, especially given how little ever occurs – but I’m glad we listened to it, instead of reading along, wondering when something – anything – is actually going to happen. It’s certainly not a bad story, but disappointingly mediocre.

Rating: 6.0/10.0

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How To Feel Old

There’s a lot of ways I can feel old – not getting pop culture references is probably right at the top. Whether it’s not knowing who sings a song I hear on the radio (or more realistically, in commercials and movie clips), not understanding some new slang (thank you, urbandictionary.com for solving that most of the time) or -- and this transgression hurts the most – not knowing who a hot young actress or model is that people are talking about.

That’s what happened this morning as I was reading Matt Berry’s chat on espn.com, when someone wrote in about the “RGX Body Spray girl” and Berry responded that he thought she was the best looking woman on television.

A few things.

1) I’ve never seen this ad.
2) I don’t know what RGX Body Spray is.
3) That’s one hell of a claim. Has Berry ever watched Friday Night Lights?

I present Minka Kelly as just one great piece of evidence.

Or, Emmaneuelle Chriqui, also known as Sloan from Entourage:


Dare I mention Grace Park, Carla Gugino, Rena Sofer or about twenty other names I'll remember as soon as I post this?

So, I hit up “the googles” and found that the woman in question is named Rachel Specter. And there’s no denying that she is, in fact, knee knockingly gorgeous. My biggest qualm about saying so? It’s just…that’s exactly the reaction I know I’m supposed to have. Here are the ads in question.

Video 1
Video 2
Video 3

And here are a few photos of the lass. Yes, she is quite purty. My favorite part is that she was on one of my favorite episodes of ANY television show – the “Slap Bet” episode (now called, I believe, Robin Sparkles) of How I Met Your Mother. That’s a serious resume cred in my book.

I suspect we’ll be seeing more of Ms. Specter sooner than later.


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An answer to a question

A few weeks ago, I posted a question about how a Shell station could be SO expensive. The original post is here, and it stemmed from this photo I took:

Well, a little research turned up this story in the Chronicle, written by C.W. Nevius, where it reveals the owner Bob Oyster is doing this protest against Shell.

Oyster is nobody's fool. Don't think he isn't well aware that the Chevron station across the street is selling regular for 70 cents less.

Putting the price way up over $4 a gallon isn't about making a profit. It's about making a statement to a multinational corporation. After Shell forced him to pay higher prices for gas in San Francisco and jacked up his rent, Oyster says, he decided to fight back.

"I got fed up,'' Oyster admits. "It makes a statement, and I guess when people see that price they also see the Shell sign right next to it.''

In fact, far from making a huge profit, Oyster is going out of business. He has operated the Shell station at Sixth and Harrison for 22 years, but he's walking away from it at the end of the month, handing over the keys to Shell officials and expecting them to shut it down.


As they say, ask a question...

The internet is cool.

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Karmic Slap!

I have to say, I’m always worried in a superstitious way about posting things about my fantasy baseball team – if I talk about how well someone is doing, I’m always sure it means he’ll collapse soon, and if I think someone is just about to turn on the jets, that’s a surefire way of meaning he’ll end up on the DL soon.

So, when I posted a recent entry about Matt Morris, asking why he couldn’t keep up his great performance all season long, I have to admit I was prepared for this:

4 IP, 8 ER, 9 H, 3K and 2BB.


For those counting at home, that’s a lovely 18.00 ERA and 2.75 WHIP for the game. Not really what you want to see – but again, this is what I do to myself. I still believe he’s got good value all season long, but that was just one big ol’ karmic slap.

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Why not, Matt Morris?

Since I originally started this blog to keep track of how my fantasy baseball team (then named “Reign of Error”) was doing, it’s probably time to take a look at this year’s squad, called “That’s So Taguchi!”

I think the best way to state things is that they’re getting better. To date, my biggest slugger - Ryan Howard has just started showing signs of life. Carlos Lee has been better than I could have hoped, but he’s the only guy I spent a lot of money on who has earned his salary. Felipe Lopez has been a HUGE disappointment with only six stolen bases and a pathetic average. His teammate, Ryan Zimmerman is probably about a C-student for me, but I need more. (Drafting two Washington Nationals turns out to be a pretty bad draft day strategy.) Bob Abreu seems re-energized by batting 3rd in front of Alex Rodriguez (perhaps the best batting slot in baseball these days) and I have Corey Hart and/or Hunter Pence shoring up the 3rd outfield slot while Jim Thome needs to contribute from the UT slot. The final slots of the infield are Dan Uggla who has been solid, even more than that, and Johnny Estrada who plays catcher, so I don’t much care. (Though he went 3/5 today, so – yay, Johnny!)

Usually, my pitching stinks, but I have the luxury of owning Johan Santana, and Chris Young, Chris Capuano, Tom Gorzelanny and Matt Morris (more on him later), rounded up by my closers of Ryan Dempster, Matt Capps, Dan Wheeler, Brad Lidge, Antonio Alfonseca. Once Josh Johnson gets healthy, he’ll be added to the mix. (Look at those closers again and tell me why you’d EVER pay for saves.)

It’s a team that has underperformed all season but now has my team in about the middle of the pack. I need help across the board in offense – I’m not getting the home runs I need and the associated goodies that come with it – and my strikeouts are just too low for a team with this staff. So, we’ll see.

But I started writing this largely because of the aforementioned Matt Morris. I picked him up off the waiver wire after I traded away Noah Lowry for Adam LaRoche (another guy rounding into shape, albeit largely on my bench.) As of this writing, Morris has started 13 games and has a 7-3 record, with a 2.56 ERA, 1.22 WHIP and has 45 strikeouts to 29 walks in 91 1/3 innings. Now, I’m sure that ERA will pop up a bit, but every roto “expert” (of which, since I write for a pretty popular fantasy site, I’m one) seems to have the same advice here: He can’t keep this up.

That’s based on real numbers – Morris was 24-25 over the last two years, with an ERA closer to 4.50 than his career average of 3.72, and he’s allowing a .241 batting average this year, which isn’t exactly dominant.

Well, with the obvious caveat that I’m speaking as much from self-interest as anything else, allow me to retort. Morris has thrown three complete games this season which is pretty stunning for a guy who has had arm troubles in the past. His last effort took just 110 pitches though, which is pretty normal pitch count for a game, regardless of how far in the game went. So, he’s being very efficient. And, isn’t it possible that he’s finally rebounded and got healthy from his 2003 injuries? The truth is that he pitched pretty decent the last two years, and things got bad for Morris last year when he suffered a rib injury. Sure, he’s no longer the ace who went 22-8 with 185 strikeouts and a 3.16 ERA in 2001, but is there any reason he can’t win 15-16 games with an ERA around 3.50? I can’t figure out a good reason why not. And given that he’s the fourth starter (maybe the fifth behind Zito, Cain, Lincecum and Lowry), he seems to me to be a truly hidden weapon in what’s looking like the best starting pitching staff in the National League.

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No, it's not about Mexicans, I swear!

The GOP stance on immigration has always seemed to me like a negative reaction to the "browning of America" as some have called it. Given that the worst elements of the Republican party cater to racism (the "states rights" backbone of the party platform started as a way to keep slavery legal in the South), it's hard to read the new zeal against immigration as anything but veiled (and not so-veiled) racism.

But hey, what do I know? The GOP insists that's not the case. But this is just too funny. The California Republican Party has now hired two major players who are not citizens, using the same Visa they insist is too flexible. I think that only applies to non-whites, though.

Christopher Matthews, 35, a Canadian citizen, has worked for the state GOP as a campaign consultant since 2004. But he recently was hired as full-time deputy political director, with responsibility for handling campaign operations and information technology for the country’s largest state Republican Party operation, California Republican Party Chairman Ron Nehring confirmed in a telephone interview this week.

In the nation’s most populous state — which has produced a roster of nationally known veteran political consultants — “it’s insulting but also embarrassing … to bring people from the outside who don’t know the difference between Lodi and Lancaster … and who can’t even vote,” said Karen Hanretty, a political commentator and former state GOP party spokeswoman.

Wait, it gets funnier. Matthews was hired by Michael Kamburowski, the state GOP’s chief operations officer, who is … wait for it … an Australian citizen.

...

As for the H-1B visa program in specific, it’s supposed to focus on “specialized workers” whose unique skills are unavailable in the American workforce. According to Labor Department regulations, employers are supposed to make a good-faith effort to hire Americans, and then rely on “specialized” immigrants if necessary.

So, in other words, the California Republican Party is suggesting that in the largest state in the Union, there were no qualified people to serve as the state deputy political director.


What a bunch of hypocritical nincompoops.

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Seriously? Seriously.

This is so offensive, I'll let it stand on its own. One has asked whether any Bush family members are in the military, serving on the frontlines (a pretty good question given that the Bush twins are of eligible age, as are many of the seemingly endless cousins, nephews, etc.) -- and this was Tony Snow's answer:

Q I have one follow-up. Are there any members of the Bush family or this administration in this war?

MR. SNOW: Yes, the President. The President is in the war every day.

Q Come on. That isn't my question.

MR. SNOW: If you ask any President who is a Commander-in-Chief --

QOn the front lines --

MR. SNOW: The President.


I mean, the guy is a cancer survivor. I don't want to hate on him, but...please.

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Memories

Courtesy of Boing Boing, I saw this image this morning:


I think I saw that ad approximately 1,000,000,000 times between the age of, say, six and twelve, when I read a lot of comic books. And it points to a screensaver of old comic book ads here, which I haven't downloaded yet but probably will soon.

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Sopranos Finale


I'll have a bit more to say on this -- because I know it hasn't been beaten to death already -- but I think that this is probably one of the funnier things I've read about the finale to date. That is, if you think you didn't like HBO's version of the finale, just imagine what it would have been like if it were on network TV:

There would be a little animated promo swooshing across the bottom of the screen after every commercial break of every other prime time show on that network for two weeks. A little gun would shoot a little mobster. The blood would spell out SOPRANOS.

...

They would spin off Janice. Coming in September: WIDOW WITH CHILDREN.


And a lot more. Go check it out yourself.

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The Name Game, Part II

As some of you (whoever you are) know, I am very intrigued by names, and it's one of the many reasons I loved Freakonomics and the blog its writers contribute to daily. That's why one of the most recent posts caught me a bit off-guard.

You see, the wife and I are about to embark on the process of having a child, and like many people our age, have tossed around possible baby names for the child that isn't even conceived yet. I'm not going to necessarily say what those names are -- but the following list has SEVERAL of them:

1. Molly (24)

2. Max (29)

3. Charlie (10)

4. Holly (26)

5. Poppy (30)

6. Ben (11)

7. Alfie (16)

8. Jack (1)

9. Sam (8)

10. Barney (-)


As does this list (with some obvious duplicates from the one above):

1. Molly (24)

2. Charlie (10)

3. Tigger (-)

4. Poppy (30)

5. Oscar (47)

6. Smudge (-)

7. Millie (20)

8. Daisy (25)

9. Max (29)

10. Jasper (-)


So, why am I a bit miffed? Because these are the most popular names OF BRITISH PETS. The first list are dogs names, the second are cats names.

I'm not sure what this means, but it troubles me.

Edited to add this -- yes, you got me - we are hoping to name our first child Tigger Greber.

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Brilliant.

Courtesy of Boing Boing, this is the kind of thing that makes you slap your head and say, "Why didn't I think of that?"

First, I want a house with stairs. And then? I want this.

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Photo of the Year?

It's early yet, but this is easily my favorite photo of 2007.

Seriously, what a twit. As someone with no sense of self, I suppose that Paris Hilton doesn't get that her image as a spoiled brat with a sense of entitlement is not a good thing. If she could just stay in HER OWN CELL for three weeks, she would have walked out of there with two big things -- the enigmatic "street cred" and (assuming she came out and said things like, 'I've learned my lesson, I blew it') some begrudging respect from people like me who loathe her.

Call it schaedenfreude, call it something else, but watching a spoiled girl cry and whine "It's not right!" and "Mom!" when she has to play by the same rules as everyone else is damn good stuff.

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The Road

I finished Cormac McCarthy’s The Road on Wednesday night, and lay in bed, moved more than I’d been by a book in a long time. On Thursday morning, as I’m wont to do after finishing a book or watching a movie, I checked out Metacritic and a few other reviews on the web…and found that numerous of these reviews said things like, “I was moved more by this book than anything I’ve read in years.”

So, it looks like I’m not alone.

The book tells the story of an unnamed man and his unnamed son, walking down a road in a post-Apocalyptic America. The story never really tells what has occurred, save for one memory of some concussed explosions that suggest the otherwise implied nuclear horror. It’s a good thing that geopolitics don’t factor in here, because that’s not even remotely the point. The two walk through a burnt landscape, the sun blacked out by the ash that rains through the sky. The boy, born just after the world changed forever, has never seen the sun, grass, animals, and barely ever seen other children.

McCarthy paints a gruesome picture, but one that is haunting and heart-breaking. Without plant and animal life, the options for food are scavenging through abandoned homes or – a horror I’d never thought of but is all too plausible – kidnapping other survivors in order to eat them.

It’s this last reality that has the man carrying a pistol with two bullets, something we realize is just as much for protection as to kill themselves before subjecting themselves to being a cannibal’s dinner. What lies at the heart of this is the man’s unyielding love for his son. The boy, who is somewhere around eight or ten years old, is constantly searching for a morality in a world that essentially has none. He asks “We’re the good guys, right?” more than once, and it’s not a silly question as the two are forced into doing things that seem to question this assumption regularly.

But what took me by such surprise was the tenderness McCarthy shows in the man’s love for his son. As an author who writes regularly about the brutality of man, and death, and everything in between, I was never prepared for passages like this one, which comes as the two realize they are in harms way from a group of people they suspect are after them:

They crawled slowly through the leaves toward what looked like lower ground. He lay listening, holding the boy. He could hear them in the road talking. Voice of a woman. They he heard them in the dry leaves. He took the boy's hand and pushed the revolved into it. Take it, he whispered. Take it. The boy was terrified. He put his arm around him and held him. His body so thin. Don't be afraid, he said. If they find you you are going to have to do it. Do you understand? Shh. No crying. Do you hear me? You know how to do it. You put it in your mouth and point it up. Do it quick and hard. Do you understand? Stop crying. Do you understand?

I think so.
No. Do you understand.
Yes.
Say yes I do Papa.
Yes I do Papa.
He looked down at him. All he saw was terror. He took the gun from him. No you dont, he said.
I don't know what to do, Papa. I don't know what to do. Where will you be?
It's okay.
I don't know what to od.
Shh. I'm right here. I won't leave you.
You promise.
Yes, I promise. I was going to run. To try and lead them away. But I can't leave you.
Papa?
Shh. Stay down.
I'm so scared.
Shh.


You’ll notice the lack of “standard” punctuation, and of course the lack of character names will also take some acclimation. Don’t sweat it, it works wonderfully.

If I have a complaint, it might be the flashbacks to the man’s wife (long since dead from a suicide), which though relevant to the storyline, seem tonally inconsistent with the rest of the book. It’s a minor quibble, but without it, this book might have gotten my first 10/10 rating. (I know, you were holding your breath…)

It’s a phenomenal work of a master in his prime. Yes, Oprah recommended this book, and yes, it won the Pulitzer Prize. All of that is well worthwhile, but – in sync with the storyline – I think my father’s words are what stuck with me, page after page.

When my father lent me his copy of this book, I asked him a simple question, “So…you think I should read this, then?”

His response: “Everyone should.”

Rating: 9.5/10.0

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Yup.

I heard something like this from the despicable Tom DeLay, I think -- that as beaten down as the Republican party is these days, nothing would cause the party to unify than a Hillary Clinton nomination. Apparently, someone purposefully put together "before and after" photos to suggest she had taken some Botox -- but switched the after and before. (e.g., the "before" was actually her as a younger woman.) Andrew Sullivan is very often a twit, but he sums this up pretty damn well:

Just so the Democrats understand, this is nothing compared to the avalanche of anti-Hillary trivia and bile that will be unleashed if she gets the nomination. It may not be fair, but it's a reality. If the Democrats want to save the Republican right, if they want to reboot the entire VRWC, they know what to do. Support Clinton.

Sad, but true. I can't see any reason I won't end up supporting Barack Obama, but I also have a pretty strong anti-HRC vote in my pocket, for several reasons, including this one.

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Putting a Pin in Lit Students Everywhere


I’ve seen the following story referred to a few times recently, mostly with some disdain or sadness that Ray Bradbury is saying his landmark novel, Fahrenheit 451 was not about censorship, but instead about the perils of TV.

Bradbury, a man living in the creative and industrial center of reality TV and one-hour dramas, says it is, in fact, a story about how television destroys interest in reading literature.

“Television gives you the dates of Napoleon, but not who he was,” Bradbury says, summarizing TV’s content with a single word that he spits out as an epithet: “factoids.” He says this while sitting in a room dominated by a gigantic flat-panel television broadcasting the Fox News Channel, muted, factoids crawling across the bottom of the screen.

I guess that’s equally applicable, and frankly it’s been so long since I read that book I couldn’t begin to comment. I do think that what I’ve heard about Bradbury (he was furious about Michael Moore’s appropriation of the name for his documentary Fahrenheit 9/11) makes him sound like a crotchety old man who likes being correct. Either way, I’m actually pleased by this “revelation” for one main reason – when I was studying English, and I took a GREAT deal of it through high school and college (I took the equivalent of six years of high school English as I doubled up courses so much), I always rolled my eyes during some of the Lit classes. Students would make some of the most inane (in my opinion) analogies to what “something meant” in a book. I remember distinctly one woman talking about the use of the color yellow in The Great Gatsby (one of my all-time favorites) and I objected, saying it strained credulity to think that Fitzgerald purposefully used yellow that way. (Frankly, I don’t even remember what her point was.) My teacher said that it didn’t matter, it could be an unconscious allusion, or something that made it essentially okay for anyone to pull anything out of their keyster and say it meant something.
Now, it turns out that something NO ONE debated, that F-451 was about censorship, isn’t so. I think there’s more to the story, but either way, it puts a nice little pin in a lot of college students who over-read and over-analyze literature. As someone who loves books as much as I do, it kills me when people break things down to such a micro level that it takes any larger themes out.
Fun stuff.

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The Ghost Map

The Ghost Map by Steven Johnson is a book that I was eager to buy, as it sounded like a fascinating view of the last great cholera outbreak in London. According to the subtitle, this book is an account of “London’s Most Terrifying Epidemic – and How it Changed Science, Cities and the Modern World.”

That’s a pretty good sell.

Indeed, the book lives up to that claim, mostly. It starts out describing London in the mid 1800’s, and the descriptions are bleak. This isn’t meant as a slight on Johnson’s own excellent writing, but the part of the book that truly haunted me was the following, cited from the Morning Chronicle in 1848.

As we passed along the reeking banks of the sewer, the sun shone upon a narrow slip of the water. In the bright light it appeared the colour of strong green tea, and positively looked as solid as black marble in the shadow – indeed, it was more like watery mud than muddy water; and yet we were assured this was the only water the wretched inhabitants had to drink. As we gazed in horror at it, we saw drains and sewers emptying their filthy contents into it; we saw a whole tier of doorless privies in the open road, common to men and women, built over it; we heard bucket after bucket of filth splash into it; and the limbs of the vagrant boys bathing in it seemed by pure force of contrast, white as Parian marble. And yet, as we stood doubting the fearful statement, we saw a little child, from one of the galleries opposite, lower a tin can with a rope to fill a large bucket that stood beside her. In each of the balconies that hung over the stream the self-same tub was to be seen in which the inhabitants put the mucky liquid to stand, so that they may, after it has rested for a day or two, skim the fluid from the solid particles of filth, pollution and disease. As the little thing dangled her tin cup as gently as possible into the stream, a bucket of nightsoil was poured down from the next gallery.


(It’s worth noting that “nightsoil” refers to excrement.)

OK…grossed out enough? Then how about finding out that the over-arching theory about how cholera was spread…had NOTHING to do with the quality of the water. Folks believed it was related to the air quality – the stench of which was often directly related to the garbage in the water, of course. “All smell is disease,” is one quote from the folks who subscribed to this school of thought.

The Ghost Map largely tells the story of John Snow, who thought otherwise, and used a scientific method of mapping the deaths from a new outbreak of cholera to see if he could trace it back to a source – and did so, finding the Broad Street Well to be the culprit. He was persuasive enough to convince the city to turn off the well, and in doing so, managed to be the first to use a scientific method to alter public policy. At the same time, a man named Reverend Whitehead was doing a similar investigation – and while diametrically opposed to Snow’s approach, largely came up with the same conclusions.

The Ghost Map paints this story very well, but it is not a perfect book. It repeats some facts several times, as if this had been originally written as a series of articles. And in the epilogue, Johnson somehow brings up terrorism, the internet and climate change, among other things. He does a damn good job in talking about them…but the relevance is a bit strained. A better approach would have been making a shorter book, and a tighter read. Finally, it’s hard to believe this, but while the “ghost map” is reproduced in this book, it’s actually easy to miss – given its importance in the story, that’s a serious oversight by the publisher.

Overall, a very interesting read with a few flaws. Definitely recommended.

Rating: 7.5/10.0

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On The Lot

For those who haven't seen it, On The Lot is supposed to be a reality contest to find the next great director. The prize is a million-dollar deal at Dreamworks, and the show has some serious Hollywood players. Obviously, Dreamworks is involved, which means Steven Spielberg (whose name gets mentioned every five seconds or so). The judges are Garry Marshall, Carrie Fisher and a guest judge each week.

Or, I think so. It's hard to know, because the format keeps changing. If anything, this show is illustrative of exactly what's wrong with Hollywood - they won't let something develop an audience, and are constantly tweaking with things undoubtedly as the result of market research, etc.

The show started as a Project Greenlight style show, similar perhaps to The Apprentice, where contestants pimped themselves for an eventual job. Suddenly, after two episodes (in the same week), the format changed.

As did the host. Gone was someone named Chelsea Handler, replaced by someone named Adrianna Casta. Both are eye candy, not much more - or at least that's how they've been used.

Gone was third judge Brett Ratner, replaced by the guy who directed Disturbia. And all of a sudden, the show was more American Idol or Rockstar than anything else. That resulted in at least one very good contestant (the British guy named Phil) being ditched in favor of young, cutie Jessica. That's fine, such things happen.

Now? The show is going to be just one episode a week. But...how does that work if the audience vote is how things work? Maybe it will just go back to the judges? How can they keep changing this, week by week? All it ensures is they'll never build an audience.

Hollywood is run by morons. This show was supposed to laud the industry and create a lot of buzz...all it's doing is revealing how mismanaged the process is.

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Babes Love Baseball

Oh, my goodness, I love this site. Or, at the least, this post. It's in response to the "news" of Alex Rodriguez's mistress (who is apparently both a Scores dancer and Playmate), the site proposes some mistresses for other current ballplayers.

My two favorite choices:

Curt Schilling and Ann Coulter.
Which one of these two likes to hear themselves talk more? I can imagine long pillow talk sessions over why each of them is so awesome, and why George Bush and Republicans and being a self-important waste of human hot air is so awesome. Imagine the fist-pumping that would probably take place.

I should add that the photo of Coulter - clearly in the Top Ten of most loathsome humans anywhere - is the best photo I've ever seen of her. I usually just think she looks angry, overly thin and fake blond.

But the greatest? Has to be this one:
Roger Clemens and a Life-sized blow up doll of himself.

Roger loves him some Roger. Because there's no being on earth that can satisfy Roger Clemens like Roger Clemens can.

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