Sad Reality

This is something I can't add much to, but it's just very sad.

Cheryl Kosewicz, a contestant on CBS' now-canceled Pirate Master reality series, was found dead on Friday.

Kosewicz was a deputy district attorney in Sparks, NV. She had also worked in the district attorney offices in Reno and Las Vegas. Her boyfriend, Ryan O'Neil, committed suicide in June. On the MySpace page of another Pirate Master contestant, Kosewicz had written: "Truthfully, I've lost the strong Cheryl and I'm just floating around lost." She then added, "And this frikin' show doesn't help because it was such a contention with Ryan and I and plus it's not getting good reviews."

So, Cheryl was a bit of an odd duck on the show - she mentioned her career as a D.A. about 20,000 times on the few shows she was on. And clearly, both she and her boyfriend had problems if they both chose suicide as an option. Theoretically, the screening process for contestants is supposed to weed out folks who are in trouble, but you can never be perfect. Either way, sad news.

History In the Making...?

Last night, i was watching Baseball Tonight, and they mentioned that today (Tuesday), there was the chance that three major milestones could be reached:

• Barry Bonds hitting career HR #755.


• Alex Rodriguez hitting career HR #500


• Tom Glavine winning his career 300th win.

Well, that's sort of cool. I mention it because of that potential, but also because...it's not gonna happen. Predicting when a player will hit a HR is next to impossible (if not, then Bonds would have definitely hit one on his birthday last Tuesday, or on Sunday, his last home game and a tight sold-out affair.) And predicting wins is even harder. My guess is that none of these things occur, but I'd lean towards A-Rod being the one who does this if any do.

What's more amusing (to me, anyhow) is that the show then started talking about this "trend" of major milestones happening at the same time. As "evidence" they cited earlier this season, when Craig Biggio (3000 hits) and Frank Thomas (500 HR) reached their milestones on the same date. And, back in 1991 (I think), when Nolan Ryan (7th no-hitter) and Rickey Henderson (career stolen base record) reached theirs. And there was one other example I can't remember right now.

Um...that's not a trend. Things happeningin that kind of order are a coincidence (or, as Bugs Bunny called it, a coinky-dinky. If that helps.)

A coincidence is not a trend. Steve Berthiaume, are you paying attention?

Smokers Outside The Hospital Doors

This song freakin rocks - enjoy.

Rest In Peace

Sad news indeed, that Bill Walsh has passed away at the age of 75.

In the last 25 years of the NFL, it would be hard to argue that anyone was more influential -- not just because of the players he helped bring to stardom -- Joe Montana, Jerry Rice, Ronnie Lott are all correctly considered to be the best that ever played their position -- but his coaching style.

The West Coast offense, no longer confined to the left side of the country, basically became the new way of playing the game and most all teams incorporate it in one fashion or another. In the truest sense of what a innovator he was, it is now hard to think of a team that doesn't incorporate the dumpoff pass to the halfback as a key part of the offense. Five yard passes with the goal to get RAC (run after catch, a stat barely used prior to Walsh) were considered wimpy or ineffective. Walsh changed the landscape of football in a way that it hasn't seen since. The Run-and-Shoot is long lost to memory, and the ball control offense of Bill Parcells's Giants isn't even used by Parcells, let alone the league. Defenses constantly shift from 4-3 to 3-4 to 4-3 and a whole host of other things. But the West Coast offense persists, and Walsh will forever be remembered as one of the true geniuses of the sport.

The following was taken from Walsh's Wikipedia page, and shows just how influential he was.



Rest In Peace.

Edited to add: If you want to see Walsh's coaching influence - and it says here that you do, just click on the image for it to expand. It's pretty damn impressive.

Eeks

I'm always happy when I see my grad school (University of Chicago) in the news. So the fact that this popped up on My Yahoo (which I barely use) was encouraging:

Rose Martinelli, associate dean for student recruitment and admissions at the University of Chicago Graduate School of Business stands in the Gleacher Center lobby in Chicago, Friday, July 27, 2007. As technology advances the school is now requiring applicants to include a PowerPoint presentation in their applications. (AP Photo/Charles Rex Arbogast)

But...really? Power Point is perhaps the single most misused application in the free world. I'm not sure what the GSB hopes to accomplish with this. There are lots ofgreat examples around the web about bad PowerPoint, and I can't imagine that 24 or 25 year olds are going to reset the bar. More on point, there's no CALL for a presentation, when it's a submitted application. There is no dialogue here, just a printed slide or two. (Or ten. With animated clip art and .wav files attached.) I suspect these students, or prospective students anyhow, might learn the wrong lesson here.

Not good, GSB. Not good.

I Stand Corrected

Perhaps, in fact, there is a god:

PARTY princess Paris Hilton is $60 million out of pocket after her billionaire grandfather - appalled by her jail term for drink-driving offences - axed her inheritance.

Family patriarch Barron Hilton was already embarrassed by his granddaughter's wild behaviour - notably when her home sex video was leaked on the internet.

But the 79-year-old considered her 23-day sentence last month the last straw.

Worst Remakes

My latest article for Manhattan Movie Magazine is up, this one about the Worst Remakes of all time.

It was a hard task, since most all remakes could justify being on such a list.

Read it all here!

Burning Question

Inspired by this post on Kissing Suzy Kolber, I've been idly thinking about my fantasy football team name. (In truth, it's a constant subject matter, that and my baseball team name. Hey, it's one of the funnest parts of fantasy sports - the prep. You either get this, or you don't. For what it's worth, I play in some leagues with guys who just re=use the same team name year after year. This disturbs me to an unhealthy level.)

See, the problem is, I have myself in a bit of a rut. I've started a trend, now in both leagues, of using a real player's name, then a pun on it, generally using something from books, music or movies.

For instance, this year, my baseball team name is That's So Taguchi! This is a winner because it's funny even if you don't know there's a show called That's So Raven!

In football, the team names I can remember off the top of my head are:

• My Dinner With Andre Ware


• Freddy Mitchell Got Fingered


• Akili Smith and The Bee


and my all-time favorite...


• Flowers for Alge Crumpler

So, I'm sort of stumped. I need a NFL player, preferably one whose not very good or even better, someone who turned into a huge bust. Brian Bosworth's Song, for instance, is accurate, but just not very funny to me. (For what it's worth, Crumpler was sort of an NFL nobody when I named my team after him, amused by the fact someone was actually named Algernon.)

I've been trying to incorporate David Klingler into a team name for awhile now, and other obvious ones are Blair Thomas (The Blair Thomas Witch Project? Feels too forced.), Ki-Jana Carter, Pacman Jones, Ookie Vick, and a personal fave, Jim Druckenmiller.

It's still not totally clear if ANYONE reads this blog, though Google Analytics suggest otherwise and occasional comments also do this...but if you are, and have some thoughts, all suggestions are welcome!

Photo of the Day: Abel Tasman, NZ

That's Me

At least according to the Simpsons Movie Site. (A more realistic version would not be nearly so fit, but the only other option was Homer fat, and that's thankfully also not really the case. I think.)

It's Your Birthday, It's Your Birthday...

Given the news this morning that Drew Carey will be taking over for Bob Barker, I noted earlier today in a comment on The Loud Mouth of Show that former spokesmodel Dian Parkinson from The Price Is Right was, along with Wonder Woman Lynda Carter, one of the first women I lusted after as a child, before I even knew what the word lust meant. Just super sexy, and all woman.

And of course, there was Wonder Woman herself. I mean, to coin a phrase, Good Christ. I don't know who the target audience for this show was, but if it was pre-teen boys on the verge of puberty, well...bullseye.

Anyhow, turns out it's Lynda Carter's birthday today. She turns 56, and shares the birthday with Barry Bonds, just a few HR off the pace of Hank Aaron. I found this out by going to IMDB with the question - do they organize their archive by birthday?

They certainly do. In fact, I learned that Carter shares a birthday not only with Bonds, but with Michael Richards, porn stars Gauge and Teagan, as well as young Bindi Irwin.

This is the wonder of the internet, no?

Lohan Busted...Again

In a very unsurprising event, Lindsay Lohan was busted early this morning for drunk driving and possession of cocaine.

Police spokeswoman Calisse Lindsey said police got a call at 1:34 a.m. PT that a vehicle was chasing another vehicle in a parking lot in Santa Monica. When officers arrived, they found Lohan driving the vehicle that was chasing the other, the spokeswoman said.

The officers smelled alcohol and administered a field sobriety test, which Lohan failed, Lindsey said.

When taken to the police station, the 21-year-old actress registered 0.12 and 0.13 in blood tests for alcohol levels, the spokeswoman said. In California, the legal limit is 0.08, according to the state's Department of Motor Vehicles.

Officers also found a white powdery substance in Lohan's possession which was determined to be cocaine, Lindsey said.

First off, it's completely confusing that the cop's last name is Lindsey. There should be some type of rule against this, if only to avoid confusing thick headed folks like myself.

Frankly, Lohan being busted is entirely a non-event. I only mention it because of this mug shot. I mean, is it me, or does she look pretty hot here?

Sigh. Sometimes I sort of hate myself.

Pirate Master is Canceled

I'm bummed, as it seems that CBS has canceled Mark Burnett's latest reality show, Pirate Master, just as it was getting good. The show was somewhat ridiculous from the start, complete with the contestants dressing up as pirates and more than a few of them getting way too into their roles. But it was fun, and the challenges were interesting - perhaps the biggest flaw in the show was that they showed so little of those challenges, which had to last for hours and really be, you know, CHALLENGING.

Last week, the pirates who'd been cast away (kicked off the show) came back as a Ghost Crew, and for once, the gimmick of having evicted houseguests, etc., return made sense. Not only was there a real motivation financially (splitting what turned out to be $50,000) but the emotional motivation seemed palpable. Unfortunately, inane stripper/scientist John messed up and it was not to be.

But I just don't get it. The rest of the show is "in the can" and it's the middle of the summer. Can CBS really not bear to show more reruns of 48 Hours or Cold Case or whatever it might be? Shows on hiatus aren't a big draw - we love CSI but haven't even thought about watching the reruns. I don't really understand the thought of canceling shows that are essentially already paid for -- during sweeps, etc., I know ratings are KEY, but in the summer? Who really cares? All these decisions do is piss off the fans who were devoted enough to keep watching. To quote Husker Du, it makes no sense at all.

And for what it's worth, is the bloom off the Mark Burnett rose? Certainly, his other major offering, On The Lot truly deserves to get whacked as it's barely watchable. And with The Apprentice turning to a Celebrity edition next season (UGH), it seems that Burnett might be phoning it in these days.

Oh, Please Just Shut Up.

Sigh.

Look, I voted for John Kerry and while he wasn't my ideal candidate - in fact, he was a pretty horrible one -- he clearly would have done a better job than the travesty we currently have in office. But for some reason the following quote makes me just want to punch Senator Kerry in the face:

"In light of the seriousness of the charges, I believe that Mr. Vick should be suspended from the league, effective immediately." -- Former Democratic presidential nominee and current Massachusetts Sen. John Kerry, in a letter to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.

It's one thing if he got asked this question and simply responded. But no...he wrote a LETTER. This reminds me of when Babs Streisand felt like the Congress would want her opinion on...anything...and sent them a letter. I'm reasonably sure that Commissioner Goodell could give two shits what Kerry thinks about this. I know I surely don't care, and I'm apppalled by Vick's alleged actions. Got that? I agree with Kerry, and I want him to shut up. (Just like Babs.)

Perhaps this is why he couldn't beat the most incompetent President of our lifetimes.

BB8, continued.

The few regular readers to this blog, or any readers who can see the right-hand nav which lists how many posts are by subject will notice that “Politics” is the leading category…and yet, with rare exception, I haven’t posted much about that lately. There is no specific reason except that I’m suffering from a bit of malaise about how messed up our leaders are, how much work we’ll need to do to bring the country back to where it was when Bill Clinton left office, and … sigh.

That’s it, though. Nothing specific, just a general reluctance to do much of anything.

Besides point out that Mitt Romney is a big, wet, used douchebag.

In other news, Big Brother 8 is in full stride. This weekend’s show featured new Head of Household Dick (aka, “Evil Dick” or “E.D.”) deciding who he’d put up on the block. It seemed like it was a no-brainer, as he’s had verbal altercations with Jen and Kail, and to choose anyone else would probably create more questions than it would solve. But of course, this being reality drama, they milked it…suggesting that he might nominate Nick, who is being a jerk in his own special way, or Mike for …some reason that never made sense.

But in the end, his nominations were no-brainers, though surprisingly Dick said he would do what he could to get Kail out of the house, and that by nominating Jen back, he was “clean” with her. It probably makes strategic sense, because Kail has already been strategizing and making alliances, but Jen is easily the most loathsome person in the house.

On the other hand, despite the fact that she’s that person, it’s hard to not notice that…well, she’s white hot. I hate that she is, and that in moments she’s leaning over a countertop to look at her reflection in the back of a spoon, that I can’t help but notice her great butt. (Sorry, it’s true.)

(That moment occurred while Amber was consoling Jameka for eating slop, and Amber was barely holding back her tears, while Jen later acknowledged to the camera that, “I’m not so good at that stuff…the feeling bad for people stuff, that is.” (Or something like that.)) I swear, if you combined Amber and Jen, you would get one relatively normal level of empathy and emotional state.

So yeah, Jen is hot and it’s too bad because otherwise it would be even easier to hate her. As it is, she’s sort of growing on me because she’s so out of tune with her public self, and either delusional or incredibly self-possessed. (After being nominated, she said she didn’t feel any different because she was still in the house. Um, yeah…that’s how the game works. And she always seems SHOCKED that Julie Chen would talk to her, even though she’s just talked to five other houseguests. OK, I hate her again.)

And one more thing – I’ve finally figured out the America’s Player thing. Eric, who gets instructions from the viewers on who he should nominate or vote for, gets $10,000 for each task he completes. (Not sure if this includes his votes, though it certainly should.) Given that, I get why he’s on board with this, even though it’s a pretty paltry payout if he starts getting asked to do things that could make other houseguests dislike him (like, for instance, sleepwalking into their bed.)

Back to Nick, who apparently is putting a full court press on Danielle, the virtually anorexic Anna Nicole Smith look-alike, and also the daughter of Evil Dick. It’s not clear if they’ve actually fooled around (my wife, who has done some research, suggests there is some footage from the 24-hour cameras that suggest as much), but she’s professed to be in love with her boyfriend back home…and yet Nick keeps coming on to her. If he’s a standup guy, which he may or may not be, he would lay off. Because she’s in tears about this stuff as she obviously DOES have feelings for Nick. That’s not shocking – they’re virtually spending 24 hours a day with each other, and are attracted to each other…but please. Walk around the house and associate with others. Nick is either a date rape waiting to happen, or he’ll give her some space. Either way, he’s not treating her very well and probably is doing this only so that he can get in her pants. So…I’m putting even money on the fact that Nick is not very much a good guy.

In any case, this show rocks, and is only getting better.

Suite Francaise

I just finished reading Suite Francaise, a book that took me over a month to finish, mostly because it took a very long time for me to actually get into it. I persevered, because what I’d read was good if not captivating – and because the book received the best overall reviews of any book in 2006. That’s pretty compelling, and I’m glad I did bear down, as Suite Francaise was absolutely a very enjoyable book.

I’m not sure it’s the most brilliant story I’ve read per se, but what makes the book so unique and tragic is that it’s essentially a first draft. Irene Nemirovsky, a Jewish Russian émigré living in France, wrote this during WWII, about the German occupation of France that was going on at the same time she wrote her draft. It remained a draft because Nemirovsky was taken to Auschwitz, where she died, her husband befalling the same fate just a short while later

The book is actually two short books of a planned total of five, the latter three which never got drafted. The first, Storm in June, follows several Parisian families and characters, of varying class and personalities, as they scramble to avoid the invading German soldiers. It’s interesting, and occasionally surprisingly funny amidst the pending -- but somehow distant -- horror. Nemirovsky’s writing is crisp and the somewhat dated tone of the language (which, of course, is also translated here by Sandra Smith) still works just fine. Storm in June does feel like it would really have benefited from some editing, and perhaps I’d have not finished seven or eight back issues of the New Yorker while finishing the rather sparse 190 pages of the story. (Or maybe it’s just me.)

The second book, Dolce, is more powerful, as the Germans have not only arrived but have occupied the area, moving into locals homes, eating their food and living off their land. Here, the characters are better developed and the frustration, shame and despair of being an occupied country feels palpable. The stories are more personal, and we begin to see connections between these characters and some of those from Storm in June, notably the Michauds, a middle-class family that were perhaps the sole truly likeable characters in the first book. We focus on several locals in a single village that has been occupied by the Germans. Some are resolute in their hatred of all things German; others are scorned for being too welcome, too accepting of the occupation.

It is, however, only after reading Nemirovsky’s notes on her plans for the rest of the novel, and most tragically, her and her husband Michel Epstein’s correspondence that begin tragically fall off as each of them are arrested, en route to Auschwitz where both perished.

And it’s the fact that she wrote these stories almost literally as they were happening that is perhaps the most impressive thing about Suite Francaise. She realized and began to develop characters experiencing things she was only beginning to see transpire; in a sense, she correctly saw the outcomes of many things yet to occur in real life. Curiously missing from most of this, are any Jewish characters who befell the things Nemirovsky did herself – though her notes suggest that this topic (or something like it) would be covered, her letters show that she was sure her time was short, so it’s not like she didn’t understand that risk or horror. It’s an odd omission in light of things.

On their own, the two books are enjoyable and often quite good, but it’s the entire experience of what’s in Suite Francaise that makes it fully worth it. Her notes show a vision that would make both a great story but stay within the context of the war that was still unfolding. The sheer effort of what she was trying to do – and succeeding in doing so – is actually somewhat heroic, especially given her personal risk. And her letters, and her husband’s desperate attempts to find her, bring the real-life horror into what had remained fiction until then. The grim capstone here makes everything that more powerful.

As a novel, it does read like a phenomenal first draft, but one that still is not as polished as it should be. And the overall book experience certainly does get points from me because of the circumstances in which it was written and saved. (It was only discovered recently, written in tiny script in an notebook that her daughters had kept without realizing what they had.)

Is it fair to grade a book on a curve like this? Hey, it’s my grade, I’ll do what I want.

Rating: 8.5/10.0

The Dooch!

I admit it, I'm a Danny Bonaduce fan. Not the Danny Partridge guy so much - though I'm sure if I watched old episodes of The Partridge Family, I'd find that:

• Bonaduce had suprising comic skills for a child actor.


• My life had taken a horrible wrong turn, since I was actively seeking out Partridge Family reruns at the age of 38.

No, I'm talking about his role as the co-host of The Adam Carolla Show. I listen to this pretty much every weekday morning, as I get ready and for the ride to work. Indeed, I also get it as a podcast and sometimes even listen to that during the morning. Why? Because it's consistently funny, often clever and way better than any other radio in the Bay Area at that time.

(For those wondering, KNBR is a great sports radio, but the morning shows are simply not my cup of tea. Especially once it goes to Gary Radnich, who knows nothing about sports and probably went clinically insane between three and five years ago.)

Bonaduce replaced Dave Damashek at the start of 2007, and like most listeners to the show, I was upset and not optimistic. Damashek had a funny voice, and was a sports guy -- and his Creep of the Week segment was laugh-out loud funny, even when Barry Bonds won the award for something like two straight months. Bonaduce was, to me, just a sad story wrapped up in a guy with a scratchy, irritating voice.

The first few weeks? Not so great either. As someone who, I believe, hosted his own show, Bonaduce interjected himself into almost every story on what is aptly titled The Adam Carolla Show. But pretty soon, it became apparent that he got notes to tell him to slow down, ease off the gas a bit (he sometimes made asides about this), and he did so -- but without disappearing. Sure, the show spends a lot of time talking about him - he's getting a very public divorce, and he obviously likes to talk about himself. But here's the thing -- he's FUNNY, and when you actually listen to him, comes across as a genuinely nice guy who struggles a lot. He's flawed, he knows about it - indeed, one thing I don't like about him is how he pretends to be so proud of his abhorrent, reckless behavior, though this is likely why he got the gig in the first place - and he gels really well with Carolla and Teresa Strasser. (Who is also excellent at what she does. Smart, clever - and the show spent way too much time on her love life. Now that she's dating and happy, they don't talk about it...and that's just fine.) Add to that the fact that Danny is pretty well-read for someone who spent two days in college (UCSC, thanks!) and he is a big plus for the show.

In any case, someone called this morning to complain about Bonaduce, and at this point, it's just tired. I'd actually be pretty bummed out if he left the show. Which is a huge surprise for me given how he started. Just thought I'd mention it.

Tommy John Surgery

With the news of Chris Carpenter undergoing Tommy John surgery - technically, elbow ligament reconstructive surgery - the question has to be asked whether John, a fantastic pitcher with a great career, really deserves to be remembered almost solely due to an operation he had.

That being said, this article in the NY Times today is positively chilling. It details the fact that teenagers are ASKING to have this procedure done, not because of damage or degenerative injury, but because they think it will add some speed to their fastball.

That is a myth, though not entirely without substance, as some pitchers have certainly rebounded from this surgery with a new delivery that does seem to be a benefit. However, there's no reason to undergo an operation like this voluntarily.

Although it is highly successful, the surgery may require two years for recovery. Infection, fractures, nerve irritation and numbness are possible. About 20 percent of pitchers do not return.

Doctors said they spent considerable time trying to talk parents and young pitchers out of the surgery, suggesting rest; exercises to strengthen the arm and shoulder muscles; restricting pitch counts; avoiding throwing curveballs until old enough to shave; and switching to another position.

John, who has coached high school pitchers and now manages in the independent Atlantic League, said that a kind of benevolent “child abuse” seemed to exist in baseball as pitchers are pushed too hard by parents and coaches who are uninformed about the risks of overuse.

Even when the risks are explained, and parents are told that many young pitchers eventually lose interest in the sport, Dr. Andrews said, “It doesn’t seem to faze them.”

The other interesting thing is the article says that 1 out of 7 pitchers in the majors right now have undergone this procedure. That's WAY higher than I would have guessed.

Also, how is this any different than doing steroids? What if I put a titanium arm in my son, so it would never break? How is that different than the supposed benefit of steroids - resistance to pain, recovery from injury, added strength, etc.?

The answer - it's not.

Friday Smatter

So, it seems that Chris Carpenter, historically a fragile sort, needs Tommy John surgery. Meaning he's out for the season and probably, at least, the first half of next year. When I curse the Giants for their silly decisions, at least I can console myself in the fact that they didn't pay Carp $63.5 million last winter even though he was already signed through 2008. It's contracts like that which illustrate the evil of agents. And dumb management.

And look, I'm no genius. I know this. But I avoided Carpenter this year in fantasy baseball drafts because he was going for a ton of money, and aside from the last two or three years, he always got injured. If I can show a bit of caution that way, shouldn't Cardinals management feel similarly?

Word is coming down that Michael Vick may take a leave of absence...but it's not clear who this is coming from. The Falcons? The league office? Certainly not from Mr. Vick. It's a clearly correct decision, even though I do strongly believe in the concept of innocence until guilt is proven...this is pretty shady stuff. Vick almost certainly glossed over the truth (at a bare minimum) when he sat down with Roger Goodell and professed complete ignorance about all of this dogfighting horror. (Of course, this being the world of sports, the union is hopeful that Vick will be paid his full $7MM salary while on leave, if that transpires. Nothing like keeping your eye on the ball, union folks.)

For those of us in the Bay Area, we were woken up at about 4:45 to a decent sized earthquake. Apparently, it was "only" a 4.2 on the Richter scale, but it certainly felt pretty strong. And I think I fell back asleep in approximately 14 seconds...

The Jam - The Modern World

On shuffle, I heard this yesterday and as always when I listen to The Jam, I can't help but think they've gotten overlooked in recent years for JUST HOW AWESOME THEY ARE. Plus, I find it sort of endearing that they still wore suits back then.

This is a modern world - This is the modern world
What kind of a fool do you think I am?
You think I know nothing of the modern world
All my life has been the same
I've learned to live by hate and pain
It's my inspiration drive -
I've learned more than you'll ever know
Even at school I felt quite sure
That one day I would be on top
And I'd look down upon the map
The teachers that said I'd be nothing
This is the modern world that I've learnt about
This is the modern world, we don't need no one
To tell us what's right or wrong -
Say what you like 'cause I don't care
I know where I am and going to
It's somewhere I won't preview
Don't have to explain myself to you
I don't give two fucks about your review

753

And...another. Getting closer!

The Emmys Suck...

Seriously, that's no stretch to say. But how in the world does Friday Night Lights not get a single nomination?

Ridiculous.

In defense, here are some pictures of Minka Kelly in retaliation.

752

Barry Bonds just hit his 18th HR of the year, #752 in his career. He's getting closer...

Remember When?

I was never a big fan of Britney Spears, never really got why so many guys thought she was so hot because her eyes looked seriously messed up, as if she was inbred or something. But she did used to look like this, and seemingly had the world at her feet:

Now? She clearly is still wasted, and pulled off the road yesterday and ran into the ocean. I would support this ingeneral, but she has two kids. I keep seeing photos of her everywhere andd not a kid anywhere near her.

Get it together, for gods sake. Just go away.

A few things here and there

It’s really something when you consider yourself a sports fan, and you learn mid-week that both the Tour De France and the British Open are underway. I mean, I’ve only rarely cared a whit about cycling and certainly won’t race home to tape that, but I do sort of wish I’d TiVo’d the British Open this morning.

Even more insane, several players in the Open LOST their golf clubs – or rather, their airlines did. You just know that folks like Tiger and Phil and Ernie just snicker at this and wonder idly why everyone doesn’t just get their own jet.

You may or may not like Big Brother, but you are really missing out on one of the greatest reality TV show crier of all time in Amber, the cocktail waitress/single mother from Vegas with the stringiest, craziest hair I’ve seen in awhile, and who can muster up a shaking bawlfest faster than any toddler I’ve ever seen.



Apparently, Michael Vick called and apologized to Arthur Blank, Falcons and Home Depot owner. It’s unclear whether he’s sorry about what a scumbag he is, or just that it got made public.

And, as a tease to a later post I've been thinking about for awhile, Mandy Moore -- super hot, and yet never part of that discussion about who is hot in Hollywood. Not sure why.

Obama Girl vs. Giuliani Girl

I have to say, even though this song SUCKS, it's pretty entertaining. Not just because it's full of hot women, but because it's amusing, clever and (I think) is much more pro Obama than Rudy G. I'd add the requisite question about whether any of these women have ever voted, but that's not the point, really. The point is...who would have thought that a Spice Girls type video rapping about presidential contenders would be something ANYONE would ever make, just a few years ago?

And because this is the world we live in now, the Obama Girl has a well-earned Maxim photo spread:

Michael Vick is Guilty

Here's the thing…I don't know if Vick is technically guilty of the felony crimes he's being investigated for – like most humans with a sense of humanity, I didn't know anything about dogfighting until about a few months ago.

What is clear is that, whether he's going to be found guilty by a court or not, Vick is guilty of being a complete an utter douchebag, and someone with a level of contempt for life that makes him, in some way, a sub-human.

Now, I know that idiots like Clinton Portis and Chris Samuels defend Vick, and don't think that dogfighting is anything wrong. It's a sport to them, in the same way others play golf, cards or go to the track. For those who missed that foray into Idiotsville, here is a quote from the ESPN story a while back:

"I don't know if he was fighting dogs or not," Portis said in the interview. "But it's his property; it's his dogs. If that's what he wants to do, do it."

Portis, a native of Laurel, Miss., added: "I know a lot of back roads that got a dog fight if you want to go see it. But they're not bothering those people because those people are not big names. I'm sure there's some police got some dogs that are fighting them, some judges got dogs and everything else."

In the segment, Portis said that Vick would be put "behind bars for no reason" if the Atlanta Falcons quarterback were charged and convicted for dog fighting. Samuels laughed during much of the interview.

Now, that's not Michael Vick speaking, it's Portis and Samuels. (Laughing. What scum.) But if you need to have someone explain to you why this is horrifying, why it shows a level of cruelty and inhumanity that is utterly disgusting, well, it's time to look in the mirror. And let's be clear about this – Vick knew what was going on. This dates back to 2001, Vick's rookie year. That means as soon as he got paid (legally, anyhow), he invested in a dogfighting operation.

Vick and the others are accused of "knowingly sponsoring and exhibiting an animal fighting venture" and conducting a business enterprise involving gambling, as well as buying, transporting and receiving dogs for the purposes of an animal fighting venture.

About eight young dogs were put to death at the Surry County home after they were found not ready to fight in April 2007, the indictment said. They were killed "by hanging, drowning and/or slamming at least one dog's body to the ground."

The details of the case get way worse – putting aside that the whole result of these fights is the death of one animal, there were corpses buried all over his property, and … oh, it makes me angry just thinking about this. And to be clear – I hate pit bulls. But I won't slam them into the ground, electrocute or hang them – because I have A SOUL.

What a scumbag. The thing I keep hearing is, learn from the Duke Lacrosse case and don't judge or indict before there is evidence. I also keep hearing that this is a Southern thing (you'll notice in the ESPN story, it cited where Portis is originally from) -- I expect many Southerns to stand up and say, "Uh, nope. Not MY South." Because you can defend your racist Confederate flag, and all the other legion of issues in the South us Yankees can't understand...but defend dogfighting, and you LOSE. (Just like, ahem, the Civil War.)


To be sure, whether or not Vick broke any law remains to be seen.

But he's clearly guilty of being a terrible human being.

Todd Helton has an Owwie

Of the many reasons why I'd like to be a professional baseball player (competition, low injury risk, money, fame, being able to play a sport for a living, dating Alyssa Milano), the fact that these guys routinely sit out games because of "flu-like" symptoms. I've always chalked that up to mean "hungover," and it's a great reason to do nothing while being paid, often, tens of thousands of dollars for THAT GAME.

Today, Todd Helton, Rockies 1B, sat out because of a headache.

The lineup was switched when first baseman Todd Helton was scratched with a headache. “I don’t feel good at all,’’ said Helton, who looked like he hadn’t slept.

Look, I understand that migraines are unbelievably painful. Crippling, even. But I have to think that were this an actual migraine, it would have said so.

I think Todd's head just hurt.

Per ESPN, Todd makes $16,600,000 this season. (I'll pause while you collect yourself.) That's $102,469 PER GAME. So, Todd got paid over a hundy today to sleep off a headache.

The word you are searching for is...Sigh.

Some Pics Worth Noting

Courtesy of D-Listed, these photos caught my eye.

First, Kate not Katie Cruise Holmes, always a favorite at Greebs HQ, is looking smoking and cute here at a premiere for Hairspray, a film I might cut my eyes out were I forced to watch. I don't care that it's getting great reviews, I am 100% disinterested. Anyhow, here she is:


While I always favor the long hair, it's hard to not think she looks pretty hot here. It's not quite this...



But hey, she's out of the house. Good to see.

But again, from D-Listed, this photo of Michelle Pfeiffer from the same silly premiere is stunning.


I say, dayummm. She's 49 years old, and that's what she looks like. Even if she's had plastic surgery, she doesn't look like she has. (See Mary Tyler Moore, for one.) Nice work.

Big Brother 8: Pure Jen-ius

I’m already hooked on this season of Big Brother, though there are some changes to this season that bother me. I could go on about it, but I’m not really interested.

But Jen fascinates me. For those who consider themselves above BB, this is Jen:



Pretty, right?

She sure thinks so. On the first episode, she started the eye rolling by talking on and on and on about how she modeled but you know, everyone models in L.A., and diaried to the camera that she didn’t find anyone in the house very good looking. Which is preposterous – this season is comprised solely of good looking people. But this was just a tease to later in the show, when the big board (that is, the one that contains everyone’s photos and immunity keys) was revealed.

Jen burst into tears, and eventually covered up her photo because it was so bad. Here is a picture of Jen crying.



I mean, that’s just about the funniest thing I’ve seen in awhile, once you recognize the context of this – that’s she CRYING because a picture of her (which wasn’t bad, of course) wasn’t as good as she’d like. This is a woman who completely and totally defines herself by her looks – there have been plenty of vain contestants before, but Jen is perhaps the most self-centered person on the show, and yes, that’s saying something.

It’s worth pointing out that she IS very pretty, albeit in a very fake way…but she’s so unappealing in every other way that it’s irrelevant. Her full name, apparently, is Jen Johnson and here are some of her modeling photos...





She loathes Danielle, a blond, painfully thin girl who looks somewhat like an anorexic Anna Nicole Smith (and whose father, Evil Dick, is also on the show and looks like a worn out Tommy Lee…yep, I said it), mainly because Danielle has gotten some attention from the guys in the house. Mainly Nick, a former CFL player who is very ripped (but who Jen earlier said wasn’t very good looking) and has played Jen like a flute so far, ignoring her when she’s desperately hoping he’ll compliment her or try to kiss her. She talks about herself so much that other houseguests have created a drinking game based on this (they drink everytime she says the word “I”), and also wears almost exclusively clothes that play on her name (Jenius, Jensa Member, etc.)

Oh, I love this show.

So, Jen stumbles into the Head of Household, by being very stupid. (There are details, but this is all one needs to know.) She nominates Danielle (who everyone saw coming, including Danielle) with the flimsy excuse that Danielle brought stress into the house. She also nominated her dad, Evil Dick, for the same reason – this is somewhat true, at least in the fact that Dick had yelled in Jen’s face at times.

It’s actually a good strategy, though Jen certainly had no real strategy in mind when she came up with this. She’ll either rid herself of a possible contender for “hottest girl in the house,” something critically important to her, or a guy who has screamed in her face on national television. That is, if no one wins the Power of Veto, which happens tonight.

Oh, it’s on. Pure Jen-ius.

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

Yesterday, I wrote about how silly it was that President Bush keeps citing the great progress we are making, and quoted a Nicholas Kristof article which did a great job of mocking our fearful leader.

But this YouTube video gets it way, way better.



Fools.

No! Dear God, No!

The Associated Press is reporting the following:

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) -- Brian Sabean and the San Francisco Giants were closing in Thursday on a new multiyear contract extension for the general manager.

An official in Major League Baseball familiar with the negotiations, requesting anonymity because the deal had not yet been finalized, said an announcement could come as soon as Friday. Sabean is in his 11th season as GM.

The sides have been in talks about a new contract despite owner Peter Magowan having said during spring training that he would re-evaluate Sabean's status toward the end of the 2007 season. The Giants start the second half Friday night against the archrival Los Angeles Dodgers sitting in last place in the NL West at 38-48, 10 1/2 games behind the first-place Padres.

"Brian has so much respect in baseball for what he's done here with the Giants," manager Bruce Bochy said after the team's workout Thursday night. "When you mention Brian Sabean, you're talking one of the best in the game. You look at his success here, his ability to find a way to win, and that's what he's all about. That's why I was so excited to come up here (from San Diego) and be manager and work for Brian. I have tremendous respect for Brian. There's nobody better."

San Francisco hasn't made the playoffs since 2003, one year after falling short in seven games to the wild-card Angels in the World Series.

Let's back up the crazy truck for a moment and look at Bochy's quote one more time.

"When you mention Brian Sabean, you're talking one of the best in the game. You look at his success here, his ability to find a way to win, and that's what he's all about. That's why I was so excited to come up here (from San Diego) and be manager and work for Brian. I have tremendous respect for Brian. There's nobody better."

Look, I know Bochy owes Sabean his job but that's just so tacitly false it's not even funny. I know that to some degree, Sabean has been hamstrung by having to fork over most of his payroll to Barry Bonds and a desire/need to WIN NOW...but he clearly hasn't done that, right? He's made so many bad trades (see: Pierzynski, A.J.) and so many even worse acquisitions, almost all of guys on the wrong side of 35...while letting studs like Vladmir Guerrero waltz by. There's a reason Alfonso Soriano and Carlos Lee ignored the wonder of the Bay Area this year, and it's mostly that this team is mired in its uselessness.

If Sabean re-signs (instead of resigns), then Bonds will surely be back next year, and the team will still be pretending that it can win with a bunch of tired veterans no other team really wants. Perhaps Steve Finley can come back as our hitting coach.

What a disaster.

So Sad For Us

How can one country be both a den of hedonism (as the terrorists apparently believe)and simultaneously the most ass-backward, uptight place in the world?

This story makes me so very sad - hot on the heels The Higher Power of Lucky setting off an uproar because it used the word scrotum, now a German book for kids is not getting distributed because of some art featured in the book.

As it turned out, there were a couple of changes that had to be made before the books could be unleashed on the America public. First off, smokers had to be removed from the illustrations. But that wasn't all. One image shows a scene from an art gallery -- and for realism's sake, there is a cartoonish nude hanging on the wall along with a tiny, seven-millimeter-tall statue of a naked man on a pedestal.

American kiddies, obviously, could never be expected to handle such a depiction of the human body. The US publisher, somewhat awkwardly, asked if they could be removed.

The author, not surprisingly, considers the request to be absurd. The statue's mini-willy, the author points out, is hardly even a half-millimeter long. And the naked woman hanging on the wall? Hardly a realistic depiction of the female anatomy. The US publisher, says Berner, was embarrassed to ask for the changes, but they were even more afraid of how American mommies and daddies might react if junior were exposed to such pornography.

The shocking, horrifying pictures?




Yes, the boobies and the "mini-willie" were deemed too shocking and inappropriate for children.

Sometimes I think if people could really go back and live in Pleasantville, a lot of people would do so gladly.