McSweeney's Nails It
As always, good stuff. Credit to Jon Methven for a great piece here:
THE ECONOMIC CRISIS HITS THE MARKSON FAMILY MONOPOLY BOARD.
I realize you're angry at how Friday night's Monopoly game ended. I'm writing this note to explain why certain things occurred the way they did, and, hopefully, to chip away at the chilly silence that has characterized our relationship the past few days.
Since we haven't spoken, I'm not aware of your stance on the causes of our dispute. I believe our major issue was the housing crisis, which began with your properties on Ventnor Avenue and Marvin Gardens. But in order to put that in context it's important that we first discuss the children's inflationary habits. I realize Bethany is only 6, and you find it cute that she writes "$5,000" in crayon on the backs of the Chance and Community Chest cards when she runs out of funds and uses them to purchase houses, but, if you recall, that is exactly what led to the inflation that crippled our Friday fun.
By allowing our 6-year-old to print her own currency, we're slashing the value of our real Monopoly dollars. Maybe you don't think it's a "big deal" and that I should "relax" because it's "only a game." But tell that to people like me and my former co-workers, who are out of jobs now that the U.S. dollar is worth squat.
This brings us to the housing crisis, for which you and you alone, Pamela, are responsible. When you choose a Chance card and Rich Uncle Pennybags orders you to pay taxes on your houses, then, damn it, Pamela, you pay taxes. Instead, you decide you're not going to pay, because you only have $7 left. It's just a game, you say. Stop taking it so seriously, you tell me. Well, maybe that's what the millions of Americans caught in the subprime-mortgage crisis should have done.
I'm hoping this note sheds some light on my economic acumen, and that you'll consider coming down to the jail to discuss this face to face. After all, Pamela, we have a game to finish. And I do believe it's your roll, sweetheart.