RIP, Gary Coleman

Sad news, as Gary Coleman has died, apparently of a brain hemorrhage.May your days and night be Hasselhofferiffic from now on:

Rock on, Gary. Rock on.

Happy Friday!

This, courtesy of The Sports Guy, is a reminder that we should have known - and really, we did know - what was going on back during The Steroid Era. Just preposterous:

Togas? Really? The Steroid Era was really, really weird.

And Jose Canseco was right. Wow.

Lost: All Of This Matters

Another great writeup on the ending of Lost, this one via the LA Times blog "Show Tracker" which I only just discovered. The whole article is comprehensive, honest and goes point-by-point over some of the biggest complaints about the finale.

(Oh, and this blog also has a link that everyone who thought the final imagery - of the plane crash on the beach - was a nod to say that everyone died IN THE CRASH needs to read. Cause that just ain't true.)

As but one example of how great this article is, it convinced me that having Sayid and Shannon together was, in its own way, the right decision. (I know!)

But it is the ending of the finale write up which I repeat here because it's really almost brilliant:

Think of how "Lost" handled the death of Shannon. That event took up three whole episodes of mourning. First, she was shot in a shocking moment (in "Abandoned"). Then, the survivors reeled from her death (in "Collision"). And then, she was buried and mourned in a moving funeral (in "What Kate Did"). She was a minor supporting character at best, a person who was always on the edges of the show's big mysteries and someone who didn't really get involved in the stuff most fans were really interested in. Yet the show treated her death as though it was something meaningful, as though her life had value beyond the story function she played, which was simply to cause strife between the reunion of the Losties and the Tailies.

Most other TV shows would have handled Shannon's death like this: She would have been shot suddenly. Someone would have looked sad. The end. The death would have been treated like a shock moment at the end of the episode (as it was in "Abandoned") and then completely forgotten about as the show moved on to something else entirely. Character deaths are merely another sweeps-month tool for too many shows, something to go to when you need to keep the audience on their toes. Rarely do they have the emotional effect they need. We are losing these people too, since we're out in the audience and have built relationships with them. "Lost" got that, on some level. And, furthermore, nearly every one of these deaths, except arguably Jack's and Charlie's, was meaningless. Lives were thrown away because of constant strife that simply didn't need to exist. (And you call "Lost" a post-Sept. 11 show!)

Looked at in this light, the finale is the ultimate expression of this idea. Every life matters. Any one life thrown away because two demigods are playing a game with castaways' lives or because someone absolutely and simply MUST protect their magical Island from ... whatever is one life too many. Shannon may not have mattered as much to you as Sun and Jin did, but her death should matter just as much because it was ultimately meaningless, something that happened because people are never able to put aside their anger and suspicion long enough to be good to one another, and the Island and Monster played off of this. The entire final season, then, is an attempt to give a bunch of dead people, many of whom died for nothing, a kind of peace with what happened, a way finally to let go and head off toward something else, even as the show itself was trying to do the same. "All of this matters," Christian says, and it's the show's mantra. The world is a place where meaningless death shouldn't happen, but it's also a place where it happens every day. The best you can do is try to hold on and savor it.

...

But the more I think about what kind of show "Lost" ultimately was, the more I think it expressed the idea that life is precious in a way that was, ultimately, not trite. We live in a good and beautiful world, a place full of things we can't fully explain and things we're only beginning to learn about. But it's also a dark and horrible world, where people die for little to no reason, and you have to stand back and watch them be mourned and wonder just what meaning any of it has. And yet, after a death, there will be another morning and another and another. You'll keep waking up. You'll keep living your life, and going about your business, and knowing that your most important task is to remember who they were, what they brought to the world. You'll keep waking up until you don't, and then ...

And then you hope that you, too, are remembered.

Wow. Go read the whole thing. NOW.

Also, if you have a few years to kill, this page aims to indicate which mysteries of the island/show were actually answered, and provides a cool collection of things like all the Dharma stations, etc.

That's $240 Dollars Worth of Pudding

At work, we have - or, at least, HAD - a fund for folks who were late to meetings. They'd drop a dollar into a bowl, and over the years this added up. We now have $240.00, and the question came up where to spend it.
I bit my tongue, really, I did. And then my co-worker David said,

"We could ... buy $240 worth of pudding."

I was, apparently, the only one in the room who had also watched The State. So, if you aren't familiar with Barry and LeVon, witness the magic:

The State - MTV Shows

Where'd they get $240? Don't worry your pretty little head about it. (It ain't your concern...)

Yes, It's Another 'Fire Brian Sabean' Rant

Fans of this blog will know I'm no fan of Giants GM Brian Sabean. I've written about him at least 30 times based on a rough search of the archives, and ... well, none of those have been (in my recollection) anything favorable. No, more often than not these are posts like, "How To Politely Call Brian Sabean An Idiot," or "PLEASE FIRE BRIAN SABEAN NOW."

What can I say, subtlety isn't always my thing.

He can use a computer? I'm genuinely shocked.

Mostly, Sabean is as fault for what he doesn't do as much as what he does -- but the reality is, he's responsible for personnel on a team with perhaps the best starting pitching and the worst starting offense in the league. He's done almost nothing to bolster the offense in the minors aside from draft a felon, intentionally give up draft picks and currently, keep Buster Posey - rated by many to be no lower than the third best offensive player in the minor leagues - mired in Triple-A.

There are, of course, many good reasons to keep him there. Posey is a catcher and that requires controlling the pitching staff, a complicated process that Posey is just learning.

For whatever reason, Sabean refuses to talk straight with the press or the fans, and incessantly lies about some of the worst decisions he's made. Read more, why don't you?

Lost On Lost

So, Lost is over ... and many are upset about what WASN'T in the finale, or the shows that preceded it.

Yes, I too would have liked more concrete answers, and yet I found the finale extremely satisfying - and that dichotomy somehow feels right given this show in particular.

But at least two other sources have compiled lists of what they REALLY wish had been addressed. The second one is a video, and at least half the things are sort of silly or actually were answered, but it's a good exercise and another way to keep thinking about what I consider one of the better shows on TV, ever.

Here's a great list from Geekscape, and a sample:

9. NO, SERIOUSLY, WHAT WAS UP WITH THE WHEEL?

THE MYSTERY:

Oh boy. So there’s this magic donkey wheel underground that for some reason causes the area around it to experience sub-zero temperatures, and turning the wheel not only moves the island through space and time but teleports the person who actually turns the wheel to Tunisia. Oh, and only the survivors move throughout time, not The Others.

THE BEST ANSWER WE GOT:

In Season Six we learned that the Man in Black built the wheel centuries ago, and that he connected it to a mechanism that mixed the light at the center of the island with water.

WHY WE DESERVE A REAL ANSWER:
Oh, it’s a “mechanism?” Well that makes everything okay, doesn’t it? Wait… No, that’s just fucking awful. Their explanation for how the wheel works is “because someone built it and made it work.” We’d kind of inferred that one, guys. But how does an ancient mechanism that mixes water and light differentiate between the survivors and The Others? We wanted answers, not vague suggestions. Maybe it would have been best not to call attention to the fact that you don’t have an explanation for silliest plot point of the series only a couple episodes before the big finale, hmm?

And here is a great video from College Humor, that has more than a few gems in it as well.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

And yes, I miss Lost already.

Dear Mother Nature

It's almost FUCKING SUMMER. Apologies for the harsh language, but it's not like I tried to tell you Parkay was butter or anything - why the harsh treatment?

It's the end of May. ENOUGH with the goddamn rain.

Seriously, this aggression will not stand.

Screw The Stats, Vote For Our Guy!

Today, I received this in my Inbox:

Pablo Sandoval needs your vote!

May 25, 2010 – Pablo Sandoval is currently sitting in fourth place in the National League All-Star Selection Ballot. Your vote can help get the very deserving Pandoval to his first All-Star Game. Keep voting for Pablo and your other Giants on sfgiants.com.

Look, I love me some Panda. Great attitude, a legitimate hitter who has been mired in a season-long slump, and --- wait, that last part is sort of relevant.

The Angry Panda.

While he's shown signs of life recently, as of this writing, here are his stats:

Batting Average:                       .282

On-Base Percentage:                .342

Home Runs:                                3

RBI:                                          14

Runs:                                         20

Um, that's bad. Or, more honestly, insanely mediocre. 

Also, see that photo up there? That came along with the email. It certainly doesn't look like a happy Panda. In fact, it looks like a guy who just had a very frustrating at-bat (see the helmet). 

So, let me get this straight, San Francisco Giants - you pretty much acknowledge that Pablo Sandoval isn't all that this year, but call him "very deserving" for an All-Star bid? He should have gone last year, absolutely. And hopefully by the end of this year we'll be saying the same thing. 

But right now? That campaign is as much of a joke as Brian Sabean. Your fans aren't stupid - just preposterously tolerant. Probably not a good idea to test those limits, folks.

News of the Day

Via Deadspin (and Ken Tremendous on Twitter), I have to agree that this is the best opening paragraph in the history of news reporting:

The Brevard County doctor who was arrested for groping a woman while dressed as Captain America with a burrito in his pants will not go to jail.

 
Really, that says it all, but the full story is here should you be interested.

Freddy Sanchez Ain't Your Hero

Freddy Sanchez returned from the DL this week, getting his first at-bats as a Giant this season. I wasn't thrilled by the trade for him last season (and expected to be more sickened whenever the Pirates call up Tim Alderson, but that's probably a future blog post.)

I'm still not too excited about Sanchez, but what struck me was that I was actually looking forward to his activation because the Giants so desperately need ... something. They've talked about calling up prospect Buster Posey, but GM Brian Sabean, in his infinite wisdom, has declared that Posey simply isn't ready. They've also said that they aren't interested in free agent Pat Burrell, who they could get for pennies. (I harbor no illusions about Burrell's bat, but it should be noted they said the exact same thing about Jorge Cantu, who would be a pretty welcome bat on this squad.)


In any event, Sanchez is back, and has been capable in his first few games. But as The Wolf said in Pulp Fiction,

"Let's not start sucking--"

OK, this is at least somewhat of a family blog. I probably shouldn't finish that quote. But, if you'd like to see why I think Giants fans should temper their expectations of Former Batting Champion Freddy Sanchez, read on.

Jazz On Jazz Violence

Did you ever think you liked Pat Metheny?

Yeah, me neither. But via kottke, I read this blog post and ... well, I sort of love the guy.

Here's just a brief sample, where Metheny simply eviscerates Kenny G, for deciding to play over Louis Armstrong.

It's just quite possible the biggest smackdown outside of Celebrity Death Match, and even though I am really not a fan of jazz much at all outside of some Miles and some Coltrane here and there, I think I might join a Pat Metheny Fan Club page on Facebook, just because of this.

Read (bold is mine, just to make sure you don't miss anything):

Not long ago, Kenny G put out a recording where he overdubbed himself on top of a 30+ year old Louis Armstrong record, the track "What a Wonderful World". With this single move, Kenny G became one of the few people on earth I can say that I really can't use at all - as a man, for his incredible arrogance to even consider such a thing, and as a musician, for presuming to share the stage with the single most important figure in our music.

...

But when Kenny G decided that it was appropriate for him to defile the music of the man who is probably the greatest jazz musician that has ever lived by spewing his lame-ass, jive, pseudo bluesy, out-of-tune, noodling, wimped out, fucked up playing all over one of the great Louis's tracks (even one of his lesser ones), he did something that I would not have imagined possible. He, in one move, through his unbelievably pretentious and calloused musical decision to embark on this most cynical of musical paths, shit all over the graves of all the musicians past and present who have risked their lives by going out there on the road for years and years developing their own music inspired by the standards of grace that Louis Armstrong brought to every single note he played over an amazing lifetime as a musician. By disrespecting Louis, his legacy and by default, everyone who has ever tried to do something positive with improvised music and what it can be, Kenny G has created a new low point in modern culture - something that we all should be totally embarrassed about - and afraid of. We ignore this, "let it slide", at our own peril.

I mean ... I say GODDAMN.  Now, in full disclosure, I will say that the mere mention of Kenny G's name always brings a smile to my face - but only because I have two friends (who shall remain nameless) who while under the influence of some particularly strong hallucinogenics ended up listening to a Kenny G song on repeat about 45 times in a row back in the late 1980s.  That being said, he still sucks, and Pat Metheny just called him on it.

Who Is The Greatest Survivor?

With the conclusion of the 20th season of Survivor on Sunday night, we had our first two-time winner in Sandra Diaz-Twine. On the reunion show, uber-host Jeff Probst asked the question that many of us have been asking all season -- who is the best Survivor of all-time?

Naturally, Sandra said that she was ... and as the only two-time winner, she has at least a decent argument. She's also only played the game twice, meaning she has never been voted out in Tribal Council.

She's also never won a single immunity challenge, and in both seasons has sort of snuck into the winners circle. I wouldn't say she's a typical "Fly Under The Radar" player, but she certainly isn't a dominant player.

So, who IS the greatest Survivor of all-time? Click below to see my thoughts on this extremely important subject.

An Open Letter To Lou Pritchett

Meet America's Scaredy Cat.

Sometimes, I stall for things to write about, and it is times like these when I appreciate the fact that I have friends with very different views than me about things. One of them recently posted on his Facebook stream a link to Lou Pritchett's "An Open Letter to President Obama."

Who is Lou Pritchett? He's a former Proctor & Gamble executive, and apparently a very, very scared man.

Why do I say that? Below, I'll print his letter (his stuff is in bold), with my responses to his maniacally stupid rant at each point. With respect to Mr. Pritchett (though he hardly deserves it), this letter was written in May 2009, which is worth considering when reading this.

AN OPEN LETTER TO PRESIDENT OBAMA

Dear President Obama:

You are the thirteenth President under whom I have lived and unlike any of the others, you truly scare me.

I'm going to take the high road here, and not assume it has anything to do with President Obama's skin color that scares Mr. Pritchett. It's also worth pointing out that, as a man in his sixties, you really shouldn't be so easily frightened.

You scare me because after months of exposure, I know nothing about you.

The guy has written TWO auto-biographies, his background is well documented, he talks about his background all the time…I read his first biography years before he even ran for office, and since then I've learned a great deal more. The fact that you know "nothing" about him signifies only one thing - you clearly don’t WANT to know anything about him.

You scare me because I do not know how you paid for your expensive Ivy League education and your upscale lifestyle and housing with no visible signs of support.

Mr. Pritchett, have you not heard of scholarships? Or of the fact that Mrs. Obama was a successful lawyer, and Mr. Obama a published author and member of Congress. This is the kind of sleazy, baseless allegation that Mr. Pritchett is quite fond of, however ... stay tuned.

You scare me because you did not spend the formative years of youth growing up in America and culturally you are not an American.

Congratulations, sir – you are officially a xenophobe! This is also untrue (unless Hawaii no longer counts as America), but even if it were, it’s nice to have someone in a position of leadership who understands the global community. It's also worth pointing out that "culturally," Americans from Florida (where Mr. Pritchett now resides), Manhattan, Wasilla and San Francisco are all pretty different...but they're still all Americans. Way to go, Lou, this one is genuinely offensive.

You scare me because you have never run a company or met a payroll.

This means that every President aside from George W. Bush scared you, too, Lou. It's also worth pointing out that that guy bankrupted the companies he ran. But apparently that isn't cause for wetting the bed.

You scare me because you have never had military experience, thus don't understand it at its core..

This eliminates most candidates for office. Also, Bush barely served in the Air Guard, and Cheney had five deferments, doing everything possible NOT to serve. How did they understand the military? (It's also worth pointing out that nothing on Mr. Pritchett's biography suggests that heserved in the military, which sounds about right.)

You scare me because you lack humility and 'class', always blaming others.

Of course, this grand overstatement doesn't cite a single example ... but I'm assuming this goes back to President Obama actually mentioning that he was left with a gigantic mess by the former administration. Apparently, in order to be "classy," he should just grin and bear it and take slings and arrows from dipshits like Lou ... without pointing out the simple facts of how we got here. Heaven forbid the country should learn a lesson from the catastrophic administration from 2000-2008.

You scare me because for over half your life you have aligned yourself with radical extremists who hate America and you refuse to publicly denounce these radicals who wish to see America fail.
Also totally untrue. I’m assuming he’s talking about William Ayres (who he knew in the Chicago crowd and did not spend half a year with, much less half his life – and his former priest Jeremiah Wright who he has publicly denounced and severed ties with.) Interestingly, I don’t remember Republican outrage for associating with people like Pat Buchanan, James Dobson and others who on a daily basis say horrible, vicious and hateful things.

You scare me because you are a cheerleader for the 'blame America' crowd and deliver this message abroad.

Really? I don’t even know what this means, but it doesn’t make sense. People who blame America don’t want to spend years trying to fix it. I assume this is a reaction to not being a cowboy saying “bring it on,” and occasionally admitting that our country has made a mistake and has room to improve. President Bush was awful for many things, but failing to admit a mistake was high on the list. This is a welcome improvement.

You scare me because you want to change America to a European style country where the government sector dominates instead of the private sector.

Sigh. Regulation, and trying to fix broken systems doesn’t mean this. It's worth pointing out that TARP was launched under the prior administration (oops, there I go being classless and blaming others) and that the only other instance of this saved the automobile industry (and about 4,000,000 US jobs in the process). It's also worth acknowledging that the government loans are either paid back already or well on their way ... but why let facts get in the way of a good ghost story? Obama is scary!

You scare me because you want to replace our health care system with a government controlled one.

Well fine, have this one – even though the American system prevented this from happening. So sleep easy, pansy boy.

You scare me because you prefer 'wind mills' to responsibly capitalizing on our own vast oil, coal and shale reserves.

Our "vast" oil reserves are a finite resource, and drilling elsewhere - even aside from the current tragedy in the Gulf - isn't going to change that in any real way. Only a complete idiot would think that it is silly to look at alternate sources of energy, as that leaves us vulnerable to countries where the oil is still plentiful. (Memo to Lou: These are those places in the Middle East, where there are actually genuine things to be afraid of, though not most of the citizens. We'll discuss this later.) This is a national security concern as much as anything else, and being scared about it not only makes you weak on national security, it makes you an idiot.

You scare me because you want to kill the American capitalist goose that lays the golden egg which provides the highest standard of living in the world.

No…no he doesn’t. He wants to return to the tax rates of the 1990s, perhaps the biggest explosion in capitalism, free enterprise and economic development this country has seen since the post-WWII era. This is the claim of someone upset that he might personally pay a higher tax rate, because he got a disproportionately large tax CUT from former President Bush. Most personal income rates are now lower for 95% of the citizens than they have been in years. But again, why let facts get in the way of a good hissy fit?

You scare me because you have begun to use 'extortion' tactics against certain banks and corporations.

Um, those would be the banks and corporations that would have dissolved without governmental help, and President Obama is forcing them to act like corporations that owe something to their shareholders, of which sadly the US government was forced to be one. Guess what? These almost all worked out well for both the corporation and the government. I guess a world that wouldn’t scare you would have the government bailout the banks and auto corporations but doesn’t hold them accountable for what they do with the money.

You scare me because your own political party shrinks from challenging you on your wild and irresponsible spending proposals.

Or, perhaps, your world has one where you let all these companies fail and bring down the US economy even further than President Bush could do. (I’m sure, quite sure, that you would then actually be “scared” that Obama let that happen. MORON.)

You scare me because you will not openly listen to or even consider opposing points of view from intelligent people.

This might be the dumbest thing on the list! President Obama might do this more than any other president in history. The GOP Congress barely offers up any proposals besides “Do what Bush did!” which DOES NOT WORK. But regardless, how does this compare to the former administration who intentionally disregarded opposing viewpoints? President Obama has three Republicans in his cabinet, routinely talks to those who disagree with him and … well, if you don’t know that already, it’s because you don’t want to.

You scare me because you falsely believe that you are both omnipotent and omniscient.

Oh, just FUCK OFF.

You scare me because the media gives you a free pass on everything you do.

No, no they do not. Of course, if you mean that the media treats President Obama differently than Fox News does, well ... I'll grant you that point.

You scare me because you demonize and want to silence the Limbaughs, Hannitys, O'Relllys and Becks who offer opposing, conservative points of view.

How, exactly, does he want to do this? By pointing out when they say hateful and wrong things? How does he want to silence them? Way to create a scare tactic with no basis in fact, Lou.

You scare me because you prefer controlling over governing.

Moron.

Finally, you scare me because if you serve a second term I will probably not feel safe in writing a similar letter in 8 years.

Lou Pritchett

In conclusion, sir, are a big fat ‘fraidy cat. It saddens me that people can read this tripe and actually think it has merit. It literally has none.

The Modern Hippie

This morning, The Kid wanted to choose her own outfit. It is worth noting that she is almost two years old, and that we are clearly learning which battles are worth fighting.

Note the knee high socks, the whale pajama shorts, the tee shirt and the winter hat.

Awesome.

-- I posted this from my iPhone, please excuse the mess.

Pick up a mop!

When people criticize President Obama and the Democrats for not working "in a bi-partisan manner," they're either not paying attention or they are being willfully ignorant of the Republican Obstruction Plan. That's why President Obama's recent remarks are important, even if they were just at a fundraiser.

More of this, please (emphasis below is mine):

"We're not Democrats or Republicans first -- we're Americans first... [W]e got our mops and our brooms out, we're cleaning stuff out, and they're sitting there saying, 'Hold the broom better.' 'That's not how you mop.' Don't tell me how to mop. Pick up a mop! Do some work on behalf of the American people to solve some of these problems.

But that wasn't their strategy... This is public record. They've said in interviews: 'We made a political decision. We stood nothing to gain from cooperating. We knew things were going to be bad. And we figured, if we didn't do anything and if it didn't work out so well, maybe the other side would take the blame.'

They've done their best to gum up the works; to make things look broken; to say no to every single thing. That was the attitude they had when it came to pulling our economy out of a crisis. That was the attitude they had when it came to making sure that families and businesses finally got the security of health care in this country. That's been the attitude on any number of challenges that we faced. Their basic attitude has been: 'If the Democrats lose, we win.'

So after they drove the car into the ditch, made it as difficult as possible for us to pull it back, now they want the keys back. No! You can't drive! We don't want to have to go back into the ditch! We just got the car out! We just got the car out!"

It's nice when adults are in charge, isn't it?

Jim Brockmeyer, Gamechanger

Saw this about a week ago, but it wasn't embeddable -- but it looks like MLB has pulled the stick out of their heiny (they had some issues with the use of actual game footage). Now, it's worth sharing:

Gamechangers Ep 3: A Legend in the Booth with Hank Azaria from Hank Azaria

It's honestly one of the funniest things I've seen in awhile, especially if you like sports, arcane humor and movie references. The language gets extremely NSFW towards the end but it's worth it. Truly, truly worth it.

The Next Girl: Yes, This Is Awesome.

This is a video by The Black Keys. It features a plastic dinosaur named Frank, and a lot of girls in bikinis.


The song is fairly great, too. Enjoy the music, the comedy, the video itself and the shameless commerce.

Bloodbuzz Ohio

Courtesy of Pitchfork, it's the latest video from one of the best bands out there these days, The National:

The National - "Bloodbuzz Ohio" (official video) from The National on Vimeo.

Is it the worlds greatest video? Um, no. No, it is not. But it's still a very good song, so enjoy.

The Dragons Rule

Seriously, this is really only for fans of Survivor, but apparently, they host videos of what the jury does after being eliminated. The first 2:00 of this are filler, something about how Candace likes brownies, but after that, it's GOLD. GOLD!



I'm just waiting for their record deal.

Happy Friday

I can't add much to add to the awesome here:



That's ... awesome. Happy Friday, all.

The Derby

Someone recently asked me if I like the Kentucky Derby. Though I'm an avid sports fan, my honest answer was that I couldn't care less about it, that horse racing is something I don't even understand or follow, etc.

However, I did say this - that the Derby itself is amusing for me to watch second and third tier celebrities from the coasts show up, dressed like IDIOTS. I mean, that's fun all year round.

To wit, courtesy of Go Fug Yourself, I give you Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson:

Look, I'm no fashion guy - but she looks ... pretty dang good.

But he ... looks like the biggest idiot I think I've ever seen. Or at least in the top-ten. I seriously hope someone, at some point during the race, smacked this guy in the face with the full palm.

That is all.