Speak Up, Sonny!

I used to have a picture of Bud Selig straining to hear something as my avatar on a few pages. I thought it spoke volumes about how tone deaf he is, and while it's never funny to make fun of an old person, Bud Selig brings it on himself by being a complete moron, a pawn of baseball owners and someone who is clearly responsible for some of the darker moments in recent baseball history.

That being said, I didn't realize how common this pose is for Commish Selig. Deadspin, as it's wont to do, has put together a gallery. They describe it as such:

Bud Selig cupping his ear and straining to hear something that he'll probably just lie about anyway.

Here's the snapshot, but go to Deadspin for the gallery in all of its glory:

In related news, folks may have noted that I haven't spoken about my Giants aside from complaining at the beginning of the year that they were doomed for failure, that Brian Sabean is a twit, etc. Well, that's worked so far and as a good sports fan, I'm utterly convinced of jinxes and whatnot. So I shall stay silent until I can't handle it no more, except to say simply:

VIVA LOS GIGANTES!

I Want You

This, shared by a friend on Facebook, is insanely awesome:

And if you don't get it, you are also probably reading the wrong blog. If anyone can actually find the actual creator of this, I'd love to give him or her credit, and thanks.

Sayonara Jimmy Raye

It had nothing to do with my post, or even Lowell Cohn's similar post a bit later (I kid), but the 49ers have taken the step they had to and fired embattled Offensive Coordinator Jimmy Raye, who truly embraced the word "offensive" with his play-calling. (Zing!) He's been replaced by former QB coach Mike Johnson.

Raye and Singletary will forever be linked. Sorry, Mike.

It says something about Singletary that he actually made this move (debate continues on how much his hand was or wasn't forced), but it mostly speaks to the horrific hire that Raye was, and what that says about Singletary. Those with good memories will remember that true offensive minds like Scott Linehan (now with the Detroit Lions) and Clyde Christensen (Colts) interviewed and turned down the job, because they saw what Singletary wanted. He wanted a smash-mouth offense that bears no resemblance to modern football. They saw the writing on the wall, and said, in essence, thanks but no thanks.

It's not like folks couldn't see this coming:

Mike Singletary and the Niners should have seen it coming. San Francisco was Raye's seventh stop as an offensive coordinator and the sixth time he left an offense in worse shape than he found it. Remarkably, Raye has never stayed as coordinator for more than three seasons and only once even made it that far. ...

The only time Raye improved an offense in his first season with a team was with the Jets in 2004. The only time he left a team with a higher offensive ranking than the one he inherited was with the Chiefs. If Jimmy Raye was an actor, he'd be Ted McGinley. 

Sigh. Seriously? Yes, seriously. If someone wants to Photoshop a picture of Jimmy Raye jumping over a shark while on water skis, I'll gladly post it here.

Tim Kawakami, as he often does, puts it phenomenally in his post:

Maybe [new offensive coordinator Mike] Johnson’s good, maybe he’s not, but how in the world would Singletary know?

He can’t know because he doesn’t know offense at all, in the same way that Mike Nolan didn’t have a clue about offense and only found good OCs by happenstance, amid the wave of bad ones.

So if Johnson’s an immediate success, it tells us that he should’ve been the OC long ago and that Singletary had no idea and screwed up the 49ers for 19 games of Raye.

And if Johnson’s terrible, it tells us that Singletary has no idea, anyway. Which we know.

I’ve been told again and again that Singletary took over this job not realizing 80% of the full responsibilities–the personnel, the staffing, the media, the administration.

Fine. He’s learning on the job. He’s great with the players, he’s a powerful voice. He’s learning the rest.

But Singletary HAD to know that, as a totally defensive guy, the offensive coordinator was by far the most important hire he had to make. Had to know it.

If he didn’t know it, he was and is not competent to be an NFL head coach.

Yet he fired Mike Martz and scared off Scott Linehan and Clyde Christensen during the interviews, and the job fell to Raye because he was the “best” guy who would accept and embrace Singletary’s “smash-mouth” imperative.

So if Johnson can’t get the job done, where will Singletary turn next, if he still has this job? I don’t know. I don’t know who’d take the job and I don’t know if Singletary would have any idea how to avoid hiring Jimmy Raye 2.0.

Seriously, if you are a 49ers fan and the above doesn't send chills down your spine, you are made of stronger stock than I am. I'm glad Raye is gone, but as I said earlier, I'm also pretty sure that he's a symptom of the problem, not the cause.

Dear Coach Singletary

You've been with the 49ers for awhile now, and you are in the middle of your second full season as Head Coach.You replaced Mike Nolan, who honestly was barely a Head Coach, and did better in front of the media than he ever did on the field. Replacing him was necessary, but when the team chose you, many people wondered if you were ready. The other folks worried that if the 49ers didn't choose you, someone else would pluck you from the ranks and we'd lose you to another team.

In your first press conference, you famously yelled, "I WANT WINNERS! I want people who want to win!" It became your calling card; they made billboards of it.

But here's the problem: As a coach, you aren't a winner. Thus far, your record is a dismal 13-15, including this season's jarring 0-3 beginning. You seem to detest the fact that the media holds you accountable, and your condescension to the media has become a national joke.

Loyalty is important - and I understand the commitment to Alex Smith, who I honestly don't think is the problem.When reporters ask you about anything to do with "X's and O's" you can barely conceal your contempt, but they are not the problem. Many cite offensive coordinator Jimmy Raye, who has a myriad of issues ... but while I'd like to see him replaced, he's not the problem.

Here is the problem - I think it's you.

Trust me, it hurts to write this. I am a die-hard 49ers fan; if I could have named my daughter Joe Montana, I would have. I just think you are in way over your head, and that things aren't going to get better until we get a legitimate head coach.

You've now been out-coached - yes, out-coached - by Pete Carroll and Todd Haley, not to mention Super Bowl winning head coach Sean Payton. When I looked at the schedule at the beginning of the year, Seattle and Kansas City were teams that I chalked up as wins; Seattle went 5-11 last year, one win better than the Chiefs 4-12 record. Certainly, they've improved this year - but that's inexcusable. Winners beat the teams they are supposed to; now, you are looking straight uphill, in the worst division in football, the 49ers are at the bottom.

Your excuses are pathetic, and your insistence that Jimmy Raye stay as offensive coordinator belies more stubbornness on your part than anything else. It's not like Raye is considered a genius around the league; the fact that he looks like he retired several years ago doesn't mean he's useless ... just that he's not exactly lighting up the league. He's also the guy who can't always get plays called in time, seems to run the ball only when the team is down by several TDs and ... enough.

I don't claim to know more about football than you, Coach Singletary. You obviously have made it your life, and I know that you are a passionate, faithful man - and not just because you parade an offensively large cross around your neck every game day. (Seriously, I could care less about your faith, but I don't need it in my face. And it's odd/lame that a league that refuses to let coaches wear non-Reebok clothing doesn't seem to care a whit about a coach wearing a cross the size of a Subaru around his neck.) 

I know this because it's your deal, it's your image and it's part of why people got excited about you as a coach - you are inspiring. Hell, you were a motivational speaker before you got into coaching. Obviously, you can fire people up.

I just need to see evidence that you can coach. An 8-8 record last year was nice in that it broke a long series of losing seasons, but the team was still playing golf in January. An 0-3 start to the year, including two losses that rank among the most embarrassing ones in franchise history, suggests you haven't learned much of anything.  I like the direction the team has taken, and I thought the draft was masterful this year, but it doesn't matter if your game plans stink and you can't adjust once the clock starts. The team is now going to Atlanta, and then home against the Eagles, and frankly, if the team is NOT 0-5 at the end of that, I'll be shocked. Let's be clear; this team hasn't been that bad since the late 1970's.

And you know what? I expect to hear this from you: "It's all about growing, and moving forward and learning more about ourselves. We will figure this out, we will win, we will dominate." Or, something like that, because it's what I've heard you say almost every single week since you took the reins. It's past getting old, it's now stale, and it's got to stop. I think you believe this stuff; I just don't know why.

I'd love to look back on this post a few weeks, months or years from now and be embarrassed, ashamed that I ever thought such things about you, Coach Singletary. I hope that it's a sign more that I'm a frustrated fan than an acute observer. I really, really do. But, as they say, I have my doubts.

A NSFW Family Lesson

A few weeks back, I posted on Facebook the following:

I stand by this update.

For those who don't want to click through, that's me talking about how I danced with my two-year old daughter to Cee-Lo's "Fuck You" song, which I just love and apparently, so does my kid. I knew it was slightly wrong, but hey, it's lyrics in a fast-paced song, so what could she possibly hear?

Forward to this weekend -- the three of us are driving in my car, and my iPod is playing and the same song comes over the speakers.

Wife: Um...is this the best song to play?
Me: I think it's fine.
Wife: Yeah, you're right.
Me: Let's just not sing the lyrics out loud, right?

The song plays through, and we keep driving...and then, from the backseat...

Kid: Daddy! It's FUCK!
Me: Um...what was that?
Kid: It's FUCK!
Me: .....
Kid: It's FUCK, Daddy!
Me (silently praying to myself): What is it, sweetie?
Kid (pointing out the window): It's fog, Daddy!

And yes, it was indeed fog, rolling down the Marin hills in the late afternoon.

Still, lesson learned. Cee-Lo is officially off-limits, at least this tune.

Man, it's tough being the parent of a verbal, smart kid.

TV Roundup: Sports Night, #4

We're back at the TV Roundup, and we're getting close to the top. Top of what? My top 21 favorite shows of all-time. We're at the fourth spot on the list ... and actually, this next show is one I have called "my favorite" many times. Before I get into that one, here's what we have so far:

21. Kids In The Hall
20. Taxi
19. How I Met Your Mother
18. Dexter
17. The Simpsons
16. The Daily Show
15. Mad Men
14. Arrested Development
13. 24
12. The Office (UK & US)
11. Lost
10. Cheers
9. Six Feet Under
8. The West Wing
7. Friday Night Lights
6. Survivor
5. Battlestar Galactica

Man, that's a good list. If this exercise has done nothing else (and there's little to suggest otherwise), it's nice to be able to see the list in all its glory as it develops.

This next show was instantly one I fell in love with, and have probably re-watched more than any other show, considering there were only two seasons. It's a show many barely know about, but those that two speak of it with a reverence, because in those two short seasons, it managed to be compelling, funny, poignant and unlike anything else on television. I'm talking, of course, about Sports Night, my fourth favorite show of all-time.

Race and ethnicity in the Bay Area

Race and ethnicity, San Francisco, Oakland, Berkeley
Originally uploaded by Eric Fischer

I was recently up in Portland and having a conversation with someone and he made the comment about, for all Portland's Awesome Sauce, it's not the most racially or ethnically diverse city around. I said the same could be said about San Francisco, and that's sort of where the conversation ended.

Then, I stumbled across this, which is just a great way of using imagery to tell a story. Eric Fischer did this based on Bill Rankin's map of Chicago. To quote his legend, "Red is White, Blue is Black, Green is Asian, Orange is Hispanic, Gray is Other, and each dot is 25 people. Data from Census 2000."

As you can see, most of the Bay Area is white, with almost all Black populations living in the East Bay and South San Francisco. I'm sure this map has much more Green (Asian) than many - and the sparsely populated north of San Francisco is Marin County, where I live. To almost nobody's shock, it's pretty much white (Robin Williams used to "joke" that the rainbow tunnels on the way into Marin were "Negro Detectors").

Sadly, as a commenter points out, the most integrated spot in Marin, and almost in the entire map, is a little circle ... that's San Quentin Prison.

Happy Friday!

It's things like this that make it a very happy Friday, indeed:

First place, on September 17. And, according to the wizards at ESPN, a 73.1% chance of making the playoffs. Suffice it to say I did not predict this at the beginning of the season.

Sometimes, I love being wrong.

Lamebook Laugh Of The Day

No comment necessary:

Click to expand it if it's too tiny to read. Or don't. You know...sort of your call.

TV Roundup: Battlestar Galactica, #5

Well, now ... it's been a little while, but we're back here at the TV Roundup, my countdown of my favorite shows of all-time. To recap, it's a list of 21 - because I tried to make it a list of 20 and couldn't handle it - and thus far, it looks like this:

21. Kids In The Hall
20. Taxi
19. How I Met Your Mother
18. Dexter
17. The Simpsons
16. The Daily Show
15. Mad Men
14. Arrested Development
13. 24
12. The Office (UK & US)
11. Lost
10. Cheers
9. Six Feet Under
8. The West Wing
7. Friday Night Lights
6. Survivor

 If I look back at the shows listed above, not one of them was a show I resisted watching - I didn't get to see Dexter right away because I don't get Showtime, and I didn't start watching 24 initially, at least partially because I was sick of people telling me I "HAD" to see it. (They were right, damnit.) But my next choice I resisted for years, and if you haven't seen it, you probably have the same instinct. It's a remake of a campy, 70s show that I hold no special allegiance to, and it sounded silly and not remotely up my alley.

And then, someone I trust said this, and this was all that mattered: "It has the best writing since The West Wing." They were right, and the show - my fifth favorite show of all-time - is Battlestar Galactica.

The NFL: It's Fan-tastic!

A disclaimer: I wrote this last Saturday -- look at the above date stamp if you don't believe me - and thought it would be good to put out some predictions before the season began. I just realized it never posted - and, in reading the below, there are already some things that look horribly, woefully wrong. But in the interest of fairness, I'm posting it as is. Also, in the interest of fairness, that has less to do with fairness than sheer laziness. I will say that I'm horribly, terrifyingly concerned with the 49ers after that egg they laid yesterday (and this is not reflected in the below, obviously. Enjoy at your peril.)

Yes, I know the NBA used that slogan, but the reality is that football is the most popular sport in America, and I am seriously happy that it is back. It should be a fun season, with lots of promising players and teams - and that's great, because it might not start on time next year. (If you want to learn anything about the labor issues in the NFL, and why next season is in legitimate jeopardy, I implore you to read Michael Silver's article.)

So, while we're here, a few foolish and errant predictions for the upcoming season:

Survivor: Nicaragua ... Excited?

I'm very excited, but as I wrote in my TV Roundup analysis of Survivor, I have some trepidations. Not only is there the division of young and old (as defined by being "30 or older," grrr) but there is what (aside from the All-Star seasons) the first instance of "stunt casting," with ex-Cowboys coach Jimmy Johnson joining the fold.

And while I don't like that in concept, when I see pictures like this, I like it even less:

The word you are looking for? "YIKES!"

Still, I'll be tuning in next Wednesday ... and you?

The Poll Is Closed

Ladies and Gentlemen ... and the rest of you, please meet my 2010 Fantasy Football Team, Favre For Fighting.

Thanks to totalpackers.com for this awesome photo.

 Thanks to all who voted in the team name ... perhaps next year, I'll go with "Willie Green Is Not My Lover."

QB: Peyton Manning, IND
QB: Eli Manning, NYG
RB: Steven Jackson, STL
RB: Ryan Grant, GB
WR: Greg Jennings, GB
WR: Steve Smith, CAR
WR: Dwayne Bowe, KC
K: Nick Folk, NYJ
DEF: 49ers 

B: Matt Cassell, KC
B: Jerome Harrison, CLE
B: Justin Forsett, SEA
B: Kareem Huggins, TB
B: Jabar Gafney, DEN
B: Mike Thomas, JAC
B: Santonio Holmes, NYJ

Yes, we start two quarterbacks in this league - or, at least, we can. (Our Flex is open for any position.) I honestly didn't realize I had The Manning Brothers until I'd drafted Eli.

I'm pretty happy with it - though I may question grabbing Ryan Grant when Shonn Greene was available for the rest of the year. Otherwise, I think I have a very complete team that is going to consistently score a very high amount of points, if maybe never be the highest scoring team each week.

I love my wide receivers, and I think my running backs are solid and hopefully one of the bench guys hits. As always, the draft is half the fun, but I'm very, very ready for the games to begin. (Last night's game not withstanding!)

Bits and Pieces

Just some things I felt like posting while I prep for my fantasy football draft (yes, we're still waiting) and the start of the NFL season in general. It's a long list, and unsurprisingly, it has gotten quite long and unwieldy, so I'm putting it all after the jump.

Friday Tunage: Cee-Lo's OFFICIAL F**k You

I recently posted a YouTube of Cee-Lo's highly addictive song, "F**k You" -- I include the asterisks this time since that's how it shows here, for all of you allergic to swear words.

If you are, you do NOT want to watch this, because you'll still love it, and you might hate yourself a little for it.




Some folks have argued that including kids in this video is weird, and a bit creepy and to that I say ... it just makes it much, much funnier.

This is clearly the best song of the summer, so enjoy the f**k out of it.

World's Most Misleading Headline

I can't even tell you what a runner-up for this award would be, because ladies and gentlemen, we have a runaway winner:

Butts Arrested in Boob Murder Case

I mean, that's a story you want to read, right? Right?

Yeah ... that's the thing, though. It's way less cool when you actually do the reading:

POTTER TOWNSHIP, CENTRE COUNTY - Police have arrested a third person in connection with the murder of Samuel Boob. Boob was shot and killed at his home in Potter Township, Centre County, on the morning of August 23rd, 2009.

Kermit Butts, 26, of Madisonburg, is accused of driving the suspected killer to and from the crime scene on the morning of the killing.  He was charged with aggravated assault and assisting a murder suspect and placed in the Centre County Prison.

See, I mean ... that's sad. That's a genuine tragedy. More importantly...

It has nothing to do with girl parts! 

Instead, it features a really seriously creepy looking guy here, who apparently is named Mr. Butts. (His friends call him Kermit.)

It's not easy being Butts.  

David Cross For The Senate

Not really, but as per usual, it's people like him who are actually speaking more truth than many of our elected officials:

When Tobias Fünke is the voice of reason, we're all pretty much screwed.

(And by the way, holy crap, that is one hell of a beard there, David.)

Even if you disagree with his politics, he does make a hell of a point about the dichotomy between the Tea Partiers complaining about the country being the exact people who call liberals who complain about inequality here in the US as being un-American.

Ah, hypocrisy, the cornerstone of our American political system. Sad, sad times.