REIGN OF ERROR...

2012-02-03T06:33:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time but Friday Tuneage is back - it occurred to me yesterday while listening to The Jam that among all of the early 1980s bands that were hugely influential, The Jam seems to get short shrift. I never hear them referenced, and yet they were flippin awesome, and still insanely listenable.

Perhaps I'm jaded by The Quake, the single most important radio station in the Bay Area during my high school years, what broke "alternative" music to me and so many others. As part of their call sign, they'd play the six chord guitar strum and then you'd hear Paul Weller yell, 'THIS IS THE MODERN WORLD!'

Take a listen, with lyrics below:

Sweet. Here are the lyrics, with the verse that every teenager found beyond awesome in bold:

This is the modern world
This is the modern world

What kind of fool do you think I am?
To think I know nothing of the modern world
All my life it's been the same
I've learnt to live by hate and pain
It's my inspiration drive

I've learnt more than you'll ever know
Even at school I felt quite sure
That one day I would be on top
And I'd look down upon the map
The teachers who said I'd be nothing

This is the modern world that I've learnt about
This is the modern world we don't need no one
To tell us what's right or wrong
This is the modern world

Say what you like 'cause I don't care
I know where I am and going to
It's somewhere I won't preview
Don't have to explain myself to you
I don't give two fucks about your review

This is the modern world that I've learnt about
This is the modern world we don't need no one
To tell us what's right or wrong

Modern world, this is, this is, this is
This is, this is, this is, this is
Hey, we don't need no one
To tell us what's right or wrong

This is the modern world
This is the modern world

The NFL Fails Basic Math

2012-01-12T21:47:00.000-08:00

I'm incredibly psyched for the 49ers-Saints game on Saturday (I'll actually be watching it at 5:30 AM local time from Shanghai, so that will be interesting), but recently heard someone mention that everyone on Inside the NFL chose the 49ers to win. And then, I saw this on the home page of NFL.com:

Note the text in the green box -- it says, "Experts predict 49ers' win" -- this again was shocking to me -- as much as I think the Niners can win (they have a crushing defense, are almost fully healthy aside from Delanie Walker, it's on grass and the 49ers finally have homefield advantage back, among other reasons), I think the national perception is that the Saints are an almost unstoppable force, and that the 49ers simply can't run with them.

So, I clicked through to see what group of experts had collectively chosen the 49ers to beat the Saints, and saw...this:

How many experts chose the Saints? 5. How many chose the 49ers? 3.

So, sure some experts are predicting a 49ers win ... but MORE of them are choosing Nawlinz. Somebody done goofed. And hey, for a team that most didn't think would be .500, let alone 13-3, can't the 49ers enjoy a bit of their underdog status? C'mon, man!

Oh, and one more thing:

GO NINERS!!!

The Bullpen Gospels

2011-12-09T11:36:00.001-08:00

The Bullpen Gospels: A Non-Prospect's Pursuit of the Major Leagues and the Meaning of Life by Dirk Hayhurst
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Was thinking this was more of a three-star review - lots of good anecdotes about the wacky world of the minor leagues but not a TON of substance, but Hayhurst reels it all in at the end. (A bit disappointing that the most poignant parts are recalled as a story, rather than told as it was happening like the rest of the book. Show, don't tell, Dirk!) Still, it wraps up so well and paints a vivid picture, I'd recommend it for any baseball fan.

View all my reviews

Spoiler Alert: Check out this page for Hayhursts' career information.

Ronald Reagan Was A Socialist

2011-11-15T19:55:00.001-08:00

At least according to the brainiacs in todays Republican Party. Witness:

The nation is still recovering from a crushing recession that sent unemployment hovering above nine percent for two straight years. The president, mindful of soaring deficits, is pushing bold action to shore up the nation's balance sheet. Cloaking himself in the language of class warfare, he calls on a hostile Congress to end wasteful tax breaks for the rich. "We're going to close the unproductive tax loopholes that allow some of the truly wealthy to avoid paying their fair share," he thunders to a crowd in Georgia. Such tax loopholes, he adds, "sometimes made it possible for millionaires to pay nothing, while a bus driver was paying 10 percent of his salary – and that's crazy."

Preacherlike, the president draws the crowd into a call-and-response. "Do you think the millionaire ought to pay more in taxes than the bus driver," he demands, "or less?"

The crowd, sounding every bit like the protesters from Occupy Wall Street, roars back: "MORE!"

The year was 1985. The president was Ronald Wilson Reagan.

Only George Bush, Karl Rove and Mitch McConnell, among others, would have folks like me yearning for the good old days of Ronald Reagan.

Wow.

Brian Jennings on the Penn State scandal

2011-11-11T12:10:00.001-08:00

Joe Paterno and the accused pederast Jerry Sandusky.

A few days ago, Brian Jennings, the long snapper for the 49ers, was on his weekly radio show on KNBR.

The show is on earlier than I'm usually in my car, so I never hear it, but the hosts rave about his eloquence, his sense of humor and the fact that he's loved by his coaches.

This week, they couldn't stop talking about what Jennings had to say about the Penn State scandal, calling it the best thing they've ever had said on their show because of how important and eloquent it was.

I finally got a chance to read and hear his words, and I think they are worth sharing with anyone who has a chance to do likewise.

Please read it. If you can and would like, you can also listen here.

"I feel pretty strongly about this and I’ll try not to go off on too much of a tangent because it’s a big deal. I thought of this quote last night from Edmund Burke. It says the only thing necessary for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing. When you look at Joe Paterno, I believe he's a good man, right? And I believe the athletic director is a good man. And the primary emphasis of the outrage should be directed at the perpetrator of these crimes. But at the same time, when you have the opportunity to stop something like this, you have to intervene. You have to.

"It's such a powerful thing because there are a few things that I pray for, and it's not to live a pain-free life or to be rich or to live 150 years or whatever. I don’t pray for that stuff. I pray that nothing bad happens to my family, I pray that I live my life with a certain level of honor and that in that moment when I were in a position that I see something going on that isn’t just a crime against our law, it’s not just a crime against humanity -- this is an evil thing that happened -- that I have the courage right then and the wisdom right now to take action.

"Whoever saw that, that young man that saw that, he was scared to death. He has been scared to death every day since. I don’t want to live with that. I would rather die in the fight than live with not doing anything. That is what I pray for. That is what I pray for all the time.

"I would invite your listeners right now, everybody listening to this, if you know of childhood abuse that is happening, pick up your phone right now and call 9-1-1 and report it. Say, 'You know what, I know a child that is being sexually abused,' and say his name. Just do it right now.

"Everything else will take care of itself. But this cannot be silent. You cannot let this happen and just let it ride. That’s on a religious level. That is on a spiritual level. That is your relationship with your Creator. Good vs. evil. And then when you get into college, you know, now we’re talking about a coach in charge of young men. A coach who is in charge of young men is in a unique position of authority. It is very much like a parent or an adopted parent, maybe, or something like that.

"In a very real way, I give credit to my coaches and teammates for raising me into the man that I am today. And I appreciate that in a very positive way. For them (at Penn State) to betray and to not take care of those kids is absolutely a huge tragedy. Furthermore, not only should they be fired – everyone should be fired, everyone should be criminally charged – it is an amateur sport, their season should be suspended, every win from the moment Joe Paterno knew about this, every game that he has been a part of should be stricken from the record. He cannot be held as the standard. It’s over.

"It only takes one thing to ruin it all. And that is what I pray for, right? What do you do to not let one thing ruin everything? This is that one thing for him. It’s over."

Nicely said. What a horrorshow.

Word of the Day: Murmuration

2011-11-04T12:47:00.000-07:00

Nope, I'd never heard of Murmuration before, but apparently it means a flock of starlings (those are birds, moron), and specifically references a movement they do as winter is approaching.

I didn't know any of this. I didn't even really know what a starling was.

I know!

But I did see this video, posted by a few friends on Facebook, and hot damn, this is really, really cool. Would be amazing to be caught up in this live as these two were - do yourself a favor and watch this:

Murmuration from Sophie Windsor Clive on Vimeo.

Even if this means winter is coming, this is damn fine stuff. Oh, and "Winter is Coming?" That means Game of Thrones is on its way back soon.

Sports: Joy and Crushing Pain, All In One Package

2011-10-28T12:47:00.000-07:00

Perhaps coincidentally, I started reading Will Leitch's "Are We Winning?: Fathers and Sons In The New Age of Baseball" this week, a memoir focused about his relationship with baseball and his father, centered around a regular season game during 2008 between his Cardinals and the Cubs.

Like most things Leitch writes, it's funny, touching and so far quite enjoyable. It almost makes me excuse him for being a Cardinals fan (especially one who seems beleagured, tortured, etc. The team has won a LOT of World Series titles.) His rips on Cubs fans - especially a guy who shows up at the game in a Cubs shirt and Cardinals hat, and looks to his wife (a Cubs fan) for when it's acceptable to cheer for Cardinals - is pretty excellent stuff.

This morning, after probably the most insane World Series game I've ever seen, I read this:

True baseball fans do not cheer for their teams to win: They cheer for them not to lose. Victory does not come with joy; it comes with relief. Losing causes only pain. When I sat in Busch for Game 5 of the 2006 World Series, I was not counting down outs. I was not preparing to celebrate a title. I was terrified that this was all going to veer wrong, that, once again, all the time and effort and emotion I had put into this team, this lovely precious elusive team, would be for naught. I would watch them blow out. And, like all fans, I feared deep down that it would be my fault....It's irrational. But nothing about being a baseball fan is rational. The goal is not to watch your team dominate. The goal is to escape without being embarrassed. Baseball is not a sport for dominators. Baseball is a sport for survivors.

Now, I'm not sure I agree with all that but it feels quite relevant. On the levels of stomach punch, kick in the mouth games, this has to be #1 with a bullet. Texas Rangers fans were ONE STRIKE AWAY, two separate times in the game AND LOST. I know how painful Game 6 of 2002 was, to the point I remember almost nothing in Game 7; I knew we'd already lost. (Also, I was very hungover.) If the Rangers can actually rally tonight, that will be possibly the only way to top what happened last night from an outsiders perspective.

Sports rule. Just keep looking at that animated GIF at the top of this post. Those are wealthy, grown men who have no control over what they're doing, awash in pure joy. That's what it's all about - hopefully the Rangers can experience the same tonight.

Steve Jobs and Hindsight

2011-10-10T22:33:00.000-07:00

As everyone knows by now, Steve Jobs died last week -- the outpouring of emotion for him was both wonderful ... and a bit much. Let's be clear - what Jobs did at Apple did indeed transform the world. Or, rather, part of the world.

When we talk about how many people found out about his passing on a device he created, we are of course talking about an iPhone or an iPad, or a different device that was inspired both those revolutionary products. We may even be talking about a Macintosh computer, which of course similarly inspired Windows based products.

But ... the world? These are toys for rich people, or at least people in the middle class and above. There are plenty of other, valid, concerns with where the devices are made, the landfills they take up, etc. -- again, that's all relevant though not really where I'm coming from.

The man was amazing - I truly was surprised by my own sadness at learning of his death. We all have stories about keeping the packaging of our iPods in a closet, for no good reason except that we didn't want to throw something so nice away. I travel with an iPhone and an iPod, and use a Mac at home. But let's keep it in perspective, okay? I could do all of this with other, less fun, less productive devices. And the world, at least as far as things that matter, hasn't really changed all that much. Or at least not nearly enough.

While we're at it, in the last five to ten years, and certainly over the last week, I've thought a lot about this book, one I read when it came out and that has almost immediately since lost all its relevance. It's called: Apple: The Inside Story of Intrigue, Egomania, and Business Blunders and it's essentially about what Apple could have been ... but failed at.

For those with short memories or (grrr) youth, it's easy to forget that just 10-12 years ago, Apple looked like a company on the wane, one that had missed plenty of opportunities and let Microsoft steal its thunder. There is a great story in there about the "portable laptop" Apple made, that they loaded so many functions and features onto that it was something like 35 pounds, and nicknamed "The Luggable."

Then came Steve Jobs' return and the company honestly never looked back.

It's probably still an interesting read - with 20/20 hindsight, of course. But it's also a good reminder that we should never rush to judgment. There's always time to recover from our mistakes (or at least, more time than it can often seem).

The Silence Is Deafening. And Telling.

2011-09-27T19:30:00.000-07:00

I've seen the following two pictures across Facebook lately, and I know there are many conservative Republicans (even if they don't call themselves that) who I'm friends with or follow, and ... nothing. Not a peep. It's because these are hard - perhaps impossible - to argue against. And yet, evangelical Christians (who, admittedly, I have no friends I know of who define themselves as such) are committed to the Republican party, against helping the poor (it's a choice!) and want more money for the richest among us. Does that make sense?

No. No, it does not.

If there's a retort against these, I haven't heard them. The silence ... is telling.

You Are Doing It Wrong

2011-09-25T10:59:00.001-07:00

You are supposed to tackle the guy with the OTHER jersey, Eagles...

I think I could watch this all day.

Who is Elizabeth Warren?

2011-09-21T11:15:00.000-07:00

Elizabeth Warren is currently running for the Senate in Massachusetts, against Scott Brown in a race I could not really care much less about since I'm 3000 miles away. But she's an interesting person because she long advocated for the creation of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, something that President Obama did create after the debacle of 2008. He had planned on recommending her to run it - but the Republican Congress went to great lengths to ensure this wouldn't happen - in fact, their "we won't go on recess, so you can't make a recess appointment" was at least partially due to this possible appointment.

Forget that for a moment -- because it's statements like this that have Congressional Republicans shaking in their boots. Why? Because it's the truth:

In case that's hard to read, here it is again - and really, how does one argue against this?

“‎There is nobody in this country who got rich on his own. Nobody. You built a factory out there -- good for you. But I want to be clear. You moved your goods to market on the roads the rest of us paid for. You hired workers the rest of us paid to educate. You were safe in your factory because of police forces and fire forces that the rest of us paid for. You didn't have to worry that marauding bands would come and seize everything at your factory... Now look. You built a factory and it turned into something terrific or a great idea -- God Bless! Keep a Big Hunk of it. But part of the underlying social contract is you take a hunk of that and pay forward for the next kid who comes along."

This is the kind of person Congressional Republicans are terrified of.

This guy?

2011-09-19T10:37:00.000-07:00

He's good. He's very, very good. (It's Julio Jones, and it's of course during warmups, but ... holy shnikes, that kid has some talent. No wonder the Falcons traded half their draft for the kid.)

Your Eyes Are Confused

2011-09-12T16:15:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Gizmodo, I'm completely blown away by the following optical illusion. Yes, it's a bit nausea inducing. But what's really insane is that ... the blue and green in the below image are the same color.

Here's the mildly convincing reason why:

The reason why we are perceiving one color as different colors is because of the other colors surrounding the stripes. Each eye has six to seven million cones, which are concentrated in a central yellow spot known as the macula (I recently got mine lasered to fix some leaking blood vessels). These cones measure color in different wavelengths, overlapping in some of them. Our brain then compares those signals in an antagonistic manner, measuring differences in wavelengths between them. When some colors are combined, the brain can't process the info from the cones correctly and we simply get confused.

Yep, we see this because our eyes are confused. That's a bit crazy.

Ready Player One

2011-09-11T08:15:00.000-07:00

READY PLAYER ONE is a delightful, engaging novel that will appeal to fans of books like Ender's Game and The Hunger Games. That's largely because of the age of the protagonist (though here, he is slightly older) but also because it is, presumably, a book about games - here, video games. The world is a dystopian future, and most people (like our hero Wade) retreat into OASIS, which is essentially a simulated universe where anything goes. The inventor of OASIS (the richest man in the world) dies and leaves as his will a game to find, within OASIS, three "Easter Eggs" - that is, things he has hidden - and the first person to do it? Well, he or she gets $240 BILLION. So...yeah. This causes more interest than Willy Wonka's Golden Ticket.

Full of great trivia, villians, romance and battles, READY PLAYER ONE may particularly appeal to folks like me who spent their teenage years in the 1980s, as much of the tests and battles recall the inventor (and, presumably, author Ernest Cline) favorite movies and videogames, which are all from the 1980s. (One test involves reciting all of Matthew Broderick's dialogue from War Games, for example.)

If you aren't a fan of videogames, this might not be your favorite book but it's still quite enjoyable. If, on the other hand, you spent a decent amount of time in the 80s playing Tempest, Defender, Joust and other games, you'll truly love READY PLAYER ONE. As a debut novel, it's a great sign of things to come.

Rating: 8.0/10.0

Ryan Braun Falls Down And Goes Boom

2011-09-01T11:42:00.000-07:00

You may have seen this before but it's great, and not just because it's funny - nice to see the crowd (including Reggie Miller, of all folks) applauding him good naturedly. If this had happened elsewhere, like Chicago where apparently Braun is absolutely loathed? Not the same reaction.

Good stuff, indeed.

Fellow Brewer teammates did the only thing they could this morning - tape a corpse outline:

Housekeeping...

2011-09-01T11:18:00.000-07:00

Eagle eyes will notice some changes around here...they aren't complete and I'm not sure I'm happy with the new layout/template. Do you care? Probably not. But if you do, don't get used to it ...

NFL 2011: Enjoy the ride.

2011-08-30T22:39:00.000-07:00

I just took a look back at my predictions for last years NFL season...let's take a look, shall we?

Playoff Slot	I predicted	What happened	Thoughts
AFC East	New York Jets	New England Patriots	The Jets did win the Wild Card, but I discounted the Patriots entirely, saying they didn't have enough talent. They went 14-2.
AFC North	Baltimore Ravens	Pittsburgh Steelers	Like the Jets, the Ravens missed a division title (but went 12-4) but did make the playoffs as a Wild Card. I picked the Steelers for that slot, so these were just flipped.
AFC South	Indianapolis Colts	Indianapolis Colts	My exact quote was: "Picking against the Indianapolis Colts is just stupid until they prove otherwise. Drive on."
AFC West	San Diego Chargers	Kansas City Chiefs	Did not see this coming.
Wild Cards	Pittsburgh Steelers, Tennessee Titans	Baltimore Ravens, New York Jets	Can we all agree to pretend I didn't pick the Titans? Wow. I honestly can't believe I did that.
AFC Champion	Baltimore Ravens	Pittsburgh Steelers	Not a terrible pick, but I (like most) didn't think the Steelers had a real shot with Roethlisberger missing the first four games of last season..
NFC East	Dallas Cowboys	Philadelphia Eagles	The Cowboys not only missed the playoffs, they went 6-10 and fired their coach. Great pick!
NFC North	Green Bay Packers	Chicago Bears	I absolutely forgot this until I checked. The Packers ended the year looking so dominant, it's hard to remember they didn't even win their division.
NFC South	New Orleans Saints	Atlanta Falcons	My exact quote was: "This one belongs to the New Orleans Saints until Drew Brees and coach Sean Payton say otherwise." Or, you know, Matt Ryan, Roddy White and Michael Turner do.
NFC West	San Francisco 49ers	Seattle Seahawks	... I honestly still have no words about this. I hate Mike Singletary. The Seahawks might be the worst team in the league this year and they won the division. Thud.
Wild Cards	Atlanta Falcons, New York Giants	Green Bay Packers, New Orleans Saints	As I'd picked the Packers and Saints to make the playoffs, the only miss here really is the Giants. A much better job with the NFC, I think.
NFC Champion	Green Bay Packers	Green Bay Packers	NAILED IT!
Super Bowl Champion	Green Bay Packers	Green Bay Packers	NAILED IT!

So, all in all, not too shabby but some seriously embarassing picks there. I don't think I'm a football genius but I do pay some attention. I think the lesson here is every year contains a suprise or three, and given the lockout, I'd wager we'll have even more in 2011. Should be exciting...

Who said this?

2011-08-29T20:21:00.000-07:00

Who said this?

“I’ve got to be honest. I can’t lie. I wasn’t happy to do it,” [he] said. “But I did the job. That’s the point. It’s not about me, it’s about the team.”

Now, before you answer...know this.

The person who said this is ...

a) Being paid an annual salary of $6,500,000 - and that job only lasts about six months.
b) Is a major leaguer, who is as of this writing the 44th best player at his position - meaning he's not only not playing at a starting level, but isn't even a top bench player;
c) Was talking about laying down a sacrifice bunt for a team strapped for offense.

For those who haven't yet cracked this code, the player in question is Miguel Tejada, who did in fact lay down the bunt, then essentially walked down the line so he didn't force a throw - this is called "dogging it" and is, in a word, unacceptable.

This disgusts me and it should disgust Bruce Bochy and Brian Sabean as well as every other Giants fan. Tejada apparently still thinks of himself as a power threat, and had to be talked into laying down a frigging bunt for a team that can't score three runs a game. This is the kind of stuff that sends rookies back to the minors. It would be one thing if the guy was doing...well, anything. But Orlando Cabrera is on the team because our $6.5 million dollar man sucks so much.

Good lord, Miggy, shut your piehole and be a team player.

Or...not: As of August 31, just two days after I posted this, the Giants have waived Miguel Tejada. Miggy, not sorry to see you go. Have fun counting the money you didn't earn.

Rules Were Made For Exceptions

2011-08-26T20:39:00.000-07:00

This might be the dumbest thing I've heard in awhile:

The Giants' Wall of Fame will add two new members Saturday when right-hander Jason Schmidt and center fielder Marvin Benard are honored in pregame ceremonies.

The Wall of Fame commemorates the accomplishments of retired players who performed for a minimum of nine seasons as a San Francisco Giant, or five seasons with at least one All-Star selection while representing the club.

Look ... this is crazy talk. I don't want to overstate this - I am a Giants season-ticket holder and I have no idea what the Wall of Fame is, let alone its location. But ... Marvin Benard? Just because some manager got it wrong one year and named him to the All-Star Game does not mean he needs to be honored.

At all.

Forget the fact that he has actually been caught using steroids, unlike another Giants outfielder you may have heard of. Forget the fact that he was by all accounts, a surly bastard who had no sense of humor about the Giants fans teasing him...the fact remains that Marvin Benard is one of the WORST Giants this storied franchise has ever run out on a regular basis.

But, despite that, there is this:

In 2002, the Giants leadoff man [Benard, believe it or not] stole five bases. He hit a homerun every 123 at-bats. He struck out every 4.7 at-bats. And he made $4.2 million in 2002 and 2003.

Look, if I'm being fair - something I don't particularly want to be - Benard wasn't terrible. He just wasn't special, and was wildly overpaid and trotted out there despite being clearly not very good at his job. Here are the players he's most similar to statistically over his career:

Look, I don't know who Beals Becker is either, but I doubt Reed Johnson, Danny Bautista, Terrence Long or Felix Jose are making any Walls of Fame anytime soon. I'm genuinely shocked to see Shane Victorino there, who is actually better than average. (I suspect these don't value stolen bases or defense nearly as much as they should.)

Here's a breakdown of Benard's career, courtesy of Baseball Reference:

Year	AB	R	H	HR	RBI	SB	CS	BA	OBP
1995	34	5	13	1	4	1	0	.382	.400
1996	19	2	7	0	4	1	0	.368	.429
1996	488	89	121	5	27	25	11	.248	.333
1997	114	13	26	1	13	3	1	.228	.315
1998	286	41	92	3	36	11	4	.322	.396
1999	562	100	163	16	64	27	14	.290	.359
2000	560	102	147	12	55	22	7	.263	.342
2001	392	70	104	15	44	10	5	.265	.320
2002	123	16	34	1	13	5	1	.276	.321
2003	71	5	14	0	4	1	0	.197	.237
9 Seasons	2630	441	714	54	260	105	43	.271	.343
162 Game Avg.	478	80	130	10	47	19	8	.271	.343

Provided by Baseball-Reference.com: View Original Table
Generated 8/26/2011.

Marvin Benard should be able to afford many luxuries in life and obviously, as a former major leaguer, he's a great athlete. But he's not memorable ... and the Giants shouldn't try to force that.

The problem with this Wall of Fame is that there is base criteria - and it's all objective. There's no Sniff Test here, no "wait a minute...that guy?"

The Giants are a storied franchise, and certainly any Wall of Fame will be littered with true champions of the game - Willie Mays, Willie McCovey, Bobby Bonds, Will Clark and so on.

But , because there's no subjective analysis to this, there are others on the Wall of Fame who may be lovely people but were not special talents or even special Giants:

Scotty Garrelts
Kirt Manwaring
Shawn Estes
J.T. Snow
Jeff Brantley

and ... wait for it ... Atlee Hammaker.

The Wall of Fame is dead to me.

A Picture To Make All Giants Fans Happy

2011-08-24T14:18:00.000-07:00

The team can't hit a lick!

Everybody is injured!

We're losing games to the Astros and Padres!

But never fear ... the Dodgers are doing worse, in every conceivable way:

Honestly, that makes me feel better. Schadenfreude...it's a powerful thing.

The Daily Show On Class Warfare

2011-08-24T09:03:00.000-07:00

It's been passed around a lot thus far, and for good reason -check it out:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

World of Class Warfare - The Poor's Free Ride Is Over

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show Full Episodes

Political Humor & Satire Blog

The Daily Show on Facebook

God, these people are despicable.

Domestic Violets: A Review

2011-08-23T21:54:00.000-07:00

I've had a bit of a bad stretch with some books of late. I've given up on two non-fiction books I expected to love (In The Garden of Beasts and The Last Hero: A Life of Henry Aaron). I read Echo Burning, the 5th in Lee Childs long Jack Reacher series and just uninteresting enough to make me wonder if or when I'll ever read the 6th book. (The 16th is due out next month.)

So, it was incredibly refreshing to take a chance on a debut novel, kindly given to me by the good folks at Harper Perennial. The book is Domestic Violets, by Matthew Norman - and it's a great surprise -- funny, tender and poignant and with more than a few plot twists.

Tom Violet is disgruntled, with his job, his sex life and his dysfunctional family. If it's not a problem in the bedroom, it's with his co-workers and boss (Violet is a copywriter for MSW, a consulting organization that is never clearly defined, largely because no one seems to actually know what they do). Additionally, his father - who left when Tom was young - is Curtis Violet, a world famous author that even casual readers know and adore.How famous? He just won the Pulitzer Prize. Tom's mother has remarried, and her husband Gary suddenly shows up at Tom's house, with his mother nowhere to be found.

Oh, and Tom's has a crush on a 25-year old co-worker, one of the only people he's let see the novel he's spent the last five years writing.

Everyone is keeping secrets.

Though the beginning of the novel made me wonder if anything much was going to happen (answer: Yes!), I raced through Domestic Violets. The pace and tone evokes authors like Jonathan Tropper and Tom Perotta, both favorites of mine, so, you know - that's good. This is an intelligent, aware novel, with a bit of meta commentary about the writing process thrown in for good measure. (I'll also add one note - for awhile, I thought the title was cute but a bit forced - however, it ends up being relatively pitch perfect.)

I highly recommend this and look forward to Norman's next novel.

Rating: 8.5/10.0

The Decemberists Do Eschaton

2011-08-22T15:23:00.000-07:00

Once again, my geek worlds are colliding - in this case, twee pop and David Foster Wallace.

Now, I probably need to go back and read Infinite Jest again...

Weep Gently, Giants Fans

2011-08-21T08:44:00.000-07:00

It's not just that they are playing uninspired, heartless baseball and losing to teams like the Astros, it's things like this:

Yes, that's a roster showing all the players currently on the DL (faded orange) or who have spent time on the DL.

I believe the phrase you are looking for is, "Ouch, babe."

Thanks to SFBleacherGirl for the above picture.

The GOP Winner in Iowa last night!

2011-08-14T09:12:00.000-07:00

Last night, there was an Iowa straw poll for the GOP nomination for President. Crazy Michelle Bachmann won, nudging out Ron Paul. Of course, Rick "Texas should secede from the union" only entered the race yesterday, so stay tuned.

But seriously - this might be the MOST Presidential picture ever. Put her in the White House!

Source: TwitPic "Not sure Michele Bachmann should be eating corn dogs in public:

Geek Love

2011-08-04T14:20:00.000-07:00

If there is a picture that embodies more sides of my geekery than the below, I'm not sure what it is:

That is, of course, the Giants 2010 World Series trophy. Guarded by stormtroopers.

Yeah baby.

Want to see something really scary?

2011-08-03T11:01:00.000-07:00

That's a classic line from the generally not-so-great Twilight Zone movie, but it's a good question here. Do you?

OK, how about this:

That's pretty damn scary.

Or, how about this:

To me, that's even scarier - but perhaps you don't also have an innate fear of Carol Channing. I could post more pictures of snakes, spiders, Snooki, or Dick Cheney ... but I am not sure I'd find anything scarier than THIS:

That's today's lineup for the Giants. What is truly horrifying is that Bruce Bochy is batting Orlando Cabrera in the fifth slot, ahead of 1st baseman Aubrey Huff. Look, I love Huff Daddy (there's a picture of him in the banner of this very website) - but he's having a horrible season. I mean ... HORRIBLE. And waiting on the bench is youngster Brandon Belt. Who ... isn't. And certainly should be getting some starts.

This is atrocious.

I know, Brandon ... I know.

Go Niners!

2011-07-29T10:10:00.000-07:00

Support the 49ers. It's the right thing to do.

Or, another fan:

Trust me, this is more appetizing than discussing Michael Crabtree's foot issues.

That's One Expensive Bench!

2011-07-27T14:45:00.000-07:00

With the acquisition of Carlos Beltran, the San Francisco Giants have some lineup decisions to make. My personal thought is that they need to start a lineup that looks something like this:

C - Eli Whiteside/Chris Stewart *
1B - Brandon Belt
2B - Jeff Keppinger *
SS - Brandon Crawford *
3B - Pablo Sandoval
LF - Cody Ross
CF - Nate Schierholtz
RF - Carlos Beltran

(You could of course switch Beltran and Schierholtz around, I just personally think Nate should be in center. Just me. Also worth noting that C, 2B and SS are still really weak offensively, and I'm not sure that's enough - but it's a fairly decent team on the corners of the offense. You could also put Belt in left field, get Aubrey Huff back in the lineup, and sit Cody Ross.)

That leaves these guys on the bench:

Aaron Rowand: $13,600,000
Miguel Tejada: $6,500,000
Aubrey Huff: $10,000,000 or Cody Ross $6,300,000

And no, I haven't even discussed Barry Zito yet.

All of this is according to ESPN, by the way. For those mathematically inclined, that's roughly $25-30,000,000 on the bench in three guys. The entire Kansas City Royals roster is paid $35,000,000. (The Yankees? $196,000,000. Baseball is great.)

And ... I'm okay with this spending. It stinks that the Giants offense is woeful and that there is $30,000,000 being spent on guys who aren't contributing, but to quote every reality show ever made, it is what it is.

I hate the way the Giants have thrown money after guys like Rowand and Randy Winn, and to Mark DeRosa and Tejada, but a ring is a ring is a ring. If this gets them another one, I'm sure Huff and the rest will celebrate plenty. Winning is what this is all about, and the Giants smartly understand they can't sit around and do nothing. If they lose Beltran after this year and get bounced in the first round, it won't look good. But we can't say Sabean and his team aren't trying.

Go Giants!

The Postmortal: A Review

2011-07-23T08:33:00.000-07:00

I have been a fan of Drew Magary for quite a while, mostly from the two online websites he writes his cheeky, sports-focused columns for Deadspin and Kissing Suzy Kolber.I then read his first book, Men With Balls, a satirical "how-to" guide for, potentially, emerging athletes.

Magary always has a great way with words, but he's always been focused around the same basic subjects. (Read Deadspin for some of those saltier topics, if you'd like.) So, when I heard he'd written a novel, based on the discovery of a drug that essentially cures mortality, I was both excited and a little nervous. When I got an advance copy to review, I was thrilled and devoured it in no time at all.

The Postmortal, due to be published at the end of August, is a triumph - combining Magary's trademark wit with great storytelling and some keen insight into what really would happen if a drug was invented that stopped people from aging. The book is told as a "discovered history" before "The Correction" so, quickly, one knows this doesn't end out so well. But from there, it unfolds in the same progression that one might expect would happen in reality -- one man decides he'll spend a year in every country on earth, then get back to his wife (who, of course, will still be 29); others divorce en masse, having decided that a marital contract for life meant something entirely different when one expected to die after 50 years or so, and generally cavorting happens everywhere.

On a darker side, many are morally outraged by postmortals and both a disturbing cult and a faction of gangster thugs emerge to protest this in a myriad of ways. All the time, John Farrell (our protagonist) is trying to sort things out, and haunted by an impossibly beautiful, curvy blonde he keeps seeing...

If there are gaps in the book, it's mostly by the format - we don't ever get to know Farrell all that well, to the extent that when his sister becomes an important character later in the book, I was surprised to learn (or remember) that he even had a sister. He's not a fully fleshed out character, though mostly he really doesn't need to be.

Mixed with more global insights (the world, for instance, quickly runs out of fish) and a larger comment about why mortality might not be so bad after all, The Postmortal is a delightful, often horrifying book from a truly talented writer. I'm looking forward to much, much more.

Rating: 8.5/10.0

The Pale King

2011-07-13T11:22:00.000-07:00

Regular readers of this blog, particularly the book stuff, will know that I'm a huge fan of David Foster Wallace and remain crushed and saddened by his 2008 suicide. The word genius gets tossed around a bit lightly these days, but he certainly qualified by most metrics, and his death is a continued loss.

He left behind the foundation of a novel, titled The Pale King, which though incomplete was edited together by his friend and editor Michael Pietsch. It should be stated first and foremost that whatever one may think of the book (and what I think follows and is, essentially, the point of this post) that the editing job here is a masterwork. It is clear, both from the content and the notes that Wallace (DFW from here on out) left that Pietsch had very little to work with, and what he's sewn together does make sense and shows how much promise the book had.

That last line may give you a sense of my opinion of the book - it has already landed on numerous "best of" lists and many have said it is DFW's finest work. I see no possible way that's the case. For one, he has a legacy of brilliant, finished, works that might have something to say about it ... and secondly, this book on its own is quite often a challenge.

Now, a challenge is somewhat of a hallmark of DFW - I started Infinite Jest three times before it hooked me for good, and anyone who has a book with 300 pages of footnotes isn't exactly a beach read author. But The Pale King is a challenge primarily for two reasons:

It is completely unfinished, with no overarching arc and a truly incomplete story
It is about the I.R.S. and boredom and includes pages and pages of text that I think would have been edited out in a later draft. To say that it is slow at times is a mammoth understatement.

DFW stated that he hoped to wean out about 90% of the chaff -- of course, editor Pietsch wanted his fans to read his work and appropriately didn't throw anything away. That leads to things like a repeated phrase (squeezing his shoes) way more times than would ever exist in a complete novel, and chapters that are wandering, aimless and often unsatisfying.

The book follows employees of the IRS office in Peoria, IL and some of these anecdotes are masterful while others are engaging and give hints that vintage DFW story lay ahead. In particular, a lengthy chapter towards the end between Meredith Rand (the office hottie) and a coworker who seemingly has Aspergers or something similar is one of the best chapters in the book, utterly compelling, hilarious and tragic (which somewhat defines DFW at his best). There are also "author notes" from 'David Wallace' one of the characters in the book but also, based on his description, not necessarily supposed to be the author. We learn, among other things, that there are two David Wallaces starting at the branch on the same day which causes some issues ... but we don't get much further.

And there are many other characters with secrets, personality issues and in some cases psychic abilities that all hold so much promise. For that, and for many sentences and chapters that made me feel like I was truly reading what DFW would have sent to the bookbinder, I really did love those parts of the book.

However, in assessing a true grade here, I can only ask two things:

Would I give the book a different rating if it was written by someone besides DFW - indeed, an author I knew nothing about?
Would I give the book a different rating if it was, in theory, a completed work?

In both cases, the answer is affirmatively YES. On its own, this book is an inconsistent mess. would probably have given it a 5.0/10.0 which is about as low as I can go with a book I actually finish. But, with the obvious, open caveat that this is a biased grade, I'll give it a 7.0/10.0 on the DFW scale. This is also because at the very end, Pietsch includes notes from DFW to himself about where he was going - a fascinating insight that I'd love to see from every author, and particularly here. I won't spoil them for folks who will read them, but make sure to read them if you do pick this up.

For fans of his work, it's a must-read - because it's his last. All others likely need not apply.

How Republicans Broke Our Government

2011-06-29T14:30:00.000-07:00

I'm a partisan hack, apparently, but I just can't see how the subject line isn't true...

Witness - while George W. Bush was in office, Democrats berated him and said mean things about him, but also passed his budgets (sometimes under forcible duress), confirmed his appointments, etc. Republicans have not only refused to work with Barack Obama, but also had the gall to attack him for not working with them.

Now, Mitt Romney in his current incarnation as a conservative is running for the Republican nomination and had the gall to say that he would try to work with Democrats if elected President:

Asked at a town hall meeting here what he would do to overcome the polarization in politics, Romney said: “My answer is work with the guys across the aisle. Do a bit like Ronald Reagan did. You know, he had lunches with [Democratic House Speaker] Tip O’Neill.”

Then, referencing his four years as governor of overwhelmingly Democratic Massachusetts, Romney said: “I worked with Ted Kennedy, for Pete’s sake. . . . We found some common ground, and I think that has to happen in Washington.”

This has been met with abject horror from Republicans - the same Republicans who pretend to be upset that Barack Obama hasn't worked with them. (Even though he's tried, and they've refused to concede on any of their stances despite being a minority party and unpopular with most of the country.)

It's truly a magical thing where Republicans can attack the President for not working with them, and then attack Presidential hopefuls for saying they'd like to do exactly that. Democrats have their share of blame, but not for this.

Republicans broke our government; they shouldn't be trusted to put it back together.

The Trials of The Summer

2011-06-14T19:24:00.000-07:00

Among the many keys to the San Francisco Giants success last year - and I'll remind you that they are still the World Champions - was dominant pitching that masked a rather light-hitting lineup. Granted, it was a lineup that seemed to get extremely timely hits, but it was weak nonetheless. This led to the overused phrase:

And speaking of a light-hitting lineup, check this one out:

C - Buster Posey

1B - Brandon Belt

2B - Freddy Sanchez

SS - Mike Fontenot

3B - Pablo Sandoval

LF - Mark DeRosa

CF - Andres Torres

RF - Cody Ross

Now, that is no Murderers Row...and, the astute Giants fan might notice, is also not a lineup the Giants have trotted out even a single game this year. So, what is it? It's a starting offense of players who have spent time - in all cases, significant time - on the Disabled List this year. Posey is out for the season, and Sanchez well might be. Sandoval is just returning from a six week stint there after starting out the season white hot. Belt showed promise in Spring Training, flailed in the bigs, and then fractured his hand.

Again, this isn't a lineup that would scare most teams, but it is - for better or for worse, guys that the World Champions mostly planned on being their starters.

The exceptions are Aubrey Huff and Miguel Tejada, both who have avoided being hurt ... but also been miserable at the plate all season.

All of that ... and the team is still in first place. Pretty remarkable.

Go Giants!

Bang, bang

2011-05-20T13:06:00.000-07:00

In honor of that great catch by Nate Schierholtz last night -- see it here if you haven't yet -- here's another YouTube montage, these of the outfield assists he's made. For a guy who still doesn't have a regular job, he's compiled a pretty good number of great, memorable plays:

Bang, bang...

Ron. Effing. Swanson.

2011-05-13T13:24:00.000-07:00

Animated GIFs aplenty - which is your favorite?

And, perhaps my favorite:

As an added benefit, here is Rob Lowe playing the air banjo:

Added on May 20, this gem from the season finale:

Best. Graduation Speech. Ever.

2011-05-05T09:23:00.000-07:00

From the always entertaining Drew Magary of Deadspin, here's the big finish, though it's all well worth a read:

So if you're graduating from college this month, promise me you'll get out there and be as useless and as wasteful as humanly possible. Don't get a job until you absolutely have to. Get drunk as shit. Play video games. Smoke weed. Watch porn. Ignore your grad speaker while playing a DS. Be a barnacle upon society. Do it now, because as you get older, you will find yourself with much less time to piss away. You'll have a spouse. And kids. And actual responsibilities. And all sorts of horrible forms and shit to fill out. Trust me. I can barely carve out half an hour every day to sit there like a lump of shit, when it's really all I want to do. When you get old, you'll have to do all these things that sound productive but, in fact, keep your mind from wandering off into new and bizarre places and coming back with GOLD. And lots of inappropriate sexual thoughts.

Do not seize the day. Let some other sap grab that day and go running off with it like a naïve little shit. Do not live life to the fullest. That doesn't fucking mean anything. Everyone has a life, and everyone's life is filled with exciting moments and moments of pure anguish. Just let life pass right on by. Anyone who says life is short is lying. It's not. It's endless, especially if you're waiting for your microwave to cook something. You got all the time in the world to do things, so don't do ANYTHING. Because if you spend enough time doing nothing, you're gonna come up with something. You're like a fucking COBRA. You're just laying there for years and years, waiting for your moment and then BOOM! FANGS IN THE NECK, BITCH.

And even if you don't come up with something … even if you waste all the time in the world and never come up with a good idea and never amount to anything … well shit, at least you didn't go working like a goddamn sucker. And at least you tuned out during that one lame-as-shit grad speech.

I must admit, I'm a sucker for great graduation speeches - David Foster Wallace, Barack Obama, Jon Stewart and Will Ferrell's recent ones come to mind - but this is pretty excellent.

Osama is dead: Images

2011-05-02T08:56:00.000-07:00

Like most of his great speeches, Obama wrote this one himself and it's incredible. A weird moment, a crazy thing and something I doubt I'll forget, ever.

The American people did not choose this fight. It came to our shores, and started with the senseless slaughter of our citizens. After nearly 10 years of service, struggle, and sacrifice, we know well the costs of war. These efforts weigh on me every time I, as Commander-in-Chief, have to sign a letter to a family that has lost a loved one, or look into the eyes of a service member who’s been gravely wounded.

So Americans understand the costs of war. Yet as a country, we will never tolerate our security being threatened, nor stand idly by when our people have been killed. We will be relentless in defense of our citizens and our friends and allies. We will be true to the values that make us who we are. And on nights like this one, we can say to those families who have lost loved ones to Al Qaeda’s terror: Justice has been done.

...

The cause of securing our country is not complete. But tonight, we are once again reminded that America can do whatever we set our mind to. That is the story of our history, whether it’s the pursuit of prosperity for our people, or the struggle for equality for all our citizens; our commitment to stand up for our values abroad, and our sacrifices to make the world a safer place.

Let us remember that we can do these things not just because of wealth or power, but because of who we are: one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Thank you. May God bless you. And may God bless the United States of America.

And some more photos (click to enlarge):

And a few fun ones:

Douchenozzle of the Year?

2011-04-25T17:34:00.000-07:00

Luke Scott made news last year by introducing himself to folks outside of Baltimore (where he plays for the Orioles) by questioning whether or not President Barack Obama was really born in the United States and teetering on the edge of a lot of not very veiled racism. It made some news on a few sports blogs, and Twitter, and it was good off-season fun to poke fun at a guy who, despite being called a "star" in the linked article above, isn't much of one and has every right to his own misguided opinions.

But this, via Deadspin, is worse. In an interview with ESPN, the Sports Leader essentially apologizes for his behavior with lines like this:

Scott is one of baseball's most complex characters. His questions about President Barack Obama's U.S. citizenship put him in headlines during an otherwise-quiet offseason. He speaks bluntly and with heavy opinions. He's fluent in Spanish and loves Latin culture, but in the clubhouse, he'll make potentially inflammatory comments to a Latino player who is his best friend -- throwing plantain chips at him to keep him in line. He wears religion on his sleeve.

Given all that, the simple assumption is that Scott is a right-wing nut, a borderline racist and a loudmouth redneck ballplayer who should keep his mouth shut.

But it's not that simple. Luke Scott will require a deeper line of thinking.

Will he? It doesn't really seem like it.

"[Outfielder] Felix [Pie] is my friend," he says. "I give him a hard time. The reason why I give him a hard time is because there are certain people you deal with and you go up and talk to them, and it doesn't work. They don't understand.

"I tell him about some of the ways he's acted: 'Look, you're acting like an animal, you're acting like a savage.'"
Scott turns to his locker and pulls out a bag of plantain chips.

"So I throw bananas in his helmet. Here are my banana chips to remind him that whenever he acts like an animal, 'Hey, that's what other people are thinking. They're just not telling you, but that's what they're thinking about. And I'm telling you so that you're aware of that so you can make a cognitive decision to not behave like that.' I would want someone to tell me that instead of letting you making a jerk of yourself."

The word you are looking for is ... "WOW."

Again, good for him - he's proud of his beliefs, however ignorant they may be. (Read the whole article to learn more about this backward ass shithead, if you wish.) But why glorify it? Let's forget the part where Amy Nelson counters Scott's incorrect, ignorant belief that Obama is not from this country by saying "with some bloggers saying that evidence Obama was born in Hawaii is overwhelming..." - that's just sloppy and pathetic. But it's just much, much worse:

Nelson suggests in her lede that Luke Scott "will require a deeper line of thinking" so that we may get past the simple perception that the Orioles outfielder is a "a right-wing nut, a borderline racist and a loudmouth redneck ballplayer." And then she proceeds to write a remarkably detailed profile of a "a right-wing nut, a borderline racist and a loudmouth redneck ballplayer" who keeps pistols in his couch cushions. She devotes approximately 3,490 words to a story about an ignorant asshole and 10 words to trying to convince both herself and her readers that he is anything but.

There is nothing especially wrong with being a colossally ignorant asshole; baseball, and the world, is full of them. It's not Luke Scott's job to be a sensitive guy, and it's not his job to be informed about anything other than how to play baseball. But nor is it an ESPN reporter's job to mislead her readers in what, to these eyes, looks like a clumsy attempt not to offend the sensibilities of some of them.

So, congratulations - the douchenozzle of the week, month and potentially year goes to ... NOT Luke Scott, but Amy Nelson of ESPN! That's solid work for so early in the season.

Good on ya, mate.

A Sad And Beautiful Fact

2011-04-22T14:56:00.000-07:00

I've seen folks linking to this but I finally got a chance to read The Sad, Beautiful Fact That We're Going To Miss Almost Everything by Linda Holmes, and ... it's sad and beautiful, and most importantly well stated:

The vast majority of the world's books, music, films, television and art, you will never see. It's just numbers.

You can hit the highlights, and you can specialize enough to become knowledgeable in some things, but most of what's out there, you'll have to ignore.

This is the plight of idiots like me, who buy books about what other books to read, who fill bookshelves with more and more books, load up their TiVo's and Netflix queues and never seem to make that much progress... but, as Linda Holmes continues, this isn't a bad thing:

It's sad, but it's also ... great, really. Imagine if you'd seen everything good, or if you knew about everything good. Imagine if you really got to all the recordings and books and movies you're "supposed to see." Imagine you got through everybody's list, until everything you hadn't read didn't really need reading. That would imply that all the cultural value the world has managed to produce since a glob of primordial ooze first picked up a violin is so tiny and insignificant that a single human being can gobble all of it in one lifetime. That would make us failures, I think.

If "well-read" means "not missing anything," then nobody has a chance. If "well-read" means "making a genuine effort to explore thoughtfully," then yes, we can all be well-read. But what we've seen is always going to be a very small cup dipped out of a very big ocean, and turning your back on the ocean to stare into the cup can't change that.

I can live with this.

Quick Hits: Books I've Just Read

2011-04-18T20:54:00.000-07:00

A quick run-down/review of the last few books I've read:

After some relatively heavy books, I decided to see what all the fuss was about The Hunger Games trilogy. While I can't say I loved the books, it's worth noting that I read all three books - The Hunger Games, Catching Fire and Mockingjay - in about four or five days. That's worth something - and the story is telling if a mild ripoff of Battle Royale: It is the future, in what used to be the United States. The new country (called Panem) is comprised of the Capitol and 12 surrounding colonies, who essentially produce materials, product and resources for the Capitol. As punishment for an earlier rebellion, every year a boy and a girl from each colony is selected at random to play in The Hunger Games - a contest the rest of the country is forced to watch - in which the winner is the last surviving member. That is, 23 children will die, while one lives.

Meet the new Katniss.

The protagonist, Katnis Everdeen, is thrown into the Hunger Games and the rest of the books follow a logical if especially entertaining path. She's a very good character - strong-willed, creative and someone you root for - and the supporting characters are also compelling. I'm not sure about the fact that Jennifer Lawrence has been cast as Katnis - she's a great actress (from Winter's Bone) - but she doesn't actually look anything like the character. I don't think folks will complain. There's humor thrown in here and there, but at it's root, perhaps obviously, the books are pretty dark.

If I have a complaint about the books, it is that they are dark without being deep. These aren't new themes, the dystopian future and all that - but author Suzanne Collins clearly decided to not dive too deeply. There are much more interesting themes to explore, but these books are made for young adults, and it shows. Since that's the audience, I can't lay fault anywhere, but I would have enjoyed them a great deal more if they'd been a little meatier.

Ratings: Hunger Games: 7.5/10.0; Catching Fire: 7.0/10.0; Mockingjay: 7.5/10.0

So, looking for something with more substance, I decided to read Hellhound On His Trail: The Stalking of Martin Luther King, Jr. and the International Hunt For His Assassin by Hampton Sides. Mission accomplished! This is actually a fantastic account (by the author of Ghost Solidiers) of MLK's assassination, James Earl Ray and the manhunt that ensued, which I basically knew nothing about. A few years ago I read Manhunt, which is the same basic structure around Lincoln's assassination, and I ate it up. The same is true here - I knew very little about Ray (and in fact, he went by the name Eric Galt before the killing and is referenced here as that initially), nor where he hid after the murder.

If I have any complaint, it is in what simply isn't known about Ray - and that's mainly exactly why he did it. He was a virulent racist, and a criminal - but there's no damning evidence, and there is hints that a larger conspiracy existed (bounties from Southern businessmen, etc.) that obviously are not possible to explore further. That's not Sides' fault, just a flaw in the narrative. It's highly engaging, but it's never quite riveting in the way that Ghost Soldiers and Manhunt were. I did enjoy it a lot and recommend if if you want to learn more about a horrible event in our countries past.

Rating: 8.0/10.0

I have a rule - if you are a comedian and you write a book, I'm probably going to read it - Adam Carolla, Sarah Silverman and Patton Oswalt all wrote books I've read in the last year. Guess what? I didn't much like any of them (though Carolla's was the best). So, since David Cross wrote a book called I Drink for a Reason, I'm in - and guess what? I sort of hated it.

It's not really funny, and while it somewhat seems like Cross' voice (when he really goes off the rails, at the least), I sort of expect a book by a comedian to feel like an extended version of his or her act. I really can't recommend this book - in fact, I never finished it. I am sure that Cross worked on it diligently - he doesn't seem like the kind of person who would do anything else - and there are moments I enjoyed .. but not enough to keep going. While I'm sure he did work on it, it feels like he mailed it in. And that's just not a very good thing.

Rating: Did Not Finish

The next book I read was Although of Course You End Up Becoming Yourself by David Lipsky, a pretty much straight transcription of a road trip interview the author did with David Foster Wallace on his Infinite Jest book tour.

I'll have more to say about it as the book deserves its own full review, including a few quotes from the book itself, but frankly at this point I'm willing to take almost anything about Wallace, whose suicide two years ago still feels painful when you think of the genius lost.

Of course, that's why this book exists at all, and there are moments that probably felt trivial in 1996 that are positively haunting now. It's not quite a real book - it quite literally is a transcription with no real side commentary (and of that, I will have much more to say), but it's DFW, and it's good, and that's worth quite a bit.

Rating: 8.0/10.0

Note: This matters not except as a testament to my sloppiness, but I actually wrote this but apparently never published it, like three to four weeks ago. Thought you might possibly care.

Please Help Me Pull My Jaw Back

2011-04-12T22:12:00.000-07:00

In which Greebs gleefully joins the ranks of those who think Keith Olbermann is a complete buffoon:

As even casual readers of this here blog could tell, my politics fall on the left side of the aisle and I think that so-called 'pundits' like Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly and Rush Limbaugh are some of the very worst elements of the national media. That said, while I agreed with some of Keith Olbermann's views (those I heard about), I almost never watched his program before he resigned (or was fired, or whatever). That kind of bolsterous "entertainment" is just nothing of the sort.

But Olbermann, of course, began in sports on ESPN and long ago started a blog for MLB that occasionally is interesting, so I have it in my Google Reader and sneak a peek from time to time. A lot of it is arcane but sometimes fun data, others are boring tales of him visiting the old Yankee Stadium before it was torn down.

Recently, he started doing a look ahead at the 2011 season, and I happened upon his preview of the NL West. Naturally, as a Giants fan, I was intrigued. The good? He picks the Giants to win the NL West, win a first round playoff game but lose to the Braves in the NLDS -- hey, it's not an insane prediction. But the following simply makes no sense to me:

But I must say this: the Giants are rapidly becoming one of the most disliked teams in baseball – and not just because of the silly boastfulness of the ring ceremony and the rest. No World Championship team has ever been feted by fans who have been worse winners than have the 2010 Giants. I mean Red Sox Nation didn’t gloat this much like this after ’04. It’s understandable that a franchise that saw that much frustration and even peril might continue to celebrate for years to come, but there is a reason they coined the phrase “act like you’ve been there before.”

Let's be clear - a Yankees fan is aghast at a team celebrating victory, and boasting about winning a single championship. If I had a dollar for every time a Yankees fan recited the number of World Series rings they had, I'd be a rich man - is that what acting like you've been there before means, Keith?

I lived in Manhattan for two years - and one of them included the 1996 Yankees World Series win. That was the 23rd World Series ring the franchise had earned - and the city went insane. Keith Olbermann undoubtedly enjoyed the moment.

And what I remember most of all? (Well, actually I remember a grown man in a full Yankees uniform sobbing with joy and vomiting, and sobbing some more in a sports bar in Chelsea.) But on a longer term, I remember that Yankee fans started reminding me - whether it was relevant or not - that they'd won 23 championships, not the 22 they'd been yammering about the year before.

Hey, they had suffered - it had been eighteen years since their last championship - they missed the entire 1980's, right? (For comparison, of course, the Giants had 56 years in between championships, and had never once won as the San Francisco Giants. But why should details matter here?)

And you know what I thought about Yankee fans then? I loved it. That's what sports are about, and while Yankee fans are only a few steps above Cowboys or Dodgers fans, when you support a great franchise, you get to have some bluster. And you sure as hell enjoy every minute of a championship, because even with great teams, they are fleeting and rare. As a 49ers fan, I've surfed that wave plenty. (Sigh.)

Suck it, Keith.

So, to hear Olbermann tell others to act like they've been there before is among other things, a serious case of horse blinders, it's also kind of confusing. Because ... is this really a national opinion of the Giants? I'm obviously insulated to this out here in the Bay Area, but ... really? Are people aghast at the Giants continuing to celebrate their World Series trophy? If so, I neither have heard it nor understand it.

I'm fairly sure that if you took a national poll of who the most annoying fans are, you'd find answers that included the Yankees, Phillies, Red Sox and perhaps justifiably the Dodgers. I'm possibly crazy but I have to think that at the highest, the Giants finish fifth on a list like that and probably much farther down.

It's possible that I'm wrong. But it's a sure damn thing that Olbermann is.

The National League West

2011-03-30T22:21:00.000-07:00

The experts at ESPN - 46 of them, actually - made their picks for the winners of each baseball division, playoff round including the World Series, and just three of them picked the champion San Francisco Giants to make the World Series again, and just one (Buster Olney) picked them to repeat.

The NL West's best pitcher has his own logo.

Now, to be fair, I'm sure absolutely none of them picked either the Giants or Rangers to make the series last year so it's not like these picks actually mean anything. And if I had to make a bet on who would win the World Series before a single game had been played, I'm fairly sure I'd choose the Red Sox like almost all the experts did.

But ... so few of these folks even picked the Giants to win the NL West that I find it stunning. First, to be clear, the Giants have the best pitching staff - starters and bullpen - in the NL West. That's indisputable - in the NL, only the Phillies have a better rotation (presumably) and a far, far worse bullpen.

But even on offense, this team is poised to win. Check this out:

Pos	Arizona D-Backs	Colorado Rockies	Los Angeles Dodgers	SD Padres	SF Giants	Comments
C	Miguel Montero	Chris Ianetta	Rod Barajas	Nick Hundley	Buster Posey	A no-brainer win for the Giants. One of the best young hitters in baseball, regardless of position.
1B	Russell Branyan	Todd Helton	James Loney	Brad Hawpe	Brandon Belt or Aubrey Huff	I'm willing to be convinced otherwise, but ... seriously, who would you want? I'll take the hotshot rookie or last year's MVP candidate.
2B	Kelly Johnson	Jose Lopez	Ivan DeJesus	Orlando Hudson	Freddy Sanchez	Let's give this one to Kelly Johnson in a contest of some overall mediocre talent.
SS	Stephen Drew	Troy Tulowitzki	Rafael Furcal	Jason Bartlett	Miguel Tejada	A solid position across the division, but an easy win for Tulo here.
3B	Melvin Mora	Ian Stewart	Juan Uribe.	Chase Headley	Pablo Sandoval	I'm calling this a push - good young hitters in Stewart, Headley and Sandoval, two decent vets in Uribe and Mora. A toss-up.
RF	Justin Upton	Seth Smith	Andre Ethier	Ryan Ludwick	Aubrey Huff / Cody Ross	Dodger fans might vote for Ethier, but I'll go with Upton, a potential five-tool player.
CF	Chris Young	Dexter Fowler	Matt Kemp	Cameron Maybin	Andres Torres	Even with an off-year in 2010, Kemp is the class of this position, with apologies to Torres and Young.
LF	Xavier Nady	Carlos Gonzalez	Tony Gwynn, Jr.	Will Venable	Pat Burrell / Aubrey Huff	Much like Posey at catcher, one of the best young hitters in baseball, regardless of position.
SP1	Ian Kennedy	Ubaldo Jiminez	Clayton Kershaw	Mat Latos	Tim Lincecum	Great aces, all. But two Cy Youngs and a World Series win? It's TIMMY TIME.
SP2	Daniel Hudson	Jorge De La Rosa	Chad Billingsley	Tim Stauffer	Matt Cain	You can talk about Billingsley, but this isn't close.
SP3	Joe Saunders	Jhoulys Chacin	Ted Lilly	Aaron Harang	Jonathan Sanchez	You want to give this to Ted Lilly or Jhoulys Chacin? Tell me why.
SP4	Barry Enright	Jason Hammel	Hiroki Kuroda	Dustin Mosely	Madison Bumgarner	A lot of questions, but I'll once again take Mad Bum.
SP5	Armando Galarraga	Esmil Rogers	Jon Garland	Clayton Richard	Barry Zito	Zito has the best record but I'd rather have Garland, Galaragga or maybe even Richard. Sorry, Zeets.
RP	Juan Guiterrez	Matt Belisle	Hong-Chih Kuo	Luke Gregerson	Sergio Romo	Gregerson could be closing for half the teams in the league. I love Romo but Gregerson is lethal.
CL	J.J. Putz	Huston Street	Jonathan Broxton	Heath Bell	Brian Wilson	A lot of talent across the board, but I - like most batters - still fear the beard.

Naturally, I'm not accounting for injuries (Latos, Wilson and perhaps a few others are already on the DL, for example) but here's the thing...if there's a team with the most talent across the board in the division, it's the Giants. If you want to argue that the Rockies or even the Dodgers have the ability to compete, I'll listen - but this is the Giants division to lose. And any "expert" shouldn't find that too difficult of a conclusion to arrive at.

In related news, tomorrow is Opening Day. Baseball ... is back.

I Sign Anonymous

2011-03-18T21:07:00.000-07:00

I've decided to ban anonymous comments. There's no filtering of comments here (though I'll delete the auto-spam since it's annoying), nor has anyone left particularly horrible commentary. It's just that...I don't like the idea of total anonymity - the web is an easy enough place to not use your real name. My comments on blogs are usually associated with "greebs" or some variant thereof, not my actual name.

I can't really tell you why I don't like it, I just don't. As my kid would say when she's decided she doesn't like something but isn't sure why, I'll just say this:

I don't like it!

I'd rather get comments from someone called mikey3503 than "Anonymous." I'm not sure you care about this, but if you do ... say so in the comments. (See what I did there?)

Foo Fighting Friday

2011-03-18T09:00:00.000-07:00

This ... makes me very happy. Dave Grohl was asked, apparently, if he'd let Glee use a Foo Fighters song - and, Grohl responded. For some history, several musicians have said they don't want their music being sun on that show and in most cases, producer Ryan Murphy has responded snidely, denigrating the musicians for their decision. It's pretty weak - as is the show (which actually has promise and could be good, except the people making the show don't seem to have any interest in doing that). Anyhow, here's Grohl's response:

“It’s every band’s right, you shouldn’t have to do f---ing Glee,” Grohl told THR following the premiere of Foo Fighters: Back and Forth, the new Foo Fighters documentary which just made its South By Southwest debut. “And then the guy who created Glee is so offended that we’re not, like, begging to be on his f---ing show… f--- that guy for thinking anybody and everybody should want to do Glee.”

As it turns out ... he doesn’t have as much of a problem with the series as he does with its creator.

Recounting anti-Glee comments made by Slash earlier this year and subsequent retorts by Murphy, reported by THR, Grohl explained to drummer Taylor Hawkins: “The Glee guy, what a f---ing jerk. Slash was the first one. He wanted to do Guns ‘n’ Roses and Slash is like, ‘I hate f---ing musicals. It’s worse than Grease.’ Then [Murphy's] like, ‘Well, of course he’d say that, he’s a washed up ol’ rock star, that’s what they f---ing do.’ And then Kings of Leon say, ‘No, we don’t want to be on your show.’ And then he’s like, ‘Snotty little assholes…’ And it’s just like, Dude, maybe not everyone loves Glee. Me included.”

Testify!

Tsunami In California

2011-03-11T12:22:00.001-08:00

Tsunami makes its way to Emeryville, CA (SF area) a photo by Dr_Speed on Flickr.

Wow...I took the ferry this morning, worried about the tsunami (you know, being in a boat during the time they warned about it hitting the California coast and all) and there wasn't anything. I figured it was a non-event, and then started reading about it hitting some ports. Here's a GREAT photo of it in Emeryville (between Berkeley and Oakland), basically where I used to work until this January. Not a big thing, but crazy that this IS the tsunami.

Good thoughts and prayers (if you roll that way) to all the people in Japan and worldwide who were hit by the earthquake and its after effects.

The Real Question Is...

2011-03-08T22:36:00.000-08:00

... just how insane is this going to look by August or September?

I love me some B-Weezy, but he's said he wasn't going to shave until the Giants were out of contention - that never happened last year (in case you missed it, THEY WON THE WORLD SERIES), so ... yep, he's keeping it. And, folks, we're in for yet another fun ride with The Beard.

Only 23 days until Opening Day.

Hello?

2011-03-05T08:09:00.000-08:00

Yes, I've had at least four friends share this with me on Facebook already, but it's so damn funny I want to preserve it on the blog here, and frankly it needs as wide an audience as possible.

It's really the little things. Whoever did this? I'm a fan.

Is Barry Zito hanging on by a thread?

2011-03-01T22:00:00.000-08:00

When Barry Zito was benched in the post-season, it was the first public sign from the Giants that they could admit what everyone else knew - the guy simply isn't very good. He's on the team because of what seems now, after Vernon Wells became suddenly trade-able, the worst contract in all of baseball. (Don't worry, Jayson Werth, your time is coming soon.)

Dazed, confused and ... on his way out?

While I've been disgusted by Zito's performance as a San Francisco Giant - he's 40-57 with a 4.45 ERA, a horrendous 1.408 WHIP and a remarkable ability to let a game spiral out of control as fast as anybody in the league - I don't hold Zito's contract against him. It's a player and agent jobs to get the best deal they can. It's a General Manager's job to manage a budget and roster effectively.

This might sound like it's going to be an attack on Brian Sabean - but of course, it isn't. Will I take the above stats from Zito - and the knowledge that his contract prevented some free agent signings that would have helped - for a World Series that was won in spite of all that? Um, hell yes I would. And will. And do.

So, whatever. And I expect that he'll be the 5th starter on the team this year and ... well, not be good. Listen, I might not be happy about it but I can't complain. A ring is a ring.

But to hear Bruce Jenkins tell it, the Giants might not even keep him around:

A source close to the team indicated Tuesday that there is "exasperation" with Zito, that his status as the No. 5 starter is "definitely not safe," and that the team would even consider buying out his expensive contract before Opening Day if that's what it takes to say farewell. ...Heading into spring training, it was widely believed that the Giants were more than willing to ride it out with Zito, given the overall excellence of their rotation. But there's a healthy sense of urgency in the world champions' camp. They didn't clinch a postseason berth until the final game of the 2010 season, and they realize that just a single loss - something that could be avoided - could cost them a chance to repeat this year.

There is concern that Zito hasn't been properly diligent in maintaining his physical conditioning, and that Monday's performance (five walks in 13 batters) was all too reminiscent of Oct. 2, when he walked home two runs in the first inning against San Diego and took the loss in a vital game at AT&T Park.

This isn't helping, Barry.

OK, let's take those in reverse order -- if Zito hasn't been keeping in shape, that's going to change my opinion of him. The Giants have paid him about $87,000,000 already and owe him another $39,000,000 -- all to be a professional athlete. There's simply no excuse for not being fanatical about staying in shape, especially with gym rats like Brian Wilson on the team.

But it's the supposed concern over just a single loss that strikes me. One, the Giants are pretty focused, and that's as it should be. But two, if this has a shred of truth to it, at least some folks in the organization think that Jeff Suppan, Brian Lawrence, Clayton Tanner (R) are potentially less risky to put out there in a given regular season game. You literally couldn't show less confidence in a guy while still keeping him on your roster.

OK .. that's worse. STOP.

Which, apparently, they're considering not doing. I don't buy it - again, I wouldn't be against them waiving him if he's simply that unreliable - but you have to have better options. I don't know much about Tanner, but that would be a very, very young pitching staff. I sort of like the idea of the end of the rotation being a veteran. And sure, Suppan and Lawrence are veterans, but there's a reason they were available.Suppan's career ERA is 4.69 and WHIP is 1.460, worse than Zito's wrteched stint with the Giants, and WAY higher than that in the last few years. The Giants signed Brian Lawrence when Elmer Dessens decided to back out of a deal. Enough said.

If this is all just a way to kick Zito in the ass and get him focused, then ... I guess so, but .. really? Zito is many things, but he's not an idiot. He's a good teammate - he took his playoff demotion with incredible grace, charm and enthusiasm - but he has to know the organization has soured on him. But there's no real reason to rub salt in his wounds like this, is there?

This is probably nothing more than a sportswriter thinking on the page, and that's fine. But for what it's worth, unless there's another pitcher out there who the Giants have their eye on to replace Zito in the rotation, I'm not seeing it.

The Oscars

2011-02-23T21:50:00.000-08:00

The Oscars are this weekend, and ... I really don't care. I used to - the awards were something special. But now? It's boring, fueled in no short part by the fact that I see a lot less movies these days. But this year, it turns out that I've seen quite a few of the nominated films, so I actually have thoughts on who I'd choose in each category, at least the major ones.

Do you care? I don't know! But here goes anyhow:

Best Supporting Actress

Performances I Didn't See: Jacki Weaver in Animal Kingdom (In fact, I'm not sure what the heck that movie is. I've not hear even a whit about it.) But I did see both Melissa Leo and Amy Adams in The Fighter, Hailee Steinfeld in True Grit and Helena Bonham Carter in The King's Speech. I love HBC, but while her performance was quite solid it was buried by Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush, who we'll talk about later. It's hard to give an award out for the third best performance in a film. That also eliminates the lovely Amy Adams, who was great but ... Oscar worthy? It just wasn't meaty enough of a role. I'm writing Weaver off because ... again, what the hell is Animal Kingdom? Seriously? It comes down to Leo's amazing performance as the driven, mildly crazy mother in The Fighter, and the remarkable job by Steinfeld in True Grit.*
It says here that the award will go to Melissa Leo -- whose created a true character that is one of the main charms and strengths of the film; it's a performance worth rewarding and Leo is someone I think the Academy would like to reward. But personally, after thinking about it, I have to give this to Hailee Steinfeld. She genuinely carried the film, and it's not an easy character - a girl barely in her teens who speaks in a formal, halted manner that simply can't have come naturally. Without her, that movie collapses -- and she handily deserves the award.

* (And yes, the fact that Steinfeld is nominated as Best Supporting Actress, since she's in, I believe, every single scene in the movie. Jeff Bridges isn't, but he's nominated as Best Actor. That's a decision the filmmakers made, but it's ridiculous that it's allowed.)

Best Supporting Actor

Performances I Didn't See: Jeremy Renner in The Town. The remaining four were all great performances, though I think Mark Ruffalo had the easiest job in The Kids Are All Right, and I've seen him do better elsewhere so I'm crossing him off the list. I also think Renner is out of it since The Town was the fluffiest of all the films, and this is 'serious business.' Geoffrey Rush gave a great performance in The King's Speech, and it's exactly the kind of performance the Academy loves to reward. My wife feels strongly that the guy who deserves this is John Hawkes, who I agreed was flat out brilliant in Winter's Bone. I almost agree with her - Hawkes (who I didn't recognize as Lennon from LOST). But I think the mortal lock here is Christian Bale in The Fighter. It's a dominating, unique and indelible character and Bale knocked it out of the park. Bale is one of my favorite actors and despite (or because of) his noted temper, I think the voters think he's overdue. They're right.

Best Actress

Performances I Didn't See: Nicole Kidman in Rabbit Hole, Michelle Williams in Blue Valentine. Neither seems poised to win. Nobody seems to be giving Jennifer Lawrence from Winter's Bone much of a chance, which is a shame; her performance is top-notch and unusual, and in many years she'd probably win. But the talk seems to be about Annette Bening from The Kids Are All Right and Natalie Portman in Black Swan. Bening's odds are based on a very good performance as well as an acknowledgement that she's never won before. She may yet win - but, while she was very good, I don't know anyone who has seen the movie who doesn't agree that Julianne Moore was just as good and as much of a lead role as Bening. But, the trend seems to be leaning towards Natalie Portman, and perhaps it's because I so recently saw Black Swan, but I have to agree -- Portman is amazing, and the role is maniacally difficult. Her tortured mania was perfectly controlled, and she seemed plausible as a ballet dancer even if I know nothing about that sort of thing. I thought about Portman and the film for days after I saw it, and I can't say that - even a little - about Bening. This one goes to Queen Amidala.

Best Actor

Performances I Didn't See: Javier Bardem in Biutiful, James Franco in 127 Hours. I've heard that Franco is great and has a shot at the award. I'm doubtful, but I can't say whether it's justified or not, so let's move on. The remaining nominees are Jeff Bridges in True Grit, but to me that's barely a leading role and he just won last year. It's not gonna happen. I really think that Jesse Eisenberg deserves not only his nomination but to win - he absolutely defined this role, making a misanthropic, selfish loner into a fascinating character we end up rooting for, even as we never grow to like him. It's hard for me to think of Mark Zuckerberg and not picture Eisenberg instead. But I think instead the award will go to Colin Firth, who is truly incredible in The King's Speech. When he stutters, it's real and heart-breaking; his interactions with Geoffrey Rush are classic and captivating, and it's not until after the film that you realize how much you've invested in

Best Director

Nominated: David O. Russell, The Fighter; David Fincher, The Social Network; Joel and Ethan Coen, True Grit; Darren Aronofsky, Black Swan; Tom Hooper, The King's Speech. First of all, that's a pretty nice set of directors. I know some are up in arms about Christopher Nolan being left off for Inception, but ... dude. It was well directed but sort of a slop of a film that got stupider every time I thought about it. Of the nominees, I think the Academy will give it to one of my favorite directors who turned in yet another brilliant film - David Fincher for The Social Network.

Best Picture

I Didn't See: 127 Hours. Seriously, I saw NINE films nominated for Best Picture. How about me? The remaining nominations: Black Swan; The Fighter; Inception; The Kids Are All Right; The King's Speech; The Social Network; Toy Story 3; True Grit; Winter's Bone. I think the fight here is between The King's Speech and The Social Network. As I understand it, The King's Speech has won a lot of the other award shows, and that supposedly means it's the favorite to win the Oscar. Perhaps - it was certainly great, and as good of an example of what great writing, acting and direction can do - because the plot itself is somewhat shockingly banal. (A member of British royalty has...a speech impediment!)

But frankly, the same can and should be said about The Social Network, a movie about ... the creation of a website. And wait! It's about the lawsuit over that very web site! It's an incredible script (for which Aaron Sorkin is likely to win his own Oscar), with great performances and direction. (Lost amidst the other snubs is Andrew Garfield as Eduardo Saverin. He was hugely integrated to the film, and was fantastic.) Of all the films nominated, it's probably the most well developed, most complete film. While I also loved Winters Bone and The King's Speech, I can't quite say the same about those films. It's a resounding success, and while it may not win on Sunday, it should.

Anyway, that's what I think.

Save PBS

2011-02-22T17:07:00.000-08:00

Among their many odious planned cuts, the Republican-led House has suggested cutting all funding to PBS. This is a pet peeve of theirs and has been for going on fifty years. (There's a video out there of Mr. Rogers testifying to Congress on the importance of PBS, and if that doesn't convince you, you are dead to me.)

Practically speaking, I'm more outraged at the gall and heartlessness of some of these cuts rather than fearing their passage, as the Senate and President Obama have no reason to accept this nonsense.

But here's another good example of why PBS matters. If it's too small below, either click the image to enlarge or follow the link in the prior sentence.

Some Recent Books

2011-02-17T22:47:00.000-08:00

One of the nice thing about commuting each day is I've been able to read a lot more (somewhat ironic since my last job was working for a book company, but life is oh-so-hilarious that way). Here are some of the books I've recently read, and a brief review of each:

Nicole Krauss is quickly becoming one of my favorite authors - her prior novels (Man Walks Into A Room, The History of Love) were very impressive, and her latest, Great House, was one of the books I anticipated in 2010, even before it showed up on almost every Best of 2010 list in existence.

Great House tells four separate but linked stories, each chapter switching to another story told by another character. They are all linked together by, of all things, a writing desk (though in truth, one story is so subtly linked to this that I missed it while reading it - or, more accurately, I wasn't sure I'd grasped it.) The connections between the stories is clever, and much more than a gimmick; the characters here are also all sad, desperate and searching for something. Krauss' mastery of language and story makes this worth every bit of praise that it received.

One of these days, I'm going to write a blog post that I've been noodling on for awhile - the top 12 authors I'd like to publish one new book a year (that is, one for each month). When I do, Krauss seems well poised to make the list.

Review: 9.0/10.0

Another writer I'd admired before was Myla Goldberg - her debut novel Bee Season was fantastic, though her follow-ups were not as well received. However, her 2010 novel The False Friend received a great deal of praise, so I picked it up.

I'm not sure I've ever read a book faster that I was so unsure about; I never really liked it, but I finished it in less than three days. It's the story of Celia Durst, who returns home 20 years after her best friend Djuna disappeared. Celia is convinced that despite telling her friends and family that Celia had gotten into a strangers car, the truth was worse: she'd seen Djuna fall into a hole in the forest but left her there, filled with childhood anger. Her latent responsibility and guilt has finally caught up with her, and she wants to reconnect with those old friends and own up - or discover - the truth. It's a good premise - and Celia discovers some things that I found genuinely interesting - but The False Friend fails because of one main thing: Nobody is likable. Celia, in particular, is depressed to a degree that probably rings true but ... depressed people aren't fun. And the ending isn't particularly satisfying either ... in short, I think it's a successful story, but really not enjoyable. I can't recommend it.

Rating: 5.5/10.0

Another book I recently read that suffers from a less than likable narrator is The Ask, by Sam Lipsyte. In this case, it's Milo who works for a private college in Manhattan, trying to raise donations for the school. (The title refers to the request for those funds.) Milo loses this job quite quickly, then gets it back, and things go worse from there. The book is mainly a satire, and is often quite funny - but, at the end of the day it's hard to root for Milo, and that's pretty much required here to find it satisfying. As is often the case in satire, the story spirals into something a bit crazy and implausible, but those flaws are made more obvious through the lack of a faithful narrator.

What's more, it seems like Lipsyte knows this. Here's a quote (and yes, there's a character named Vargina; she's a former crack-baby whose name was adjusted by a charitable hospital nurse who has made something of her life):

"I'm not very likable, am I?"
"You're likable enough," said Vargina.
"No, I mean, if I were the protagonist of a book or a movie, it would be hard to like me, to identify with me, right?"
"I would never read a book like that, Milo. I can't think of anyone who would. There's no reason for it."
"Oh."

For that bit of self-acknowledgment, I'll give The Ask an additional half-point. But as biting satire, it falls short - and as a modern commentary, it feels watered down. (A far better example of this would be, among others, The Financial Lives of the Poets.) It's quite enjoyable, but not much more than that.

Rating: 7.0/10.0

I expected to like The Ask and The False Friend more than I did, based both on the stories and the authors. With Major Pettigrew's Last Stand, I knew literally nothing about the book except how many people liked it. Had I known the plot, I'm not sure I would have actually even picked it up.

It is, as my mother described it to me after I'd read it, a modern-day Jane Austen. (Yeah...I didn't think I'd read that either.) Major Ernest Pettigrew is retired, living in a provincial seaside English town. The book begins with him hearing that his brother has died; he finds an unlikely sympathetic friend in Mrs. Ali, a Pakistani shopkeeper in town who has lost her husband. The story doesn't necessarily tell all that much - a major plot point is what will happen with his expensive set of collector Churchill hunting rifles - and the conclusion seems all but evident quite early on, debut novelist Helen Simonson creates a riveting, completely absorbing story. Pettigrew is a codger, disgusted with the way modern society has stripped all the elegance and ritual out of daily life; his son Roger is sadly a prime example of this (and one of the funnier characters I've discovered in some time). Mrs. Ali has to deal with the relatives of her deceased husband giving the store over to her fundamentalist nephew. The two develop a late life love story (hey, say that five times fast) that is incredibly moving, funny and tender.

As the story builds, I was worried that the ending would be forced or contrived, but I honestly was suprised and engaged by it, and it's incredibly satisfying.

Let's be clear - this is not my kind of book. But perhaps it should be - frankly, regardless of the plot, any book that is as satisfying as this - more, please.

Rating: 8.5/10.0

The Greatest Movie Review Ever?

2011-02-15T22:25:00.000-08:00

Courtesy of Lamebook, this is a good contender for the greatest movie review, ever:

In case you can't read it, it reads as such (about the wonderful film The King's Speech):

I truly enjoyed the cinematography of this wonderful work of cinema, in addition to the direction which gave a realistic feel of not only the King's inhibitions, but the gravity of a situation that, albeit overplayed with regards to historical accuracy, was portrayed as one whose implications would result in seemingly severe consequences. Firth and Rush were exquisite to say the very least ... Could have had more tits though

Get this man a gig!

Questions and Answers

2011-02-14T08:02:00.001-08:00

Q: (me) "Why did we not board the regular ferry?"

A: (ferry employee) "The regular boat was having problems."

Q: (me) "Oh. Like, what?"

A: (employee) "I think they couldn't make the boat steer."

Me: "Yeah...good call, then."

-- I posted this from my iPhone, please excuse the mess.

Location:San Clemente Dr,Corte Madera,United States

Transmission by Playmobil

2011-02-10T21:38:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, you don't know something needs to exist until you see it. This ... is one of those things.

"This" for the inquisitive mind, is a video of Joy Division's "Transmission" - as performed by the band originally for John Peel in 1979. Thanks to kottke for the link, and to softwareDR on YouTube for posting.

Yes, the 49ers Blew It. No, They Were Not Alone.

2011-02-07T14:18:00.000-08:00

Now that Aaron Rodgers has won his first Super Bowl for the Green Bay Packers, you are hearing the completely predictable chatter on sports radio about the decision that the 49ers front office made back in 2005, to take Alex Smith over Rodgers. Clearly, this was a monumental miss.

Let's forget for a moment that Rodgers is who he is today through sitting and watching a legend for three years, and learning and perfecting a consistent system ... while, had he been in San Francisco, he would have been starting from Day One with one of the worst teams in the franchise and league history. (Seriously, Arnaz Battle was the best wideout the team had in 2006. It was not pretty.) I think Rodgers would have done better than Smith - he's more talented and has a better head for the game - but if 49ers fans think the team would be celebrating a Super Bowl win today with just that draft day change, they are kidding themselves.

But let's instead focus on what actually happened in that draft. Smith went #1 overall to the 49ers, this much we know and repeat day after day after day. But Aaron Rodgers fell to the Packers at 24. For sure, some teams in between didn't need a QB, but many of them did. Here are just a few of the teams not named the 49ers that passed on Aaron Rodgers, and the QB they felt comfortable starting the 2006 season with:

Pick	Team	Who They Liked Instead at QB	Who They Drafted Instead
2	Miami Dolphins	Daunte Culpepper, who was later benched for Joey Harrington.	Ronnie Brown. Good pick.
3	Cleveland Browns	Charlie Frye. Seriously.	Braylon Edwards. Meh pick, especially with Frye throwing to him.
4	Chicago Bears	Rex Grossman	Cedric Benson. Average player - for the Bengals.
5	Tampa Bay Buccaneers	Chris Simms	Cadillac Williams. Decent pick.
6	Tennessee Titans	Kerry Collins	Adam "Pacman" Jones. That didn't work out.
7	Minnesota Vikings	Brad Johnson	Troy Williamson. Whoops.
9	Washington Redskins	Mark Brunell. Seriously.	Carlos Rogers, CB.
10	Detroit Lions	Jon Kitna	Mike Williams. Whoops.
14	Carolina Panthers	Jake Delhomme	Thomas Davis, LB.
15	Kansas City Chiefs	Trent Green, backed up by Damon Huard	Derrick Johnson, LB.
18	Minnesota Vikings	Brad Johnson. Yes, they passed on Rodgers twice. Good thing he's in their division now!	Erasmus James, DE.
19	St. Louis Rams	Marc Bulger	Alex Barron, OL.
21	Jacksonville Jaguars	Byron Leftwich	Matt Jones, WR. Wow...that's bad.
23	Oakland Raiders	Aaron Brooks. This might be the funniest name on this list.	Fabian Washington. Sorry, that's the funniest name on this list.

* I didn't include the Arizona Cardinals, who had just drafted Matt Leinart high and didn't know yet how bad that pick was. The same goes for the Houston Texans and David Carr. Also not included: Dallas (Drew Bledsoe), Cincinnati (Carson Palmer), San Diego (Philip Rivers), New Orleans (Drew Brees), Baltimore (Steve McNair).

For what it's worth, Ronnie Brown and Braylon Edwards are the only guys on that list who have been to a Pro Bowl ... and Edwards is already out of Cleveland and Brown may be out of Miami this off-season ... and both Cleveland and Miami have been looking for QBs ever since. (Cleveland may have found one with Colt McCoy, time will tell.)

Do Redskins fans talk about how they missed out on Aaron Rodgers? Do Vikings fans lament that they passed on him twice? They might ... but I doubt it, and no way is it sports radio fodder to the extent that it is here in the Bay Area. To be sure, none of these teams took a QB with the pick, and there's something to that (though the Redskins took Campbell with the 25th pick just after Rodgers went to Green Bay .

Look, I am the last guy to apologize for Mike Nolan and the shambles of a front office that decided Alex Smith was their guy and Aaron Rodgers wasn't. It was a massive mistake. But the 49ers were not alone. More than 2/3 of the league decided against taking Rodgers. They were ALL wrong.

It All Makes Sense Now

2011-02-05T21:18:00.000-08:00

This post feels a bit like rubbing salt in an open wound, but I just can't resist.

When Mike Singletary was fired from the San Francisco 49ers, he got himself a new gig in Minnesota, and described the position as exactly what he'd held with the Niners before his fateful promotion - linebackers coach and Assistant Head Coach. In San Francisco, that latter position seems largely to have been as a motivational speaker, but undoubtedly there was more. And though it's quite a fall from head coach to positional coach, meaning Singletary still has never been a coordinator, the "Assistant Head Coach" eases the blunt.

When interviewed, this is what Singletary said:

[Mike] Singletary confirmed in an interview with Chicago radio station ESPN 1000 that he will become an assistant to Vikings coach Leslie Frazier, with whom he played in Chicago.

"I will be in Minnesota with Les," Singletary said. "I will be a linebackers coach/assistant head coach."

Now ... here's how the Minnesota Vikings list Singletary on their website:

Yeah, that says Special Assistant TO Head Coach. Kind of a major difference. (Also, there's another guy named Dennis Polian whose entire job is 'Assistant to Head Coach.' For what that's worth.)

Calling one the "Assistant Head Coach" when in fact, you are an Assistant to the Head Coach sounds familiar. Sort of hilariously so. And, everything begins to make sense now -- Mike Singletary is Dwight Schrute:

I WANT WINNERS!

It's just incredible that he didn't succeed as a head coach. Wow.

Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption

2011-02-05T08:32:00.000-08:00

One of the things I find myself doing - and trying to stop doing while I'm doing it - is to imagine a book I'm reading as movie. It can be a fun exercise, and to some degree imagining a book in one's head isn't all that far off from seeing it on a screen. Certain writers -- mostly ones I don't enjoy reading - essentially disguise screenplays as novels, while others simply describe characters, landscape and events so clearly and brilliantly, one can't help but direct the scene.

Laura Hillenbrand is such a writer - her first book was Seabiscuit, a simply amazing detail of the Great Depression and the racehorse - a book I loved so entirely that I was shocked by:

a) How crappy the movie turned out to be.
b) How many people loved that crappy movie.

Hillenbrand's latest book takes place around World War II, focusing not on a horse, but a human: Louis Zamperini. Once a thug, Zamperini refocused and became an Olympic runner, alongside teammate Jesse Owens in the Berlin 1936 Games. After the U.S. entered the war, Zamperini became a bombadier in the Pacific theater. The reader knows - from the opening passage, as well as an description of the story - that Zamperini is at some point lost at sea after a crash, surrounded by sharks and spotted by the Japanese.

So ... there's that.

Hillenbrand then rewinds and brings us to that moment by detailing Zamperini's childhood - described elegantly and vividly, Zamperini (or, simply, Louis as he's referenced through the book) starts off life as a massively energetic, often thuggish, delinquent kid. His brother Pete, a runner himself, decides Louis will not only succeed at running but be reformed by it, and this proves true as Louis was good - Olympian athlete good. But all of this, as well told as it is, pales to the story once war begins.

This is Louis Zamperini, and he's way tougher than us.

Zamperini is a bombardier, flying missions that were almost insanely fraught with risk. The statistics Hillenbrand places are horrifying and crazy; close to 29,000 planes were lost due not to combat, but to accidents and over 50,000 airmen died in training and the war due to noncombat accidents. Add in the obvious real risks of combat itself, and the job was one of the most dangerous in all of the war.

As foretold in the opening segment, Zamperini does crash, surviving it along with his close friend and pilot Russell Allen "Phil" Phillips, and the tailgunner Mac. They survive on the raft for an unheard of time (truly) and do so through desperate but ingenious methods, mostly of Zamperini's design.

And then, they are "rescued" by the Japanese and put into POW camp.

What's insane about Unbroken is that as crazy and insane the "castaway" portion of the story is, it gets more horrifying. The abuses waged against Zamperini's body and mind and his fellow captives are devastating in their totality. And as it becomes more unbelievable, it is instantly reinforced that it MUST be believable because this all happened. The fact that someone like "The Bird" existed is both repugnant and somewhat incredible, because if this were fiction, you'd find his behavior over the top, unbelievable and potentially an offensive depiction.

As hard as it would be to create a realistic looking month-plus at sea with actors wasting away to almost nothing, it might be harder to successfully pull off the horrors that Hillenbrand details here. I rather hoped that nobody even attempt to turn this into a film -- but ... of course it's already are in the works. Sigh.

Without going further in the story, it's finally worth stating that the story ends on a scale that was both suprising and satisfying. The book is gripping, powerful and at times, as one might expect, emotional and inspiring. I knew nothing of Louis Zamperini, or that he'd once been a national hero. He still is one, and should be celebrated as such. Laura Hillenbrand has written another spectacular book, one I simply can't recommend enough.

Rating: 9.5/10.0

Friday Tunage: We Were Promised Jetpacks

2011-02-04T20:30:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile, and this is something that got recommended to me about an hour ago and I have already listened to it too much. It's from a band called "We Were Promised Jetpacks" -- which is now one of my favorite band names, and not just because it recalls one of my favorite lines from one of my favorite shows, The West Wing:

Leo McGarry:My generation never got the future it was promised... Thirty-five years later, cars, air travel is exactly the same. We don't even have the Concorde anymore. Technology stopped.
Josh Lyman:The personal computer...
Leo McGarry:A more efficient delivery system for gossip and pornography? Where's my jet pack, my colonies on the Moon?

No idea if these Scottish blokes in the band are referencing that - somehow I'm skeptical - but regardless, they play some damn fine music. Here's a video of Quiet Little Voices, the first single from These Four Walls, their first release:

<p>&amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;gt;Have</p>

Have yourself a lovely weekend.

The Books I Read in 2010

2011-01-30T14:03:00.000-08:00

As I've been doing for the last five years or so, I'm keeping a log of what books I read during a given year. Here are the prior years, should be just that bored:

The Books I Read in 2009

The Books I Read in 2008

The Books I Read in 2007

The Books I Read in 2006

In all those lists, as with the one below, In those lists, as in the one below, the following may be informative:

Books marked with blue are ones I really enjoyed.

Those marked in orange are titles I didn't even finish, for one reason or another.

The rest...somewhere in between.

Book Title	Author	Rating (out of 10.0)	Thoughts
Freedom	Jonathan Franzen	9.5	Wow. There may be a few pages in this epic tome that don't work brilliantly, but otherwise it's an astounding, important and FUN novel that is a worthy successor to The Corrections.
The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks	Rebecca Skloot	7.5	A good but not quite great detailing of the HeLa cells and how the Lacks family learned about their contribution to society and wealth, while living in abject poverty and, often, ignorance. Not as amazing as some have said, but a really interesting and important story.
Operation Mincemeat	Ben Macintyre	8.5	Incredible, true story about a covert operation in WWII that helped deceive Germany and Italy into being caught unaware for the attack on Sicily. Sometimes, the stuff of spy novels turns out to be true.
A Visit From The Goon Squad	Jennifer Egan	9.0	Outstanding and incredibly moving novel by Egan. Longer review here.
Moonlight Mile	Dennis Lehane	9.0	A return of my favorite Lehane characters, this is seriously fun, poignant and a terrific read. Highly recommended.
SuperFreakonomics: Global Cooling, Patriotic Prostitutes, and Why Suicide Bombers Should Buy Life Insurance	Stephen Dubner and Steven Levitt	7.5	First off, look at the last four books here - I have to stop reading books with colons in the title. But this was a nice follow-up with the only negative a long spiel on global warming that felt very out of place and a bit polemic.
The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee	Sarah Silverman	7.0	Decent, but it turned out to be less witty reflections on life as an actual memoir - and it also turns out I don't care enough. A review here.
In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks: And Other Complaints From an Angry White Middle-Aged Guy	Adam Carolla	7.0	Not bad, often funny - great for fans of Carolla, even if they've heard many of these rants before. A fuller review here.
The Machine: a Hot Team, a Legendary Season, and a Heart-Stopping World Series: the Story of the 1975 Cincinnati Reds	Joe Posnanski	7.0	Posnanski is an amazing writer - his blog is outstanding as are his SI articles, and here he writes on one of the first baseball teams I can remember, the Big Red Machine. Well done, perhaps I'm just not quite passionate enough about the subject matter to love it instead of liking it.
Sunset Park	Paul Auster	9.0	Outstanding - the full review here. Also the first book I've ever read on a Kindle, which seems worth recording.
Stretch: The Unlikely Making of a Yoga Dude	Neal Pollack	N/A	Did Not Finish -- Pollack usually spews dark commentary, so this seemed teed up -- but, turns out it's just about Pollack trying to find "his best self." Eeks.
Changing My Mind: Occasional Essays	Zadie Smith	N/A	Did Not Finish -- Newsflash: I'm not as erudite as I thought. Reading essays about books I haven't read, authors I don't recognize, etc., turns out to not be all that interesting to me.
The Amateurs: A Novel	Marcus Sakey	7.0	Yes, I read two books of the same name back-to-back. This one was about four friends who decide to rob a safe, and predictably, things go bad quickly. Fun, but very light and not as developed as Sakey's other novels.
The Amateurs: A Novel	John Niven	7.5	Full review here.
Total Access	Rich Eisen	6.0	I didn't expect much from this book about the beginning of the NFL Network, but it still was even thinner than I'd thought. Fun, but not special.
Reality Matters	Anna David	7.5	It sounds great - a series of essays by respected writers about the various reality TV show they're addicted to. And often it is - and others fall flat. Enjoyable to be sure, and nice to know I'm not alone.
God Save The Fan	William Leitch	7.5	Leitch, editor of Deadspin, writes a humorous and compelling series of essays about why sports isn't as good as it should be but it shouldn't matter - and, sports are still basically awesome anyway. In some ways, his writing on steroids in the book opening, "Please, God, No, Not Another Essay About Steroids," is as good as anything written on the subject. And the rest? Always amusing, if in varied degrees.
The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest	Steig Larsson	7.0	Certainly enjoyable, but by far my least favorite of the trilogy. It felt the least clever and sloppiest of the three -- but I did enjoy spending more time with Blomkvist and Salander. I'd love to have been able to read the next six books that were planned for the series.
The Unnamed	Joshua Ferris	7.5	Ferris writes a compelling book about a man who can't stop walking - literally. It's about the battle between the body and the soul, religion, greed and love ... and lots of other things I'm not quite sure I understood. Still, quite enjoyable and haunting.
Nine Dragons	Michael Connelly	7.5	Connelly could probably roll out of bed, write a book with Harry Bosch in it, and I'd give it a 7.5. So, this is just an average rating because it's not better than his basic effort - but still, enjoyable as always.
The Big Short	Michael Lewis	9.0	I really should do a full review on this because it deserves it - but no other book I've seen so elegantly sums up the financial crisis - by focusing on those who screamed loudly about it, realized no one was listening, and instead chose to profit from it. Brilliant, engaging and infuriating.
Men With Balls	Drew Magary	7.0	Because you can't bring Dostoevsky on a bachelor trip. From Kissing Suzy Kolber writer, and just as funny.
Everything Is Wrong With Me	Jason Mulgrew	6.0	Full review here.
The Brothers Karamazov	Fyodor Dostoevsky	9.0	Full review here.

President Obama in Tuscon

2011-01-13T10:25:00.000-08:00

In case you missed it - here is President Obama's speech from the Tuscon Memorial. I tend to think it's a speech NOBODY should miss, so I'm posting it here:

Here are some choice excerpts as well -- all emphases mine:

But at a time when our discourse has become so sharply polarized – at a time when we are far too eager to lay the blame for all that ails the world at the feet of those who think differently than we do – it’s important for us to pause for a moment and make sure that we are talking with each other in a way that heals, not a way that wounds.

...

But what we can’t do is use this tragedy as one more occasion to turn on one another. As we discuss these issues, let each of us do so with a good dose of humility. Rather than pointing fingers or assigning blame, let us use this occasion to expand our moral imaginations, to listen to each other more carefully, to sharpen our instincts for empathy, and remind ourselves of all the ways our hopes and dreams are bound together.

...

And in Christina [Taylor Green]…in Christina we see all of our children. So curious, so trusting, so energetic and full of magic.

So deserving of our love.

And so deserving of our good example. If this tragedy prompts reflection and debate, as it should, let’s make sure it’s worthy of those we have lost. Let’s make sure it’s not on the usual plane of politics and point scoring and pettiness that drifts away with the next news cycle.

The loss of these wonderful people should make every one of us strive to be better in our private lives – to be better friends and neighbors, co-workers and parents.

...

I want us to live up to her expectations. I want our democracy to be as good as she imagined it. All of us – we should do everything we can to make sure this country lives up to our children’s expectations.

Christina was given to us on September 11th, 2001, one of 50 babies born that day to be pictured in a book called “Faces of Hope.” On either side of her photo in that book were simple wishes for a child’s life. “I hope you help those in need,” read one. “I hope you know all of the words to the National Anthem and sing it with your hand over your heart. I hope you jump in rain puddles.”

If there are rain puddles in heaven, Christina is jumping in them today. And here on Earth, we place our hands over our hearts, and commit ourselves as Americans to forging a country that is forever worthy of her gentle, happy spirit.

Amen. I know I will take this to heart, and try to be better - I'm a cynic by nature, so we'll see if our national tone changes at all, but these are truly great words to aim for.

On Bill Walsh

2011-01-10T15:25:00.000-08:00

The more I think about Michael Lombardi being passed over for 49ers GM, the happier I get ... but really, mostly because it means he can still write for NFL.com and post things like the following -- at the bottom of his latest article about Vince Young, he has a section called, "Preparing for big games the Walsh way" -- that's the Bill Walsh way, in case you weren't sure. If every head coach doesn't read this and nod their heads, then either Lombardi is way off-base or I'm missing something. Makes a LOT of sense to me:

Some excerpts:

Talk to the team about not playing out of control. No personal foul penalties, no late hits. We are a well-coached team, no matter how big the game and where we play. We play OUR style.

How you handle all the SY (short yardage) and GL (goal line) plays is critical. What is the plan for the first fourth-and-short in their territory? Coach it all week.

Who adjusts the best will win the game. Therefore, it is more important for the coaches to work harder than the players. We have to be well prepared.

Getting a first down in the first quarter does not win the game. Do not react like its life and death in the first period. Prepare the team for the 15-round boxing match.

Can you imagine what Mike Singletary's list would look like? (Neither can he, he's got to look at the film first.)

The entire list is here. Some of it seems a bit contradictory (e.g., "Go back as far as you can to see what trick plays have fooled them" seems a bit in conflict with the "do not distract players with a secret weapon") but I get the distinctions.

What I'm more impressed by is that Walsh had a list of TWENTY FIVE different things for coaches to focus on specifically in playoff games. And that they were so effective that he not only won three Super Bowls but that guys like Lombardi kept these close to his vest for twenty-plus years.

Just saying, the guy was a pretty damn good coach.

Trent Baalke Is Your New GM

2011-01-04T21:53:00.000-08:00

Meet your new GM!

The 49ers announced today that they've named Trent Baalke the GM of the team - Baalke essentially did this last season without the title, after Scott McLoughan left under still unreported circumstances, and then joined the division rival Seahawks. (Seriously, any update on this? It's so weird that this is not more of a story.) When announcing the search for the GM, team president Jed York said it would be an exhaustive search, and that the GM would hire the next Head Coach.

The so-called exhaustive search included four candidates not with the team, plus Baalke. Of them, apparently only Michael Lombardi was a legitimate contender, and - if you believe the reports - only because he potentially had an even better chance of landing coaching candidate Jim Harbaugh.

Sooooo....a few things:

The team's exhaustive search ended before candidates from the most successful teams - that is, each and every one that made the playoffs this year - could be interviewed. This in turn means a few things:

The 49ers knew that not a single good candidate from those franchises would be interested in the GM job (seems unlikely, and sad). I wouldn't mind having someone from the Steelers, Patriots, Eagles, Falcons, Ravens - should I go on? - have the chance for the job. Jed decided not to interview any of them.
The team had already decided - before the GM hire - that Harbaugh should be the next coach, and didn't think he'd wait until early February or later, after playoff team candidates would be free, to get an offer.
The team never really considered any candidate besides Baalke, and the "search" was just window dressing.

The answer, I believe, is a combination of #2 and #3. I don't have a problem with #2 - though, as Ray Ratto pointed out, why bother with the veil of "the GM will pick the Head Coach" if that's not the intent? It's fine to say that you'll have input into the head coaching hire (many franchises do this), but to lie about it sort of suggests that you know that's the right approach, but can't live up to that aspiration.

OK, this is actually Baalke.

Baalke may well turn out to be a fine GM; Trent Dilfer was recently raving about him on KNBR, and he actually seems to be pretty fair (in the same interview, he bashed more than a few friends of his, like Alex Smith). And, if Harbaugh is the right guy at Head Coach, it's going to be more than okay -- Baalke is clearly a good scout and I have no issues with him managing the draft. But can he actually run an organization?

Again, if Harbaugh gets wins on the field, it will sort itself out. But, here's the thing -- Harbaugh seems incredibly qualified, but he's never been a Head Coach in the NFL. (In his favor, he'd likely bring over much of his staff from Stanford, many of who have been coordinators in the NFL.) While it's clear that Harbaugh can actually coach (that is, he's not just an ex-player like one Mr. Singletary), I'd feel more comfortable pairing an unseasoned coach with a seasoned General Manager, who truly ran the organization. That's not what appears to be happening.

Jed York has yet to prove he isn't in over his head.

Why Jed York wants to stick with Baalke is another decision entirely. His uncle, former owner Eddie DeBartolo Jr., is supposedly Jed's confidante - DeBartolo was on KNBR a month or two ago, and stated that the team's biggest issue was a need to get a "football guy" running the team, and to streamline the management organization. Keeping things in place - if that's what ends up happening - doesn't address any of this. None. I have no reason to trust Jed over Eddie, so this gives me a bit of concern.

Paging Jim Harbaugh...

Here's another question - what if Harbaugh ends up, er, balking? (Sorry, I had to.) This actually was the spin going round all of a week ago; while I doubt that's going to happen, then the team is truly lost, and seemingly without a plan at all.

If, instead of Baalke, there was a serious football executive, one with prior command and experience of running successful franchises at the helm, the loss of Harbaugh wouldn't really be devastating.

That factor alone makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with Jed York.

The word on the street is that Harbaugh will sign with the team in the next few days. Stay tuned.

The Snooki Book Deal

2011-01-03T23:13:00.000-08:00

Like most sentient human beings, I was a bit appalled at the fact that Nikki "Snooki" Polizzi from Jersey Shore (pictured) got a book deal.

I haven't watched the show - seriously - but I've seen here, and while I know this makes me an asshole elitist, here's the thing - you have to be functionally literate to read a book, let alone write one, and that seems to be sort of a stumbling block.

Yeah, I'm a jerk but she says in that article above that she's only read two books , and that those are Twilight and Dear John. (I'm assuming she just forgot about things she was asked to read in high school, but maybe I'm assuming too much.)

There's also this - who is going to buy it? Something the publishers may have forgotten:

Thanks to Kelly Oxford and her eject blog for this, among many others.

Stephen Colbert Speaks Truth

2011-01-02T23:11:00.000-08:00

I'm not a religious person, and tend to have a pretty unfavorable opinion of the role that organized religion has had on the world...but I do understand it's inherent positives, and the great good it has done for so many.

That's why, when you see people using religion to justify things that are (in my understanding) contrary to the teachings of said religion - starting wars, taking resources away from the needy - it drives me crazy. (Let's face it, it's a crowded neighborhood of things that drive me crazy, but hypocritical religious zealots occupy some prime real estate there.)

So this, shared by my friend Matt Turner, is just sheer brilliance from none other than Stephen Colbert:

"If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition -- and then admit that we just don't want to do it."

I'm assuming that's a choice folks like Sarah Palin and others aren't probably going to make.

Fun From Mental Floss

2010-12-31T07:10:00.000-08:00

Mental Floss is a pretty cool magazine which I don't subscribe to because, well, I don't subscribe to magazines anymore. But, they also have a fun blog, Twitter feed and website where you learn all sorts of interesting things. Such as...this:

The United States contains 2.35 billion square-feet of self-storage space. This equates to roughly 7.4 square feet of space for every person in the country.

Or, as Ira Glass puts it: “All of us could stand inside self-storage at the same time.”

I really have nothing else to add to this. Also, check out the Amazing Fact Generator, which justifies its brilliant name with gems like this - try to stop clicking:

By the way, that's not very good company. Burma and Liberia? Not exactly known for smart, free thinking. But, a topic for another day...hit the above image and start finding your own amazing facts.

Attention: Anyone Who Needs Convincing That Bill Walsh Is A Top-Five All-Time Coach

2010-12-30T22:32:00.000-08:00

Seriously? I have to actually argue this point to anyone? This kind of bums me out.

It started simply enough, with Peter King of Sports Illustrated tweeting a response to the following question:

RT @boitanotke: Where does Bill Walsh rank among your top HC? ... Easily top 10. Probably top 5.

Because I am completely in the tank for my San Francisco 49ers, but also because I know at least a little about football, I hastily responded back to King:

@SI_PeterKing Bill Walsh is PROBABLY a top-5 all time HC? Dare you to name five better, both on field and league impact. Cant do it.

Yes, I'm a football dork and kind of an a-hole, but you knew that already. For whatever reason, King chose to respond back, not really answering my question but putting into his Twitter stream, which produced a HUGE amount of responses to me. Some folks agreed with me, while others provided their list of five coaches they'd rank above Bill Walsh. It's true that there are clearly some other names that belong on that list, but it was the folks suggesting insane replacement names that got me thinking two things:

1) I can't imagine the inanities that Peter King and others get in their inboxes, twitter streams, etc., on a daily basis.

2) I guess I have to make the argument that Walsh is an easy choice for top-five all-time as a NFL Head Coach.

Let's get the sheer statistics out of the way first. Bill Walsh coached from 1979-1988, ten full seasons in the NFL. Like most coaches, he inherited a bad team -- and he still averaged 9.2 wins a season for those ten years. Let's break it down - here is how he ended a ten-year run:

Overall Record: 102-63-1
Regular Season Record: 92-59-1
Playoff Record: 10-4
NFC West Division Titles: 6
NFC Championships: 3
Super Bowl Wins: 3

In 60% of the seasons Bill Walsh coached, he won the division, and in half of those he won the Super Bowl. He built an incredibly talented team and coached the hell out of them, year after year. The franchise went from being irrelevant to a true dynasty, winning 10 or more games in sixteen consecutive seasons and collecting five Super Bowls along the way. Those are feats not likely to ever be replicated.

But wait, you say -- those last two Super Bowls were won by George Seifert, not Walsh. True! And while many treat Seifert as a Barry Switzer-type, falling head first into a Super Bowl ring or two, I'm not one of those - he did well with what he had and won his second ring five years after Walsh retired. But Seifert is just one prime example of another reason Walsh is a no-brainer - his legacy in the modern era is also unmatched. Look at this coaching tree, courtesy of Wikipedia (click to expand):

Seriously, there are five guys on that list I want to be the head coach of the 49ers TODAY. (In case you are wondering, Jon Gruden, Jeff Fisher, Mike Mularkey, John Fox and even Marty Mornigwheg are names theoretically in play that are part of Walsh's tree. They'd all be pretty huge improvements over any coach the 49ers have had since Steve Mariucci, who also of course is on this chart.) Add in active NFL'ers Mike Holmgren, Andy Reid, Mike McCarthy, Mike Tomlin, Mike Smith, Mike Shanahan (seriously, how many guys named Mike are there?), as well as names like Tony Dungy and Brian Billick, and you have a preposterous coaching legacy.

I'm not saying Bill Walsh personally tutored all of these guys (though that's accurate for some). But what I am saying is that all of them are building on the philosophy, the game planning and the organization that Walsh personally installed. The NFL is a league built on copy-cats -- if something works, other teams follow suit. This occasionally leads to a few years where, post Ottis Anderson and Bill Parcells' ball-control offense, everyone else tries to do the same. Heck, the league just got over its brief infatuation with the "Wildcat" offense, because it isn't really a great way to win games. What they do keep doing? Running versions of the West Coast offense, scripting the first 15-20 plays of a game, etc. That's Bill Walsh, and quite frankly, nobody should need reminding of this if they care about professional football.

But who else should be in that top-five of all-time? I admit, there are just enough other names to make this a debate, but I feel confident that Walsh still cracks any reasonable top-five list. As with any such things, I am openly and obviously disregarding the eras of football I know nothing about (and, most likely, nor do you). If you want to tell me that George Halas or Sid Gillman was the best coach of all-time, I can shrug and agree that Rogers Hornsby is also the best second baseman of all-time, but all I'm doing is looking at stats and wondering just how different the game was back then.

The All-Time Top Five Head Coaches:

Chuck Noll. The Pittsburgh Steelers of the 1970's were the most dominant team of my youth and what got me interested in football in the first place. He coached for 23 years - astonishing - and won FOUR Super Bowls along the way. That's really all you need to know, but it's worth pointing out that like Walsh, he never lost a Super Bowl, he won 11 division championships and also had a HUGE influence on the league, drafting Hall of Fame talents on both side of the ball, providing new opportunities for African Americans both on the field and as coaches. But, really - he has four rings. Enough said.

Vince Lombardi: Did I just say I wasn't going to list any coaches that I don't remember? Rules are made to be broken. The Super Bowl trophy is named after Lombardi for a reason - he made the National Football League what it is. He won two Super Bowls and five championships in total, having begun his legendary career before the Super Bowl was even a concept.

If teams still weren't running plays they called a "Green Bay Sweep," and if the game had truly changed in a formative, important way since Lombardi ruled the roost, I might hesitate here. But he's the man, right? Silly to pretend otherwise.

Tom Landry: Have I ever mentioned that I hate the Cowboys? Because I really, really do. But if any team rivaled the Steelers in the 1970s, or any coach have as much influence as Noll in that period or later, it's Tom Landry. He invented the 4-3 defense, which most teams still run to this day. He won two Super Bowls and coached his team to another three appearances during his amazing 29 years as Head Coach. In his first five seasons, he averaged less than four wins a season - and still kept his job, and won 250 total regular season games and won 14 division championships.

It's impossible not to have him on your list, even if it gives me stomach pains to give props to a Dallas Cowboy.

Since we already have Bill Walsh on our mantle here, there's only room for one more. As it turns out, I think there are two potential choices here, and I'm willing to accept either, though I have my preference.

Paul Brown: Seriously? I'm going to list another coach I know nothing about except legend? Well ... maybe. After all, Bill Walsh learned from him. He is considered the "father of the modern offense" and founded two league franchises (the Bengals and Browns). He won three championships (this was all pre-Super Bowl) and also won all four championships in the short-lived AAFC. He essentially defined player recruitment, and numerous other league standards. And again, Walsh grew up in his system.

However, I'm going to lean away from Brown ... if only because I really don't know enough about him and also because Walsh only ended up with the 49ers because Brown didn't promote him and according to Walsh actively worked against him in terms of his coaching. So...that's not cool.

Instead, I'll begrudgingly give the nod to Don Shula. Shula, of course, won two Super Bowls including the only undefeated team in league history (including said Super Bowl, of course). He averaged over nine wins a season over a 33-year coaching career, beginning with the Colts and ending, of course, with the Dolphins. My problem with Shula is that for much of his career, he had very mediocre teams - teams that would always compete but rarely seemed a real threat to win it all. But results truly do speak and his career legacy is truly impressive.

Other folks suggested names like Bill Parcells, Joe Gibbs, Bill Belichek, Marv Levy, Hank Schram, Bud Grant and - wait for it - George Seifert. (I'm still not quite sure if that guy was high, joking or just a little thick in the head.). Of all of those, I would expect Belichek to crack my eventual top five, nudging out the Brown/Shula slot. I appreciate what Parcells and Gibbs did - but they fall short of the names actually on the list.

I know that Peter King considers Bill Walsh to be in his Top Ten, and certainly, this is a subjective list from the start. But for anyone who doesn't think he belongs next to Lombardi, Noll and Landry? You're crazy. And wrong.

See Ya, Coach Mike

2010-12-28T17:16:00.000-08:00

At long last, our regional nightmare is over - San Francisco 49ers Head Coach Mike Singletary was fired on December 26, after yet another uninspired loss - this time, to the division rival St. Louis Rams. Before the season began, expectations were that the team would not only win the division but contend through the playoffs. Many even picked the team as a dark horse sleeper for the Super Bowl. (Note: I was not one of them, though I did expect a playoff berth.)

Hindsight is, of course, 20/20, and it's easy to see that Singletary was overmatched - he'd never been a coordinator, let alone a head coach, and he not only stunk at his job but did so in a way that alienated fans, the media and seemingly (though not publicly) many players. For a guy who rose to prominence within the team by his ability to give motivational speeches, he ended up with a team that often came out for games flat, listless and seemingly without any motivation whatsoever. On Sunday, with the chance to still make the playoffs after an 0-5 start, the team was obviously not prepared or ready to fight - this, I believe, is the reason Singletary was fired with just one game left on the schedule. Too late? Perhaps. But it was, indeed, the right decision.

I've been struck by how many comments I've seen on the web saying, in essence, that Singletary was NOT the problem - the problem was Alex Smith and the lack of any real backup at the quarterback position.

That's just crazy talk - these people clearly are Singletary fans, but couldn't have watched many games -- because it was obvious to anyone who did that Singletary was lost, in way over his head and an increasingly embarassing excuse for a Head Coach.

(Note: While I've been an Alex Smith defender in the past, those days are gone - as, I trust, will be Mr. Smith after the season. (He's a free agent, and even if the team wants him back - which I'm sure they don't - there's no reason he'd stay unless he literally had no other options.) But Singletary put all his chips in with Alex Smith, even trading away Shaun Hill to reduce competition - seriously - leaving the team with David Carr, who was so inept that as soon as he'd thrown a pass in a real game, he was dropped to third on the depth chart. Troy Smith showed promise - but got yanked around by Sing for no real good cause. If folks want to blame Alex for the 49ers problems, they can - but it's not like Singletary had nothing to do with this.)

Those who say Singletary was not the problem are right in only one sense - he's not the ONLY problem the franchise faces. But he was a HUGE problem, and here are just a few reasons why:

Horrible Game Management From having an offensive coordinator who couldn't get plays called in time to being unable to adapt at half-time or during the game ("I need to watch the film" has become a regional joke), Singletary seemed unable and unwilling to yield from whatever approach he and the team took into the game. This also included, just for fun, numerous instances of taking timeouts during the first series of a half, delays of game, etc. Good times.
Stupid On-Field Plays: When you decide to start two rookie offensive linemen, you need to accept some flaws - but penalties and mistakes happened all over the field, from Nate Clements losing the game against Atlanta to less obvious moments. These are not the actions of a well-coached team.
The Lack of a Plan: More on this below, but Singletary first came out saying he wanted a "kick them in the mouth" kind of team, one with a strong defense, power running game, etc. (Much like his Chicago Bears of the 1980s.) Sure, this isn't exactly what the San Francisco 49ers are known for, but why not? Somehow, this led to ignoring Vernon Davis and Michael Crabtree, insisting that the team couldn't use Brian Westbrook because it had Frank Gore (until he broke) and scaring away any potential offensive coordinator who actually believed in the modern, pro-style offense. Suffice it to say, this didn't work.

I could go on, but Michael Lombardi - rumored to be a candidate for the GM position - did a better job talking about what makes a good coach - it's a four-point list, and Singletary failed on each point:

» The first is called management of attention, which means the leader has a comprehensive plan for achieving success. Not just a plan for the offense or defense, but a plan for the entire team.

» The second area is called management of meaning, which means the leader can explain his plan in detail and be able to motivate people to follow his plan.

» The third area is called management of trust, which means the leader will be trusted to do the right thing all the time and always place what is essential first.

» The fourth area is called management of self, which means the leader will be critical of himself when he makes a mistake.

The entire article is excellent, and really gets at the root of the failure - again, Singletary goes 0-for-4 on this list. He had no real plan - and it was painfully obvious from the start. He either couldn't explain his approach or refused to - starting almost every sentence with, "I just think..." and then repeating things like, "...we're going to win." If your plan is to just think you are going to win, well...that's not going to do it. He may have still had the trust of some players but his bosses, the media and fans saw a guy who stood on the sidelines, screamed at officials and players, and then acted to the media and fans as if he was Bill Walsh and Bill Belichek rolled up into one. (Um, you can act like Belichek when you win like him - and Walsh, with his massive pedigree, was always polite and engaging with the press. Singletary showed a bad side by acting like a jerk when there was no good reason to.) Finally, he refused to admit when he made mistakes - and was petty, banning certain sports writers when they lobbed him softballs he didn't like, and being laughably bad on his Tuesday morning radio show on KNBR.

I really respect him as a person, and as a Hall of Fame player, but he was a complete horrorshow as 49ers coach. This from a team that recently featured Mike Nolan and Dennis Erickson in the same role. Yeah, when you look bad in that company, with a clearly superior talent base? You aren't very good at your job.

How does the team respond? Folks who aren't diehard Niners fans may not have realized the team didn't have a GM ... but they will be hiring one, who will then select the Head Coach. And, as owner Jed York acknowledged, they'll be looking to make a real change at quarterback - it's conceivable that all four QBs on the roster currently won't be back in 2011. (I'm still holding out some hope on Nate Davis, and Troy Smith seems like he could be a reasonable backup.)

Rumors abound about Jon Gruden or Jim Harbaugh - but honestly, a competent winner who can surround himself with top shelf coordinators and a plan ... that is all I hope for. Is it too much to hope for? Time will tell.

Why I Live In Northern California

2010-12-28T11:01:00.000-08:00

Because I can look at a video like this and think, "Hey, that's COOL" and not, "God, I don't want to go outside..."

December 2010 Blizzard Timelapse from Michael Black on Vimeo.

Stay warm, East Coast peeps.

Happy Festivus!

2010-12-23T00:01:00.000-08:00

It's Festivus, the completely made-up holiday that seems to have taken on a life of its own. We actually celebrate this in my family - actually, we celebrate my parents wedding anniversary (today is their 48th!), but since Seinfeld declared December 23 Festivus, that's what we now call it.

Festivus! For the rest of us!

To answer several questions -- no, we do not air grievances or indulge in the feats of strength - but we do open gifts, make a delicious meal and generally engage in holiday festivity.

Due to the popularity of Seinfeld, and the sheer fact that Americans will find any excuse to buy new shit, there are now places to buy Festivus Poles, as well as a litany of books about the "holiday." Whatever. All I know is, it's the holiday season - go get some.

And while you're at it, if you are so inclined, go take this Festivus quiz over at Mental Floss.

Happy Festivus, y'all!

A Visit From The Goon Squad

2010-12-21T22:25:00.000-08:00

Jennifer Egan is slowly identifying herself as one of my favorite authors, both because of her absolute command of language and scene as well as the fact that none of her books bear much resemblance to each other. It's always unexpected -- from the creepy, prophetically timed Look At Me (which involved, potentially, a domestic terrorist and was released just before 9/11), the eerie gothic story of The Keep, her lauded first novel The Invisible Circus (which I have yet to read) or her latest, one of the best books of 2010, A Visit From The Goon Squad.

Goon Squad - the title refers to, among other things, a misremembered expression by one character that "time is a goon" -- follows a set of characters over the course of maybe forty to fifty years, from the West Coast indie punk scene of the early 1980s to some date in the relatively near future. We begin with Sasha, who is working for a record producer and, we learn, addicted to stealing useless things. Through her, we meet her friends, co-workers - and their connections take us to others and back again.

As we move back in time to the Mabuhay Gardens (the "Mab") in San Francisco, back to Manhattan, to Europe and Africa, through the years we meet a huge set of characters, and each story is told slightly differently. (One chapter, in fact, is told exclusively through PowerPoint slides.) The story is also not told linearly - we move backward and forward in time without it being expressly acknowledged. In the hands of a less talented author, the technique would overwhelm, and it would be hard to stay engaged throughout. However, Egan connects each piece well enough that one never feels disconnected -- even though I did wonder what happened to a few characters, and wanted to spend more time with many of them than this format allowed, I was always engaged fully with the story. And Egan certainly delivers towards the end, bringing us back to some of the initial characters and story in a way that feels absolutely honest.

One technique she uses is by - in the middle of a passage - telling us how some of these characters will end up (so we never have to revisit them) and I loved the surprise of these moments. Here's one that takes place during a chapter detailing an African safari that one of the main characters is on with a girlfriend and numerous others:

The members of Ramsey's safari have gained a story they'll tell for the rest of their lives. It will prompt some of them, years from now, to search for each other on Google and Facebook, unable to resist the wish-fulfillment fantasy these portals offer: What ever happened to...? In a few cases, they'll meet again to reminisce and marvel at one another's physical transformations, which will seem to melt away with the minutes. Dean, whose success will elude him until middle age, when he'll land the role of a paunchy, outspoken plumber in a popular sitcom, will meet for espresso with Louise (now a chubby twelve year-old from the Phoenix Faction), who will Google him after her divorce. Postcoffee, they'll repair to a Days Inn off San Vicente for some unexpectedly moving sex, then to Palm Springs for a golf weekend, and finally to the altar, accompanied by Dean's four adult children and Louise's three teenagers. But this outcome will be the stark exception -- mostly, the reunions will lead to a mutual discovery that having been on safari thirty-five years before doesn't qualify as having much in common, and they'll part ways wondering what, exactly, they'd hoped for.

As evidenced above, despite some (many?) tender moments, it's not a particularly upbeat novel -- the characters are all somewhat lost, anxious and disconnected. The story has no shortage of tragedies either, both personal and thematic. But Goon Squad is so compelling, so wholly unique, and ultimately fulfilling that it's easily one of the best novels I've read this year, and one of the better books I've read in recent years. Go get it.

Rating: 9.0/10.0

To the Fantasy Football Gods

2010-12-20T17:08:00.000-08:00

(Yes, I lifted this from Kelly Oxford's eject):

Why couldn't I have gotten a bye week? Sigh.

By the way, the beauty of this image is that I have so very many possibilities to use this - as in, "Dear John McCain, here's a holiday greeting" or "Dear Mother Nature, please stop raining for ONE SINGLE DAY" ... really, the possibilities are limitless.

Yay, the 49ers won.

2010-12-13T17:06:00.000-08:00

I'll probably have more to say on this at some point, but yesterdays win was a nice reminder that the team has some real talent, that has mostly been frittered away this season by poor coaching.

A somewhat brilliant tweet (from, I believe, Tim Kawakami) was whether in his post-game press conference Mike Singletary would say he couldn't answer why things went right until he'd "watched the film" - his standard answer all season long when things have gone wrong. I don't know whether he did or not, but he absolutely should have - and if he didn't, I hope he was asked why not.

In related news, I hate Mike Singletary.

So, I groaned when I read in this morning's Monday Morning Quarterback by Peter King that he'd named Singletary the Coach of the Week:

Coach of the Week: Mike Singletary, head coach, San Francisco.

Most people (including me) think Singletary’s coaching out the string with the 49ers. But he’s still coaching to win every game he can, and making decisions for the short term, because this team, incredibly, still has a chance to win the worst division in recent NFL history. He switched quarterbacks from Troy to Alex Smith (even though he’d grown fed up with Alex Smith by midseason), and Alex came through with the best game a quarterback has played for the Niners this year. And San Francisco routed the Seahawks 40-21.

But, like every Peter King column, I'm not going to waste too much time dissecting why this is wrong, giving credit to someone making a desperate move that happened to work out ... because Kissing Suzy Kolber just does it better:

Singletary went back to Alex Smith because Troy Smith proved to somehow be an even shittier option and the coach was rewarded with a fluky flash of competency from the guy he already gave up on once. JUST THE WAY HE DREW IT UP!

So. Very. True. Look, I'm happy that the 49ers won, conflicted over the fact that they could still make the playoffs, and reasonably sure that yesterdays win proves how bad the Seahawks are than almost anything else.

But there's no reason to give too much credit to Singletary for this move - he's yanked Alex Smith around so poorly and probably been the nail in his professional career's coffin. (Yeah, that metaphor sucks. Drive on.) He's understandably desperate for any type of a win, so he made the only logical move he had left. It worked out. Good for him.

The DeSean Plunge

2010-12-13T14:38:00.000-08:00

I know I'm supposed to be outraged about this kind of thing but ... it's awesome. And if players don't like it, they should stop DeSean Jackson from scoring. (And hey, at least he didn't fumble on the 1-yard line this time.)

Awesome sauce.

Hard Work and Preparation

2010-12-09T17:02:00.000-08:00

Just remember, before you can create an iconic image ...

You have to get ready.

Courtesy of kottke.

Aaron Sorkin vs The Phony Pioneer Girl

2010-12-08T17:44:00.000-08:00

In an article that seems tailor-made for me, Aaron Sorkin has issued a screed against former half-term Governor Sarah Palin. Faithful readers of this blog will know that Sorkin is a personal favorite - Sports Night and The West Wing are two of my all-time favorite shows, and The Social Network is undoubtedly the best written film of the year. On the flip side, let's just say that Palin is ... not my favorite anything, except maybe as a target to complain about. But Sorkin? He's on point, ripping into Palin for carving up a moose on her "reality" show and first issuing a pre-emptive strike (on Facebook, natch) by saying:

"Unless you've never worn leather shoes, sat upon a leather chair or eaten meat, save your condemnation."

I should preface this by saying an actual member of the "Hollywood elite" complaining about Palin in the Huffington Post of all places isn't too earth-shaking. But, as always with Sorkin, it's not just what he says but how damn well he says it:

Like 95% of the people I know, I don't have a visceral (look it up) problem eating meat or wearing a belt. But like absolutely everybody I know, I don't relish the idea of torturing animals. I don't enjoy the fact that they're dead and I certainly don't want to volunteer to be the one to kill them and if I were picked to be the one to kill them in some kind of Lottery-from-Hell, I wouldn't do a little dance of joy while I was slicing the animal apart.

I'm able to make a distinction between you and me without feeling the least bit hypocritical. I don't watch snuff films and you make them. You weren't killing that animal for food or shelter or even fashion, you were killing it for fun. You enjoy killing animals. I can make the distinction between the two of us but I've tried and tried and for the life of me, I can't make a distinction between what you get paid to do and what Michael Vick went to prison for doing.

I'm able to make the distinction with no pangs of hypocrisy even though I get happy every time one of you faux-macho shitheads accidentally shoots another one of you in the face.

So I don't think I will save my condemnation, you phony pioneer girl. (I'm in film and television, Cruella, and there was an insert close-up of your manicure while you were roughing it in God's country. I know exactly how many feet off camera your hair and make-up trailer was.)

And you didn't just do it for fun and you didn't just do it for money. That was the first moose ever murdered for political gain. You knew there'd be a protest from PETA and you knew that would be an opportunity to hate on some people, you witless bully. What a uniter you'd be -- bringing the right together with the far right.

Like I said, this screed won't change a single person's opinion of either Palin or Sorkin, but it's damn good writing and as good as any takedown of the utter phony that is Sarah Palin.

The Definition of Insanity? Or Incompetence?

2010-12-07T22:44:00.000-08:00

The general consensus is that Mike Singletary, Head Coach of the 49ers, will lose his job at the end of the season barring some type of miraculous turnaround. Singletary is aware of this and is clearly openly flailing around for a lifeline at this point.

As a die-hard 49ers fan, it's been rough sledding for the last eight seasons, ever since Steve Mariucci was fired without a gameplan to replace him. Mooch had his flaws - or, perhaps, limits - as a coach, but he ran a West Coast offense, used his talent pretty well and had the team competitive for the playoffs every year, if not the dominant force they had been in the 1980s and 1990s.

Yes, I miss the Mooch.

I didn't cry when the team let him go -- I remember thinking that Mariucci couldn't take the critical next step - he could get the team to the playoffs, but not thrive in those playoffs.

Oh, how greedy I was.

When Mooch was let go, I foolishly expected that there was a gameplan in how to replace him. The team still hasn't figured it out. From Dennis Erickson to Mike Nolan to Singletary, the team has sputtered with guys who the rest of the league must laugh at. Erickson was so uninspiring that I can barely remember him. That's kind of shocking considering how much of a fan I am. Nolan sounded great - and was the son of former 49ers coach Dick Nolan (long before my time, but it seemed cool) ... and turned out to not really be up to the job, either. (He's done well as back in his old role as defensive coordinator.)

But, it turns out that Erickson and Nolan were veritable coaching legends compared to the foolish, clueless and increasingly desperate Mike Singletary. It's not like the warning signs weren't there -- he'd never been a head coach before or even a coordinator. Every worthwhile offensive coordinator either bolted (see Martz, Mike) or took themselves out of consideration after meeting with Singletary. And though he clearly had a lot to do with getting Vernon Davis to begin realizing his potential, his legend of being a motivator, turning guys around, etc., grew faster than it possibly warranted.

What's truly clear is that Singletary has NO. IDEA. WHAT. TO. DO. None. His big idea was reverting to 1970's style football - power running, strong defense. I'm fairly sure that his plan wasn't all that much more detailed than that -- he delegates to his coordinators, and sees himself more as a CEO, a big-picture guy. That's fine when your coordinators are top-shelf, and your big picture is strategically sound. Um, yeah...

About that? Alex Smith is going to be the starting quarterback this Sunday against the Seattle Seahawks. Smith's tenure with the team has been a sad one, and few people gave him a longer leash than I did -- I never thought he'd be the next Joe Montana or Steve Young, but I did think he could be a better than average quarterback. At times, he's shown that and won a few games by managing the game smartly, making some timely throws and even occasionally looking like a leader on the field.

But all too often, Smith over manages, being far too conservative (something I am sure is dictated by Singletary putting the fear of God into him over a turnover) and not trying to push the ball downfield ... and then making a turnover anyway on a dumpoff or screen pass. For years, he's had many excellent reasons to give him another shot - injuries, changing offensive systems (more than really any other top quarterback pick has ever had to deal with), etc. But at this point? We know who Alex Smith is, and he's not the quarterback of the franchise.

Still, Singletary says, "I just feel Alex gives us the best chance to win." First of all, Singletary starts a lot of his answers by saying, "I just feel..." or something similar. This is likely just a crutch (odd for a former professional speaker), but it also belies Singletary's personality -- he does thing because he feels it's the right decision, but he never seems to say why. He just feels that way. And here's a little data set for you. Here are the records as a starter for the 49ers of a few guys:

Shaun Hill: 10-6

Troy Smith: 3-2

Alex Smith: 16-24

Who gives the team the best chance to win? (Sure, Hill is not only in Detroit but also injured, but clearly, the team blew that heartily.) The team has spent the last few weeks extolling the virtues of Troy Smith, who has not put up great numbers but - according to everybody - handles himself like a leader, gets the offense excited, and at times has really pushed the offense downfield in a way rarely seen over the last few years. It's been impossible not to compare the praise Troy has gotten to Alex; it's quite clear this kind of leadership was absent with the quieter Alex Smith, who seems to spend way too much time in his own head. (It is for this as well as a visual similarity, that he has always reminded me of Matt Saracen, from Friday Night Lights.)

Singletary thinks the sheer number of starts Smith has, as well as likely a better comprehension of the playbook (not that he seems to use it all), gives him the edge in a game the 49ers have to win to stay in the ridiculous battle for the NFC West. This, despite no evidence that Smith can actually win in the big games, and having chosen to keep him on the bench despite being healthy the last few weeks. But now? He's our guy!

They say that doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results, is the definition of insanity. Starting Alex Smith might very well fit that bill - but in reality, it's more of a reflection of incompetence than anything else. Singletary has no other levers to pull, he can't get creative with the offense or defense because he doesn't understand them, and he doesn't have coordinators with enough background or tenure to get crazy (nor will Sing risk unleashing them). This move reeks of desperation, and it's embarrassing. This is a franchise that ranks up with anyone in terms of success, and there's no evidence besides the trophies.

The 49ers are 4-8. There's absolutely no way they are going to make the playoffs, and in no way resemble a playoff caliber team. Singletary is grasping here, and I don't blame him for that. But it pisses me off how little he's learned over the last few years, how little of a plan there is. When he leaves at the end of the year (and how he's outlasted Wade Phillips, Josh McDaniels and Brad Childress is solely a reflection of the lack of viable replacements), the organization will be in shambles. Coaches are leaving or have been fired, and the front office needs an overhaul as well.

I would think - hope - pray - that Jed York realizes that Erickson, Nolan and Singletary hires were "gut" calls, and that the team can ill afford to roll the dice again. They need someone with a plan, background and credentials to get others to join him. If it's Jon Gruden, that's great - but they need an offensive coordinator with chops, as well. And, of course, they need a quarterback - because everybody but Mike Singletary understands that Alex just isn't the guy.

As a fan, I wish the team nothing but luck this weekend and throughout the rest of the year. But Coach Singletary? I WANT WINNERS. You aren't one.

Happy Holidays.

Picture In Need of a Caption?

2010-12-07T17:24:00.000-08:00

This is disgraced Republican and future Presidential candidate Newt Gingrich and his current (third*) wife, Callista Gingrich:

Nah, we don't need a caption contest - this baby is already written:

PLEASE HELP ME. I AM SO...SCARED. TELL MY FAMILY I LOVE THEM.

Of course, I'm always willing for other suggestions. Please leave them in the comments.

* For those curious, Callista did start dating Newt while he was married to Marianne Ginther -- who he ALSO dated while married to his first wife Jackie Battley, who couldn't keep tabs on him because she was dying in the hospital with cancer. Hell of a guy, Newt.

Adam Carolla vs Sarah Silverman: A Book(s) Review

2010-12-04T22:09:00.000-08:00

There's a certain kind of person who finds folks like Adam Carolla and Sarah Silverman funny - they delve into juvenile and/or seemingly objectionable subject matters, offend the easily offended and regularly fail to hide the fact that they are each actually intelligent, warm people. People who like them also probably find Jimmy Kimmel amusing - he's Carolla's best friend and Silverman's ex-boyfriend - as well as Bill Simmons (also known as ESPN's Sports Guy), etc.

Fortunately, I'm one of these people. I was a regular listener to Carolla's "terrestrial radio" program (with Teresa Strasser and, forgettably, Danny Bonaduce), and I am one of the many people who make Carolla's podcast among the top podcasts in existence.

I'm also enough of a fan of Silverman's that I endured her show, which was insanely uneven and often not nearly as clever as it thought it was - but also very often hilarious and unique. In particular, the episode where she not only has sex with God, but God turns out to be clingy and sort of pathetic bordered on the brilliant.

Both of them, it turns out, recently published books - so, you'd think I'd be a perfect candidate to read and compare them. Indeed, that's the point of the very post you are reading - thanks for catching up.

First, let's tackle Carolla's In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks...And Other Complaints From an Angry Middle-Aged White Guy. Yes, that's the title. If you've listened to his podcast, you can already guess at some of the subjects here -- front license plates, crappy music being played more than his favorites, etc. For those who aren't familiar, here's a good indicator - one of his chapters is called, "A Message to the Fat Cats in Washington" -- and it's actually a message to all the politicians who use that phrase, instead of actual elected officials. Mocking folks for big talk and being unoriginal? Prime Carolla territory. He also is outraged that kids have peanut allergies and thinks it's a reflection that we're all wimps. Hey, I share his frustration - I'd love to send my kid to daycare with a peanut butter sandwich - but it's the kind of thing that is fun to complain about unless you have a kid who could actually die from being exposed. And, of course, Carolla's solution? He doesn't really have one - not really the point here.

This is often very funny stuff, but in print (or electronic ink - read this on my Kindle) it's somewhat harder to brush off the fact that Carolla is bitching about things that he has no solutions for, or problems that actually have no solutions at all. If you can work past it, it's a very easy and often amusing read.

Next up was Silverman's The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee. My first suprise? It's actually about being a bedwetter.

Somehow, I'd thought this was a metaphor, or a crude joke (nobody likes a joke about bodily fluids than Silverman) - but no, it turns out she wet the bed well into her teens. I'm fairly sure this shaped her and in some ways she deals with this though (perhaps thankfully) she never says something like, "It was through these trials that I was forced to see the humor in the world" -- so there's that.

She later talks about leaving college to be a stand-up comic, though the attraction to that career somewhat comes out of left field and I really wanted to know more. (In contrast, Carolla talks a lot about how he worked to do standup, take improv courses, even when he was being mocked on construction sites because he knew it was what he wanted to do.) Still, those moments are probably the best in the book as she hands out flyers through the night so she can do standup for free at 2 AM.

Where Carolla's book is more of a treatise on subjects that interest him, Silverman merely recounts her life, from her 'scandalous' appearance on Bill Maher's show to her own program -- all of which she writes from a perspective that makes me think she thinks she's actually more famous than she is. It's interesting - and she often says things in a funny way - but I must say it was kind of boring at times and that's not any kind of good.

Still, as with Carolla's book - if you are already a fan of Silverman, you'll enjoy the book - but just probably not as much as you want to.

We'll call this battle royale a tie.

I Am Pretty Sure This Is Genius

2010-12-03T13:20:00.000-08:00

Or, it could be incredibly stupid ... but I must say, it made me laugh several times which is all I can ask these days:

Notes: Josie Bissett from Melrose Place is still alive! And hot! (And Sherilyn Fenn is ... well, she's still alive, which is great!) A refresher course of some old Hollywood crushes if you have no idea who I'm talking about...

Apparently this is for some Norwegian television show, and who cares about the details. Here's their take on "We Are The World" -- I'd love the back story on how they convinced these very random selections of folks to do this.

Happy Holidays!

Happy Hannukah!

2010-12-02T17:56:00.001-08:00

As always, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert bring the awesome:

It's not my least unfavorite time of year, either...

Jeter The Giant

2010-12-01T09:21:00.000-08:00

So, the Giants lost Juan Uribe to the loathed Dodgers - I am not sure if the rumors are true that the offers were the same and he chose L.A. (because, that doesn't really make any sense), but either way, glad he got paid and glad the Giants didn't pay him $22,000,000, though I will miss Jazz Hands.

In his place, the Giants signed a one-year deal with Miguel Tejada, who seems to be a solid one year replacement while the team finds out whether Brandon Crawford or Emmanuel Burris are major league shortstops. I'm fine with this, especially all the reports that say that Tejada is a great clubhouse presence (something I actually would not have guessed). Chemistry is something I find overrated, but it's hard to deny its import on this championship Giants season.

All of this makes the following purely for fun, as it always would have been - no way the Giants match the Yankees offer to Derek Jeter, who seems to not have a great sense of his actual market value. But thanks to the beckett blog, we can all now envision what it might have looked like had Jeter joined the orange and black.

You can actually do this for all 29 teams - that is, all but the Yankees - as the rest of the country has fun at Derek's expense. Hey, he's already gotten paid a lot, and, well, he's getting married to Minka Kelly. It's time he took a few slings and arrows, right?

Right.

The Power of Singletary

2010-11-24T06:51:00.000-08:00

The San Francisco 49ers lost badly on Sunday to the surprising Tampa Bay Buccaneers, a frankly humiliating 23-0 shutout at home. Gone was the optimism from the past week, gone was the somewhat adventurous play-calling, and in their place was a microcosm of everything that is wrong with the 49ers.

For lack of a better word, the offense was useless. The defense rushed from the outside in an effort to contain Troy Smith from rolling out, where he'd done most of his damage the past two games. In theory, taking at least two, maybe three guys to the edges of the field would suggest the middle would be easier to run through since less defenders would be there. Add in the fact that the Bucs had one of the leagues worst rushing defense and Frank Gore should have been in for a big day. Instead, he gained just 23 lousy yards. The passing offense was just as miserable, and Smith found himself sacked six times (almost doubling Tampa's total number of sacks as a team before the game - sigh).

The most disconcerting thing to me was something I've seen throughout this entire season:

This team simply isn't prepared for games.

It should be embarrassing to call a timeout on the first play of a period. A team should go weeks, months even without a delay of game penalty. These things happen all the time. The team is often openly confused, arguing on the sideline with each other or officials. The team talks as if it's a strong defense, power running team but has a woefully inconsistent offensive line, prone to drive-killing false starts and holding penalties, and the defense has barely stopped anyone.

Penalties, poor clock management and lack of creative game planning...sounds like the coaching staff has some answering to do.

After the game, Coach Singletary gave a press conference where he answered more than half of the questions with some variant of, "I have to watch the film" before being able to answer why things went so pear-shaped. But after looking at the film, he said that part of the problem was that Tampa Bay simply took some things away from them.

He needed the film to tell him that? It was obvious while it was happening, and even I'm not cynical enough to believe Singletary and his staff didn't recognize it immediately. Of course they did. But, what I do think is that this team simply isn't built to adapt during a game - if their game plan happens to work, as it largely has done a few times this season (New Orleans, Atlanta, Oakland and St. Louis were games where the offense largely 'worked' to various degrees - the team managed to lose two of these, though it won in Denver by just not being as bad as the Broncos were.) But if it doesn't, it's helpless. I expected the offensive line to be inconsistent - starting two rookies will do that - but veterans like Joe Staley were making penalties week after week. That's coaching.

All of that - the lack of a flexible game plan, the lack of team discipline led by a head coach who does little but preach exactly that, the inability to harness talent on both sides of the ball ... this all falls on Coach Singletary, and those that put him into the position in the first place.

A Vision of Faith -- AND bad coaching!

There's no point in firing Singletary now - there's really no one to replace him on the staff, and the only harm could be him somehow turning things around completely which of course, as a fan, I'd be happy to see. I just don't buy it - Singletary doesn't know the modern offense or defense in the NFL; he is known as a delegator, letting the offensive and defensive coordinators do their thing. That's fine to do - but usually coaches doing that have spent time in one of those two positions themselves. Singletary never did that - he was a linebackers coach in Baltimore and San Francisco, though prior to his promotion he was also the "assistant head coach" to Mike Nolan, something that's never been terribly well defined. If you are going to hand over control of everything that actually happens on the field, you have to have a strong, detailed vision of how you want things executed.

It's fairly clear Singletary does not have that. At all. Instead? He believes in himself, in what I call the "Power of Singletary." Singletary is utterly convinced that he's a great coach, saying he "was born to do this," and seems genuinely put off by the fact that the media doesn't simply agree with this assessment. When the team got off to a rough start, losing game after game, Singletary would often say, "I just believe we're going to turn this around" and quotes of that nature. While one can read too much into quotes like this, it reflects mostly that he's unprepared; he's staunch in his belief that some good will happen, but desperately short of the how it's going to be corrected. And week after week, results reflect just that.Coach, we all want winners - and as a player, as a man, you are certainly the very definition of that. But as a head coach? Not even close. You've lost the fans, you've lost the media (both by your performance and attitude) and it's impossible to believe that you haven't lost your team. When you had them, it's true that you probably coaxed more out of them than others would have, and you've definitely helped mold Davis into the player he is and can be.

It's true, THIS franchise really won all of these.

It's not enough. It wasn't then, it certainly isn't now.

Guys like Wade Phillips and Brad Childress have been justifiably fired for poor coaching - and yet each of them can coach circles around Singletary.

I've always mocked guys like Herm Edwards, Mike Nolan and Mike Tice for being all talk - great at a press conference but useless as a coach - and Singletary has redefined that level of futility.

The organization is almost assuredly going to relieve Singletary at the end of this season, but more importantly, they need to understand why Singletary is a failure. They need experience, an offensive philosophy and plan, and someone who can bring a good team with him. It's a pipe dream to think they'll lure Jon Gruden, who in most ways would be the ideal hire (youth, experience, offensive mind and connection to the franchise) - but if he even wants to come back to coaching, he'll likely have a few other choices. (Sure, Jason Garrett is doing wonders in Dallas, but if Jerry Jones could get Gruden? See ya, Red.) Any coach worth his salt (and that includes other wishlist guys like Jim Harbaugh and Brian Billick would insist on more control, and would love to be in a professional organization. That is the very definition of this franchise used to be and simply isn't any more.

It's painful to see a team that has struggled for so long need to wipe the slate clean yet again, and start over to some degree. But a good coach, with a strong coaching staff, has plenty to work with. (Though, again, not at quarterback - for if this season has proven anything, it's that for whatever the reason, Alex Smith is simply not going to be the 49ers quarterback of the present or future. Looking around the league at guys like Aaron Rodgers, Matt Ryan, Joe Flacco, Sam Bradford and Matthew Stafford, among other QBs taken since Smith was drafted, makes me pretty queasy, to say the least.)

This is a proud franchise that has essentially become just another team that can't get it's act together. Let's hope the team can break the cycle and begin the climb back past respectability towards greatness.

The Greatest Video In The World

2010-11-20T00:15:00.000-08:00

It simply has to be preserved here. In friggin amber.

WORLD.

SERIES.

CHAMPIONS.

Never stops not being true. I'm just going to keep saying it until April, at the least.

You Must Remember This...

2010-11-19T06:12:00.000-08:00

Sure, a kiss is just a kiss, but also? A lie is just a lie. And the lie far too many voters fell for this past election is that the Republicans who won - in many cases, handily - actually give a hoot about the deficit. Some may, most could care less - and like all congressmen and women, they want their share of earmarks, too.

But forget about all that silly stuff - it's easier just to note this: The Republicans as a party waxed on during the elections about the deficit, which again, voters actually don't care about. But they are just as unified on another thing - the extension of the so-called Bush tax cuts. What they don't want is to vote on whether to simply extend these mostly to the middle class, which is what the Democratic plan below proposes, because that would be much harder to argue against. But here's the difference between the Democratic and the Republican plans, expressed visually -- remember, these are the size of the tax cuts each taxpayer got under the Bush tax cuts:

To quote:

The Republicans' plan to extend the Bush administration tax cuts for the wealthy would cost $36.6 billion more than the Democrats' plan, which extends cuts only for families making less than $250,000 a year and individuals making less than $200,000.

Remember, they hated the Affordable Care Act even though it lowers the deficit, but they have no qualms about adding $36,600,000,000.00 to the deficit, because it puts more money in rich people's pockets. Let's be clear - I'd love to give that to those folks (though I think there are better uses), but it's inexcusable to not find a way to pay for it - again. Fool me once, shame on you...well, I'll let the ex-President say it best:

The GOP won't extend unemployment benefits unless it can be directly paid for, but $36 BILLION for those who need it the least? No need to pay for that.

Happy Friday, folks.

Sunset Park by Paul Auster

2010-11-17T23:10:00.000-08:00

As I've detailed previously here and elsewhere, Paul Auster is one of my all-time favorite authors. His New York Trilogy was a landmark book for me, and at least three others (Leviathan, The Music of Chance and The Brooklyn Follies) are also among my favorites.

Auster's books are usually dark and surreal, focused largely on a male protagonist that often increasingly seems like a projection of Auster himself.

David Mattin of The Independent describes the "essential Austerian concept" as this:

A male protagonist, often a writer, disillusioned and living in self-imposed, metropolitan exile; the exposition of some random, violent event that changed his life forever; intermittent baseball and other Americana; and, most famously, the intertextual, self-referential chink in all this dirty realism, which will be teased open in the final pages to reveal that nothing was what it seemed.

Some of Auster's novels haven't worked from me, and some where they veer from this structure (Timbuktu, which many love, is one that failed for me) are in this set. Sunset Park definitely veers from the above path in some ways, but to me it succeeds across the board.

The story has several "main" characters, which get dedicated sections of the novel to themselves, but at the core is Miles Heller, a man in his late twenties who is purposefully rudderless, moving from city to city and intentionally cutting himself off from his family. Scarred by tragedy, Miles begins the novel in Florida working to clear out foreclosed homes, and taking pictures of the things left behind as either a hobby or obsession.

As an Auster fan, the location of Florida and not New York is jarring enough, and Auster quickly sweeps us into this different world:

For almost a year now, he has been taking photographs of abandoned things. There are at least two jobs every day, sometimes as many as six or seven, and each time he and his cohorts enter another house, they are confronted by the things, the innumerable cast-off things left behind by the departed families. The absent people have all fled in haste, in shame, in confusion, and it is certain that wherever they are living now (if they have found a place to live and are not camped out in the streets) their new dwellings are smaller than the houses they have lost. Each house is a story of failure—of bankruptcy and default, of debt and foreclosure—and he has taken it upon himself to document the last, lingering traces of those scattered lives in order to prove that the vanished families were once here, that the ghosts of people he will never see and never know are still present in the discarded things strewn about their empty houses.

Soon, Miles relocates back to New York (for reasons I'll leave you to discover), where he grew up and his publisher scion father still lives, and his mother, a famous actress, is opening a play in Manhattan. Miles instead shacks up with Bing Nathan, a childhood friend and two others (Alice Bergstrom and Ellen Brice) who are squatting in a foreclosed home in the neighborhood of Sunset Park in Brooklyn.

There, Miles begins to reconnect with his family after seven years of silence, and we see the story unfold as told by all of the characters including his parents. Though this could lend itself to a Rashomon/Mr. & Mrs. Bridge device where different perspectives tell different stories, Auster largely tells a straight, lovely story here. Set just two years ago, the tone rings true and along with The Financial Lives of the Poets seems like a book that captures a specific moment in time.

It's not a book that will work for everyone - those looking for the surreal will find this far too grounded, while others may not like that certain important moments in the book happen "off-camera," referenced and described as a recollection by one of the characters rather than seeing them unfold narratively like the rest of the novel. But it absolutely worked for me, and is absolutely worth your time.

Rating: 9.0/10.0

A note: This is also the first book I've read on my new Kindle, a gift I got for my birthday. I had my concerns about how quickly I could transition to reading an electronic book. It turns out that time was almost nil, and the fact that I can also read on my iPhone through the Kindle app? Huge bonus. I suspect these eBooks are not going away any time soon.

This Is $100,000,000 worth of apathy

2010-11-16T17:29:00.000-08:00

Courtesy of Oliver Willis, this picture says so very much:

Yes, he's really just lying there, doing nothing. And during that time, he's probably making your annual salary. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Albert Haynesworth!

Congratulations, Gerald Dempsey Posey III

2010-11-15T12:47:00.000-08:00

That is the actual name of Buster Posey, winner of the 2010 National League Rookie of the Year award.

I'm surprised it was this lopsided (20 of the 30 first place votes went to Posey, nine to Jason Heyward and one to god knows who, probably Jaime Garcia.)

To me, a biased Giants fan, it was the obvious choice despite Heyward's talent, season and future - this guy will be a stud for years, just like Posey. But as a rookie catcher, to manage the Giants pitching staff as well as he did? That's the thing that should have - and apparently did - push him over the top.

On a related note, two voters didn't include either Posey or Heyward on their ballots. One, Dejan Kovacevic, is a writer for the Pittsburgh newspaper and included Heyward as his top vote, and two Pirates as #2 and #3. I'm sorry, but that's SOLELY a biased opinion and a not too veiled way of currying favor with Jose Tabata and Neil Walker - yes, those are the guys he voted for. The other, a Los Angeles writer, didn't include Posey because he wasn't called up until May 29. This is a suprisingly popular sentiment though others resisted the stupid urge. I can't quite figure out why this matters - if what he did WHILE he was in the majors is enough, it's enough, right?

Honestly, if you are one of the thirty writers in the country entrusted with this vote, and you leave Heyward or Posey off your ballot entirely, I think MLB needs to give your vote to someone who isn't monumentally stupid.

Happy Veterans Day

2010-11-11T14:45:00.000-08:00

I don't have much to say except to add my thanks to all who serve and served.

In fact, I only add this at all in order to repost this photo, courtesy of Kelly Oxford, whose Tumbler blog eject should be part of your daily reading.

In so many ways, this really says it all and slightly crushes me each time I see it...

This is a photo that definitely does NOT need a caption.

On Errors, Fielding and Gold Gloves

2010-11-09T18:24:00.000-08:00

I've been a long advocate of the stupidity of errors -- indeed, the name of this very blog, Reign of Error, stems from my fantasy baseball team name (which is how this blog actually started) in my league where errors were sadly a stat we used to care about.

I railed against this year-after-year, pointing out that this is a subjective stat, and not a good measure of fielding. The easiest way to make this clear is that if a fielder is quick but poor handed, he'll get to a lot of balls and kick them, getting awarded an error. If he's slow, he'll never get there in the first place - the ball will go as a hit, but the fielder won't get an error. Does that make him better in any way? Of course not. I used to use Jeff Kent as the example here...but today, a better example is Derek Jeter. He had "only" six errors this season, but most Yankees and baseball fans alike would tell you that's at least partially due to his decreased range, not his slick fielding.

Well ... Jeter won a Gold Glove today. Now, Gold Gloves are not always great, but this seems to have sparked a lot of shock, disgust and anger - when guys like Elvis Andrus of the Rangers are infinitely more deserving.

My friend Paul Bourdett put it simply and succinctly:

Apparently, the smart folks at Baseball Reference think similarly -- this is from the front page of their website right now:

Good stuff.

Cue John Turturro

2010-11-09T17:21:00.000-08:00

Surfing through the Olde Twitter Feed, I came across this note from Bill Simmons, aka The Sports Guy:

Simmons was referring to the below YouTube clip, and I must say, I haven't watched Wheel of Fortune in years, but the one hallmark of the show was that the contestants were dumber than a bag of wet hair. That doesn't seem to be the case here, and Pat Sajak is woefully confused.

But seriously ... what IS going on here? If she's cheating, it's the worst play ever (way to draw attention to yourself). If she's not cheating ... well, she's playing terribly (she could have easily spun a few more times).

And note: Though the title of this post is a reference to Quiz Show, I'm not actually insinuating that there's cheating going on here. I would like to think I live in a world not where cheating doesn't occur (I'm not that naive) but where cheaters are, at least, proud of their work.

Thoughts? What do YOU think is going on here?

Updated! Apparently, the entire Internet is all aflutter about this, and Esquire Magazine posted an article on line about this...here are some excerpts, but check out the whole fascinating story here.

Caitlin Burke is an eliminator. And Wheel of Fortune, at its heart, is a game built on the process of elimination. ... Burke's boyfriend ... knew what every avid game-show watcher keeps tucked away in the back of his mind: They're simple systems, and they're made to be broken.

"I really believe that luck is preparation meeting opportunity," Burke says. "Gymnasts might be naturally talented, but they can always make themselves better. I wondered what I could do to improve my own ability." When Burke first sees a puzzle, she immediately begins breaking it down into smaller pieces — "chunks," she calls them. Each word becomes its own miniature puzzle. In Burke's case, she was given a couple of leads during the Prize Puzzle of last Friday's episode. The third word was a single-letter word, which had to be either A or I. And more important, there was that apostrophe in the opening three-letter word, between the first and second letters.
...

Sometimes, people who don't understand any better confuse the mundane with the divine, mistake hard work for lightning bolts. They couldn't pull off that same stunt, and so they convince themselves that nobody else could, either. Her brain can't possibly work that way, that fast. There's no way she solved that puzzle on her own. The game must be rigged.

Or Burke has a gift, and she improved it with study. She practiced. She found the little edges and secrets that make large-size success possible; she did every last bit of the math. She earned her way to her place behind the wheel, and then, on that fateful day, in that particular pattern of rectangles and lights, she saw all that she needed to beat it.

Read the whole crazy story, in its entirety, here.

The 2010 San Francisco Giants: Mea Culpas

2010-11-09T06:31:00.000-08:00

I'm still basking in the glow of the 2010 World Series Champions - your San Francisco Giants.(It feels good to write, it feels good to think, it ... well, it feels good.)

It's not shocking -- anyone who roots for a team is pretty happy when that team finishes a season with a championship -- but it's extra special for at least two reasons:

It was, as you may have heard, the first championship for the Giants since they moved to San Francisco.
At the start of the season, even the most optimistic fans didn't see this coming.

Now, that last bit is at least somewhat debatable -- after all, the 2009 Giants finished 88-74 and entered the season with the two-time Cy Young award winner Tim Lincecum fronting a pitching staff also manned by Matt Cain, Jonathan Sanchez and Barry Zito. It's not like there weren't strengths to the team -- but the offense ended 2009 with a paltry, insipid offense that didn't seem to get materially better before this season started.

Let's check out the boxscore from this season's Opening Day:

Those names in yellow? Not starters by the end of the season...in their places were (respectively): Andres Torres, Freddy Sanchez (in at 2B, where Uribe slid over to SS), Pat Burrell, Buster Posey and Cody Ross.

Nobody knew that this team would gel - that Aubrey Huff would be a fantastic Giant, that Posey would need no adjustment period once he got called up, that Andres Torres gave the team a legitimate leadoff hitter for the first time since ... seriously, I'm not even sure. Brett Butler? It's been awhile. We didn't know that Madison Bumgarner, who looked lost in Spring Training, would figure things out and become a lock-down stud by the end of the year. We couldn't have predicted that Pat Burrell and Cody Ross would come over, fit in immediately and seem like true Giants from the first time they slipped on a uniform.

We didn't know that - on the flip side - that Pablo Sandoval seemed committed to eating himself out of the league at the tender age of 23, or that Mark DeRosa, the biggest free agent signing, would never be healthy all season and be an afterthought by mid-season. We didn't know - though certainly we could have guessed - that Zito was gearing up for a late season implosion that relegates him to a fifth starter going into 2011.

And we didn't know that because of some of these slips, other guys had moments to shine - Bumgarner where Zito failed, Renteria getting playing time at SS when Uribe had to slide over to 3B because Sandoval was so bad, DeRosa's injury being a main reason the team need Burrell ... we didn't know that. We couldn't know that.

But ... and those who know me know that it hurts to say this -- maybe Brian Sabean knew. I'm not saying this was all part of the grand plan ... but I think that the grand plan was something like this:

Get great pitching. Don't trade great pitching. Get just enough offense to make the playoffs and then have your pitching dominate.

This worked because Tim Lincecum, Matt Cain, Jonathan Sanchez and Madison Bumgarner are potentially the best starting four pitchers in the league since the Atlanta Braves of the early 1990s. Brian Wilson is the most dominant closer in the National League and a freak about fitness and self-improvement. If they are all pitching well - and, even with a few hiccups by Sanchez, they were this post-season - they have a chance to win any playoff series.

I guess I didn't see that, or I didn't believe in the real potential of this staff past Lincecum and Cain. So, kudos, Brian Sabean -- when folks like me implored you to trade one of these starters for a bat, you refused. And while you will undoubtedly make more moves (or not make ones I think are 'obvious') ... you now get a moratorium on my complaints.

Sure, signing Pat Burrell was a desperation move mid-season that you sort of had to make (nobody else wanted him, the Giants had no offense at the time, and he wanted to play here)...but then Burrell exploded on the field and became (with his college teammate Huff) one of the clubhouse leaders. Sure, you signed Cody Ross more to block San Diego than any expectations of him playing a vital role here ... but he did, and his power streak during the playoffs was one of the key reasons the Giants are now Champions. Sure, you grossly overpaid Edgar Renteria a few years ago ... but if all that money only bought his two World Series homeruns, they were worth every cent. Sure, Aaron Rowand was equally lousy, but ... okay, he wasn't all that critical this year, but he made some very nice plays in the playoffs including a great throw at the plate.

OK, that last paragraph is proof that this is hard -- I can't quite give a full mea culpa here, but I can give thanks. However lucky it was, however planned it was ... the result is awesome, a World Series Championship and a team that frankly is just as poised to contend for the next few years on the back of that incredible, young and talented pitching staff.

Sometimes, it's nice to be wrong.